How to Correctly Use Reflexive Pronouns in Writing & Speaking
Don't Be Too "Self"ish
I taught grammar in two languages for over 30 years and one of my pet peeves is the incorrect use of reflexive pronouns like “myself.”
All the time I hear people answer the standard greeting question “Hi, how are you?” with “Good, and yourself?” I want to scream “You! You! It’s ‘how are YOU?’ not ‘yourself!’” What are they going to answer, anyway, ‘myself am fine’? If you are guilty of saying this, please stop. Every foreigner who learns English practices this dialogue: “Hello, how are you?” “I’m fine, thanks. And you?”
Here’s the logic behind reflexive object pronouns: they reflect back on the subject. Simply look in the mirror. Who do you see? I see myself. You see yourself. She sees herself. He sees himself (there is no such word as hisself). We see ourselves (yes, it’s plural, never singular). They see themselves (again no such word as theirself, theirselves or themself). You would never say “I see herself” or “He sees myself.”
People have stopped using reflexive pronouns when they should be using them. For example, a certain talk show host might ask, “What are you going to do for YOU?” Because he’s emphasizing the word and trying to make a point we ignore the error, but try saying it without the emphasis and you’ll notice the mistake. It should be: “What are you going to do for yourself?”
Many people have started using reflexives when they need a subject or object pronoun. Two examples: John and Mary and myself will be glad to help you. Yikes, wrong! Think, think, think. You wouldn’t say ‘myself will be glad,’ it’s ‘I will be glad’ – so it’s John and Mary and I will be glad to help you . Always check what your sentence would be without the other subjects. This means thinking before you speak . . . hmm, interesting concept. (Perhaps you could just avoid words ending in -self.)
Another type of mistake is substituting the reflexive pronoun for an object pronoun (me, him, her, them, us) in a sentence like “Give the reports to my secretary or myself.” Leave out the secretary and see what you would say. Would you say, "Give the reports to myself?" No! “Give the reports to me.” Aha, so then say “Give the reports to my secretary or me.”
Quiz:
1. I’m going to buy (me, myself) one of those new cell phones.
2. I’m having a blast. And (you, yourself)?
3. Did you want to know who’s going to the party? Well, just my kids, my spouse and (me, myself, I).
4. Please contact either Janie or (me, myself, I) at this number.
Correct answers are
I’m going to buy myself one of those new cell phones.
I’m having a blast. And you? (Are you having a blast?)
Well, just my kids, my spouse and I (I am going to the party).
Please contact either Janie or me at this number. (contact me)
copyright 2010 by Debra Chapoton, fiction author
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