Peace, Love and Herbal Substances

Hippie Ki-yay everybody! Today's lesson is going to be about the elusive hippie and its origins. The subjects known as "Hippies" have always been fascinating to me. I have researched this phenomenon for years, in and around the habitat, which include but not limited to: open fields, drum circles, grass noles at crappy concerts and places where it doesn't cost money to loiter.

The First Hippie

The most interesting fact about hippies is they take root almost a million years ago in accent grace with a man named Diogenes of Sinope (or Διογένης ὁ Σινωπεύς if you can read Greekish). He was exiled from his home land to Athens where he made a living pan handling and sleeping in a tub. Although a complete bum, he would intellectually humiliate Plato on a regular basis. This is unlike the Hippies we have ever seen. My guess to why is that pot wasn't his main source of food. In later life, he was captured by pirates and sold into slavery. You can find all this and probably more acurate information here Diogenes of Sinope.

From my years in the field, I have distinguished that there are several different types in the hippie species. New-hippie or neo-hippie, Granola children, Techno-hippies, Rippies, Yunkers, Old School, Subtle, Liberal, Bohemian, Flower Child and the list goes on forever. I will only be covering the most common Neo, Granola, Techno, and Yunker hippies.

The Neo-hippie is the stereotypical hippie that you see on Forest Gump or at local parks. They are the most friendly of all hippies and they usually travel in packs on a bus passing through town. Here is a picture of a pack of Neo-hippis stocking a marijuana plant. As a matter of fact, the Peace symbol is actually what the ancient pot harvesting tool looked like. This is why it's most commonly hung around the neck.

Granola children are the tree hugging versions of the above. They really have no political nor societal idealism. They are, in most cases, vegetarians so they don’t poop and pollute the environment. You can find them in the forest and sometimes tied to trees with a sign saying “This lands is for the tress” and junk like that.

Techno-hippies are mean and are mainly found on today’s college campus. They feel that the more angry they are about a subject, the quicker it will change. With signs in one hand and a incomplete major in the other, they are changing the world one failed term paper at a time.

The Yunker Hippie is the most elusive of all hippies. They mainly stay indoors and smoke pot all day. If hippies got a bad name, this hippie is the reason why. I’m sure they had political views at on time but with the dramatic loss of brain cells they can’t formulate cognitive reasoning. This leads to their lethargic, and something non existent, personality. With tie-die shirts and matted hair they cloak themselves in a Bob Marley flag while they run to get the next bag.

Although the family tree (among other things) spreads wide giving anyone the opportunity to enter causing the wax and wain of the culture, there is still one thing that will always stay the same; the clothing and the smell of B.O. covered by Patchouli & Pot. Hippies are a part of our history and a part of the future, so I guess I have to get use to it. The Yunkers, however, need to get a job and stop ruining our kids.