Rain Dance

VI.

I fear that for too long

I’ve done my rain-dance

In a sterile planetarium

Beseeching imagery of sky,

Concrete heavens.

While drooping, I thirst,

Gasping,

Seeking,

Needing

Life-giving water.

                But, afraid, I hesitate

                        To dance under real clouds

                                 Or ask them to pour forth

                                           Their rain from real sky.

And why?

                   Sensing they would nourish me,

                                     And give me life to cherish.

                            Yet also they could devastate

                      Deprive me of my meagerness

            Were they to open.

Quandary have I:

I hesitate to choose,

To either risk, – or just, in thirsty fear - to perish?

 

                                                    No choice have I!

 

      ______© Nellieanna H. Hay (1972)

 

Daytime clouds at the ranch
Daytime clouds at the ranch | Source

                           Elusive dreams,

                              Perfections,

                         Approach reality

                    Only to subside too soon.

               Perfect love, the dream of dreams,

                    Its after-image left behind,

                          Itself - now near.

                            Now far again

                               Now crest,

                               Now fall, -

                           Though best

                   And clearest of them all

                  And nearest to unfolding,

                           And dearest - - -

                    Oh! Could it ever be?

                    Or do I dream in vain

                          As others do?

                 Is truth a hollow promise

             And love an empty symbol, too,

                   That I should let it go?

                                NO!

   ______© Nellieanna H. Hay (1972)

 

Life is a blackmailer

And we, his cowardly slaves,

Trying to buy love

And some kind of safety

With little bits of self.

We think we might outsmart

Or out-perceive this clever foe

But no.

We cannot conceive

That, any way we turn, we learn, -

In clever guise,

Adapted to our views or our ideals,

He takes his toll

Against our self-delusion

And steals our innocence.


I think there is a freedom way.

We must give it to each other.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay




Lifelogic


However it may seem at times

the self is consistent with itself

In man or Universe.


To be alive

Surrendering to life

Wins.

For life

Is no opponent

Unto life.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay

Sunset clouds at the ranch
Sunset clouds at the ranch | Source

More by this Author


89 comments

suny51 profile image

suny51 6 years ago

Hello Nellianna Ma'm-I love rain dance in its literary sense,I read your poem and believe me I find it true in actual sense like,

"Life is a blackmailer.And we, his cowardly slaves,Trying to buy love.And some kind of safety,with little bits of self".I like it Thank you.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

I'm very pleased that it spoke to you, Suny! Thank you!!


raisingme profile image

raisingme 6 years ago from Fraser Valley, British Columbia

I love it Nellieanna - love it all - BEAUTIFUL!


MPG Narratives profile image

MPG Narratives 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

'Poetry is a sanctuary

Where unproven thoughts

May be spoken

Without arousing counterattack.'

Nellieanna, such beauty in your words. Why would anyone want to counterattack them. Your poems are a great, soothing read.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Raisingme - thank you, sweet persoon! I truly appreciate that.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

MPG - thank you - and it reminds me that, of course, everyone reading that isn't aware of what it referred to in my situation at the time. I don't expect anyone would want to couonterattack them NOW.

You see, the entire poem was a personal expression of very specific experiences in which I felt my freedom severely & harshly limited.

That's long in the past, but it did express something which, I guess, I thought might not be too uncommon. Writing poetry was so literally my sanctuary - (or almost my hideout). That's what it referred to. It's not so now!

Thank you for defending me! And also for the opportunity to explain it - which I hadn't quite realized it needed. But it did!

Also - most of the tenor of my writing is quite positive or at least philosoophical. There are few of this sadder mood, even though it could have predominated. It seems more realistic to include some of it too.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

These are wonderful and you are so gifted, Nellieanna. I could hear and feel personal experiences in it. Poems usual are coming from inner emotion created by life. Thank you for giving such pleasure.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Yes, hello, hello - I quite agree that poetry is most usually from the "heart and soul" of a person. Even when we are just observing something in Nature in a poem, we most often emphasie its appeal rather than its practicality.

An outstanding feature of poetry more than prose, perhaps, is how it expresses & reveals the writer's personal thoughts & feelings, which, in turn, stimulate those of the readers.

Now that I think of it, it one of the best things about HubPages: and that is readers here are also writers sp capable of articulating their comments in response and that is so gratifying for the writer!

Thank you for your comments and most kind compliments!


