Twas the Night Before Christmas

With apologies to Clement C. Moore....

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,

the place was in uproar—in hiding: the mouse.

The stockings were tacked to the wall without care,

doubting that Santa would ever be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While plots for sneak-peeking danced in their heads.

Mama in her sweat-suit and I in my chair

Were frantically wrapping a giant stuffed bear.

When out in the kitchen there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the chair to see what was the matter.

Away to the doorway I flew like a flash,

Burst into the kitchen expecting spilled trash.

The cat, on folds of the white tablecloth,

Had offered a hairball with one mighty cough.

The dishes were scattered all over the floor;

With a sigh and a shrug I returned through the door.

I suddenly realized with a glance at the clock

The time now past midnight—and I am in shock.

The tinsel and wrappings all crinkled and torn

Lay in piles like dirty clothing all worn.

The closet was stuffed beyond closing the door

And all the pressed blouses had slid to the floor.

The wrapping, I finished, the kids fell asleep

I tried to relax, but had to count sheep.

So come if you must, and bring your good cheer,

But I won’t be ready for Christmas till April, next year!

I originally wrote this poetic spoof when my children were young, back in the mid 1980's. I have since lost track of that piece of paper, (although I'm sure it is somewhere in my paper chase).

This offering is an attempt to re-create the original spoof from memory. The original, I know was much closer to the full length of the Clement C. Moore poem, correctly titled, A Visit From St. Nick, which inspired my silliness.