Pondering My World


By: Wayne Brown

More and more these days, I seem to be running into things in daily life that I just cannot seem to fully comprehend. Sometimes, I think it is me and my inability to interpret the obvious. At other times, I begin to think someone is trying to dupe me into believing something that is not really true. I’ll tell you about it and you be the judge.



The other day I was drinking some bottled spring water. It was very good and psychologically I was convinced that it tasted better than most water because it really had no taste at all. That’s how we human beings determine how good water tastes. When it has no taste, it taste good! They say dogs and cats can taste water and we cannot. I wonder who figured that out and how he did it…maybe a dog whispered to him in the back of the lab. Anyway, I digress. As I was saying, this bottled spring water tasted good so I began reading the label to gain more information about it. On the back of the label was some small print telling the story of the company and the wonderful spring water. Right at the bottom of the back label was a statement in bold print “Bottled at the Source”. Now, at first, I going okay, this is spring water so they bottled it right there at the spring. Then I thought nawhhhhh…not a production operation. Then I thought, wait a second, the “source” is wherever this water came from. They don’t say on the label where it comes from therefore it is bottled at the “source”. Needless to say that I am feeling a little used but I still like the water!


I decided to try some new “spray-on” anti-perspirant which I found in the grocery store this weekend. I decided to dispense with those messy roll-ons and move into the modern world. Before applying this new spray, I read the label to be sure there were no warnings with regard to skin irritations or allergic reactions. There was nothing like that cited in the small print and the instructions seemed pretty straight forward. In bold print at the bottom of the label was printed “Shake Well Before Using”. So I stood there in the bathroom in front of the mirror and I just shook all over for about five minutes even taking the time to raise each leg and foot to give them a good shake. Then I sprayed myself. Honestly, I am going to have to try it without the shaking to really know but at this point I really don’t think it will make any significant difference. If it does not, I just may go back to roll-on.

I suppose I am just not paying close enough attention anymore. I know they are making more and more things out of plastic and synthetics nowadays but who would have ever thought that popcorn might be one of them. I was perusing the popcorn aisle at the local grocery store yesterday and noticed that Orville Redenbacher has 100% natural popcorn. Now, on the basis of that claim, I am just going to assume that possibly some of the other suppliers don’t use natural popcorn that like grows in the fields on stalks like Orville does. They must get their popcorn from Mexico or China. It’s probably made in one of them backroom “sweatshops” like Kathy Lee Gifford was using to make her clothes before she got caught. So that pretty well does it for me, I’m only eating Orville Redenbacher popcorn from now on. It’s a little pricey but I know it didn’t come from a sweatshop in China.



Have you looked across the car and noticed that print on the bottom of the outside mirror on the passenger’s side of the car. It says “Caution: Objects in the Mirror Are Closer than They Appear”. Well, okay but just how close are they? It would seem to me that if you were going to make the effort to warn me of the circumstance that you would give me some estimate of how much. You know, they could put something on there like “Caution: Objects Are Five Feet Closer than They Appear to be in the Mirror”. That way, I wouldn’t be making mistakes cause now I look over at the mirror and think “gee, that don’t look so close” and proceed to pull over. The guy behind me in the other lane proceeds to start blowing his horn speeding up and flipping me the “peace sign”. I find myself thinking, “Jesus! This could lead to road rage…that damn old mirror”. Now if I knew that guy was say five feet closer, then I might not be so quick to try it and get him mad. It sure would help I think and I know that old boy behind me would live a lot longer.



I saw a bottle of hydrogen peroxide sitting on the shelf in the bathroom. On the back of the label it says “FOR EXTERNAL USE”. It also warns you not to get it in your eyes. It does not even offer a remedy if you do get it in your eyes so I am figuring you would already be too blind to read that part of the label if you had gotten it into your eyes. Then I spun the label around and read the front which indicated that it was a topical astringent which could be used as a mouth rinse or gargle. I’m going “huh”. Don’t get it into your eyes but it’s okay to gargle with it. What if while you got your head back just a gargling away some of the drops fly up into the air and fall down into your eyes. Oh my God! A mouth full of this stuff and blindness just seconds away. How will you ever spit it into the sink which you must do because something this dangerous for the eyes surely will do damage to countertops and flooring? This is something we need to mosey on down to the peroxide company and discuss in detail because the world still has a large population of idiots who could easily get their hands on this stuff. Come to think of it, I’ll bet you can’t take in on the plane in your carry-on baggage either.

Well, that wraps up this installment of some the things in the world that are confusing me these days. There’s probably a whole lot more just like these but I don’t like to come across them too fast because it confuses me too much and I begin to worry. I don’t want to worry too much for fear that I might turn out like my mother who worried about those people who worried about those people who worried too much. Anyway, I think you get the picture.