M Selvey, MSc profile image

M Selvey, MSc 6 years ago from United Kingdom

Nellieanna,

I have to say I was captivated by the title of Rain Dance alone - as it immediately conjured up a memory from a couple of years ago when I was in Colorado. I had gone to Garden of the Gods and in their gift shop, there was the most beautiful kachina I had ever seen - entitled "Rain Dance". I am very impulsive and would have instantly bought it for its effect on me but this kachina cost around $2000.00 - which, for the intricacy of the artwork with the feathers and leather costume and the amazing fluidity of the kachina in motion, was a good price - but too much for my budget. However, I have never forgotten the image. It is haunting, so real and even somewhat frightening for the power that is suggested within it. Your poem reminded me of this.

I love the imagery of your poem, beautifully captured and conveyed! Inside the contrived environment where everything is safe and predictable, it doesn't nourish. We want the beauty but not all the wildness that goes with nature, including the nature within ourselves. What happens if we get what we ask for? Will we be overwhelmed? Consumed? It's a haunting thought!

I love all of your poems here but Rain Dance especially and, oh, these lines from Life is a Blackmailer:

"That, any way we turn, we learn -

In clever guise,

Adapted to our views or our ideals,

He takes his toll

Against our self-delusion

And steals our innocence."

A reminder that there is pain in truth and truth in pain - but therein, lies the freedom, once you get the courage to get back up again.

Poignant and beautiful! Lovely words, Nellianna!

Your fan always,

Margit


gqgirl profile image

gqgirl 6 years ago from Georgia

Very beautiful yet again!


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 6 years ago from Louisiana

you never cease to amaze me. to comment the first one..rain dance...we always have a choice. and to quote one of my fave country songs..if u get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Margit - wonderful imagery in the kachina doll as you describe it, too. No amount of money could have bought the indelible memory it is to you, I'm sure! I'm most pleased to have it here to enhance the poem!

The exact day and moment it came to me was simply that the contrast between merely wishing (as in a sterile atmosphere which the planetarium would be) and "just doing it" was so vivid and fit so well my feelings. My ex was a general science teacher and the unit at the time was on astronomy. There was a lot of excitement about taking them on a field trip to a planetarium. Perhaps in the back of my mind, also, were memories of the incredible night sights at the ranch - with no light pollution - of the "real sky" full of truly 3D stars and galaxies. Our own Milky Way looks like a nearby cloud form that vantage point.

Thoughts and impressions, when not too prescribed, do rush through one's mind so quickly and vividly, don't they - with little regard for time which may have passed or distance run?

I so appreciate your comments - and especially about the price - and the value - of freedom.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

gqgirl! And as always, I enjoy and appreciate your appreciation! Thank you!!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Look who talks, Nikki!! Your poetry is so amazing! Thank you for reading and telling me your response to mine!


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas

Your poetry is beautiful. cheers.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Ladyjane, my friend! Glad you think so!!


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

"I think there is a freedom way. / We must give it to each other." - these are truly powerful words, Nellieanna! We need each other for freedom to be realised in any situation. We have a saying in all the languages of South Africa, I will quote one: "Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu" - a person is a person through other people. Your poems remind me of this constantly. Thank you.

Love and peace

Tony


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

That's surely one of the nicest things ever said about my poetry, Tony. I will treasure it! As well as the words: " "Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu" - a person is a person through other people"! That is a mantra! (though I'm not an expert on mantras - that should be one!)

Thank you most sincerely!


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

That was incredible - the words, the way they were laid out and flowed, the images! I think you ended it on a note that makes one think: For life/Is no opponent/Unto life.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Shalini. Yes - I seem to be able to calm me with that thought and often do. Sometimes there seem to be forces encouraging one to believe otherwise. I guess it's a way to rally supporters for oppositions, which would be more difficult to do if people didn't really believe they were (opponents) at heart, and if "their" hearts hadn't been fed the idea there were.

Needs "time-out" to pause & hopefully, to stop doing all that somewhere, some time.

Anyway - thank you for picking up on it, as well as for your lovely words about the flow. :-)


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Am I the only one who thinks that this is not meant to be taken literally as rain? Am I so wrong?

Whatever the answer, you are such an amazingly gifted person. Wonderful stuff.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

Nell you did it again, you made the words dance. You have that gift and to see that many of these poems were written many moons ago, where have you hidden this treasure? You finally have set it free, and I for one am thankful that you have. To share it with us all her on HP is such a treat to me. I bow before you Ms Poetess...keep them coming please.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

No, it's not intended as literally "dancing" to try to get actual H2O rain, although had it been in Texas, it might be hoped to serve both purposes! ;->

But, no, rest assured, it's a poetic metaphorical intended meaning, of course.

Thank you, dear friend. Glad you approve.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ken - thank you! Most (not all, but most) were written decades ago. And almost none have ever been even typed up, except the few scattered on my website pages, which are a tiny drop in the bucket of my poetry. And a lot of it was deliberately destroyed during one period.

