What's Next, Kosher Cat Food? This, I can endorse!

Welcome to the world of Kosher Kat – The World's Greatest Kosher Cat Food. Now your cat can live kosher, just like the families they live with. Sure, there are other kosher cat foods on the market, but none take the care, selection, supervision, or quality that Kosher Kat provides. We guarantee the ultimate in pet nutrition and health for cats. Healthy. Is that a bad thing?

Pet owners celebrate the debut of Kosher Kats with "The Bottle Dance."
Pet owners celebrate the debut of Kosher Kats with "The Bottle Dance."

Our cat foods - endorsed for use in a kosher home - guarantees you the ultimate in pet nutrition and nurturing. They're great for cats sensitive to food allergies and are highly recommended by veterinarians, national laboratories, and rabbis everywhere. That's right. We said rabbis. Where other kosher cat foods use USDA inspected and approved facilities, ours are also supervised by rabbis. Real ones. They make sure every ingredient used is prepared with the utmost in sanitation and strict kosher guidelines. What? You don't believe? Such a doubter I never saw.

Rabbi Lukovitch cuts off chicken heads for Chicken Heads in Gravy dinner.
Rabbi Lukovitch cuts off chicken heads for Chicken Heads in Gravy dinner.

Kosher Kats' food for cats is rich in essential Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids, taurine, and probiotics, and; while being hormone free, with no unnecessary antibiotics or harmful artificial preservatives, not to mention low in ash. Choose from Chicken Heads in Gravy, Beef Bowel in Onion Sauce, Spleen and Hearts Supreme; Turkey Feet Fois Gras; and It's Not Pork, We Swear!

Rabbi Blumstein supervises our Chinese supplier of spleens.
Rabbi Blumstein supervises our Chinese supplier of spleens.

Using natural whole grains that are easily digestible and assimilated by your pet, our products promote bowel regularity. We choose animal protein from the cleanest source: kosher species. We never usezoo animals, road kill, or 4-D (dead, diseased, disabled, dying) livestock like some commercial cat foods, or more shockingly, euthanized dogs and cats included in some brands and perfectly legal. Blecch.


Rabbi Hochberg supervises production of "It's Not Pork, We Swear" kosher cat food.
Rabbi Hochberg supervises production of "It's Not Pork, We Swear" kosher cat food.

In fact, Kosher Kats' products are kosher for human use and consumption; therefore, kosher dishes and utensils can be used for preparation. Did you think we'd sneak in pork? We said it's kosher, you meshuggunah.


So step into the world of Kosher Kats, the finest cat food on earth. Your cat will feel better, you'll feel better, your rabbi will feel better. Mazel Tov!


Cats are dancing after tasting Kosher Kats cat food for the first time!
Cats are dancing after tasting Kosher Kats cat food for the first time!

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Comments 51 comments

Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

Christoph - you rock! Even a mountain of work didn't stop me from taking time off to read this. I'm sure I can hear all those lucky cats purring away all the way from here! Welcome back - you were sorely missed :)


dianacharles profile image

dianacharles 6 years ago from India

Hey Christoph that cat looks suspiciously like De Greek's pussy.

Mazel tov ....a hilarious hub.Loved the Chines suppliers ;)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Shalini: Thanks for coming by and reading, and thanks for the welcome. It's great to see you too. Shadesbreath was giving me a hard time about putting something new here.

dianacharles: Now, how would you know what DeGreek's pussy looks like?

Glad you enjoyed the hub. Thanks!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

About time you made me laugh again you, you... abandoner you. :D

I swear, if it wasn't for the disclaimer at the top, I would have thought this was real... sort of. Another one of your famously delightful things that you do where I have to, really question your voice. (I think you should lose the disclaimer and just let people believe it LOL). Nobody is going to be offended by this, and if they are send them to my squid hub and tell them to buy underwear that aren't so tight.

I hope this marks some sort of a comeback. It is summer after all. :D

(And, uh, everyone knows what De Greek's pussy looks like. Frankly, if you don't, you might ask yourself why.)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hey Shades. Thanks for coming by. I'll have to think about removing the disclaimer. Originally I wrote it when I was going to call the product "Jew Cat," the word Jew not being offensive in general, but sometimes misunderstood or used along with a derogatory statement. I chickened out on that though, or should I say "pussied out."

