Stop the Ride - A Stream of Consciousness

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Ever wish you could just ask the carny to let you off.


The same ride that thrilled my sister, that same spinney whirligig that lit her face made me pale and clammy. I would pant and pray for an end to it, afraid I would lose the carnival food I just inhaled. But I had to tough it out, she had a crush on the carny. I couldn’t embarrass her. I had pride, admitting defeat has never come easy to me. I come from tough stock, I’d tell myself.


Sometimes though, life is like trying to knock over lead milk bottles with ping pong balls. All to win an ugly pink, once plush, now dusty panther. The questions that any good reporter would ask, repeatedly pop into mind: where am I headed, what is the point, why do I even try, who even cares if I live or die. Who indeed. That’s the one that stops me. When you choose to prematurely exit, the children you leave behind spend the rest of their lives trying to convince themselves that they weren’t the reason.


My Mother finally succeeded at her self appointed departure by blowing her head apart with my Grandmother’s pistol. Turned out to be much more effective than bottles of pills. Something about the pills is romantic perhaps. You have time to fan your hair out across your pillow. Strike a cinematic pose. Time for them to rescue you, time to appreciate and validate you. Time for a stomach pump and therapy. When you use a gun you aren’t looking for a second chance, a conversation, an apology. You are looking for it to just to be over.


There was a new kid at my brother’s house the last couple of family gatherings. He was doing his laundry. Seems my sister-in-law has sorta taken him in. His home life isn’t great. Perhaps a mile short of great. So I give him cake as if he’s my new nephew. We are a mishmash of step and re-marrieds anyway. What’s another 18 year-old who knows how to do his own laundry. Its hard being 18 sometimes. He’s polite and has a great smile, one worthy of an extra big piece of cake.


He blew out his brains today. His parents and siblings regardless of their problems, I know this much, are sitting around as is my nephew and his Mom, wondering what they could have done. What they could have said. Telling themselves that it can’t be, it just can’t be their fault. It can’t, cause no one can live with that. The depth of pain caused by the ones who jump off the merry-go-round is more than they ever dreamed. The wave of pain is wider than they ever could dream. It is sadly, a very selfish demise.


That is why, when life drains the blood from my face, and that sickening urge to end the ride comes over me, I put my face in the wind an swallow hard. Because I know. I know the true tragedy is left to the living. I could never do THAT to another human being.

Comments 47 comments

ralwus 5 years ago

rated awesome, only because there is no sad button. No, it is an awesome write. I could never do that even though I have seriously thought about it at times, but then I see sneering death in the corner and he pisses me off, so, here I remain. Keep writing now. Charlie and you need a (hug) I think.


Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

I am sorry you had to go through that with your mother...well written although very sad about your mom and the kid...voted up


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Thanks Charlie, hugs all around. Like you writing is my pain-reliever.

Congerson my Mom died when I was a really little, so long since processed. But the lesson is there. Thanks for the read.


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

My life slows as I read your beautiful writing Randy.

I grip the side of my carousel and listen quite carefully as every word, every minutia plays like a slow dance.

I have to remind myself to breathe. I have to tell myself, tell you, we are stronger for what life has tricked of us, yet, we often feel alone in a crowd with what lives in our hearts. But that is the point, dear friend, where we find our strength, in our hearts...

Voted up and awesome!!


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

BB if I can make you live in the moment for a moment, I am very pleased with myself. I don't think of it as a trick though... more an education. Don't know about you, but I am still astride this life and its gonna take a hell of a lot more to unsaddle me.


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Hi Randy, sorry about your sad loss and also becoming involved in the final jigsaw piece of a tortured life. We all have challenges, and i'm sure you have had many horrendous ones, but have we really been to the point where a gun is the only answer? Perhaps in your case you may have, and facing up to the realities is akin to that first plunge down the big dipper. Your strength of character, is mirrored in your writing. Cheers from Keith.


Scarlett My Dear profile image

Scarlett My Dear 5 years ago from Missouri

So glad I stopped in to read this, Randy. You've got the touch for no-nonsense. I love your honesty and your unique vision of life, in general.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

No matter how hard life gets I still believe that suicide is a selfish and cowardly road. Thank Keith for your great comment.

Hi Scarlett thanks for coming by for a read. I'm glad this pleased you..


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota

Oh Randy, this is so sad to read. I too believe that it is very selfish to the living to kill oneself. I can't imagine the amount of pain goes into making a decision like ending your life. I have had a lot of pain in my life too and it just makes you stronger if you take it as an opportunity to learn from it. God Bless and great job on writing on this topic. Hopefully it can be a message to those contemplating suicide that it hurts our loved ones that are living.


