Quotations for Laughs #31 --- Congress & Congressmen

Congress: A legislative body where factions speak louder than words.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, April 14, 1956.

Congress–A legislative body that runs the government like nobody's business.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, June 28, 1955.

Congress: A legislative body that’s often deadlocked but never lockjawed.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Feb. 18, 1957.

Congress: The official builder of grindstones for the public's nose.

—Austin American, Austin, Texas, March 26, 1924.

Congress is an institution we tax ourselves to maintain to raise taxes.

—W.A. MacKenzie, The Leesburg Morning Commercial, Leesburg, Fla., March 8, 1927.

Congress is an organization that does things for the sole purpose of investigating them afterwards.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American-Press, Lake Charles, La., March 5, 1930.

Congress–A legislative body whose members are duty bound to meet but not to get together.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, March 18, 1955.

Congressman: A public official who makes the mistakes future generations don’t profit by.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Jan. 15, 1964.

Congressman: A man who conducts a survey in order to organize a committee to publish a report that won’t be read.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Dec. 27, 1956.

Congressman–A man who always gives you his franked opinion.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, May 22, 1955.

Congressman: A public official who makes the mistakes future generations don’t profit by.

—Paul H. Gilbert, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, June 10, 1946.

Congressman–A representative who favors economy, but not in his own district.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Sept. 21, 1954.

Pro is the opposite of Con. For instance, Progress and Congress.

—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Dec. 28, 1972.

Congressmen come home to test the temper of the people, and to try to keep from arousing it.

—Bill Vaughan, Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., May 22, 1968.

Congressmen are experts when it comes to traveling at government expense.

—Harold Coffin, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., May 2, 1971.

Congress isn't so much an institution as it is a long breathing spell between two fights; one on how to begin–and the other on when to quit.

—Fletcher Knebel, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Jan. 14, 1963.

Congress is no junk pile, of course; but it may be said of it that it is a “scrap” heap.

—Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, Jan. 23, 1909.

Congressmen do not seem to care who make the laws as long as they get the committee appointments.

—James J. Montague, San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., Dec. 20, 1923.

Some of the Congressmen must have learned politics by taking correspondence courses.

—James J. Montague, San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., April 28, 1924.

Congress passes the bills, while paying them is the public's sweet privilege.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American-Press, Lake Charles, La., Sept. 28, 1926.

Secret of a Congressman: How to make your constituents happy without resigning.

—Neal O’Hara, Lake Charles American-Press, Lake Charles, La., June 5, 1929.

Congress has abridged all of our rights except the right to pay taxes.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American-Press, Lake Charles, La., July 14, 1930.

A congressman’s constituents know that he always acts on principles. The trouble is that he has such strange principles.

—Bill Vaughan, Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., Jan. 8, 1968.

A Congressman naturally spends lots of time fixing his fences, because that’s where he sits most of the time.

—Lee R. Call, Star Valley Independent, Afton, Wyo., June 21, 1962.

Congressman: A lobbyist who’s paid to represent the people.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Feb. 28, 1964.