VAMPIRES, ANYONE...BY b. Malin

This could be us...
This could be us...

LIFE IN THE CONDO...

"So here I am FIVE weeks since my last Hub, still working on the Condo w/the View. Of course I miss writing and visiting all my Hub Friends. But our Goal has been to get FINISHED, and we're getting there, SLOWLY, but surely... So now, I'm taking "time out", for a small Hub.

I looked at Lover Man the other day and said, "I think we've turned into VAMPIRES, for we only go out after DARK"! Which is kinda of easy, since it gets dark around 5:30 now. He nods in agreement, as we both share a laugh. And why do we go out after dark? BECAUSE we are RETURNING things, it has become the story of our lives. We buy, and then the "thing" is WRONG, or DAMAGED. When it's not, we put it together and get on to the next project, and so goes the Day, which quickly turns into night.

We've learned to make phone calls, like we did with a "Medicine Cabinet" that we'd brought home, which turned out to be DAMAGED when we took it out of the box. And, I will add, it was the LAST ONE they had. Isn't it ALWAYS that way? I said, "We're NOT going back to that store...NOT TONIGHT, I just can't do it! No, we will call the 1-800 number on the box". Of course that meant using precious CELL PHONE MINUTES, our only form of communication here. We don't want to put in a house phone until we've moved officially. Let me add, that this is just before New Year's Eve...So I'm thinking, NO One is going to answer. BUT Low and behold, someone, a LIVE VOICE, is at the other end. Wow, we are impressed. "Good evening, John speaking, how may I help you"? (And a Cheerful voice at that). I tell "John" that the Mirror part of the Medicine Cabinet is damaged. He say's "l'll have to get one from stock, but I can't do that till tomorrow, the warehouse is closed now. But I will call you tomorrow". "Really"? I say. "REALLY" He replies firmly. YES, John does call us back. He has one PERFECT MIRROR, which HE has personally checked. It will be send out, and we should receive it in 5-7 business days. At that moment, I'm in Love with John! He is my HERO! We wish each other a "Happy New Year" and I tell him, I think he's a real GOOD Guy. He's Happy, we're Happy...Happy, Happy, Happy!

The next nightfall, we are going out, just the two of us, NO RETURNS. We step into the Elevator, we live on the 4th floor of a 5 story building and I stand there. Lover Man looks at me, I look at him. "What"? I say. He says, "In order to go down to the first floor, you have to select a number, like ONE perhaps"? "Oh I say, I wondered why we weren't moving"? "Tired Sweetheart"? he asks, as we both start laughing. "Hey, I reply, VAMPIRES live for the Nightlife...Come fly with me" I say as the elevator reaches the first floor. He takes my hand and we race out into the night, as we breathe in the cool salty air.

Comments 69 comments

xstatic profile image

xstatic 3 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

A great condo story! Vampires live forever I hear.


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 3 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Vampires live for the nightlife, but even they quit thinking when they're worn out. Good to see you, someone asked about you the other day. You have been missed.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 3 years ago from Guildford

Ha ha, how wonderful. Characters such as 'John' are few and far between these days, but what a lovely treat when one comes across one! Happy New Year to you.


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 3 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Good to see you back even if only briefly. Vampires aye, at least you'll be saving wear and tear on your sunglasses. Characters like 'John' just make your day don't they, so rare nowadays to reach an actual live person in customer service let alone a pleaant one.

I bet Nutsy is missing you, poor thing :))


billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

As long as you don't start growing fangs I think you're okay! :)

Fun hub as always; I love hearing your adventures with that hunk of a man you have.

Have a great weekend Barbara!


Faithful Daughter profile image

Faithful Daughter 3 years ago from Sunny Florida

While you were racing out into the night with lover man, did you happen to get a "bite" to eat? Glad to see you back out in our "neck" of the woods here at Hubpages ;)


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 3 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Has lover man been hungrily eyeing your lovely throat lately? If not, you're probably OK.

Great to see a Hub from you!


wetnosedogs profile image

wetnosedogs 3 years ago from Alabama

Great hub that had me laughing. Hope you are having great vampire nights!


cleaner3 profile image

cleaner3 3 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

hey, keep an eye on loverman.. if he starts eyeing you hungrily.. ha,ha. good to hear from you b. keep on ...keep-nnn on as the song goes. the end is in sight (oops) that was in jest) . After all everyone knows ...Vampires are immortal .!

Michael


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida

I feel so much better now, b., since I have learned that I am not the only one who occasionally gets into an empty elevator and then wonders why it's not moving. Eureka. It must be something that is catching like a virus. Thanks for the chuckles, m'dear. Good to see you back.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Can vampires see themselves in the mirror? I forget my vampire lore. Good to see you.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 3 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Mike, stop being a pane...b can do do anything she wants!

Great to see you and LM, we're up in a Treehouse now...come visit when you can...we won't bite...hee-hee!

Voted UP and FAB! Happy and healthy 2013, mar


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

Fun story, thanks for sharing. Bet you are really having a ball. Everything new! A woman's dream come true.