Jewels profile image

Jewels 5 years ago from Australia

Wow Randy, that was very touching and beautifully said. A smile that was worth another piece of cake. I could see how he enjoyed receiving your cake. And how hurtful that you have had to experience tragic deaths in your life. You are a strong woman who has not been over strained by bitterness. That's proven in your writing.

Heartness to you.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

MT thank you so much for commenting. My heart always goes out to the ones left behind, because that is who I relate to. For somebody contemplating suicide I wish they would just believe that time and perspective changes everything. If they would just hang on and ask for help... not for their sake but for everyone else's.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

He was a really sweet boy Jewels; its so frustrating. I wish I could just scoop them all up and take them home, you know? I honestly believe life is supposed to be about joy with moments of learning mixed in. If everyone believed as I do, they would know the joy was already on its way down the stream. Just gotta let the shit go by.

Love and light to you Jewels.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

so sad. suicide to me is definitely the cowards way out. to give up like that on life is just sad. and yes it leaves the people left to mourn and blame themselves. its only that person to blame. if u dont like life the way it is do something to change it, better yourself. tell the people around u how u feel, dont leave it all in. no one can understand or help u unless u tell them whats wrong. and they have to truly listen. suicide is definitely not something to joke about. when life gets too hard, its how we make it out that makes us who we are and to just give up is not someone i want to be. tough it out, we are all meant for something greater, its up to us to get there.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Well said Nikki, "its how we make it out that makes us." I wrote a poem called the climb with that very image in my head! And we shouldn't be above asking for a leg up or hand at the top of ledge. Thanks for all your great comments.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

of course. the top does not have to be lonely.


randslam profile image

randslam 5 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

Wow! Welcome to the real world. Thanks, Randy. I've seen the edge reached by so many friends and you're descriptions when writing about that edge is always beautifully stated--indeed, even if it is sad.

Suicide is a selfish act, but so are addictions, over zealous religious or political beliefs, over eating, over playing, and the list goes on.

For me, when I reached an edge, many moons, winters, decades ago--I was forced to realize that education is the only answer. It's the reason our writing and reading is crucial.

I've recently lost another good friend, 28 years old and it may have been suicide--may have been homicide. But we will likely never know.

I do know that if he'd spent more time learning about the world around him, instead of trying to focus on becoming a bigger body, a bigger gangsta--a badder ass--he'd still be around.

It is about forging through the obstacles that bring a mind to an abyss--staring into it--and then turning around and learning where the light of knowledge may be hiding latterns that need to be lit.

As a species, we're not there yet--but how many young ones need to take their own lives before we see some sort of evolution towards more intelligent self appreciation? Gotta love who you are first.

Cheers, glad to have ya for an eFriend. So sad about your loss.


Tony DeLorger profile image

Tony DeLorger 5 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

Such tragedy, yet in the face of it you prevail. I have many times considered suicide, but as you, could never do that to my children. If for no other reason I would live for them. But in the light of day, life has such profound meaning and even surrounded with tragedy we must search out that meaning. You are a strong soul RB, and an open one. I appreciate connecting with you. a deeply moving hub. Thanks for sharing. Tony


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Randslam thank you for such a thought filled comment. I wonder if maybe life has gotten too easy for us. You know Maslow's hierarchy of needs and all that. Maybe we just have to much time in our heads cause we aren't out hunting our food or repairing the roof before the storm. Its the age of the mind and spirit and maybe that is just too much thinking for some. Cheers to you eFriend :)


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Hi Tony! I'm glad my hub struck a chord. I really wrote it more to myself and maybe to my mother.... It just kinda spilled out without much editing, duh its a stream. I'm always amazed how my life relates to so many others, child abuse, suicide, divorce, cancer quite boring really next to a girl with a machete scar on her face or some other serious shit though. Guess its all relative. Thanks for commenting Tony. Love and light.


randslam profile image

randslam 5 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

I don't know that it's easier now. I think there's so much out there that isn't understood intellectually because kids are being forced into either "good or bad" compartments.

No one is all good...or all bad...and the polar extremes are leaving kids going, "What?" It's de-information overload.

Now, yes, I'm older and what didn't kill me made me stronger--but bad information is worse than no information. And yes, it doesn't hurt to go out and have to fight for your right to eat.

I do ramble, but my living standards have actually diminished, as to what do I need to feel fulfilled, as I've come to realize that owning the wife, kids, trucks--bla, bla, bla--isn't for everyone.

Sometimes, it's owning an understanding of self.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

I've actual become kinda manic about doing with less. Boyfriend took his big ass tv when he moved and I was thrilled until my 5-year-old pointed out I needed it for my workout videos. Damn.