Hey, again, I appreciate your taking the time to read it and thanks for the comment. I'm not sure I want to see DeGreek's pussy.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

It's very nice, you should check it out. Everyone's talking about it. As you can see.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Maybe I'll take a Xanex and have a look see.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia

I'll take 4 cases of the Beef Bowel in Onion Sauce! And I don't even have a cat!!

There are so many little things that really made me laugh with this Chris. The bottle dance picture...being supervised by rabbis (like that is the most kosher thing ever!)...is healthy so bad?..."it's not pork, we swear!"...the dancing cat...and it just goes on. I really loved it! :D


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi Pammy! So glad you came by. I appreciate it. Yeah, the Beef Bowel with Onion is pretty tasty, but my favorite is Spleen and Hearts Supreme - YUM! I think they all taste pretty good, but my cat won't eat them. He ain't kosher, you know.

Whilst looking through the site for something, I saw that you published a hub 2 weeks ago. How is it I'm not being notified? I still get the things from HP, but I didn't get one about you. Anyway, I'll be by in a little bit to read it.

Thanks again, Pam!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

And why, pray tell, you do not wish to see my pussy???? Actually it’s my wife’s pussy, but what has it ever done to you? And why do you have a photo of my wife’s pussy on your hub without all the relevant written permissions?

And you are so far behind the times, you poor fish! The photo of Rabbi Lukovitch cutting off chicken heads is an antiquated one. I happened to visit the Chicken Heads factory because this is the only stuff my wife’s pussy will eat and I was able to give him The Tip for cutting chicken heads while praying over them as is the requirement for all kosher foods. The secret is to put the chicken’s head on the block and then to draw a straight chalk line from the end of its beak to about 6 inches away. You then let go and the chicken will remain in that position IMMOBILE! Now the Rabbi has his hands free to pray and weald the axe at the same time, not to mention avoiding blood all over himself. I have a letter here from Rabbi Lukovitch thanking him for increasing his productivity.

Jeeeesus this is long. Please feel free to erase it. You shall not hurt my feelings :-)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

De Greek; Well, I was misinformed. Everyone said it was your pussy I should see. Naturally, this made me feel very sickly. Nobody said it was your wife's pussy. Otherwise, I would have rushed right over. It is a nice pussy, after all. I do not think that is a picture of your wife's pussy in this pussy. And sorry to set you straight, but I took the photo of Rabbi Lukovitch myself at my own factory just a few days ago, and I can assure you, kosher food preparation has nothing to do with praying. This is a common misunderstanding. I offer the following taken from the requirements for kosher food:

"Final note: Contrary to a common misconception, kosher food does not have to be "blessed" by a rabbi. The process is purely a supervisory one. Depending on the type of food processing, a supervisor is sometimes there full-time and sometimes comes in to occasionally review the processes and ingredients to assure that they comply with the agreed-upon rules."

It's true that I don't know much, but this I know. Thank you for the comment, and of course, your wife's pussy.

"


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Under his world famous treatise on the subject entitled “Do All Jews Do It?” Rabbi Lukovitch has clearly stated that heathens masquerading as true Jews have began to undermine old traditions which required the Rabbi to bless the process and, in fact, there is a scale of fees which specifies the scale of payment to be made to the Rabbi depending on the length of the prayer and in it Rabbi Lukovitch explains that he does not cut corners. Sometimes his prayers go on for hours, in order to ensure the best possible results. I hope that this scientific response has put an end to your heathen presumptions!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Oh, you always have to have your way, you bully! Fine, and before he cuts off their heads he invites them to a fowlmitzvah and they all dance to Hava Nagila, then...CHOP...cat food is served!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :-)))))))))

Hava Nagila???????? I can't top that! I give up :-))))


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 6 years ago

Christoph!

First, a true Christoph hub! There's no mistaking the author of this clever hub! But then, I expect nothing less from you. This gave me quite a chuckle, not to mention made my tummy growl with hunger, as I sit here salivating. I just might not share with my pussies :)

Now, the big question. Where the hell have you been?? Out bribing pussies to be part of this hub? Hmm?