Naturally many were little more than journal or diary jottings, done as they were to protect my privacy, so not all I wrote have great value for anyone else, plus all of them were originally only written to express myself when I honestly and truly had no other safe outlet. It turned out that it was a valuable outlet for me & for them in more ways than was ever anticipated.

They're still stored, handwritten, in many thick notebooks, plus a bunch of "blank books", various tablets and even on odds-&-ends scraps of paper stuck into envelopes and other sundry places.

So it's occurring to me now that I want & need at least to type them all up before the original ink fades & the old notebook paper crumbles, and also I need to get them indexed for easier access. So this wee effort to make a few hubs is a small beginning.

My motives are still very reserved, but in small steps, who knows? What makes it worthwhile to me is when someone I know & whose judgment I respect finds value in any of them. So I want to thank you for that, Ken!


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

Nell there are things in our life that we hide or want to bury because of the circumstances that prevailed at the time. I truly believe that many talented people in our world had similar situations in our lives. We let our creation become blindsided and hide or bury or throw away treasures of the heart.

In my teen years I was especially creative, my mentor George brought it out of me, I painted and sketched with passion, spent many days and evenings in my room exploring colors, chalk, pastels. I also read much more than I do now, he had a library of books, he would call them his best friends and I soon found out why.

George bought me my first paint set and I was so happy to now be able to express myself in art. I also took acting lessons to express myself, but alas, as time went on and I grew and wandered into other interests, I always remember being told that I had an artistic streak in me. My friend/father that I replaced the Dad I never had, expressed often to me that I was talented. I wish now that I had stuck with it, so much of my work is gone now, why do we bury them. So let your art live, show it off to the world, find all your poetry and keep posting it on here. It is a blessing to us all. Thanks Nell.


lalesu profile image

lalesu 6 years ago from south of the Mason-Dixon

"Poetry is a sanctuary...

...It's good for cowards such as I

With heavy loads

Of fertile fantasy

Who would surely run

If questioned"

Oh! Nellieanna, I have sat inside the 'sterile planetarium' and been hesitant to step outside to let the vastness "deprive me of my meagerness"...You are a kindred spirit, dear lady and more beautiful words than yours are rare to find. ~ Laura


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Laura - that gives me a big lump in my throat,knowing you key into it like that. Thank you for telling me so! One hopes the be able to communicate the way it was and felt, and it's so good when it does - and from such a beautiful poet, too! Thank you!


equealla profile image

equealla 6 years ago from Pretoria, South Africa

On my list of new hubs posted by my fans I am following, I left yours to be read last.

My grandmother tought me to take the dessert, after the meal.

My main course was packed with information rich articles, some funny, some serious and others very interesting.

The desert came. I inspected it, delicate stuff. I saw treats only the priviledged may enjoy. I cannot, dare not digest this too quickly.

I'm going to sit down, and slowly eat. Waiting inbetween, to allow the subtle flavour of every word become a sensual stimulus of recognition.

My grandma was right - desert must be taken, when hunger does not chase the appetite.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you for that perceptive response, Ken. It means a lot to me.

I need to mention that my reticence isn't or hasn't been from any sort of wish to bury the past in my case though. I think my responses to the circumstances at the time were WAY on a higher plane than the obstacles around me, so there is no sense of shame.

I just made a very poor choice and then stayed in an impossible situation for unrealistic reasons for much too long, but in those circumstances, I'm not sure I could do it differently except to not be in it in the first place or to bail out immediately!!

But it didn't quell my creativity. If anything, it was creativity which saved my sanity at the time and is such a part of me that I've never stopped being creative in many various ways and writing has always been among them. But I didn't NEED it as greatly as I did then. I got to begin to live life more which I only wrote about then.

In fact, I almost have to try to not always insert creativity into everything I do. LOL. Never seems enough to just do something "plain vanilla". I'm obsessive.

But I have a "fine-tuned" thing about artistic stuff I do. I've no problem selling my intellectual or tecnical knowledge or services, but I have a kind of block about selling more personal things I do which feels sort of like "selling my soul".

I know it's silly. But it's quite real & has been with me all my life. Haha. MIght even be a little fear of not getting the price my soul is worth with a real price tag on it! - lol. '-) Oh Oh - my dark secret is out!!

But I love to share it with people I'd enjoy sharing it with in my living room; - but "over the counter" bothers me somehow.

Anyway - I'm a bit stubborn but I am also progressive, so who knows? With all the kind support ya'll are giving me?

At least I'll be like my muse, Emily Dickinson, and someone else can deal with the publication hassle posthumously! LOL. But I'll try to have it better organized for 'em, at least. hehe :-)

NOW, KEN! LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR BURIED CREATIVITY!! hehehehe!


