Is this self promotion or what?

I dunno why, I just never got to be a celebrity or became famous because of my talent or good looks. I even tried to become a celebrity on hubpages, but apparently I have alienated about 9/10ths of my market by not being a sky fairy fancier.

Anyway I decided I would overcome my propensity for telling fundies their faith is a pile of old cobblers and even allowed for a bit of religion in my promotions just in case. I had a couple of bob each way on Zeus for a while as he seemed like a nice bloke even if he was a bit harsh on his missus.

So anyway I was musing while casually picking my nose this morning, as we humans do, I thought "I know!" ..... but I didn't, so I went back to the nose picking until I was suddenly struck by an idea.

Have faith!

earnestshub will save you!
earnestshub will save you!

I know I could have handled it better, I have had an idea before, and coped fairly well, so let's not dwell on it any longer eh?

My last idea to spend all my retirement money on shares in Egyptian companies will work out fine!

In any case this great hubpage self promotion hub will show people what I'm really made of. Once they see all my testimonials I will have it made! I have a family member who has more testimonials than me, so I went at it, did the hard yards and came back with some famous recommendations.

I expect this promotion will have me known like a shoe polish in no time. I will try to remember you all when I am on easy street with disposable people all around me, but it ain't gonna be easy with some of ya!

There are a lot of great writers here on hubpages who just don't get enough hits. If you are one of them I feel for you and would like to offer my help.

I won't though. I'm too busy with this self promotion.

As you can see, you can put all your trust in me, just as all these fine people have, and be assured that the one person who should mean the most to you in the whole world will be famous at last.


Another unbiased testimonial.

Earnestshub can change your life too! Can't say better than that!
Earnestshub can change your life too! Can't say better than that!

When people say they're mad about me, they mean it!

You can actually see the madness in people who are mad about earnestshub!
You can actually see the madness in people who are mad about earnestshub!

I tried the honest approach once before, describing all my talent and skill in a hub, but some people thought I was kidding and just could not see that I was well worth promoting.

As I was the only one who could see that, naturally I had to do it myself.

From the little I have gleaned from the really big celebrities, self promotion works better than anything else except maybe taking copious quantities of illicit substances then peeing yourself in the hotel foyer. I like to just show my classy side and don't pee in foyers when people are watching.

I was going to write a really long hub like one of those internet marketing secrets sales pages, but hell, a pictures worth a thousand words right?

If any really rich people read this promotion and want to shower me with the wealth I deserve then bring it on! Otherwise I will just have to get more traffic, write more hubs and work. You know I hate work. A filthy four letter word if there ever was one.

I knew someone who worked all his life. He died anyway. When I die, I am simply not gonna show up for the death. I have no time for this dying lark. Anyone can do it.

Promote. that's what I'll do. Self promote. I'll find more and more words to write about me and find more stuff about me, and all of it will be about me then when everyone knows the name earnestshub I take over.

If I turn up to watch the basketball so will everyone else.

Financial advice to the poor.

As you can see, this gentleman is in good financial hands, having been advised to divest himself of assets,
As you can see, this gentleman is in good financial hands, having been advised to divest himself of assets,

It's true!

That's right folks! Another world class magazine just crying out  for earnestshub!
That's right folks! Another world class magazine just crying out for earnestshub!

It's great to be modest and retiring as I am, but to bring home the bacon ya gotta kill pigs. As in my other hub, I won't list all the things I am an expert in, as it would be bigger than the bible. Suffice to say, I am your man, or woman if that's gonna be more lucrative. I simply want to get filthy rich out of adsense, from 10 million hits a day on my hubs, then use the money to buy and sell small children and nuclear weapons, which are the two markets where the big bucks are.

Having 6 grandchildren, I have stock for the used child market already.

