MORE LOVE VERSES LOVE

Sometimes,

Perhaps all

The time,

Love just won’t fit

Into any conventional-size

Container.

-

You can’t roll it

Or even stuff it

Like you would a sleeping bag.

-

It’s all over the place:

Waking you up

In the middle of the night,

Distracting you,

Preoccupying your soul.

-

Always on the look out

For the Beloved.

-

Is this insanity?

Could be,

But probably not.

-

Sometimes,

Love is so new,

So different,

So soothing,

So healing.

-

Absent for so long

Or maybe

Just been absent

Period.

-

You just can’t settle down.

-

Terrified

It’s going to leave you

Again.

-

You don’t want to run.

Or disconnect.

-

That just leads you

Backwards

To where you started,

With love Being absent.

-

So breathe,

Breathe,

Breathe.

-

To remind yourself:

-

Love

Is God’s breath,

Breathing

Something new

Into our brokenness,

Putting the pieces together

Again.

-

That’s pretty exciting

When you stop and think about it.

-

Of course,

It’s going to keep us

Off balance

A bit

For awhile.

Maybe even a long while.

-

Yes,

Love is NOT like the moon.

It won’t fit anywhere,

Not even in the entire heavens.

It’s just all over the place!

Of course,

I am an "old" guy.

As many of you

Already know,

I talk incessantly

Like old men do.

_

At night,

Many of you will say

I talk way too loud!

"You're gonna wake up

The neighbors!"

_

I do talk incessantly

About "arriving" to that place

Where I can validate

Myself.

_

It is a wonderful place,

No longer dependent

On you

To take care of me.

-

And yet,

Inside me,

There is a much younger,

Perhaps even little,

Guy,

Me,

Who looks deep into your eyes

Looking for that look.

The look that says,

"I am so proud of you."

-

I see it.

Thank you.

-

I also enjoy

That other look.

The one that says,

I love you.

And I love you.

Good morning, Lord.

I guess you do not sleep.

-

How is that for you?

-

I have not slept in days.

I have wrestled

With my soul

To the point

I feel drunk

Not sober.

-

I don’t know how you do it, Lord.

You know,

Going without sleep.

-

Maybe that is why

The world does not do well!

Just joking, Lord.

-

But I am ready

To sleep, Lord,

To sleep in peace

With you,

To surrender,

To let go.

-

Lord,

You know I have searched,

I mean really searched

My entire life

For that someone special

To love me.

-

Even when you have sent me

People who do love me,

I have kept searching.

-

And one more time, Lord

You have sent me

Some one to love me.

And one more time, Lord

It looks like

An impossible dream.

Like once before

As I stood gazing,

Staring at beauty.

The Lady.

-

I still don’t get it, Lord.

I suppose I don’t have to.

So....

-

Here it is, Lord,

My quest for the impossible dream.

It is yours, Lord.

Do with it what you will.

And, Lord.

Thank you

For her,

For her,

And

For her.

When was the last time

I was free?

Really free?

-

Was it yesterday

When I did everything

I could possibly think of

To make sure

You wouldn’t be upset with me

For being late?

For wasting my time

Practicing the piano?

For wasting my time

Writing?

For spending too much money?

For losing my car keys?

For driving over the island?

For spending too much time

With the kids?

With friends?

With the dogs?

Too much time

Exercising?

Too much time

Not with you?

-

For working late?

For going to bed late?

For making too much noise?

For being deaf

And talking loudly?

For crunching chips

So loudly

You thought it was termites chewing wood?

For forgetting to pay

The water bill?

the electric bill?

the car payment?

-

Like you never forget?

-

You’re always so on top of

Everything!

Right?

No?

-

Of course,

I always forget the most important question.

-

When was the last time

YOU were free?

How my heart aches,

But for what,

I am not sure.

-

There are the obvious

Yearnings.

Love for one.

But somehow

This ache

Seems to come

Groaning

From some ancient place

Deep within me.

-

For many years now,

I have run from this ache

As if it were a

Boogie man.

I threw everything I could at it

To make it stop

Chasing me.

-

But today,

I’m just sitting here

Waiting

For it to catch up to me

And maybe even

Devour me.

-

Thank God

For those of you

Who are sitting here

With me,

Loving me,

Better than red wine

Or single malt scotch

Ever could.

-

I think I hear it coming.

You will stay

Won’t you?

There is a funny notion

About going backwards.

-

I was on a train

Once,

Stuck in a snow storm,

That indeed

Went backwards

For forty-five minutes,

And then stopped,

Just sat there

For the rest of the night.

-

When morning came,

The train went forward

Again.

The journey continued.

-

In our life,

I am not sure

We can really know

What direction we are going.

We’re too quick to judge,

Too quick to condemn,

To quick to lose sight

Of where we are going.

-

You know,

I think we are always

Moving

Forward.

