Main character

 you were in everything i wrote

for a really long time.

i didn't mean for you to be

you just seemed to come out of me

and then, time went by

and i saw you again

and then

everything that i wrote

so horrifically far away from me

came to be

every fantasy

was alive

i felt like i was on fire

and then

it was gone

gone like i knew it would be

if it ever actually came to be

and i mourn the loss

more frequently

than you would think

than i would ever think myself

sitting outside

amidst the rain

with my mp3

listening to songs

that tug on my shirt

and rip at my soul

music that takes me back

to the daydream

i fell into.

you found me

and came to me

and swept me into fu*king Narnia

and i cant escape that it happened

i cant let it go

even though

it is over

and not to be repeated

because, i find

that i cant trust myself with you

you leave me breathless

you leave me pure

and yet

somehow corrupted

funny enough

aparently you think i was the one

that was dangerous.

then why am i the one

curled up in bed

holding onto a love that is gone,

a wound i refuse to heal

and a mischance.

yea though i walk through the valley

of the shadow of sorrow

glancing behind me

when i should look straight to tomorrow

i cannot help wondering

if i turned back and looked

if just one of these times

you would be there

and the force would be strong enough to pull me back

to the pleasure filled pain filled mind blowing fire storm Oz that was you.

with the kiss of a shoulder

i was taken away

clinging to the ruby slippers that i never wanted to use.

click click

and i was home

like a terrible and wonderful nightmarish fantasy.

my mind wears it like a confortable old sweater

that it refuses to get rid of.

 

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Comments 14 comments

Elizabeth99 profile image

Elizabeth99 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

Awww, I feel your pain. I can't count how many times my mind wanders back to the thought of what might happen if I try and go back. Very beautiful! :)


blondey profile image

blondey 5 years ago

Hi pinkee, I give this a ten.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

.....well you've been a 'main character' and 'leading lady' here at the Hub for me over the past year - and I am the luckiest fan, follower, and friend to be able to know you and watch your writing grow, mature and blossom ....and it's all because - you are just you!

And that's a very beautiful thing indeed!


Genna East profile image

Genna East 5 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

I love how Debussy (one of my favorite composers) follows your words so perfectly. This is a stunner. Love and peace to you!


mikielikie profile image

mikielikie 5 years ago from Texas

"yea though i walk through the valley

of the shadow of sorrow

glancing behind me

when i should look straight to tomorrow"... Those words have such power and have brought me to tears. With the beautiful music playing in the background; it is true magic reading this poem. Your words are like time machines to my past as well as others I'm sure. Well done!


Fossillady profile image

Fossillady 5 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

I was glued to every word, no fancy metaphors, no clever rhymes...I can't even explain it...everyone or anyone who reads this can feel the passion and relate unless they have never loved and lost...that would be their misfortune


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 5 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

you guys are just... i dont know. you share these words with me, reading them as i have written, and you leave me your thoughts. please consider yourselves my friends in the midst of all of our words.

I feel hubpages is almost like a sweater. Even the hubbers that arent directly connected would just not be whole here without the others.

All woven together, the neck having nothing more to do with the sleeve than the fact that if either was missing, it wouldnt be a whole sweater, would it?

Now, i was going to go with some brooding deep picture of some broken melencholy angel or something, but in all honesty, when im thinking about what has been written, i always feel the same. And id never throw those moments away, because it really does remind me of an old sweater i have that i wear when im feeling a certain way. Something tattered yet comforting that you wouldnt wear out, but something that is just for you when the night is on, and you need to cuddle with yourself.

Well anyway, thank you guys. Sometimes the most comforting thing is to have another say "yea, ive been there, and yes it feels just like that."

a due. because we've all felt this way. - pink.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

this hits home! and it was breathtaking. i loved the words you used, the wizard of oz refrences,

"i cannot help wondering

if i turned back and looked

if just one of these times

you would be there

and the force would be strong enough to pull me back

to the pleasure filled pain filled mind blowing fire storm Oz that was you.

with the kiss of a shoulder

i was taken away

clinging to the ruby slippers that i never wanted to use.

click click

and i was home

like a terrible and wonderful nightmarish fantasy.

this was amazingly well written, i also had someone who was in everything i wrote at one point, a love i didnt want to let go of, though he mentally could not love me back, could not give me what i wanted, a love that was not meant to be and never will be again, he thought me the dangerous one as you say, couldnt committ, too untrusting of women, of himself, to let anyone in, and i went through a lot of tears and hurt for him, and waiting. but time only brought more pain, til it was completely over, til i moved on, but the memory still remains. "yea though i walk through the valley

of the shadow of sorrow" i will and have loved again.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

oh and heres a link to a poem of mine id like you to read if you dont mind, its got a wizard of oz reference also.

http://hubpages.com/literature/Empty-Cup


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 5 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

Nikkij504gurl- I feel very comforted that you like this piece. :) Your comment makes me feel like what i wrote came out exactly as i felt it.

The Oz refrence is something you see more than once in my stuff. Look for it if you wish, like sort of a where's waldo, lol.

I was born in Kansas. My life has been such a tornado and i feel it especially lately, so Wizard of Oz is something that feels very close to me. Because Im definately not in the proverbial Kansas anymore.

Funny, how things go. You seem to have had a love that didnt or couldnt mirrior your own.

Mine however, did in a way.

I knew him long ago when i was just 14 or so.

He disappeared for reasons i cant remember and then found me on facebook.

When i tell you that what happened was an instantanious vampierish victorian romance, im not being dramatic.

Instant. Saw him, needed him, had him, left him alone.

See, it was I who disappeared, but i still feel abandoned for some reason. Maybe i was sabotaging it, but thats not the way that it felt when it happened.

It was sort of like Eve biting into that apple. If you believe that sort of thing.

So yea, i think in many ways exactly what i wanted was mirrored with certain pretense as to protect his and my little bubble of extacy.

Anyway, ive said it before, i will never regret it. As fast as it happened, well thats just what happenes when his and my worlds touch. Fast, furious, and fleeting.

But i love the memory. I go over and over it when im feeling certain ways.

I feel that when you have one of those moments that you wish for but never expect to happen, and it does happen, and its just as amazing as you thought it would be, well thats just amazing.

Not like those other moments that you wait for and arent what you built them up to be.

thats what makes the "worth it's" so effing special.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

something of the same sort happened to me not that long ago too, my first "love" from like 7th grade, we only went out for a short time and he asked some other gurl out so i was like screw that and broke up with him, but i always had this love for him, i wanted to be with him so much back then, i remember crying and praying to be with him, i really loved him...back then, and after 9th grade, he just kinda vanished, i seen him a few times, around, but he went to a different school, and around 12th grade, he really disappeared after hurricane katrina hit, and i often wondered if he was ok, then i saw him a few times at a pool hall, and where he was working at the time at cafe du monde, but i was with someone at those times, and i believe he was too, then last year sometime he found me on myspace and said he missed me and just got out of a relationship and we ended up talking and meeting up, and he just seemed different, but he wanted to try things with me, but he just moved too fast, was telling me he loved me, and i just no longer felt the same, and he was basically just replacing his ex for me, trying to start with me where he left off with her, and i recognized that, and i realized this wasnt the fairy tale i hoped for, and ended up breaking it off, but after all these years you know its crazy how he came back in my life, so i get how you can feel that way about this guy, mines just made me realize i just needed closure. and i got it.


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 5 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

nikki- you and i are too alike i think we might find, in our reactionary feelings to the magnificence that is closeness.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

well thats alright by me lol


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 5 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

nikki, have you met johnny love?

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