Paranoid Hearts Tell Lies

When I was a girl,

a full grown man

said, “follow me”

and held out his hand.

I stood still,

I hesitated,

he said, “I understand”

and then I grabbed it.

I followed until

my legs grew tired,

but I kept walking.

He said he’d show me greatness.

I was close to fainting.

It was too much for me.

Then, he handed me a bottle…

I stood still,

I hesitated,

he said “I understand”

and then, I grabbed it.

I tasted it,

then I savored it.

I emptied the bottle.

He smiled.

Full of new energy,

I smiled too.

The day turned to night

and he protected me.

He kept all of the monsters away.

Night became day.

He told me I was more beautiful

than the sunrise.

Again, as I grew weary,

he said not to worry.

I cut my eyes and frowned.

He asked, “do you trust me?”

I stood still,

I hesitated,

He said “I understand”,

but he was jaded.

He let go of my hand,

and shed a quiet tear.

He stood still,

he hesitated,

I said “I understand”

I should have

reached for his hand.

He turned away.

He said it hurt not to

look at me,

but he just couldn’t do it.

I was stuck between

dumb, blind and confused.

Then, my eyes burned.

I used all my strength to hold the tears in.

He said, “You were distressed,

so I gave you my hand.

I gave you a friend.

I gave you a place to go.”

He said, “When you were tired

from walking towards our goal,

I gave you nourishment,

encouragement and I left you enriched.”

“When you were afraid,

I held you, consoled you,

comforted you and stayed up all night

'til you were able to sleep.”

“And when you showed me

that this earth didn’t hold

a beauty that could match yours,

I gave you my heart

and you still don’t trust me?

I stood still.

I hesitated.

I was saddened,

he was frustrated.

He was hurt,

he displayed it.

Another tear dropped

and he turned away again.

He left me,

not knowing that my heart

was right where he wanted it to be.

My heart was in his hands,

he vanished

without returning it to me.

Talking about my feelings

has always been hard.

I don’t want another guy

to break my heart.

I don't think I really got over the first.

I'm comfortable

with my paranoia.