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 3 years ago from San Francisco

Thank you for sharing this. Takes me back...


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

I'm glad that you found time to write a new hub, b. Malin. I love the way that you make everyday events so entertaining! Good luck with all the returns.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 3 years ago

Renovating is right up there on the stress list with death and divorce. I am not surprised that it turned you guys into vampires! If, however, you were back in New Jersey you would be frozen solid!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

Fun story to read. I get the feeling you and Lover Boy are happy and roll with the flow and that's great. Keep us posted. Inbetween time have fun. ( I know you will..Ha. )


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and funny. You two sure have some life now. Best thing is that you know you will get everything done as vampires are strong and resilient. Wising you the best and hope you get everything to your liking. Hugs.


arb profile image

arb 3 years ago from oregon

Every love story has a bit of vampire somewhere in it. I wore nothing but a cape to bed one night. Unfortunately, once the laughing subsided, I was fast asleep!


Fossillady profile image

Fossillady 3 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

You're funny b.! I wish you and lover man future better luck with your purchases! It will all be over soon! lol . . . Take care, Kathi :O)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

this was actually really good :) thanks b for the share :)


dreamseeker2 3 years ago

Very cute and clever story of your real life adventures with lover man. : ) So picturesque...as you successfully make us see it all through your own unique writing style. Voted up, of course!


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 3 years ago

Ahhhh...renovating - such an excellent barometer of how a relationship will weather the good the bad - and the ugly of life..

lol..

still..your awesome attitude makes it sound fun - lover man is a very lucky lover man - tell him i said so! lol

up and forward, dear - i wish there was an 'adorable' button...


Sunnie Day 3 years ago

So funny B...Love your posts they always bring a smile...Vampires or not..you two have got to be the cutest there ever was.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Xstatic, So as a Vampire, if I got to live forever...How many homes would I have to Fix up...Ahhh! No Thanks!

Hi Becky, remember that song..."I Love the nightlife, I Love to Buggie..." I've been humming it lately. Thanks for missing me. And someone else missed me...Aw, I feel Loved!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Acaetnna, Happy New Year Back to You!

John was a "Treat" and I think a very Special person. Thanks for commenting on him. I'm so glad you Enjoyed.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Rosemay, Thanks. True about the Sunglasses. Yes, John was a guy that you hope Good things come back to him as well.

Nutsy would Love it here, as for missing me? Well maybe...


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

I Bill, Fangs...God, I hope Not! I'm so Glad you Enjoyed. Hope all is well now with Bev.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Faithful D. Cute Comments...made me Laugh. It's Good to be back in between projects...Missed All of you.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Will,

Mmm, A little bite, I think it's too late...Buy hey, we are careful NOT to bite anyone else...Thoughtful Vampires!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Wetnosedog, So Glad you Enjoyed...Staying up late though...gets to be a drag.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Mike, Can you imagine being Immortal...paying Taxes Forever, and fixing up places to live? Although, on the bright side, our Food Bill would be LOW.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Drbj, I know, I know...that darn Elevator...Although, if you stand there long enough, it will Go Down by its self!

Thanks for your Fun Comments, and it's Good to be back...well that is until the NEXT project!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

You know Mckbird, we were at a "Welcome back Dinner" at the Condo the other night and pictures were being taken, and NOBody took ours...Mmm, could they have known that Vampires don't Photograph??


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Marcoujor, Fun Comments you've made. Thanks so much for your Thoughts and of course your Votes.

May this year of 2013 keep you Happy, Healthy, and Wonderful!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Jackie, Thanks. I'm not sure about having a Ball...Ask me that after we are ALL done and finally Enjoying. Everything New is nice... but all the work involved is wearing thin...I'm not really complaining, I'm just saying.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Mhatter, I can't wait to REMEMBER all this down the road...


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Alicia, Thank You. Today...Only ONE return! Hip, Hip, Hooray!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Breakfastpops, You are so right...People think its Fun...It's NOT Fun. Do not miss NJ and all that Cold...I am Grateful to be here. Just need a "Time Out" from Fixing and returning...


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Ruby, Thanks. It's Therapy to write about it...otherwise...I'd be Batty! Yes, we try to go with the Flow...So glad you Enjoyed.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Gypsy, Thanks. The Fun part is just around the corner...I see the light...oops, but as a Vampire, I need to be careful to stay in the dark, at least for a few returns LONGER. Hugs back to you.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Arb, Wow, a Cape to bed...Mmm, I'll tell Lover Man to try that, it sounds like quite a "Turn On". But I'm sure I'd be Laughing too! Nighty, Night now.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Kathi, Thanks. You buy it, you think it's right, you get it home and Ahhh...Wrong! But a lot of stuff is right, so I guess it evens out in the end. I do see the End in Sight...Hooray!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Well thank You Frank. Your words make it all worth while!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Dreamseeker, Thank You. Laughter is the Best Medicine, no matter what. Most of the time we are a Hoot!

Thanks so much for all your Comments, and of course your Vote.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Karn, You are SOoo Right. We have been through the True Test of it...Not always proud of how CRAZY we get. But in the End, we're Laughing!

