"The Key"

Im trapped inside my own box,
and only I hold the key.
When I realize to stop waiting on miracles,
will I then be free?
Im confined to my own prison,
Im locked behind these cell walls.
When I find Im not alone here,
will I be ready for the fall?
Because I keep giving and giving,
and giving in.
When will I find my path less broken,
please tell me, when?
Will I ever solve this puzzle called life,
will itĀ ever make sense?
Im constricted to my own chains,
chained to this fence.
Im stuck on an endless road of denial,
desperation and self pity dragging me down.
Im waiting to self destruct,
for it all to come crashing to the ground,
this fake smile,
this facade I put up,
this pretending that Im ok,
pretending that I dont Love.
Im learning to bear it and grin,
Im learning to hide
every aspect of myself,
every feeling inside.
Does this make me stronger?
Well Im not dead yet.
Or does this make me weak?
Stuck on this stupid mind-set.
Im afraid.
Afraid of failure, afraid of success.
Afraid of rejection
when Ive given my best.
Im lost and lonely,
broken and torn.
A withered rose,
a lover skorned.
But I hold it all together,
bound by my own skin.
Or else I would fall apart,
naked and thin.
My body so cold,
my heart raging hot,
All at once Id break down,
it would only take one shot.
But Im a fighter.
I fight for what I love.
until I realize theres no use,
till Im forced to give up.
I do things
I dont want to do everyday,
and things I should,
I let them slip away.
Perhaps Ive lost the key,
perhaps its the key to someone else.
So how will I ever be saved,
if I cant even save myself?

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Comments 30 comments

costa_justina profile image

costa_justina 6 years ago from Boston, MA

wow, very well written...and i can definitely relate to this....i coulcn't have worded this any better...keep up the good work!!!!


Fiction Factory profile image

Fiction Factory 6 years ago

Intense, a bit frightening, and pretty deep.


thevoice profile image

thevoice 6 years ago from carthage ill

I wish I could bring you from where I been you are at God speed please care for yourself thanks


entertianmentplus profile image

entertianmentplus 6 years ago from United States

Awesome hub.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Very good. Very true to life. Thanks for your thoughts!


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 6 years ago from Louisiana Author

Thank you all for your comments. :)


Jade_Orear profile image

Jade_Orear 6 years ago from Zombie Land U.S.A

I know u cant see me, but im on one knee.....! im gonna write a love poem now! i think wer soulmate! lmfao! maybe i dont need tha toaster after all.....


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 6 years ago from Louisiana Author

really now? lol


Jade_Orear profile image

Jade_Orear 6 years ago from Zombie Land U.S.A

I have 2 microwaves!


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 6 years ago from Louisiana Author

haha i hav a microwave and a toaster. now what? lol


Jade_Orear profile image

Jade_Orear 6 years ago from Zombie Land U.S.A

baybe just fill that bath tub ta tha brim and i will git u all hot n botherd! hehehe! we could be electrify'n! bahahahaha!


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 6 years ago from Louisiana Author

lol na we'd just be toast. haha get it. cuz we would die. lol probably. i can make a funny too.


Uriel profile image

Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon

Nikkij504gurl i can't say right now i don't feel this way. somehow you are waiting for THE MIRACLE but deep down inside you know you have to rise up on your own. Dilemmas cut away the piece of mind and leave the heart in chaos. It makes you tremble and when you think you made the right choice it only adds more to the oblivion and the pain. SOmetimes it feels like emptiness has seeped in and when you think you have become immune to the pain , the Treacherous attacks again.

"So how will I ever be saved,

if I cant even save myself?"


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 6 years ago from Louisiana Author

uriel you are so right, but im done waiting on the miracle now, because i kno its not gonna happen, at least not as long as im waiting for it. so im removing myself from all the bullshit ive been dealing with and leaving behind the pain, i have to find myself first before i can ever find THE KEY.


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

Hmmm... an oldie but goodie. Hope things are looking up from this point, Nikki. If not, keep your chin up; it will get better.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana Author

yea way old. and yes things are way better for me now, but strangely enough i think a friend of mine could use a good reading of this poem. thanks for commenting and guiding me to it. I hope she sees it and comes to her senses.


