Is this self promotion or what?

I dunno why, I just never got to be a celebrity or became famous because of my talent or good looks. I even tried to become a celebrity on hubpages, but apparently I have alienated about 9/10ths of my market by not being a sky fairy fancier.

Anyway I decided I would overcome my propensity for telling fundies their faith is a pile of old cobblers and even allowed for a bit of religion in my promotions just in case. I had a couple of bob each way on Zeus for a while as he seemed like a nice bloke even if he was a bit harsh on his missus.

So anyway I was musing while casually picking my nose this morning, as we humans do, I thought "I know!" ..... but I didn't, so I went back to the nose picking until I was suddenly struck by an idea.

I know I could have handled it better, I have had an idea before, and coped fairly well, so let's not dwell on it any longer eh?

My last idea to spend all my retirement money on shares in Egyptian companies will work out fine!

In any case this great hubpage self promotion hub will show people what I'm really made of. Once they see all my testimonials I will have it made! I have a family member who has more testimonials than me, so I went at it, did the hard yards and came back with some famous recommendations.

I expect this promotion will have me known like a shoe polish in no time. I will try to remember you all when I am on easy street with disposable people all around me, but it ain't gonna be easy with some of ya!

There are a lot of great writers here on hubpages who just don't get enough hits. If you are one of them I feel for you and would like to offer my help.

I won't though. I'm too busy with this self promotion.

As you can see, you can put all your trust in me, just as all these fine people have, and be assured that the one person who should mean the most to you in the whole world will be famous at last.

I tried the honest approach once before, describing all my talent and skill in a hub, but some people thought I was kidding and just could not see that I was well worth promoting.

As I was the only one who could see that, naturally I had to do it myself.

From the little I have gleaned from the really big celebrities, self promotion works better than anything else except maybe taking copious quantities of illicit substances then peeing yourself in the hotel foyer. I like to just show my classy side and don't pee in foyers when people are watching.

I was going to write a really long hub like one of those internet marketing secrets sales pages, but hell, a pictures worth a thousand words right?

If any really rich people read this promotion and want to shower me with the wealth I deserve then bring it on! Otherwise I will just have to get more traffic, write more hubs and work. You know I hate work. A filthy four letter word if there ever was one.

I knew someone who worked all his life. He died anyway. When I die, I am simply not gonna show up for the death. I have no time for this dying lark. Anyone can do it.

Promote. that's what I'll do. Self promote. I'll find more and more words to write about me and find more stuff about me, and all of it will be about me then when everyone knows the name earnestshub I take over.

If I turn up to watch the basketball so will everyone else.

It's great to be modest and retiring as I am, but to bring home the bacon ya gotta kill pigs. As in my other hub, I won't list all the things I am an expert in, as it would be bigger than the bible. Suffice to say, I am your man, or woman if that's gonna be more lucrative. I simply want to get filthy rich out of adsense, from 10 million hits a day on my hubs, then use the money to buy and sell small children and nuclear weapons, which are the two markets where the big bucks are.

Having 6 grandchildren, I have stock for the used child market already.

Well I think I have made my case as to why you should get on board the earnestshub bandwagon,

You can become successful too if you follow my lead, although I dont know how you will catch up if you don't have testimonials as good as mine. Where do you think I got so many followers from? They realize I am better than them and so follow along behind me. I realise some of you hubbers have followers, but they are probably not as gullible as mine. My followers are some of the silliest people on the entire internet. I collect them like flies, going to their hubs pretending to be interested and then ......... wam!  Another fly in my web. Some of them have been waiting for two years for me to write a hub they like. One of them only reads hubs about The Three Stooges and Bambi.in bed. I don't specialize that much! I read his hub about neurotic ant colonies that have secretly taken over the earth, but he never writes things I am interested in like kidnapping peoples's pets and selling them back and other interesting and profitable pass-time hubs.

You will notice that many of these celebrities who recommend earnestshub above all others are amongst the world's greatest minds. Others are famous for exceptional wind passing or the mastery of some other great skill such as scaring the living crap out of the kids. (always fun!)

Sometimes I wish I weren't so damn good. If I was just mediocre like my followers I probably wouldn't expect to hit the big time, but with all this talent and skill, well ........ I ask you!

If any of my followers are reading this, you are the exception of course! Salt of the earth, brothers and sisters in arms. The rest of you... well you just suck, that's all.

For all you smartypants who reckon I've lost the soap again, I will remind you that the mental institution I attended gave me a certificate of sanity after they got me down from the Xmas lights. I was only trying to save them some money. The last shock therapy they gave me used far too much power and I am an environmentalist as well ya know.

I have almost finished this self promoting hub, but needed to blabber on a bit so I can fit all the testimonials in. So many celebrity fans, so little space.