I will let Lover Man know your thoughts. Thanks for all your Wonderful Comments, made me SMILE!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Sunnie, Thank You. But I'm not sure how Cute we are when we get Cranky...but it doesn't last long, until we are Laughing at ourselves once again.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 3 years ago

......I have long since admired your tremendous wit in your writing - I once compared you with Erma Bombeck, a great tribute I would say and your condo? you are back down south , again , yes - and everytime you write ''lover man' I think of the late great Phyllis Diller who called her man 'fang' - lol lol - I am sending you warm wishes on the coldest day here by the lake so far at chilly lake erie time ontario canada 11:23am and sending you good thoughts for your continued health, happiness and prosperity and creativity too in 2013


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Colin, I heard your forecast on the Radio today and I'm sending you some Florida Sunshine. Although for the past week or so, it's been rainy on and off, and cool, like early Spring...Believe me, I'm NOT complaining, I love it...And my Chest loves it...I can't breath well in the cold, so Florida's where I need to be.

Calling hubby Lover Man, kind of stuck with my writing...I'm able to have more Fun with it this way!

Phyllis Diller & Erma Bombeck were great "Wits" so Thanks.

Sending you Warm wishes, for a Healthy & Happy 2013 dear Friend.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York

Oh dear b.Malin, how wonderful you maintain your sense of humor in the midst of confusion tinged with disappointments and hard work. Moving and renovating...dozens of shows on tv dedicated to the difficulties. But, do you buckle? No, you continue to find humor with Lover Man at your side...both smiling and enjoying each other. (Epi is right, you are a great wit.)

Good luck with the moving and keep stopping by....we miss you.

Voted up, funny, and interesting.


Vickiw 3 years ago

Hello b.Malin, lovely to see another hub from you. Nothing quite like building or renovating to cause serious stress! Glad you are at a point where you find you can reconnect, and write. My thoughts are with you!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 3 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

You're so silly B. Once it's dark, I tend to not go out much. But I'm glad that the days are getting longer. Looking forward to hearing the condo is finished :)


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Mary, It's so Great to be back for now...Of course we are still working on the Condo. You really do need a sense of Humor for all the set backs...otherwise ONE goes CRAZY!

Thanks for stopping by and making such nice Comments and of course, thanks for all your Votes. And I missed you too, and am stopping by to visit.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Vickiw, Yes, I'm trying to reconnect once again. Lots going on, but I really do miss Hub pages, and all you dear Hubber Friends. Thanks so much for stopping by, and I will make a quick run over to your Hubs too.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Sharyn, Yes, the days are starting to get Longer, looks like we will stop being Vampires...Hopefully we will be finished with the Condo by next Month...Hip, Hip, Hooray!


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 3 years ago from New York

I love this. As we (Steve and I) pack to move to the farm next week, your hub reminds me that things can take a bad turn or snag, for anyone. Misery loves company may fit here? I love your take on this subject. OK, feeling better and back to packing. Great hub!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Bobbi, Missed you, and I will be stopping by as well.

Thanks for Enjoying. We've got to Laugh at ourselves...and we shouldn't sweat the small stuff...Right? RIGHT!


Vickiw 3 years ago

Just took another look at Vampires, to make sure I still giggled at it. I did. Good thoughts to you, dear friend.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Good to see you back.  Barb, I love your hubs, and the funny, heartwarming every days of your adventures with Lover Man and the funny, crazy world in which we live. And “Vampires, Anyone…” is no exception. Was that service rep, John, human? Oh my gosh – he would have been my hero too. I only wish we had more Johns. I had to laugh at the press the elevator button…I did that just the other day in an office building and was so embarrassed because my mind was lost in thought. Up +.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Vickiw, Thanks once again. You are one "Special Lady".


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Genna, Thank you. Yes, there should be MORE Johns out there, and I'd like to believe there is...I'm so glad to read I'm NOT the only Elevator NON button pusher...As Writers, I think we are Always lost in "writing thoughts".

Thanks for all your Fun Comments, dear Friend.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 3 years ago from Chicago

You actually got some great customer service!? How about that. I love it.

Thank you for sharing this fun Hub. I enjoyed it.

James :)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England

From one vampire to another! way to go! lol! I have stood in a lift before and forgot to press the darn button too! whats my excuse? haha!


Deltachord profile image

Deltachord 3 years ago from United States

Liked your Hub, glad you got some good customer service. It can be difficult to find. Cool to have a vampire idea running through the Hub.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi James, I did, I did! Thanks for you Fun Comments, much appreciated. I'm so Glad you Enjoyed!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Nell, Loved your Comments, my Vampire Friend...As women, we have so much on our minds, at least that's what I tell myself when I forget to push the elevator button.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Deltachord, Thank you. Good Customer Service is so important and this Company knew this, and trained their help well.

As the days get Longer...our Vampire days are growing shorter!


Monis Mas profile image

Monis Mas 3 years ago

Voted awesome, of course! This is so fun!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 3 years ago Author

Hi Monis Mas, Thank you for your Comments and of Course your Vote!

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