Quotations for Laughs #50 --- Barbers & Hair

Then there's the barber college student who failed to graduate because he flunked public speaking.

—San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., Dec. 21, 1967.

Sign in a barber shop: “Please inform the barber whether you want your hair cut with or without conversation.”

—Tailspin, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., March 31, 1946.

It’s a shame that so many people who obviously know how to run the country are driving cabs, cutting hair and tending bar instead.

—Mickey Porter, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., Aug. 20, 1968.

Don't worry about your hair falling out. Think how bad it would be if it ached and you had to have it pulled.

—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 13, 1969.

Middle age: When you lose your closest friends one by one–teeth and hair.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Oct. 1, 1972.

Hair: What men wear parted, unparted or departed.

—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Aug. 13, 1962.

People worry about getting gray hair. Actually, it's wonderful to have gray hair. Ask any man who's bald.

—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Aug. 19, 1969.

Dandruff: Hair pollution.

—Frank Tyger, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., May 24, 1970.

The most irritating guy at the 25th class reunion is the one with both hair and money.

—Leo Aikman, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, June 18, 1963.

Lying is like bleaching your hair; once you begin, you have to keep it up forever to keep from being found out.

—Manti Messenger, Manti, Utah, July 20, 1917.

The only thing some people ever use their head for is to keep their hair on.

—Jack Haney, Nashville Banner, Nashville, Tenn., July 29, 1924.

Hair is often a problem for both women and men; with the ladies, it's tint; with men tain't.

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., June 21, 1973.

Wanted–A reducing regime which will enable a woman to lose her extra poundage as easily and painlessly as a man loses his hair.

—Helen Rowland, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., Sept. 16, 1936.

Gray hair: The soft silvering over the evening of life.

—Vera Wise, The Daily Herald, Biloxi, Miss., March 20, 1946.

All things come to those who wait– especially gray hair.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American Press, Lake Charles, La., March 27, 1944.

The hairs of a man’s head are numbered, and a friend of ours wishes he had made some of the back numbers.

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, Feb. 26, 1955.

The baldheaded man should not object to a hair-raising tale.

—Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, March 26, 1910.

Signs at a barber shop:

“You Grow It–and We’ll Mow It.”

“We Need Your Head in Our Business.”

“We Cut the Hair of Those Who Care.”

“We Cater to Kids–from 1 to 100.”

“Hair Today–and Gone Tomorrow.”

—Dan Valentine, Salt Lake Telegram, Salt Lake City, Utah, Feb. 28, 1951.

A new image is the old image with a haircut.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., March 25, 1969.

Anyhow, a baldheaded man can justly claim he came out on top.

—Edwin E. Naugle, St. Petersburg Times, St. Petersburg, Fla., Dec. 25, 1921.

Bald heads make dandy sun dials.

—John P. Medbury, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., Dec. 26, 1930.

Nature appears to have made a mistake by making men bald on the head instead of bald on the chin.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American Press, Lake Charles, La., Jan. 25, 1945.

The real need is a tonic for people whose heads are bald on the inside.

—The Commercial Dispatch, Columbus, Miss., March 4, 1928.

Bald head: A person who gets rid of dandruff by removing its hiding place.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, April 17, 1957.

If humility would overtake men the way baldness does, what a better world it would be!

—Daily Bulletin, Blackfoot, Idaho, June 30, 1950.