Soooooo nice to see you back. Does this mean you're going to stay? You haven't visited me in a very long time :(


dianacharles profile image

dianacharles 6 years ago from India

Oh Lord......I wish I hadn't mentioned the pussy in the first place ;) But the resemblance is amazing. Is that why they say, all cats are grey in the dark?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Trish: Hi there! Glad you stopped by and enjoyed. As for staying around, that depends on the time I have to write for here. This is the first thing I've written for fun in quite awhile, and I write straight stuff somewhere else.

Thanks Trish, for the comment.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

dianacharles: Yes. It certainly started a movement, didn't it? I will admit, there is a resemblance. Thanks for the visit.


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 6 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Oy vey. My brainstorm it could have been. I'd be raking in the gelt instead of you. Mazel tov, my boy!

Write more funny stuff. We miss you.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sally: Say, you're good. Such a fine voice I've never heard. So, I'm funny now? So funny I should be. You're stopping by, I appreciate. My usual standards, it's not. For the comment, I thank you from my verclempt heart.


Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 6 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

Hey there. It's been a while. I know this is a satire, but I have to say this would be a very good idea. I'm not quite sure why no one hasn't marketed this kosher pet food idea. I would buy it for my pets.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

I did all the research for this, and then just before starting to write, decided I'd better check to make sure this didn't actually exist. Never in a million years, I thought. Imagine my shock to find out that it does exist. Eventually, I wrote it anyway.


spryte profile image

spryte 6 years ago from Arizona, USA

I heard a rumor you'd written a recent hub and aha! 'Tis true! And a very disturbing one at that...

Now I'm gonna have nightmares that I've accidentally been turning my furry critters into cannibals. If it's true...couldn't you have SHARED that information (regarding brand) so that I can make sure this does not happen? Besides...I mean...it's a VERY short step from cannibalism to dining on human flesh and there are seven of them to worry about.

I have to go now...the new cat is looking at me funny and drooling...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Is that what this article is about? I wondered...

Um, didn't really get brand names except one in Canada who has since claimed they no longer do this, but their are others. Obviously, they are not anxious to reveal this information, but if you do some research, I think you'll find some. Here is a quote:

"In Los Angeles alone, two hundred tons of euthanized animals including dogs (and cats) are delivered to rendering plants on a monthly basis. Almost seven million dogs and cats are killed in dog pounds each year. Many of these end up at rendering plants."

They are being rendered for food products. If not pet food, then what? Here are some links to which you may enjoy. The first one is good, with a video and how to avoid buying it for your cats or husband.

http://www.naturalnews.com/012647_pet_food_dog.htm

http://www.dogfoodadvisor.com/dog-food-industry-ex

http://www.rense.com/general70/dead.htm

http://ezinearticles.com/?Does-Your-Dog-Food-Inclu?&id=507228


2patricias profile image

2patricias 6 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

Pat writes (while Tricia is off sunning herself) - I should be cleaning the kitchen but I am so glad that I read this - how I can laugh while I am cleaning the kitchen.

My cat is saying Meow (in the kitchen) and when I get down there I will say to him - but you are a goy cat and can eat what's in your bowl.

Pleased you're writing a bit for Hubs again.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi Pat! So nice to see you. Glad you got a laugh out of it. I think you're the only one to do so. Ha! Seemed like such a good idea at the time. Hope all is well with you!


Cris A profile image

Cris A 6 years ago from Manila, Philippines

Seems like Kosher Kats' the key to universal happiness. Haha It's been so long since I've had a taste of your humor and you shouldn't be so selfish!

Great to see ya - I mean hubbing :D


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Thanks Cris: It's really great to see you here. I haven't been around much, as you've seen. I miss reading your excellent writing, which has always mademe jealous. I'll try to visit soon. Thanks for visiting!


MH 6 years ago

I am curious as to what prompted you to tickle the rather unperturbed world of cats ... let alone the kosherians.

You were wrong, I actually really like this, ofcourse whilst trying not to get offended by the conspicuous flagrancy against my bloodline.