Sometimes? I'd say paramount. Unfortunately I'm a mystery to me.


randslam profile image

randslam 5 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

That's funny. Some times it takes a five-year-old to point out the obvious. They're not distracted.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 5 years ago from United States

Sometimes in the energy radiating from a high voltage rail, the bit of vertigo at the edge of the four story roof, or in the sharp smell of oil as the heel of the hand is nibbled by a finely machined steel grip, the mechanism is revealed in this moment's experience like the girders of a building as it is knocked down, viewed from the inside. The urge is to break the vessel and free the contents, regardless of the fact that this vessel is where the contents want to be. This is why we train the animal to obedience so that it does not go running out in front of a car: the slushy grey animal that lives in our head, making up this story.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

But see Tom we were meant to forget the separation but the incompleteness is still there. You either have to believe the lie enough to WANT to stay or see it for the ruse it is and CHOOSE to stay. But what of all the ones stuck somewhere in between knowing, somehow knowing its just not right.


randslam profile image

randslam 5 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

The animal should run, for obedience is not truth. We will always feel incomplete, because there is always more. The strange part is when the animal turns on itself...releases the contents...and is no more.

It is elsewhere...or maybe, just maybe, no more.

That is reason enough to tame the animal, deal with the electricity, and spit back with higher voltage.


crystolite profile image

crystolite 5 years ago from Houston TX

Good hub that really touched me,so sorry for your experience and thanks for sharing this work.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 5 years ago from United States

I needed to learn the difference between what one knows and what one feels. The temptation to feel that things will always be this way, that I have no control, that I have no choices, these have been what I think I know. To adopt the attitude that we are here to learn and that we chose to be here, to be open and receptive to whatever comes and look for the learning in everything, to detach myself from outcomes and expectations and to believe truly that the universe is unfolding exactly as it should, these have kept me wanting to stay.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Hi crystolite, thanks for the visit. I'm glad it touched you.

@ Tom and Randslam, I'm enjoying the discussion this hub stirred. So fun to talk about things we feel/know so deeply and cannot prove :)


randslam profile image

randslam 5 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

It's why I read Nietzsche, his life really sucked...lol. And then his sister screwed him--after he died.

Oh, and playing hockey, that can help. Something about a stick, sharp, slicing edges on your feet and placing a hard, black disk just where you want it to be--up the goaltender's ass.

See, Canadians have it lucky--we live up north with God...lol.


PenMePretty 5 years ago from Franklin

You certainly have a way with words. I admire you.

Thanks for sharing this heart wrenching story.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Randslam- Funny I thought I lived in god's country.

Hi PMP, sweet of you to say. Thanks for coming in for a read.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Randy, I was having a read and thinking, "This is good writing," and then I read a bit more, and it suddenly struck me that it was tragic on a massive scale. And for the rest of it I was thinking, "Hell! I hope this is just good writing ," but it wasn't.

It was true.

Randy, you have a gift, and a philosophy that makes you stand out. I feel honoured to follow you.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

I was confused at first by your comment, then realized you read the wrong stream. Yes this one was true. I meant for you to read this: http://hubpages.com/literature/A-Stream-of-Me I promise its not so... true. Thank you for the compliments.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

This is the one. It is heartbreaking.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

But lacks Samsonite.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

This is totally touching, RB. I love you for your courage and spunk. One thing I overheard my Dad telling my Mother when I was 3 or 4: "She's a very determined little girl." At the time I didn't know whether it was a good thing or a bad. But throughout my life, those words have come to mind when I didn't know if I was up to a challenge, and when I think "I am a very determined little girl!" - it gives me courage to BE up to it.

The one time I considered ending my challenges, though, something else occurred to me. I thought, "if I'm that low, low enough to just stop, then anything else I can do is an improvement over that alternative and so I can claim a built-in forgiveness if I'm not perfect enough or don't measure up enough or am not competitive enough or. . . or - ANYTHING!"

