Everyone Needs Some Inspiration

I am no stranger to the darkness that life occasionally throws at us. I spent a whole three months planning my own death. I felt like there was no other way out and that no one would care. I just wanted all of the darkness inside my mind to leave and I thought that the only solution was to end my life.

My mom is the reason I am still here today. She told me "Austin, you being this way scares me and kills me inside. I could never lose you, but you have to be willing to help yourself." It took her saying these words about 10 times for it to finally sink in.

You are not alone in this world. Whether you think you have no friends or your family hates you, you have yourself. You and only you can save yourself. I took my mom's words and ran crazy with them. I began writing again, I started to draw, and I looked for things that made me happy and content.

I am going to share some movie quotes, poetry, quotes from novels and some of my wisdom if I can get myself to share some of it.

I hope you enjoy what I have written and pictured, and remember you aren't alone you have you.

Still I Rise

Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. - Ferris, from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love. - from The Notebook

Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want. - Heath Ledger, from 10 Things I Hate About You

Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss. - from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

If you have good thoughts.....they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely. -from Matilda by Ronald Dahl

Every artist was firs an amateur. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. - Charlotte Brontë

When I was seven, my family and I except my father, were in an accident. My brother had just recently gotten his drivers permit and my mom let him drive, me, my sister, and my mother to go see my father before he left for another trip in his semi-truck.

We lived in Oakley, Idaho at the time and had to go to Burley. Between the two towns there is a patch of road that have s-curves in them. My brother got to the curves and slowly drifted off the road and then panicked. He jerked the steering will, over-correcting and causing our Chevy Tahoe to roll five times in a potato field.

I was awake for each roll. For me it was in slow motion i would see tan, green, tan, green. My sister and i had been playing cards in the back and every few seconds I would see one flying around the car. I blacked out once we had come to a stop, hitting my head on the the window.

When I finally woke up my brother was out of the car, and I could hear my mom but couldn't see her. My sister was next to me trying to get out by using both feet and kicking the door. She managed to get the door open and exit the vehicle and closed the door behind her, she then disappeared.

I could still hear my mother making noises of pain but never saying anything like "ow" or "i'm hurt". I unbuckled my seat belt and leaned forward to look in the passenger seat where she was originally sitting. The only thing I saw was my mom, pinned between the floorboard and the glove box. I had no idea what to do, I knew she was in pain and I knew there was really nothing i could do. I reached out for her hand and that's all I did.

For what seemed like hours I sat in a totaled vehicle holding my mother's hand. I didn't cry, I didn't scream, and I most definitely didn't try moving her. I believe the only thing I told her was "it's going to be okay".

Only when the police and paramedics arrived did I say anything. The female police officer asked me to exit the vehicle through the window she had broken, and I told her I wasn't leaving my mom. She told me that in order for them to help her I would have to. I crawled out of the window and she carried to my brother and hysterical sister.

My grandmother and my babysitter had come and they took my mom to the hospital via ambulance. We were taken by the babysitter, Mikelle. When we arrived they took us each to be examined for injury. We were all fine. The whole time I was sitting in the examining room I could hear my mom screaming and yelling at the doctors.

My grandmother had went and gotten my father and brought him to the hospital, but by the time I was released, he was in talking to the doctor.

All I wanted was to see my mom and return to holding her hand. But instead I went to the waiting room where I just sat down. No one really talked to me, except for Mikelle who just hugged me.

I'm 21 years old now and my mom will never be the same. She was taken to U of U and two screw were put into her pelvis. I live with the image of my mom crammed on the floor of the Tahoe every day. I have lost so many people to so many different things. I understand what it is to lose things and people and constantly blame myself because I would rather take the blame than let someone else.

I used to spend my days at school and then straight home because I was worried my mom would leave this world if I wasn't there. I got accepted to college, spent a day there, kept thinking I didn't have what it took to succeed and that my mom could be taken from me at any moment. I have spent my life as my mother's keeper. Dreaming that one day she could get better but knowing she never would.

I have to wake up everyday and tell myself something inspirational and that my life is worth living or else I get stuck with the dark. It takes a lot to keep yourself going and everyone has their own obstacles. Just remember that all that stood between me and the end was grabbing rope and walking out to my barn. If you need some inspiration just visit here, because I know that sometimes you just need someone or something to release to. The comment box is there if you want to vent. But if you are unsure about that, I suggest parents, friends, family, or just get a notebook and write. the problem is keeping those feelings in and getting them out in any way possible is the best solution.