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon

I keep on reading this again and again , and i don't know why :D

NIKKI~~~~~~~~~ GOD!!!

i am so amazed, i can't breathe, for this is my down moment and you and jenubouka seem to write on my behalf for recently i have been out of words. And seeing somebody write what i myself don't understand or can't comprehend is such a blessing. I couldn't have said it any other way. God knows i couldn't have said it, end of story. But you did that for me and i am glad to read this in such dark times :D

Blessed be your verses,

Uriel


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana Author

Thank you Uriel. I am glad this has reached you in a time of need. I now only hope that my other friend can get out of it what you have in this dark time. I hope she at least sees it and that I dedicated it to her on fb, but she deleted me and a few others from her facebook, and I am her best friend! I hope things get better for you and for her, for I have definitely come a long way since this poem.


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon

Nikki, i am sorry she deleted you. Yet, i hope she comes back to her senses :D:D what she is going through is one heck of a test but she isn't the only one being tested. I can sense you and your friendship are being tested as well. Hang in there nakama !


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana Author

nakama? ha tested my butt, she didnt give me that chance, she just up and wrote me off, but i get what you mean, and I am not tripping over it, i mean yea i'm mad at her for doing that along with a lot of other things she is doing, and i know she is in a bad place, state of denial, and going through a hard time, but why write off your best friends? its all because we are still friends and talking to the guy she just broke up with, (but he still living with her) and its just a long story, but point is, we did nothing wrong, but try to help him as well. and she really needs to make up her mind and get her shit together, and I have always been there for her, and I still will be if she does come to her senses.


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon

Nikki i really hope she does come to her senses, sometimes you need to get a little violent GO BASH HER HEAD ON THE SINK :D that will make you feel good bwahahhahaha [ i am kidding here and i hope this will make you laugh at least :D ] I don't know what to tell you, sometimes it is really hard to be a friend stuck in the crossfire. All what we can do is try our best and hope that things will work out. Caring about both friends isn't wrong, so i hope things work out and if they don't know that you are in no fault. having a big heart isn't wrong, so HANG IN THERE!


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana Author

haha yea thanks uriel. yea we made up. it was just a misunderstanding i guess and she was reaching her limit with this guy and just handling it all wrong. but we are ok now. she still has some appologies to make but shes my best friend we can never stay mad at each other for too long.


Uriel profile image

Uriel 5 years ago from Lebanon

Nikki, i am glad you are OK now :D, yeh well this sounds like a good first step. I know you and your big heart, you wouldn't be writing this if you didn't care about her, so hang in there and give it your best shot. when it comes to frieds by the end of the day all what i can say is Shikata ga Nai !!! hang in there :D:DD:

Uriel


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana Author

well i wrote this allllllloooooonnng time ago. about me. and doug jr commented on it recently the day after things went down with her and i felt this is something she needed to read, idk if she did or did not read it, but i posted it to facebook in hopes that she would. yes i am glad we are ok now too. haha i am good at hanging in there so no problemo thanks.


Marina Lester 5 years ago

Whoa, my absolute favorite! Sooo powerful! So REAL! You know none other than a heart in an extreme moment of emotion, the mind in such a moment of clarity could deliver this! again whoa!!! The girl who wrote this was one of courage! It takes courage to go to this level and awareness of self. Many can't and won't. You say you wrote this a long time ago, so what was the aftermath? I believe a poem like this can change perspective.

I am a fan Nikki!


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana Author

well lessons were learned. mistakes were made. And I was at my worst a few times but Ive picked myself up and carried on. moved on. and learned more about myself and who to trust. idk if i have found my matching key yet but he has to be the next best thing :)


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

excelllent work. Thanks for sharing your heart!


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana Author

thanks for stopping by karoakeguy!


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 5 years ago from West Virginia

up and all across but funny. This is as real as it gets. This is life. What a great poem. I always say, we can be hard on ourselves. We are our own worst enemy. Another awesome hub for the collection of greats:)


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana Author

thanks again lyric. this one means a lot to me. this was from a very hard and emotional time for me. thanks for reading and commenting. and voting.

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