I'd been trying to measure up most of my life, being overshadowed by 3 much older siblings who were always "right" and in the driver's seats - never really knowing me but assuming I needed to be "fixed" and imposing their fixing on me, when not just ignoring me (which allowed me to pursue myself at least); plus lovely parents who really WERE right, if nicer about flaunting it. Then - after certain influencing occurrences, I married someone like them who not only didn't know me, and wanted to fix me, who also really wanted to destroy the actual person I was/am. I was really low at that point, RB. But - having a really good mind, at least, I talked to me about the idea and told self, "Self" If I continue after this, I can and will do things that will be better than this ending would be!" Though the thought of escaping was real and strong, my reasoning worked and was the beginning of actual personal freeing of my self from the prisons I'd accepted for it. And that was another aspect of freedom, I realized - owning up to my own predicament. I had ALLOWED the domination, the fixings, and made the acute decision to marry someone who I knew in my heart was just another manipulator I'd bought into. I knew "why" I did, but that didn't excuse my responsibility for my own choices. No one sold me into it. Oh - I'd been born into the family - but over the years, I'd allowed those 3 siblings to take charge of me. I had not resisted effectively and I was where I was totally by my own doing. Taking hold of my life, rather than a death, was the real first step of the rest of my life. It wasn't immediate outwardly - one's choices give results for which one is also responsible - so those were still part of the decision to LIVE. But I was transformed within.

It's difficult to describe it as it felt then - 45 or so years ago, but sure enough - anything after that moment of self-actualizaton did felt better than that would have been had I proven my unworthiness by denying my right and ability to live. I really AM a VERY determined little girl! Does it make any sense?


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Wow Nellieanna, I feel like I kinda know you now. Yes it makes sense.

I believe we prescript our lives and choose our parents and siblings. To believe as I do means one must take FULL responsibility for the bad stuff. It is very empowering. I use the past to teach me about my present but I do not live there. Forgive and move forward and live. You can't really live when you are dragging your past hurts with you. Wouldn't you agree?

I'm glad you found yourself Nellieanna, cause I like the you, you found.

You are determined and I am tough; we would make quite the pair.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

I read your hub, but not comments (it is such a long read! sorry). I have contemplated suicide, I know how it feels. Suicide was committed in my family but it never felt close until I felt it myself.

Just one word. No, of course, I can't limit myself by one word. Helping people who are suicidal is tough, it is chemical imbalance after all and the person feels that it the ONLY REASONABLE thing to do. That everyone would be happy without him/her. That is justified. It is not an act of cowardice or selfishness. It is simply TOO MUCH PAIN.

Your writing is very strong and emotional, but I would recommend you to try and understand. If you know someone is at risk, take him/her to a hospital. I was taken in once and I felt much worse there, I begged to let me out and promised that I will not attempt anything.

It was sheer agony. I have a son. I thought he would be better off without mother like me. I am glad it is over, but now I have a different understanding.

Maybe there is the reason that I am fairly open about being bipolar. If people get scared or turned off, I simply walk away, I don't need cowards in my life. Cowardice is lack of courage to deal with life as it is. Sometimes those normal people contribute more to life tragedies than "abnormal" people. I don't mean you, I know nothing about you, but I know this all too familiar "Are you mental?"

Yes, I am mental and you are not? You don't have a brain? You don't have problems? Everyone does, not everyone has courage to admit it, though.

But to reiterate again, very strong message and good writing!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

I'm pleased to be known. I prefer transparency, but it can be difficult if the very transparency creates misinterpretations and invites stereotyping. One simply goes ahead anyway, though. We all are heir to various kinds of stereotyping - gender, age, ethnicity, and so many other credentials or millstones. We can't be too concerned when they arise. Probably it's those which do make themselves known which offer more chance of clarification. Everyone has impressions of everyone else, even if we try to give benefit of doubt and reserve conclusions. So it's part of living.

I can agree with the belief that we prescribe our parents as well as all our associates throughout life. So of course we own that responsibly as well as those more consciously made on this plane between birth and death.

I could not agree MORE that dragging along one's past (whether anguish from past hurts or resting on one's laurels from past triumphs) merely burdens the NOW and limits one's effectivity in the NOW. The learning journey between birth & realization may be a tumultuous one in which one isn't fully aware of either the responsibility for or the consequences of one's choices, but that in no way minimizes either of them. Full BEING is in realizing one's power over them by taking the responsibility and using it as a tool for shaping the present.

Oddly enough, the me I was before I found the me I really am, was likable, (possibly more so than the real, whole me), which possibly encouraged remaining in the ill-fitting sweet little thing role and delaying the true emergence of a whole person with opinions, a will and self-acceptance with or without approval. I won't bore you with more on that, but it is part of the tale. It belongs in my memoirs, though, not in your comment box. :-) Thank you for your very pleasant & welcome response, Randy!!


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

kallini2010 thank you for the open and honest comment. I would most certainly help someone in my sphere if I knew they were contemplating suicide. This write could come under the guise of tough love. Kinda of a "don't you dare" instead of a "oh you poor thing." Both sentiments are in me. My mother said quite plainly on one of the two earlier attempts that we children would be better off without her. Each of us carried the guilt of her decision into adulthood however.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

You know, Randy, it is not my place to judge anyone even though I do judge like everybody else because it is human nature. We come to grips with reality in different ways not to say that our opinions change over time.