SilverGenes 6 years ago

Firstly, I can't believe I missed this hub but somehow I did. Like Lalesu, these words in particular found me where I sleep.

Sensing they would nourish me,

And give me life to cherish.

Yet also they could devastate

Deprive me of my meagerness

Were they to open.

Your secret appears to be one that quietly rests within the heart of many of us. Perhaps we should build an aspiring writers' treehouse, cloistered just enough but still open to that glorious sky :)

You, my very gracious and gifted friend, are finally bringing your joyful, fearful, terrible and wonderful moments to the world and there is not one among us who is untouched.


blackreign2012 profile image

blackreign2012 6 years ago

Poetry is sanctuary... yes it surely is.. Poetry has healed me in ways beyond imagination.. Writing like yours proves it over and over ~hugs~ Brava excellent hub!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

equealla - I should be blushing fiercely at such praise, except that your words are so beautiful they prove what a great writer YOU are! You have the most delicate way of putting things, - even when the subject is mere gardening, as in one of your hubs! I must read them all!

I'm especially grateful for your sharing your good feelings about my stuff and your exuisite way of expressing them. I feel so honored to have my efforts left for dessert!! In my family we always had dessert for the last course, too. In fact, as a child, if I'd been naughty, "no dessert" was my punishment. That was indeed punishment, especially when it was something really yummy! And, yes, of course - it should be savoured! Thank you again, equealla!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Blackreign, - yes - it surely is a sanctuary. We both understand that healing quality it can provide. Both healing and building, and empowering! You are such a kindred spirit! Thank you for visiting and for sharing your deep-felt comments!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Alexandra - - what a dear message. Of course they're not exclusive experiences. They're human ones, resting within many of us, for sure! - Oh, with differences in details, but experience of feelings, and processes of working through, often so similar. I love your idea of a cloistered treehouse tentative writers' workshop, which gives a place to be, to write and to welcome & bask under the potent sky! So in a way we already have one! ;-) Thank you, dear friend.


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

Beautiful and beautiful....awesome! You had done it well. I really liked your poem. I rate this Up. Thank you very much. Peace :)


rasenstars1 profile image

rasenstars1 6 years ago

I throughly enjoyed this hub. The entire page made me think of the heaviness before the rain, and the relief of the rain itself.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

so pure so lovely so fulfilling - at hubpages you are our poetic pied piper and shine a light on the rest of us who are so happy to follow!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

prasetio - again I'm in your debt for the lovely praise of my poetry! Thank YOU! And thanks also for becoming my follower! When I discovered it, I had just become your follower too!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

rasenstars - thank you for the insight into the writings. I visited your hub site just now and read your hub comparing Borders and Barnes and Noble. Well organized and informative! Thank you!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

My goodness, epigramman - that's lovely praise but with all the wonderful writers among us, I'm just lucky to tag along most of the time! You're much too kind. And loveable for it too!! Many thanks!


KFlippin profile image

KFlippin 6 years ago from Amazon

I really love this group of poems probably best of all of yours I've read so far, you really capture with such simplicity the slices of life you write about.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

KF - thank you! I'm glad to meet you!


Cris A profile image

Cris A 6 years ago from Manila, Philippines

Ahh rain is life and life undulates and flows like this. I like the many suprises here, including the structure and the images. Thanks for sharing :D


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Cris - thank you for the most true and interesting comments! And especially for stopping by my place!


billyaustindillon profile image

billyaustindillon 6 years ago

Life is a blackmailer - who perfect a description Nellieanna and I might add a somewhat very unforgiving blackmailer at times! More great poetry thanks for allowing us to enter your mind so to speak. :)


kaltopsyd profile image

kaltopsyd 6 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

What can I say? Wonderful as always. I admire your poetry.


jjexon profile image

jjexon 6 years ago

Fantastic


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ah, billy. Yes - but the trick may be to be not so easy to blackmail. LOL. As you say, when he gets "goods" on you, he's tenacious! ;-)

Glad you enjoyed the poetry. Thank you!!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Kaltopsyd, thank you! I'm so pleased that you came by and enjoyed the poetry!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

jjexon - it was nice of you to come by and comment. Thank you!


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

I can relate to this one Mam, I love this one, rain dance, I remember my childhood and more, Always thought provoking hubs you've got, what a collection of poems of great thoughts, Maita


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Maita. Yes, I do have quite a written collection of deep thoughts and feelings, many jotted down during a lengthy period of my life when it was most desperately needed! I haven't shared them much, if any, before but have felt they might ring some familiar chimes in others. We've all had our challenges and shared many similar ones, perhaps - and it's good to know we're not alone in them.


Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 6 years ago from Texas

Beautiful written as always. Living in Texas, my sister and I do rain dances all the time, now. Especially during the San Antonio's dry season. We came up with the idea last year when it was so dry. Shortly after the first dance celebration, we giggled with glee and in awe because the first big rain for them was a flood.

My sister said, "oops, I forgot to ask for a slow rain." Many may think it is stupid, however there is a song and dance of praise in all of us; if only we choose to believe. :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Yes, it's true. As is the old adage "be careful what you ask for. . . " ;-) Thank you for your thoughtful comments, MG!


MadHatterVonFrost profile image

MadHatterVonFrost 6 years ago from Dunn, North Carolina

I enjoyed your work. I'm new to this website, just joined, so you were my first visit to someone elses page. I'm happy it happed so. Thank you.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

MadHatter, I'm honored to be your first Hubber to visit and happy that you enjoyed my work! Thank you.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Your poetry is so beautiful. You really are talented and I enjoyed the poetry very much.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Pamela, thank you so much! I appreciate those kind words!


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

Ohh I want to cry...


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, sweetie. At the time they were being written, there were some tears here and there.


McHamlet profile image

McHamlet 6 years ago

Poets write to capture "The twist of the heart, The surge of the mind,The ache of unfilled needs.". How beautiful and true. I loved these poems, there's so much in them I can relate to. Like poetry being good for cowards who would crumble when questioned, I know what you mean (I think). In poetry we can be the deepest part of ourselves without recourse to others. There are no rules just emotions and words to express them, but in everyday life we face the looks, the questions, the expectations of others, so many different others. How can we please them all? We can't of course, better to run sometimes to that hallowed place within ourselves where we are truly free; cowardly, and maybe brave at the same time to run, but to have faith that there's something worth running to. Wonderfully inspiring Nellieanna, thanks.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank YOU, McH! Those words did capture those feelings. . And they have multiple applications - all those you just described so well plus specific ones meant at the time. One of poetry's values is that simple feelings expressed by it are often applicable to more than one person, time and place. And even as one's writing them, it feels more applicable than to just that time and place. Thank you for your comments!

I was writing comments on your recent story when my AT&T Uverse went out and with it, land phone, TV & internet. My comments didn't make it. I'll be back!


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

"With all the kind support ya'll are giving me" I am one of your many cheer leaders... I am a big fan of yours. Your self-reflection and communication skills are outstanding. Thanks!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Dallas! I'm very happy to have you as a fan! :-)


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Oh you're good! You and there are so many on the "hubs" that are just so- "smooth" is the word that returns! I was snagged by the line: "Is truth a hollow promise?" Indeed!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you. You're right - there are some OUTSTANDING poets on hubs. I feel meager compared to many of them.

Yes - that is a catching phrase - truth sometimes seems like a hollow promise, but I think we can't let that mentality take over or we're doomed. We do have to work on improving it, though. I was really shocked by the truth of your report on the abuse shown to cyclists by motorists and other folks. I guess having better facilities for the cyclists would help but on cross-country treks, they have to use the same facilities as any other travelers and should be entitled to. Of course all users of the faciities must be considerate of each other and do what is right, including pedestrians.

But there is no excuse for abuse, ever. Some motorists give abusive treatment to other motorists, too, but at least they have the same kinds of "weaponry" - their heavy, covered, motorized vehicles. Actually it's too bad everyone can't get around on bicycles. (I'd have to go back to walking though - I can't ride one.)

Anyway - it's a terrible blight on our society when bullies behave like that.


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 6 years ago from Philippines

Rain dance articulates what I feel. To be given a chance and to take that chance to quench our thirst for creative writing.And you are a fountainhead for aspiring writers. I find inspiration as well as good ideas that help me as prompters when I have writer's block.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

SilentReed - that's wonderful! We all sometimes need a push to get started. Usually I have more ideas than time to put them into use, but then sometimes, even with an idea - the "fine-tuning" of it is a sticky-wicket and I'm very very conscious of the fine tuning. Just "any-old-way" won't do. Sometimes, though, I have to force myself to say it's OK and go on and publish it. I could wrangle endlessly sometimes and begin to go backwards! LOL.

Thanks for stopping and sharing your feelings.


Rafini profile image

Rafini 6 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

I really like the images you share.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Rafini - I'm most pleased that you do! I consider you a deep thinker.

thanks.


Jayw 6 years ago

Your poetry is beautiful and inspires deep thought.I really loved all of them.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Jayw - how wonderful to hear that response to my poetry. Thank you so much!


mommybugz 3 years ago

Wow the poem that starts "Life is a blackmailer" spoke to me on soooooo many levels! All of these are amazing poetry and should be published. I think you are a treasure that the world needs to know. I never cease to be touched and see new revelations in your poetry. Thank you for sharing yourself so openly and raw.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hello, mommybugz, my precious d-i-l! Thank you. I thought you might relate to some of these poems. Each one is like a time capsule congaing vital information of my life and circumstances.