Well I think I have made my case as to why you should get on board the earnestshub bandwagon,

You can become successful too if you follow my lead, although I dont know how you will catch up if you don't have testimonials as good as mine. Where do you think I got so many followers from? They realize I am better than them and so follow along behind me. I realise some of you hubbers have followers, but they are probably not as gullible as mine. My followers are some of the silliest people on the entire internet. I collect them like flies, going to their hubs pretending to be interested and then ......... wam!  Another fly in my web. Some of them have been waiting for two years for me to write a hub they like. One of them only reads hubs about The Three Stooges and Bambi.in bed. I don't specialize that much! I read his hub about neurotic ant colonies that have secretly taken over the earth, but he never writes things I am interested in like kidnapping peoples's pets and selling them back and other interesting and profitable pass-time hubs.

Who could be saner?

Another testimonial for earnestshub from the star of "Mask" How sane and cool is that?
Another testimonial for earnestshub from the star of "Mask" How sane and cool is that?

You will notice that many of these celebrities who recommend earnestshub above all others are amongst the world's greatest minds. Others are famous for exceptional wind passing or the mastery of some other great skill such as scaring the living crap out of the kids. (always fun!)

Sometimes I wish I weren't so damn good. If I was just mediocre like my followers I probably wouldn't expect to hit the big time, but with all this talent and skill, well ........ I ask you!

If any of my followers are reading this, you are the exception of course! Salt of the earth, brothers and sisters in arms. The rest of you... well you just suck, that's all.

For all you smartypants who reckon I've lost the soap again, I will remind you that the mental institution I attended gave me a certificate of sanity after they got me down from the Xmas lights. I was only trying to save them some money. The last shock therapy they gave me used far too much power and I am an environmentalist as well ya know.

I have almost finished this self promoting hub, but needed to blabber on a bit so I can fit all the testimonials in. So many celebrity fans, so little space.

Families love me!

This typical American family stands behind earnestshub.
This typical American family stands behind earnestshub.

More by this Author


Comments 32 comments

Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

WOW! That is too funny Earnest. I was laughing from the beginning to the end. Self promotion is a valuable key to success Earnest and you of all people should know that. :P

And, yes, I'm a follower and not even worthy of your audience. Beg your humble forgiveness that I haven't been able to get you more children for your future devouring. And, last time I checked in with my Nuclear Arms contact, she wasn't taking on any new clients, as of yet, but she did want me to tell you that when you are or have reached your goals, then she would book you an appointment for whatever pieces you need. :P :) AWESOME Hub! Thumbs Up! :)


qwark profile image

qwark 5 years ago

Damn you Earnest Hub!

I was laughing so hard I spilled coffee on my keyboard!

I thought I was gonna have to post a sign that said: "GOD DAMN EARNESTHUB!

Ya almost "promoted" yerself into owing me a new laptop!

You are uniquely "nuts" Earn, Ma Man! :-)

Qwark


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia Author

Cagsil, come up with at least a few kids would ya? There are plenty of em around. I find dinner time is an easy time to ambush em.


ajcor profile image

ajcor 5 years ago from NSW. Australia

self promotion can only be good for the self promoter - now that is a bit Irish but I am sure you know what I mean...when you finally come to that part of your life when you decide you are a no show then maybe you can share that with us so that we can promote our immortality too! "When I die, I am simply not gonna show up for the death. I have no time for this dying lark. Anyone can do it." Good laugh Thanks earnestshub ....cheers

ps not in Queensland battening down the hatches are you?


AlexK2009 profile image

AlexK2009 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

This will keep me laughing all day.

Remember that work is the curse of the drinking classes. The work ethic was invented to keep people at the bottom of cociety in their place/


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia Author

Thanks ajcor, glad you liked it. In about 6 hours my northern Queensland friends will be in hell. It makes me sad to think they just came through the floods only to be hit by a massive cyclone. I wrote this rhubarb partly to cheer myself up.


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia Author

All as it should be Alex, all as it should be. Work has always been the curse of the drinking class as you say, I just wish people would stop asking me to work. I tried it, no fun at all. The drinking class is where you find the fun.


