Twilight: How To Find Your Edward

After the skyrocketing popularity of the Twilight saga and the accompanying movies following it, girls everywhere are looking for their Edward and Jacob. This isn’t limited to teenagers, either.

There is a growing popularity in the adult crowd between the ages of 30 to 45 who are crushing on Mister Cullen and Mister Black. With such heartwrenching comments and stories all over the forums and news articles, they claim they would wait forever for their Edward or Jacob.

Well, Team Edward, wait no longer. Here is how to find your dream come true.

Good luck, girls, and I wish you happily ever after with your Edward!  Don't forget to weed out that annoying Jacob!

(Warning: SPOILERS! By this point, I’m sure none of this is new, though.)

Look! A pale loner.  Sigh.
Look! A pale loner. Sigh.

10. Identify Your Loner.

They are rather easy to spot.  Pale, tall, and gorgeous, they find themselves secretly admired but many avoid them because of pure intimidation factor.  If he catches your curiousity, you could be his Bella.

9. He Acts Like He Hates You.

Walk into a room.  See which male reacts with disgust towards you the most.  If he is the loner you spotted before, then you’re onto something here.  This dude just may be your Edward.

Look of disgust.  Perfect. (Actually, that might be a look of desire for bluuuud!)
Look of disgust. Perfect. (Actually, that might be a look of desire for bluuuud!)

8. That Dude is Avoiding You.

An Edward would stop showing up for days after the first encounter or chat.  This could mean that he is uncertain about you because there is “something” about you. 

7. He Stares At You. A Lot.

When he does show up more often, you catch him staring at you frequently.  It’s probably time to start talking to him more and get to know him.  Chase him, even.  Go all out Bella on him.

6. He Comes To Your Rescue. Often.

You can tell an Edward has a Protect Damsel in Distress complex when he catches your books, saves you from getting hit by a car, saves you from a mob of dudes, saves you from another vampire, and protects you from other evil people.

Perhaps, he comes to your defense when someone gossips about you. Be sure to be embarrassed and humble when this happens. After all, this is the guy of your dreams!

5. He Stalks You. A Lot. And Watches You While You Sleep.

If you catch him stalking you and watching you in your sleep, you’ve got a winner right here.  This could be the Edward you have been dreaming of! Ditch your friends when he stalks you, so that when you catch him doing it, he will take you out to dinner.

It is NOT creepy when a guy breaks into your room to watch you sleep and to imagine drinking your blood.  Don’t blaspheme the awesomeness of Edward!

4. He Says “Romantic” Things

He says things to you like:

  • How good your blood smells
  • He wants to revolve his entire life around you
  • “You are my brand of heroin”
  • “Do I dazzle you?”
  • “You're intoxicated by my very presence.”
  • He could kill you

3. He Takes You To Meet His Family

Basically, he takes you to see his family to play baseball.  This same family also is fascinated by your blood or whatever, and then eventually you get chased by more people who want to kill you.

This couldn’t be any more perfect!  Oh wait, yes it can.

2. After All That Hard Work, He Pushes You Away.

He is incredulous that after one time of pushing you away, you believed him.

1. He Impregnates You, Performs C-Section With His Teeth, And Then Turns You Vampire After All His Protests.

Wow, that was a long one. I think that really said it all.  Nothing could be sexier than this, right?

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Comments 11 comments

SognoPiccolo profile image

SognoPiccolo 6 years ago from Wilmington, Ohio

You rawk my proverbial Sox

6 years ago


schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 6 years ago from USA

I love Twilight!

Sunny Robinson profile image

Sunny Robinson 6 years ago from Tennessee Author

Lol, awesome. The novelty of Twilight really has wore out on me, but if people enjoy it, people enjoy it. ;)

KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 6 years ago from Sunny Florida

Twilight is so popular, especially with the teens. The loner, mysterious, bad boyish image has alway been and probably always will be popular with the girls. Love the hub.

Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

OMG!!! This is GREAT!! Too funny, and yet... every thing you said... true. LOL

Voted Up and all 4 others.

katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

My daughters and I love Twilight and your How To Find Your Edward is great, we love Love LOVE it! Reality is good :)

emievil profile image

emievil 6 years ago from Philippines

Wow! Great list. Too bad I already have a husband or I may really go out and find my own Edward. LOL j/k. Voted up and I'm your newest fan!

Sunny Robinson profile image

Sunny Robinson 6 years ago from Tennessee Author

emievil, LOL, or what about explaining to your husband on how to be an Edward? Well, thank you, thank you. :)

Max Graham profile image

Max Graham 6 years ago from London

Haha that great. I just had a big rant about twilight

Kit 6 years ago

for the first one, I thought you were serious, but seriously, this is funny! this is coming from the point of view of someone who doesn't like twilight, by the way.

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