They're incredibly vivid and place me inside the moments themselves. Perhaps keeping them private for about 40 years, till I timidly began sharing them on here, Hubpages, is what kept them so vivid in my notebooks and in my remembrance. Here, I discovered their power to encourage others when I began to expose them publicly here.

For you, their purpose seems almost destined to fulfill their reason for being written back then, because you so deeply understand them. It's miraculous!

I've been looking through notebooks from that time and see SO many more I haven't yet shared, each dated day-to-day of the actual life in progress, which could speak volumes to you. I need to show you someday.

Perhaps there's a place for my poetry on a bigger scope, but the fact is that I'm just getting used to this small scope - which is SO much vaster than totally private, as it was before I started sharing on Hubpages, going on 4 years ago.

It's amazing to stand aside and view one's life events as objectively as possible for a subjective creature like a human, but it begins to show its 'master plan' when one does! At the time, usually all one can see is the very short-sight of the immediate and its background, and try to anticipate its next steps and outcome. No way do those views really 'tell the story' being written by one's life! It's wiser to focus on the day in progress and invest in its best unfolding! One finally starts to 'get it'. But having many existing notebooks of 'footprints' I actually left undeniably really is amazing! I'm glad I have that, & that I can share it with others whose days in progress relate and enable them to see it can be lived & survived successfully, especially those I so much love.

You are loved!


mommybugz 3 years ago

I deeply feel and grow in awe each time I read through this particular poetry on this hubpage. I read them as though they were written especially for me. I never knew what I was missing until now. It saddens me but I must look forward and be thankful for the time at hand.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear mommybugz - Thank you, dear person who is so beloved!!

I know exactly what you mean!! Of course, you would easily identify with these poems, along with others I've no doubt would similarly 'touch home' with you.

I can understand that so well, because when I wrote them, as I've tried to explain many times to others, but no one but you would 'get it' so accurately . . . . - I had to keep going back to read my own poetry to know, at times, that "I" still existed "in here". So if it became uncertain, due to such pressure from without, I could read them and realize, "Yes, I'm here. I'm OK. I'm undestroyed," and be encouraged and feel whole, still.

One would have to have experienced a similar possibility of being swallowed up by circumstances bigger than one's meager ability to hold one's ground and place, to fully realize how the poetry helped me hold on.

I see others finding usefulness in pouring out to their poetry their feelings, even their hurts and complaints, so that hey, indeed, have the outlet to serve as a personal sounding board or to be like a trusted friend.

But mine was only slightly similar and it served other purposes. It was my IDENTITY. Serving that function, it needn't and couldn't reflect hurt and complaints about what was going on around me. Those were exactly what was already so overwhelming! I didn't need to emphasize or enhance any of that! What I needed was to touch my most intimate soul deeply, at ts core, where "I" existed, so as to not lose touch with "me". Yet, I wasnt' even 'trying' to do that! It was how it unfolded and kept me glued together!

I suppose that may be what sets my poetry a bit apart. I dunno. At the time, I had NO interest in nor care for what anyone else might ever think about them! In fact, I needed for them to 'go over someone's head' if they should be read!! Otherwise, their purpose would be exposed and destroyed, too! And they were read sometimes by that person, and really did go over his head, which shielded that essence of myself I so needed to protect and not to lose! Even so, just in case, I suppose, at times he decided they should be destroyed - and followed through on that! In a way, it hardly mattered, since I was so prolifically always writing more! haha. But I did take measures to protect them, even so, or many you have read would be lost forever.

Of course, trying to explain any of that to others is generally just so many words on the overcrowded information 'cloud', which I mainly offer, if I do, to tell why I'm not gung-ho to be published even now! Sharing these bits of myself with those who do read them here and a little beyond is so much more than I ever even considered or intended, and about all I can assimilate!

When writing most of them (other than the more recent ones, being anything after 1980) I did not EVER consider whether they were worthy to be called poetry or to qualify me as "a poet", to be honest, or whether they'd ever be seen. I sort of considered myself a poet, but not with much conviction.

My more recent ones were just written. There was still no thought one way or the other whether they'd ever be seen by anyone. But those relating to the most trying days of my life were intended to be locked away in privacy - till I broke through here on Hubpages and began to be accustomed to sharing them.

