One Bite Too Many
When Will I Learn ?
The weather turned nice in the 80's
It was sunny and beautiful
I tried to do some yard work without the bugs knowing I was even there
It started off good
I didn't feel like using a bug spray like Off
The less chemicals the better (what a thought)
No I think I was just too lazy to get it
I had a few plans in my head and soon as I was outside I wanted to get them done
What would it take to go in and spray myself all over
Maybe five minutes tops
Even though the thought crossed my mind a couple of times i wasn't going in
Then when I went in to use the bathroom do you think I remembered
The answer is no
The sun was beating down on my face
Where is my suntan lotion ?
Under the kitchen sink where it sat all winter left untouched
I was just an all around rebel today
It was the first hot day and I wasn't going to be out in the sun very long
Sometimes I spray myself down with off and put suntan lotion on and the sun goes in and next my wife calls me to go with her to the store or something
I got all prepared for the weather and the my fierce enemy the bugs
Then my plans have been changed
Today she left me alone to play
She went to buy some perrenials for the yard
So as the day went on my face turned as red as a lobster
Anyone for a lobster special ?
Now I am adding up my bites like a girl at the register would count pennies
Six or seven at last count
I could have prevented all this
I should have
I could have
But didn't
So later as I limped in from twisting my knee and my stomach all sore from reaching
My hands still cramping from pulling up the weeds
They are still tightning and contracting even though I stop pulling out weeds a half an hour ago
I nice hot shower always makes me feel better
Now the bite marks are more like battle scars that show my tremendous effort
I wear them with pride like a soldier would wear the medals on his chest
The only difference is I couldn't wait to cover them with hydrocortisone cream to stop the itch
I forgot to tell you I have a firepit that when it turned dark I had to light
So I gathered twigs and an old piece of card board and a few leaves
Then I got one of those long lighters in the house
The flame started then went out
I lit it again adding used paper towels from the house to make the flame
It lit and sparked and out again
I am no boyscout and I can't light a fire if my survival depended on it
So I added this time an old gasoline rag on the bottom from a lawn mower that leaks
That's another story
For sure it will light now
Nothing
Occasionally there was a little breeze that is suppose to help the fire ignite
It put my fire out
No smoke
I am not joking
I am so glad I am not an indian sending smoke signals
I would be doomed for sure
As my wife comes out with supper
She asked if I wanted to eat outside or in the house
Outside of course without a hesitation
This is where I want to be out in the fresh air and looking at the view
Where you can see the mountains in a distance
She asked me that logical question
Did you start a fire ?
I thought do I have to answer
It was too quiet the bugs weren't even making noise
I sadly said no
I was having some difficulty but I haven't given up yet
I needed some food for thought
As we ate and the bugs were relentless
My wife came to her senses and said I am going in
I am getting eatin alive
By this time I had already hurried in the house and grabbed the bedroom barrel filled with old kleenex
This will work
We have had a lot of rain lately so even though the sticks and now branches that I put in the firepit seemed dry maybe they were wet inside
That was my expert opinion
Yes we have a flame
A little one about the size of a quarter
You would miss it if you blinked
Then it grew to a below average flame at best
But I didn't care I actually got it lit
So my wife said the bugs shouldn't come near the flame
I said nope with confidence
After five minutes my wife left and said she was still getting bit
Apparently the bugs didn't see the fire either
So after seconds of deliberation if I should try to nurse the fire to a descent size
I decided to go in too
Another day another time I will try again
Back to my half eaten body and all my bug bites
Now after careful examination
I looked more like a road map and all the bug bites were the pins stuck in me
To highlight the 30 or so points of interest
The night went without a hitch
Time for bed and a few occasional itches
Then I did the worst thing
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep
The bug bites now became a flaming inferno and I was in the center
Each one itched as if they were playing musical notes one after another in harmony with each other
I would scratch one then seconds later another then another
They would rotate then change the order
I wanted to put more cream on them but scratching them felt so good
Truth is I was too lazy to lift my body out of bed
So I suffered through the night
Only to awake suddenly after two hours of dreadful sleep
With both my kittens claws in my left foot
The only place I haven't scratched
Leaping out of bed and claiming sleep a total disaster
I went to finish what I started hours ago
This time dipping my whole body in the Hydrocortisone cream from head to toe
Like ice cream covered in chocolate sauce
Not missing one spot
This is where I stand as daylight breaks
One warrior who has been attacked numerous times during the night
Should I go outside and put my life in my own hands once again
Don't rush me I am still thinking
I will eat and think it over
Hope you have a bug free day
Remember if your going outside use any spray that will keep the bugs away
Be smart and use suntan lotion to protect yourself
It is always your fault when you change the color of your skin to firehouse red