- The Me.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

MH: I have to disagree that it's derogatory towards Jewish people or their faith. I am an admirer of the Jews. I'm not kidding or speaking lightly when I say some of my best friends are Jewish. My first love was a Jewish girl, and my theater acting mentor was a Jewish man. We are still good friends as are many of my friends. I know their parents who have always been kind to me and I have dined at their table. I consulted several of them on this and they all assured me they did not find it offensive.

As for cats, who cares?

This was prompted by an episode of Beverly Hills Chefs. A chef was cooking in a home's kitchen for a large Jewish family and they had to have a supervising Rabbi in the Kitchen. I simply thought some of the "rules" were extreme, and I thought it would be funny if these same rules were extended to cats. Imagine my surprise to find out after I had written it that there is such a pet food.

In any case, I am sorry if you find it disparaging. It's not meant to be. I would poke fun at my faith or anyone else's. People should have a sense of humor.


MH 6 years ago

Harry, by bloodline I meant bloodline of the cats. I ain't a Jew, my deer.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

MH: Oh! Ha, ha, ha, ha! I had no idea it was you. You totally fooled me, you funny girl! Allow me to direct you to the following article, which may explain my distaste for cats: http://hubpages.com/animals/My-Evil-Cat-is-Trying-...


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

This is way too funny, especially if it is true.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Petra: Well, thank you. There is a kosher cat food, but this brand doesn't exist, and of course it's highly exaggerated. Thank you so much for the comment.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Great Hub Christoph, between you and Shades you have really helped to cheer me up after a very sad day where I received some tragic news. Needed this, thanks :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi Misty: I'm glad you stopped by and it brightened your day. Hope you're doing okay. I could use some good news as well...big time. Thanks.


ACSutliff profile image

ACSutliff 6 years ago

Hiya Christoph,

Another good one! "That's right, we said rabis. ...Real ones!" The bottle dance really cracked me up.

It's impossible for me to read your hubs without laughing at your serious narrative on such ridiculous ideas, and even more so when the ideas actually exist!

Loved the pictures! I'm still laughing~

~AC


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

AC: Well, thanks again. This one was not as funny as I had intended, nor has it been generally received as such, so I really appreciate your kind words.

I thought this was so absurd that I didn't bother checking if there was such a thing until I was finished. Imagine my surprise to learn there was a kosher cat food. I would get it for my evil cat if I could find it easily. Plus, it's expensive so he'll have to keep eating the junk.


ACSutliff profile image

ACSutliff 6 years ago

LOL =D What's next? Animal circu--never mind! /blush


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

AC: Hmmm. Gives me an idea. Flea Circuses! Thanks!


Jess Killmenow profile image

Jess Killmenow 6 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

Thoroughly sacrilegious! I thoroughly approve.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Jess Killmenow: Thank you, Jess. I assure you however, I don't mean to be disrespectful of the Jewish faith. Just a little poking fun at people I really respect. Thanks for the comment!


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

Your hub is hilarious, but even funnier is the fact that after writing it, you discovered there actually is a kosher cat food. I loved the pictures!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Mysterylady 89: Hello. A pleasure to see you here. Glad you enjoyed the piece. Yes. I thought I had looked it up before a started and saw that there were none, but I guess I had just thought it was too ridiculous to ever exist. Thanks for the comment.


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

btw, there is no sign of anti-semitism in this hub!


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 6 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

Any cat, or Rabbi with a sense of humour would be knotted with laughter after reading this hub. I'm not so sure any chickens would though.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

christopheranton: Well, they're chicken of the truth! Thanks for the vote of confidence!


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

Chris - I can't make up my mind if this is a great idea or a total waste of money. But as you pointed out that regular pet food can be made out of dead pets, well, if you feed your cat dead cats, couldn't they get mad cat disease? Oy!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

That's a good point, Delores. Maybe that's what's wrong with my cat! I think that cats, like humans, should rightfully expect to "return to dust," instead of meat slurry. Thanks for your scientific comment. I fully expect to see the full paper published on The New England Journal of Cat Medicine shortly!


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

This one is too good. I'm forwarding it to all my cat loving friends, even the goyim.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Thank you Green Lotus. Definitely the goyim!

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