There is no regression,

No turning back.

Even when it feels that way,

We always end up some place

Way farther

Down the road

And further

Blessed.

-

You know,

We are really smart people.

Good people,

Good as in God

With two o’s,

Holy people

Sacredly soulful.

-

We are no longer children

Inept and wandering.

-

We follow

What’s inside of us

-

Sometimes,

We forget

That what is

Inside of us

Is placed there

By someone

Far greater

Far wiser

Than us.

-

Of course,

There is ego,

But perhaps overrated.

-

Keep in mind

We are not ax murderers.

We are grown ups,

Having lived through many a war

Many a conflict.

We are experienced.

And ultimately,

Driven toward goodness.

Which only takes us

Forward.

-

So when you think

You’ve made a wrong turn,

Don’t look back.

It’s the wrong direction.

Don’t hang your head

You won’t be able to see

All that is in front of you.

The journey continues

Forward.

So when there seems to be

Nothing left

To grab onto,

It’s then,

At that very moment,

We let go!

And fall,

Yes fall

All the way home,

Just like the fifth little piggie,

Wee wee wee wee wee

We fall

All the way home

Into God’s arms

God’s heart,

Always waiting

Welcoming.

-

And chances are

Excellent,

That God has for us

Exactly

What we thought we had lost.

"Lord,

Make me

An instrument Of your peace,"

Is what he said

Eight hundreds years

Ago.

-

"Where there is hatred,

Let me sow love....."

Where there is injury,

Pardon,"

-

His prayer continues.

Today,

We celebrate

St. Francis of Assisi

A favorite friend

And lover of mine.

-

When I look around

And take stock

Of all the love

I haven’t sown,

Of all the injuries

I have afflicted

At times

On people

I am not even aware of,

I humbly pray in

Francis’ words,

"Lord make ME

An instrument of your peace.

I will always treasure

Your coming into my life,

Like a burst of sunshine,

Like new fallen snow,

Like a gentle breeze

Playing the boughs

Of the trees in the forest,

-

Like a warm cuddly blanket

On a cold winter’s night,

Like an errant wave

Catching me off guard

But refreshing my soul

All the same.

-

Making love to you

In so many wonderful places

Including your bed and mine

And ours!

-

Cooking portabellos,

Resting in the spa,

Traveling hither and yon,

Climbing around the great wall

In La Jolla,

-

Watching you glide down the aisle

In an ancient sacred place,

Unbeknownst to its builders,

Built and then preserved and reserved

Just for our special day.

-

I treasure all the birthdays

I sang to you

That ordinary

That common

Perhaps almost ridiculous

Song.

And yet

We feel slighted

If no one sings the ridiculous song

On our special day.

-

Someone like you,

Can even play it

On the piano

With grand arpeggios

And special chords.

-

So one more time, Sweets,

I sing to you,

With all the fondest memories of us.

Happy Birthday to you.

Happy Birthday to you.

Happy Birthday, Dear Dianna.

Happy Birthday to you.

And many more.

-

Know and believe that

God will give you many special gifts

For your fifty eighth year.

I love you.

Mr Vernon

From Bryant and Wildwood Canyon

My God,

Perhaps part jokester,

But certainly not trickster.

-

I sometimes think

I see little signs

Of God shaking

A finger at me.

I keep searching

God’s face

For that look,

That look we are all

Too familiar with.

-

Perhaps

I create

This punitive God

All by myself.

-

Like I keep waiting

To hear God

Speak

My mother’s words:

"Drop your drawers,

And take it like a man."

Did she really say that?

Sweet Mom?

Yes, she did!

-

So is my anticipation

Of punishment

From another time?

Another universe?

Certainly not of God?

-

Okay,

So here’s the deal.

What do I do

When love

Comes

Not knocking

But Pounding

On my door,

The door with the words

"My Soul"

Inscribed?

-

What do I do?

-

I recently heard a wise man say,

"Every person

Who leaves us,

Leaves right on time.

And every person

Who shows up,

Shows up right on time."

Do you think this is true?

-

And So why not

Search

God’s face

For a smile?

For a twinkle?

For a gentle nod?

"Yes,

This pounding on your door

Is my gift,

Right on time."

-

I can live in this universe as well.

-

I think for tonight

I will take the smile,

The twinkle,

The gentle nod,

And sleep

Peacefully

Ever so grateful

For this pounding,

On my door.

So what is it

When I miss you?

What am I missing?

I could list the obvious:

Your smile,

Your gentle touch

Upon my face,

Your arms

Wrapped around me,

Your lips

embracing my lips,

You eyes

Navigating to places inside me

Never explored before

Perhaps not even by me.

-

Well,

That is certainly plenty

To miss.

But I really miss

Just being with you.

And one of these days

With enough practice

I will learn

Even when we are a part,

That I am always

Being

With you.