Oh, I thought maybe - just MAYBE - they might be found after I died and published posthumously. That was before I'd ventured (only about 4 years ago) to share them here! So I'm talking about 70 or so years of private writing for my own reasons! It's already a big jump for me to 'publish' on Hubpages! haha! ;-)


mommybugz 3 years ago

I understand that they were never intended for publication, but something so poetic from deep within the soul is not only poetry but also art(which in itself is an expression of the artist's inner most self). The world would benefit from your works, but, of course at what cost. I do find myself in your works and in some ways otbis very comforting to me. I would love to see you published not only in the hopes of reaching others, but that you would somehow benefit by seeing your work in the published arena. I think you have done a marvelous job with the hupages and have reached so many more people than if they were tucked away in a dresser drawer or cedar chest. I know you would not have reached me nor I you, without this long distance form of communication. Bless you for sharing so openly. Love.


mommybugz 3 years ago

It is very comforting to me. Darn spellcheck!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ah, you express what poetry is and does so very accurately - and beautifully, - mommybugz! It's so very gratifying that you feel the intended essences of mine, - but not too surprising, considering the similarity of circumstances!

Well, if it were possible to leap from the peacefulness of making my hubs - (each one really is a sort of mini-poetry collection with its own artwork) - to a finished chore of publishing, I'd enjoy that outcome. ;-)

One thing I do not wish for is any e-publishing or paperback publishing of my stuff. So, you see that my vision for a book or books of my verses (or a series which it would take to even scratch the surface of the sheer quantity of it) would surely be a major effort, leaving little time or energy for what I most love doing with my moments.

Since I've made handwritten books of it to give to close friends, using beautiful, high quality hard-cover blank books in which I've inscribed the collections I selected individually for those friends, with my best handwriting inside on the nice paper pages matching the overall quality, I'd not like to think my poems were printed with any less quality. I suppose that is having too much pride, but it's a bit like wanting one's children to turn out well and not preferring to settle for less! :-)

I do admit, though, that the thought of grandchildren now who do care about it gives me more inspiration to publish some of it. If it's a legacy, it has special meaning for me.

I won't bore you with the details of doing just what I now do, keeping it organized and accessible and all. But it's all 'for fun' and enjoyable. If the grind of publishing were that satisfying, it would be more tempting! haha.

When you say it's comforting to YOU to have it available to read, my dear, I feel that my purpose has been more than served!! Hugs.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas

I think - no, I know - I've read a couple of these before. Either you shared them with me directly or I read them on another hub. But one I had not yet read was Lifelogic. Right here and right now, it reminds me of something I said to you the other day about sometimes seeming inconsistent to others. I think that so much of the time, though, people see a person maybe just momentarily out of balance with his or her own self and assume it is an inconsistency when in fact the core values and personality are consistent. Character is consistent. There have been times where someone has said to me something like "I don't know you" because I reacted in a way that was unexpected, even if it could be totally explained from my perspective, and I think, "I guess you really don't, do you?" I mean, if I suddenly seem so unworthy for being human and having emotions that sometimes are not ideal, but real, then my motives and character were not really assessed and taken to heart in the first place. At any rate, I suppose it is well enough just to know that I am consistent with myself even if others do not think so at times!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Yes, Shan, I believe I’ve shared some of these poems with you. In any event, now they’ve been shared here! :-)

It’s not surprising or odd that persons seem inconsistent to other persons. Probablty when one seems consistent to someone else it's because that person has manufactured such a strong impression for himself (to suit himself) that even the most real facts cannot dislodge it!

In any case, all that others do think about oneself (or anyone else - if and when they can tear themselves away from focusing on their own selves) is primarily from their own subjective world of impressions, conclusions, surmises, experiences, preferences, wishes, ‘bad hair days’ or any other effect on how they perceive things, especially other people.

Wasting much time trying to straighten out anyone’s mistaken impressions or judgments of oneself (or most anything) is truly a ‘moon walk’ in space. As we were discussing, wanting to be clearly & correctly understood is a marvelous exercise for oneself in trying to speak or write clearly and concisely, but expecting it to be clearly and concisely interpreted by even one other person is almost wishful thinking and it’s unlikely ever to be widely understood correctly. But if it gets some things across, or stimulates someone’s deeper thought, or even a better understanding of him/herself, it’s not wasted. But its greatest value is for one’s own edification and clarification.

I'm somewhat appalled at the many different interpretations of well-known writers' work by countless 'experts' trying to dissect and understand them. How the authors must be laughing from the other side at these childish exercises in mind-reading. It's interesting to do, no doubt, but to really know what the author's thoughts and motives were, is truly far-fetched dreaming, especially poets'. Even if the authors were trying to clarify as much as possible, the misinterpretations and subjective substitutions prevail.

But if one's communications create a general impression in anyone else which is somewhat in line with who and what one really is, that is a big value. Understanding can be aided. The desire to understand is a marvelous thing, too.

