The Love Light Within Part 2

It’s the end of January 2009, in Cave Junction, Oregon. I’m perched on one of those folding, beach chairs, in our backyard patio area. The sky is crystal blue with no clouds in sight. The sun is beaming down warm strokes on my face, which is a glorious sensation despite the slight cool breeze in the air with a temperature of around 55 degrees.

Unfortunately, the New Year has started out to be the worst I can recall in all of my 60 years of life experiences. Chaos began on December 15^th, 2008 when the local mental health agency fired me for a so-called breach of security while I provided counseling to a visitor of an inmate at the local jail.

Then my publicist for my previous book, The Eby Way, called to say she could not complete her work on my book trailer and press release kit. She explained her pregnancy had turned into a life threatening complication, which was going to require her to have an abortion and an extended period of convalescence.

Next, the Unemployment Office notified me that my compensation was being denied due to their opinion that my termination had been caused by “wanton and negligent” misconduct. However, they did assure me that I could file for an appeal hearing two months down the road.

On the plus side, my wife does receive some Social Security Disability income. And I was getting a small pension from my VA and military retirement. On the negative, our income was now reduced by 50% and our debt level was around $60,000.

To gain relief from the tremendous financial stress, we applied for help through a non-profit credit counseling agency. But, they said we didn’t have sufficient income to meet our daily expenses and to afford the $1200 a month necessary to consolidate our credit card bills. The specter of bankruptcy loomed ominously on the near horizon.

A small measure of hope was the $14,000 I accumulated in an AIG retirement account while employed the last three years at the local mental health agency. I was looking forward to tapping into this fund for an extra $800 a month, but something happened with the paper work for automatic deposit, and the transfer of funds remained three days overdue.

For the first time in my life, I started to have panic attacks. I couldn’t sleep at night; I was feeling intense pressure in my chest; my mind was racing; I kept obsessing over all the bad things happening in my life. There remained a strong sense of despair and hopelessness. My negative side and dark secrets were urging me to run away, to drown my sorrows in substance abuse, or to even consider harming myself.

To make matters worse, I felt abandoned by God and enraged over all of the unfair and unjust things destroying our way of life. No matter how much I prayed or meditated, the anxiety and depression kept coming back like never ending ocean waves, which just endlessly beating me down.

However, deep in my heart and Spirit, I refused to give up. For 40 years I taught life coping and stress management skills to thousands of clients successfully. The Light within implored me to fight back; but the darkness stubbornly hung on to my emotional pain, conspiring to seduce me into a denial of Truth, healing, recovery, and Faith.

This is a book about how to overcome fear, emotional trauma, chaos, and despair. My fundamental message is a simple one: no matter the depth of one’s suffering, always embrace the sun on your face, and remain open to making personal contact with the Love-Light within.