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia Author

Quark, you are the first on hubpages to rightly observe my disposition and for that I owe you a debt of gratitude.

Too often my stupidity and craziness goes unrewarded.

Being called nuts is one of the nicest compliments I have ever had.


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico

Sad but probably true...pass the Fosters and a nice, green boogie! Bob


Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 5 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

Well done Earnest. Cheers!


Randy Godwin profile image

Randy Godwin 5 years ago from Southern Georgia

Wow Earnest, I believe you could do with some mind altering substances down under there. Or maybe less, as the case may be! I'm too shy to self promote my junk.

Enjoyed the read.

Randy


Daniel Carter profile image

Daniel Carter 5 years ago from Western US

Still laughing about this read! Lovely that you've become this shameful and original. I hope you haven't pissed off the gods for writing this, but if you have, I'll bet they're still snickering too. :S


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

Hey Earnest, I am pretty sure I can find some at my local orphanages, however, I'm not exactly sure how to ship them to you. LOL! :) However, I will see what I can do. :)


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 5 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

...that was good!...luv the pics!


RichardSpeaks profile image

RichardSpeaks 5 years ago from Portland, OR Metro Area

Best one yet...


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

You didn't tell me anything I didn't already know about you. I think you're the best hubber in our solar system. Your hub has saved my life on more than one occasion. After I started reading your stuff, I was able to quit seeing my therapist. You deserve twice as much success as you will ever get, even if you get all of it. I seldom comment as I am in awe. I will sit here and wait for your next hub as I always do, only taking short pee breaks. On second thought, I think I'll just pee in this cup here.


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia Author

As Elvis would mumble.

"Thank you, thank you very much."

or the boxer Jeff Feneck would say "I loves youse all"

"Youse are all beaut!" (A soppy Australian saying usually spoken when drunk as a skunk.)

Stan may I just say that you have exquisite taste?

Thank you, your blood needs bottlin.


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

We believers will followeth you until the end of the hearth, um earth, Sir Ernst. Promoteth thyself, as no one else willeth. Three cheers for a good idea.


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia Author

Hi Keith! Nice to see loyalty from one of my minions.

I guess I showed em!

If I wasn't so awesome I wouldn't have had all these testimonials would I?

It's just as well I knew that Hemingway got known by self promotion.

I am no exception although I'm a better writer than him.


cally2 profile image

cally2 5 years ago from Paraparaumu, New Zealand

Love it. :)


Om Paramapoonya profile image

Om Paramapoonya 5 years ago

*Applaud* :)


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 5 years ago from West Virginia

There ya go! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!


Rod Marsden profile image

Rod Marsden 5 years ago from Wollongong, NSW, Australia

I don't know what the fuss is all about, earnest. you seem to be doing better than me but you have been at it a bit longer and you have the beard. Maybe I need a false beard. Not that good at growing the real thing.


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia Author

My beard is false Ron, I got nowhere without it.


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

I KNEW the beard was fake! Takes a real man to admit it. My admiration grows.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

Wow, that is a self promotion. Thank you for a good laugh. Now we have bring out the throne and crown to give you full recognition.


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 5 years ago from Philippines

Well, everyone is entitled to their 15 minutes of fame...oops times up. Got to get back to the real world. nice meeting you.:))


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia Author

Thanks Hello, hello! It was a bit of fun to write. I decided that self promotion is pretty humorous at any time.


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia Author

I got 15 minutes? Fantastic!


TheMMAZone profile image

TheMMAZone 5 years ago from Kansas

Can't believe you didn't make it big with those good looks! haha.. great hub and i will be back to checkout more of yours. thumbs up from me


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia Author

Thank you TheMMAZone, I guess if I had been relying on my good looks it would have been a long wait!


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia Author

Stan, just a tip.

I put ball bearings in my mouth. The beard is magnetic.

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