Just What Are Snakes Really Thinking?

To be honest, this is not one of my favorite topics to write about, but someone had to do it. Not that writing about snakes is a dirty job, it is just I have a very healthy respect for all poisonous snakes. Anyone with any resemblance of a brain would be well-served to do the same.

Notice in the opening paragraph that I never stated that I "hate" snakes. I don't. If I did have that dark emotion in my heart, then I would have to include oppossums, ardvarks, and octipi in that emotion. But I do not hate these animals either. They all have their purpose and place in this vast universe.

• Snakes are cold-blooded.

• Some poisonous snakes' bites can kill a human being in less than 10 seconds or a bull elephant in less than seven seconds. I am referring to the King Cobra who lives in India, Thailand and some areas of Tokyo.

• Can a snake be more lethal than a King Cobra? Yes. The Bush Master is now taking top billing as the most-lethal reptile in the world whose venom can kill a human being in less than three seconds.

• Some snakes such as the rattlesnake, are harvested for eating as culinary experts claim that their meat is the cleanest meat on earth and contains little fat, so it is also healthy. Some rattlers' skins are sold for as high as $500 each to be made into hat bands and use to make expensive cowboy boots. Personally, I despise this fact.

• Snakes and rodents are natural enemies.

• If one is, God forbid, ever bitten by a snake, do not panic. If you can kill the snake, carry it with you to the doctor so he can match the anti-venom by the species of the snake.

Notice to All of My Readers:

Although this hub was presented in the light of humor, let me be serious by telling you something that you already know, but it bears repeating.

Poisonous Reptiles ARE Dangerous

So please, as this summer is upon us, be extra careful when you are enjoying the outdoors alone or with family or friends. Watch where you step and get all of the necessary information possible to help you just in case, God forbid, you get snake bit.

I do not want any of you to be harmed.

Sincerely,

Kenneth

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I will be brief. This hub is not about snakes inasmuch as it is a series of thoughts I had recently about their daily life--what they eat, what their schedule consists of and more importantly,

Just What Are Snakes Really Thinking?

• "Here I am. The King Cobra. Forced to dance back and forth for this yo-yo playing a flute for the amusement of the people standing around my basket."
• "Yeah. You just think that I will be your next pair of cowboy boots. You just step a little closer and no more boots."
• "Idiot! Just because I have colorful rings around my belly doesn't mean I will make a great pet for 'little Jimmy."
• "What? Me coil up and pose for your stupid photo?"
• "No way will I appear on the Discovery Channel unless I get an appearance fee of no less than $10,000."
• "Yes, dude. I am called a Black Racer. Now. Read, set, . . .heyyyy, where ya' going?"
• "If that stupid man with the burlap bag will get out of my way, this ol' Sidewinder won't go to bed hungry tonight."
• "What? Do I perform for children's birthday parties? Now what do you think?"
• "I am not going to be still and let you hold me in your hands while you dance around using me to enforce your lifestyle."
• "Hey, 'Rattler,' did ya' see the tail on that new female Garter Snake that is new to our woods? Man, I'd love to show her my fangs."
• "Sure, man. I am a Copperhead. But I wouldn't rub my head to prove it if I were you."
• "I sleep with fifteen other snakes of my species in this dark cave in the dessert and you complain about your mother-in-law having to move in with you?"
• "My misguided friend, I am not shaking my tail for the fun of it. Well, on second thought, I guess I am."
• "I am not going with you to join a carnival. I hate traveling."
• "Hey, muscular guy. You want to take me on with some arm wrestling? Just because my name is Boa doesn't mean I am not cool."
• "The Amazon? Sure. I have relatives down there. Some of them starred with Ice Cube and Jay-Lo in a hit movie named after them: Anaconda."
• "Did Ice Cube do any rapping while you were filming Anaconda?"
• "I played a prank on my dentist last week. My left fang was hurting, so when he told me to 'open wide,' I did and acted like I was striking at him. You should have seen him jump!"
• "I despise that thing humans say when they are amazed--'snakes alive!''
• "I wish I had that idiot, Jim Stafford standing here. I'd show him how "we" hate his stupid song, "Spiders and Snakes."
• "Ohhhh, yeah. And that Samuel L. Jackson, did you see him in "Snakes on a Plane? I thought that for once, "we" were going to get the respect we had earned, but noooooo, Hollywood, the biased place it is, wrote "us" out by letting Jackson's character outwit us."
• "I can beat that, dude. I used to frequent the lavish casino's in Vegas. That was until I got sick to my stomach from hearing that degrading term: Snake eyes. Now I just hang-out at flea markets."

Note: the following three statements are from me, Kenneth Avery, not any of the snakes who were good enough to comment for me (all above) to get this hub finished.

That's all, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for reading my hub.

Good night, Little Rock, Arkansas.

Note to PETA: No snakes were harmed during the writing of this hub.