The person who influenced me the most and helped me the most is my doctor. One thing he said was that no matter how useless I might consider my input, it always leaves a trace. So, if I express my opinion, it matters, it has an impact even if I am completely unaware of it. So I made it a rule to express my opinions whenever I feel appropriate. They are not meant to change yours, they are only meant to be expressed, that is all.

There is a theory of "Butterfly Effect" - a butterfly's wings flutter and the tsunami is happening in Japan (I am exaggerating to make it more memorable, but it is a valid theory).

Another thought. I was sitting across my doctor and I felt completely down, practically suicidal, and I asked him "What can you possibly say to stop me from doing it? Who cares if I live or die?"

He was not emotional, he was sad. He said that even he would be upset because he would feel like a failure. My son will never get over it. But his tone, flat, unemotional, his admitting that nobody can do anything to stop me if I decide to carry it out -- I don't know, it struck me more than you can imagine.

I know how to do it to succeed. "Don't advertise, just do it", yet I don't think I will ever be able to forget his face and his words. Of all people, I have to give him credit for bringing me back from "the dead".

His encouragement, his words made me believe in myself. We are unaware until we are aware. Taking responsibility for something you are not aware is happening to you is impossible. First comes knowledge. I did not have that knowledge back then. I wish I knew when I was young. I am glad I know now.

I don't know your pain, you don't know mine. But we both know that pain can be excruciating. It is hard to forgive, yet it is the best thing. We are hard-wired to be empathetic and help each other, it is how humankind got the upper hand on all other species. Empathy and cooperation.

Understanding is no easy feat. What scares me is that my son might go through the same torture of highs and lows and may even be suicidal as well and not listening to me or others... You know how hard it is to accept sometimes that others might (just might) be right?

Really, no judgment. Just pain. Eternal pain.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Nellieanna , I have yet to shed my chrysalis but when I do I am certain that the real me, the one who flies will be much less liked that the people pleaser I am today.

kallini2010, I listened to a podcast tonight. An interview with Rick Collingwood. I thought about you more than once.

My ex-husband thinks he is bipolar. I think he has borderline personality disorder, but regardless, after twenty years I realized it it is his life to live. Not mine to fix, save and repair. We all have our own paths and our own lives to lead. Hopefully I can live my life with grace and empathy but never try to steer another's again. Love and light to you kallini2010!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Oh, thank you, it is so unexpected... I am in so much pain for being rejected right now that I am trying to find a balance not to be angry. But anger is the first emotion that surfaces... I was fired by a passive-aggressive boss, a man in a skirt..

Rejection hurts as hell, but when I think about it this way... I was in a crouching position all these months. I want to stand tall. My life-traps, being too eager to please, sounds familiar? being submissive to others who usurp control... with my permission... or silent consent, of course.

Nothing is easy, change is not easy, but that is what I want now. I did not know it back then. Nothing about depression, bipolar, life-traps, awareness, being in control, et cetera, et cetera. Without knowing there was no chance of changing.

This routine rejection for being too bright... Oh, hell with it, I just cannot bend anymore. I am so alone, but I know that I am not alone.

Thank you, Randy, all the best to you, too. Don't try too hard - empathy is hard-wired in our brains - we are in essence good. I just read that empathy was one of the key differences between humans and other species, it gave us the upper hand - we ensured each other's survival. You know rescuing a child not your own... Helping people in need...

Amazingly enough, chimps have the same - they help their mentally sick members. They rescue birds, absolutely amazing deeds - life is beautiful, painful, yet worth it.


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

That is very sad about the kid. One of my little brother's friends (14 years old) did himself in last year with a rifle. He never even gave life a chance.

I want to grab people who go this route and shake them, screaming "why! why! why!" -- but I also understand that some people have clouds over their lives that never go away. I feel so fortunate to have been given a fascination and interest with everything on earth. If I was locked up in a cell forever, I would draw epic caveman-like stories on the walls with blood from my fingers. Leaving early has never been an option. It's so tragic and difficult for me to comprehend that people do choose to leave early, but it's something I'm coming to terms with. Brutally honest writing like this helps.

Thanks for sticking around, Randy. Your writing is currently affecting the lives of many people in a positive way. For that, you should be proud.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

I wrote this out of frustration. If it can help anyone I am grateful. We never know where our ripples go. Thank you for your feedback Doug.


Claudia Schönfeld 5 years ago

still fighting tears and just unable to leave a clever comment..


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Beyond clever comment is more than enough for me. Thanks for reading me.

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