But the thing is, none of us is ever exactly the same at any one moment, so how could anyone else be expected to accurately or even slightly ‘keep up’ with our moments? Sometimes it’s all one can do to keep up with them oneself. If and when one can do that fairly well & accurately, one has gained much. If others are fairly acceptant of one, from their own perspecitives, that’s a bonus. But their own perspectives are all they have from which to view anyone or anything, and their moments shift too.

So, yes, your conclusion is right-on. It is well enough just to know you’re consistent with yourself, regardless of others’ passing impressions. Actually, relying on one’s own self-awareness and nurturing may do more to create a more accessible impression for others of who one is than trying to fix their incorrect impressions. Just messing with their conclusions (of which they may be quite fond) sets off what may be quite negative and inaccurate impressions of one’s motives and values. So . . .

Thanks for the thoughty comments! Hugs.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas

Oh, I was never very fond of being asked to do that in school. Looking for symbolism in literary works always seemed pointless to me. Unless the author explicitly states there was intended symbolism, how can we assume it is so with any real certainty that was the intent. Even when there is symbolism present, it takes away from the impact of a story to me to tear it apart that way.

As for poetry, the beauty in that is that a reader can find his or her own significance in the words without even necessarily having to know the author's intended meanings. I know there are a few very personal pieces of poetry I've posted here on HP that are so vague no one would know what I was actually referring to, except maybe a few that really know me well and even then, I doubt they could be interpreted with any specifics by most of those that do know me well. One would have to know details not often shared with others to fully interpret my meaning. And then there are others that could be interpreted as personal that are pure imagination.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ah, yes. Other than epic poetry, and even there at times, readers are most likely touched by that to which they personally relate on a ‘feeling’ level. The poet’s own clarity about those of her own moments embodied therein may aid in that, but it’s seldom the poet’s experiences which interest the reader as much as his/her own, if any. Occasionally poems are shared with someone to help in understanding how it was at some time in the past, which they may do, but even then, they’ll be put through the reader’s subjective filters & interpreted to fit the reader’s experiences & knowledge.

Of course, you're right. There’s little difference in the readers’ personal interpretations and uses of poetry, whether drawn from the poet’s real life experience or fertile imagination. ;-)


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 2 years ago

How beautiful Nellianna, poems like your is why I love poetry. It feed my soul, and my soul thirsts for more.

Voted up, ABI, shared and pinned to Awesome HubPages board.


sujaya venkatesh profile image

sujaya venkatesh 2 years ago

nel its like dancing in the rain


Harishprasad profile image

Harishprasad 2 years ago from India

Nellieanna, reading your poems is such a pleasure. You know how to create storms into the slow winds and how to accelerate blood into the veins. You call life a blackmailer and also advise us to surrender ourselves to her. We work in order to sustain ourselves and keep intact the flow of blood into our heart but we read poetry to mix romance, thrill, curiosity, wonder, love, pleasure, bliss.... into our blood. An archer kills with his arrows and a poet with his poems but the difference is that the victims of poetry surface again and again, drunk and intoxicated with the elixir of poems. A poet creates wonderful worlds and universes to save us from the torments and onslaughts of reality. You are such a wonderful poet. Loved your poems and enjoyed them with all my heart. All peace.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Shyron, thank you! I’m delighted that you visited, enjoyed and commented! Your response is the kind which keeps me thirsting for more, as well! Thank you for the votes, too!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Sujava, as I often do, when a newcomer to my hubs appears as a commenter, I visited your hub site and became enchanted! Thank you for coming by. I love that comment!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Harish, I’ve visited your hub site and so I understand how you can write a comment that is like poetry-set-to-music here on my hub’s comment thread! We’ve so much philosophy in common, that I feel you are a kindred spirit, and it's demonstrated in your own hubs, even their titles and descriptions proclaim it.

Thank you for your words, for following me and leaving fan mail, too. I’d followed and fanned you before I knew you had already followed and fanned me. What a delight to have that shared a sense of friendship.

By the way, this poetry hub is only #6 of those I’ve posted here to date. There are a total of 240 hubs in my collection, with 175 of them featuring my poetry. I’ve written it for a lengthy lifetime, but only began to share it when I came to HP 4 years ago in March. Poetry has been my friend, my confidante, my counsel, and my self-expression over the many years. Have always written it by hand so am now transcribing it to mt computer, with 1600 transcribed so far, and many more to go, plus new ones unfolding all the time. I am so honored that they speak to others! These on this page go back some 42 years to a time in my life when I was working through difficult circumstances, and I think my quest shows in them. Many folks have those times in progress, so it does tend to speak to them. We have to work through to get through and achieve the quietude we need

Thank you so much, fellow poet!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working