©Copyright WBrown2010. All Rights Reserved.

Do Wacka Do

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Comments 25 comments

Putz Ballard profile image

Putz Ballard 6 years ago

Good one Wayne

KFlippin profile image

KFlippin 6 years ago from Amazon

That was funny and refreshing, I particularly liked the 'shake well before using', a laugh out loud on that one!

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Putz Ballard....Thanks Putz, I appreciate the read and the good comment! WB

@KFlippin...I wondered whether that was going to be funny to the reader. Thanks for lettin me know and thanks for the read, Katie! WB

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 6 years ago

I'm laughing, Wayne and I thank you. .

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@BPop...not much to laugh about these days...thought I would cook us up one! Thanks Poppy! WB

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ralwus 6 years ago

I'll write anuther doozy fer ya. LOL You need to keep your hands busy my man. Too much thinking. Pure water has no taste. FYI some impurities makes it better.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

You da man, CC...make it sensual and use some bottled water in it too! WB

sheila b. profile image

sheila b. 6 years ago

You're almost as confused as I am. Almost. Not quite.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@sheila b....you'll be my compass, Sheila! LOL! WB

Zakmoonbeam profile image

Zakmoonbeam 6 years ago from Parts Unknown

Gotta say I love your stuff, keep up the good work !

50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

Damn Wayne, here comes a hub! First off, I got a do wack a doo and you got Roger off my hub waiting for publish, now I gotta go back and roller skate in a buffalo heard! :)

Don't know about animals, but dogs can taste water and ice, I got 3 that go out side in 106 degree weather to drink from the algae ridden pond and almost never drink inside with the filtered stuff. They eat ice from the freezer full of meat but turn their nose up at fresh ice.

I gargle with peroxide, drink a swig every morning and pour it in my ears, In the end you just gotta know some dumb SOB drank the whole bottle, kinda like those little silica packs for moisture that come with a new rifle scope, marked "do not eat", makes you wonder how that law suite went.... Ha!, 50

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TimBryce 6 years ago

Wayne -

Good hub. Welcome to the wonderful world of Madison Avenue.

All the Best,


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@50Caliber...50, you need to try that Kansas City Star stuff and get some rhinestones on your hubcaps! You must be the guy that found out that dogs can taste things...the powers of observation are at their highest in an isolated desert setting, ya think? WB

@TimBryce...Yeah, Tim...I just realized that all my hubs are written at the "source" LOL! Best Regards! WB

@Zakmoonbeam...Thanks for the visit, the read, and the encouraging comments! I hope to see you again soon! WB

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SilverGenes 6 years ago

Kathy Lee Gifford makes popcorn! Still laughing over that one but while I'm laughing, I'm reaching for the bag that says "100% natural" lol. Good hub - I enjoyed it all the way through :)

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@SilverGenes....she's the queen of the sweatshop crowd! LOL...Glad you got a good laugh,we can one every now and then! WB

ltfawkes profile image

ltfawkes 6 years ago from NE Ohio

Very funny. I especially like:

"So I stood there in the bathroom in front of the mirror and I just shook all over for about five minutes"

OMG! I've been doing that wrong all these years!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@ltfawkes...hey, drop me a line and explain how you do it..I can't imagine there is another way! LOL! Glad you got a laugh! WB

saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

I loved it all and the added video sent me over the edge. Roger Miller had a great string of tunes, can't roller skate in a buffalo herd and many more. Yup I am always amazed by the silly twist in ads, makes one scratch ones head and wonder what the heck are they trying to tell us.

All the more reasons to shop the fringe of big stores all the flaky stuff is in the center aisles. We breathe chemicals all day long. I give up on trying to find healthy foods in big stores.

Even organics are starting to be questionable at times. Love this hub Wayne a twist from your usual. Nice to laugh along with everyone else.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@saddlerider1...Thanks for urging on the video elements. I have add some fun adding them and still working on it. It was time for a laugh as I could feel it in my funnybone! LOL! Thanks Ken! WB

Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV


It's a dangerous world out there. Let the buyer beware!!!!!!!!!!

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Tom Whitworth....you got that one right Tom. We could all be eating Preparation H on a cracker before long! LOL! WB

epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

....you are such a wise man Mr. B - and I am just a clown but even clowns can listen and learn and that is why I'm here ....

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@epigramman...Wise? I was thinking of trying Prep H on a cracker! Thanks for the read and the kind words! WB

Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 6 years ago from London, UK

Thanks for a Pondering Hub.

I think most of these warnings are to protect companies from people suing them unnecessarily.....

Great Hub.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Lady_E...Thank you for the read and the nice comment! You think someone is actually sueing these people LOL! WB

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