It Took Forty Years
Updated on August 22, 2013
It took forty years for me to realize what I knew long ago just by walking across the Mexican streets of two countries separated by a river that divided the dreams of the poor into slices of soggy bread that the lamb then joined together as the spirit flew beyond the boundaries of human worth
It took forty years for me to realize that all the groggy mornings spent navigating road rage asphalt painted with a future that had no end or any purpose only to confront ego-infested waters of furniture that smiles and cabinets full of lies was for their glory as they always came first
It took forty years for me to realize that everything I had ever done was recorded only in the negative and every smile to a stranger or a beautiful girl or every twenty dollar bill I gave to Jesus standing on the corner was erased because what is known about man is his sinful nature
It took forty years for me to realize that freedom loving intellectuals who abhorred conformity and group think in fact trust the all-powerful central authority to manage our thought and speech patterns in the name of freedom of choice and lifestyle
It took forty years for me to realize that words do hurt as much as sticks and stones when used as a weapon to destroy the core being of one who deviates so far from the norm that they can only pray at night that they be released from times of their life that are considered glory years by others
It took forty years for me to realize every vapid minded pretty girl who poses every waking minute of her life is either the bait, the hook, the fisherman or the entire alluring mess that fails to realize the fish will either eat her or be eaten by her and when her pretty little face fails her she will be forced to eat from a can
It took forty years for me to realize the mass hysteria surrounding a number on a jersey is in fact a form of emotional immaturity in search of vicarious pleasure derived from the exploits of total strangers many of whom would be considered inferior because of the color of their skin if not for their school colors
It took forty years for me to realize the foolishness in my heart to chirp like a bird around a man who had seen death and had killed in our name only to return to a frivolous nation that can’t even remember why they fought the war or if their government has forsaken those who survived
It took forty years for me to realize the courage needed to look a truly crazy man in the eye and become the object of his nature to unnerve those around him while he drives shirtless covered in tattoos waving his arms as the wheels on his Mercedes seemed to be the only sane thing about him
It took forty years for me to realize the insignificant moments that pass like a flash of a poor man on the street in my periphery and to carry his image in my mind wondering what led him to that corner and to my consciousness as I remembered it was my life that has to pass before I die
It took forty years for me to realize that while invention is the true skill of the human mind that mass distribution and manufacturing is a destroyer of souls and is nothing of caring, kindness, nurturing, love or empathy and that those who excel in endeavors that do not promote self-reliance and instead foster reliance and fear of loss are not to be admired or emulated
It took forty years for me to realize how many mistakes I made spoken and unspoken because every woman I was attracted to was to beautiful and mysterious for me to be myself and while I confused her with my aloof presence I recorded her presence in my life like a scar from a knife that never really hurt
It took forty years for me to realize that the only thing that matters is my children and to believe in them and to pretend that what awaits them in the coming years has meaning when instead it will be a journey to a place where nothing matters except their own children
It took forty years for me to realize that no man can tell me about God because what is inside of me is not inside of them and how I choose to worship is part of the plan and the information that continues to spout forth is not enough about peace and love but instead about obeying a human who cannot walk on water
It took forty years for me to realize that the feelings of a violent man are inside all of us and that the sexual desires of one person are as much a part of this world as any other sin and that to assume it is so easy for them to do what is written is to assume that it is easy for me
It took forty years to realize that to live like a human being is the most difficult task of my life and that the many people I made feel less than adequate are what awaits me as I will be forced to answer for each one by one in front of the burning bush that will reveal its displeasure to my adolescent mind
