If You Were a "Fly on The Wall," What Would You Hear?
Writer's note: This hub's subject is filthy, without feeling, annoying and causes sickness and disease everywhere it lives. I want to talk briefly about the common housefly. (See detailed origin below). Now for the part that I dread (because what hubber wants credit for inspiring a piece about houseflies) A fellow hubber and cherished follower, DreamerMeg, suggested this topic a few days ago and after much thought, I said to myself, "why not?" Thanks, dear DreamerMeg. Kenneth.
The housefly (also house fly, house-fly or common housefly), Musca domestica, is a fly of the suborder Cyclorrhapha. It is believed to have evolved in the Cenozoic era, possibly in the Middle East, and has spread all over the world. It is the most common fly species found in habitations. Adult insects are grey to black with four dark longitudinal lines on the thorax, slightly hairy bodies and a single pair of membranous wings. They have red eyes, and the slightly larger female has these set further apart than the male.
There are two more sayings that come to mind: "Boy, I'd love to be a fly on the wall," and "Be careful what you wish for." Both are known to all of us. And right now, both are married into the text of the rest of this hub.
I am going to be a rebel (Nick Adams plug) for a moment and not put anymore serious housefly text here for you to read for I am convinced that you have lives and families, jobs, and mortgages to pay and not spend your time reading things about the common housefly. So here is my headline:
Main Housefly Myth Debunked
The female housefly usually only mates once and stores the sperm for later use. She lays batches of about 100 eggs on decaying organic matter such as garbage, carrion or feces. These soon hatch into legless white maggots which after 2 to 5 days of development transform into reddish-brown pupae, about 8 mm (0.3 in) long. Adult flies normally live for 2 to 4 weeks but can hibernate during the winter. The adults feed on a variety of liquid or semi-liquid substances beside solid materials which have been softened by saliva. They carry pathogens on their bodies and in their feces and can contaminate food and contribute to the transfer of food-borne illnesses. For these reasons they are considered pests, but have been used in the laboratory in research into ageing and sex determination.
How do you Honestly feel about houseflies?See results without voting
- (One male housefly to the other) "Man, I love it when she rubs her legs together. Look!"
"This eating out every night in the Food Galaxy dumpster is getting old, Harold."
- "Why am I breaking up with you, Sissy? Well, for one thing, you are so sticky--always wanting to fly with me and land whereever I land and I need my space."
- "Hey, buster. I am not your wife. Why don't you clean a few hundred of your eyes!"
- "Swatter! Hit the dirt!"
- "Hey, bud. I was just talking to Bill over there on the week-old banana peel and he was saying something about a new spray called "Raid" or something that humans will use to get rid of us."
- "Charlie, I am at my wits end. My wife's leaving me and taking all of the two million larva with her."
- "Why did I leave Beverly's house? Well she accused me of being a troublemaker and told her quick that I was no "fly in the ointment."
- (one actor housefly to the other backstage): "Ned, this is it. You get out there and 'break two or three legs."
- "Hey, what's with this saying that humans are saying, "time flies?" "We fly. Not time."
- "Yeah, and that old song my grandflies told me, "Fly's in the buttermilk . . .skip-to-my-Lou, my darling!"
- "What nerve! That Henry thinks he's really big with the ladies just because he bites a few horses each day."
- "Hey, Marge! Did you throw out my month-old bologna? I was going to eat that while I watched the humans play that football game."
- "So, Jeff, I hear you are going on a vacation." "You bet I am. I am headed to the part of the country that has outdoor toilets." "You lucky fly. Wish I were going with you."
- "Hey, look at me on this snail's back! Wheeeeee!"
- "Frog! Hit the dirt!"
- "I'm hot as fire because I keep hearing about these abusive sportsmen using our cousins for bait. You know? Fly fishing! Wish I had enough pull with the legislature to get that sport banned."
- "Well, I am mad too. I was told just an hour ago to 'shoo fly." "We do not wear shoes. What an idiot."
- "Larry, you been fighting again?" "No, why?" "Well, you have two hundred black eyes."
- "There's that Henry horsefly again acting so gangsta with his wings buzzing. Must be some females around."
- "David, have you put on a few pounds?" "Yep. I found myself a new treat: a jar of mayonnaise that some kid forgot to put the lid back on."
- "Exterminator! Hit the dirt!"
- "Jim, why are we named house flies?" "Well, because house walks sounds awful stupid."
- "Gotta love that Jeff Goldblum for doing "The Fly." He is one good human."
- "What about Vincent Price? He was first to a film about a fly!"
- "That Gene is so lazy. Just look at him riding around on that cat's tail."
- "Did you hear the news? Jean is dating that new guy in the landfill, that mosquito." "Well, I never. Does she not know that we do not approve of mixed marriages?"
- "Goodness, that man just cut his arm." "Watch it! Here come the cannibal houseflies who just thrive on human blood." "No, Libby. That's a vampire bat you are thinking of."
- "Heyyy, look. There's Jeanne flying around with her tail all up in the air just because she was one of the ten-thousand flies that appeared for only a moment in The Amityville Horror."
- "Iguana! Hit the dirt!"
- "Man, I wish I were a human leaning up against this wall."
So with that last fly-related statement, I give you the moral of this hub:
"The next time you say, 'I wish I could be a fly on the wall,' to hear something about someone or something that has aroused your curiosity, and your wish is granted placing you inside a filthy, vermin-ridden dumpster remember . . .you should have "been careful for what you wish for."
In closing, next time out, and it will take me quite a while to get it done, but "hold your horses," for the hub of hubs where I deal with "What Most Turtles Are Dwelling On While on Earth."
Good night, Duluth, Minnesota.
Read this link for more interesting information:
© 2016 Kenneth Avery
More by this Author
This is a piece not for the easily bored. Just kidding. If you like Vincent Price and Boris Korloff, you should like this hub.
As I understand it, hubs start with one idea. Then it's written, published, and enjoyed. But not all hub ideas grow into good hubs. Some are trashed or put on a dusty shelf. I chose to share mine.
To Emmett Kelly.