Weird thoughts

Weird everyday thoughts that we don't think about...

I've come across these weird thoughts or questions coming up everyday in our lives. The funny thing is we never stop and ponder over them, or ask "why is it".

I hope you enjoy it...

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?

At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

What is Satan's last name?

Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Where does the toe tag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?

If you’re driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?

Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says "Not available in all states"?

If you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?

If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you’re the main witness, what if you say "no"?

Do they bury people with their braces on?

How far east can you go before you're heading west?

How does a Real Estate company sell its office without causing confusion?

Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?

If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?

If you were to get drunk in a country where the drinking limit is under 21, and went to the states and were still over the limit, could they arrest you for underage drinking even though you did not do the drinking in the states.

Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.

If a lesbian has sex with other women but never with another man is she still considered a virgin?

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

If its 11:30 PM Dec 31 in Texas and 12:30 AM Jan 1st in New York and you have a New York driver's license that expires Jan 2007, does that mean your license has expired?

What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?

If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of half and half?

Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

Can you daydream at night?

Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it?

Can crop circles be square?

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as you’re following the direction of the traffic?

When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?

Why vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is is brown?

Can animals commit suicide or murder?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?

Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married?

Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?

Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?

If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?

Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?

If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?

If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isn’t refrigerated?

How fast do hotcakes sell?

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?

Can a black person join the KKK?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party?

If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

If LondonBridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?

Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it?

If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?

Who was Sadie Hawkins?

If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?

Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?

If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?

What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid? Are they pregnant?

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called mars quakes?

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?

Do you yawn in your sleep?

Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs’ butts?

If a cannibal was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electrocuted for his last meal?

Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?

If you died with braces on would they take them off?

If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take their nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole?

How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

Why builders are afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

Why can't donuts be square?

Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?

What happens to an irresistible force when it hits an immovable object?

If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?

Why do overalls have belt buckle loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?

Do people in prison celebrate halloween.... if so how?

Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?

Why is all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English?

What do Greeks say when they don't understand something?

What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of Siamese twins? Who gets to be king?

Do all-boys schools have girl’s bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girls schools have boy’s bathrooms?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

How come cats’ butts go up when you pet them?

What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken out of the water at the same time?

How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?

Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone?

Why are dogs noses always wet?

If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?

Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?

Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation?

Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?

If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

At what point in man's evolution did he start wiping his ass?

Do bald people get Dandruff?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Why do super-hero’s wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?

If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Can you cry under water?

Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?

If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?

Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?

How come all of the planets are spherical?

How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn't just peel right off?

when a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords?

Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?

Why do they put holes in crackers?

Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine" on a nude beach?

What do people in China call their good plates?

How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?

Why don't woodpeckers get headaches when they slam their head on a tree all day?

If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

If an escalator breaks down, does it become stairs?

Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?

Why do they say a football team is the 'world champion' when they don't play anybody outside the US?

Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?

If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?

What are the handles for corn on the cob called?

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

Why do we press the start button to turn off the computer?

Do your eyes change color when you die?

Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born?

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play sweet home Alabama on the commercials?

If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?

What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus?

If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker?

If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

What happens when you put a light saber in water?

On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour?

If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?

If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?

What do you call male ballerinas?

How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?

Why people are so scared of mice, which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Mickey Mouse, who is bigger than us?

Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee?

Can bald men get lice?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your pubic hairs?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Does the postman deliver his own mail?

Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue?

What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other then your hand?

Why are women and men's shoe sizes different?

Can you "stare off into space" when you're in space?

Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?

Is "vice versa" to a dyslexic just plain redundant?

How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall. But it's illegal to keep one as a pet?

Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?

If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?

Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral?

If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

When you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?

Was Jesus a virgin when he died?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

Who coined the phrase, 'coined the phrase?'

If there were a thousand seagulls in an airplane while it’s flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more?

If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of, or have anything to do with steam

What is another word for "thesaurus"?

Please link to these guys... they are even weirder and funny.

 

 

Ilusions...

Click thumbnail to view full-size

Yeah... 53 comments

Peter Dickinson profile image

Peter Dickinson 7 years ago from South East Asia

These were great. I did not get to the end. I will save them for a rainy day....ooops....It's raining!


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

ou are welcome... and I enjoyd your hubs. they are fantastic...


izettl profile image

izettl 7 years ago from The Great Northwest

I don't have any answers for you on these- damn, why did I go to college? I didn't learn any of this.


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

Neither do I or the rest of the world... Some bright 5th grader might have the answers!!!!


Bekka123 profile image

Bekka123 7 years ago

Hi, my passion is to write about my feelings my emotions and wqhat happened to me, hopefully reaching out to others and letting them know that they are not alone


apeksha profile image

apeksha 7 years ago from India.

Oh ! nice poem...

I n our hindi movie there is also a nice song like your hub...

may I tell u?


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

Please do apeksha, and so by the way I like your new profile image...


apeksha profile image

apeksha 7 years ago from India.

It is a hindi song of Indian movie ---

AAsama hain kyu nila ,pani gila gila aur gol kyu hain jamin...socha hain...

ped hare aur sannata sunai nahi deta...

soch nahi to socho abhi........soooooo on....

Try to understand if u r unable ll tell u its meaning later...pouli...

 


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

Tx A, I'm gonna surprise you. just give me a few days...

Bek, if you don't wanna do it here, email me, i'm a willing listener. I've learned from my broken marriage to listen... you are more than welcome.

Sometimes its good for ther soul to talk about your experiences. I have a friend in Philli, go read her hub, You'll understand.

http://hubpages.com/@survivor49

Good luck...


Bekka123 profile image

Bekka123 7 years ago

It's fine, i'm not afraid to hide my feelings anymore, im only 17 but the thought of helping others helps me understand why it happened, i will write about what happened later this week.

Thanks for support


\Brenda Scully 7 years ago

lots in that list, don't know how you thought them all up...

how long did it take you..


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

Bek: Cool I'll keep an eye out for it. Good luck...

Bren: I got kids hun, they ask the weirdest questions sometimes, Haha. I'm working on something else, coming from kids, you should see that. Soon, maybe tonight after work.


kephrira profile image

kephrira 7 years ago from Birmingham

Funny. I like the resisting a rest one.


Bekka123 profile image

Bekka123 7 years ago

What happened to me is now on my page x


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

Tx Kep,

Bek, what do you mean!!!!


Bekka123 profile image

Bekka123 7 years ago

Read my blog called the story x


Paper Moon profile image

Paper Moon 7 years ago from In the clouds

Great hub. And answer to question 132, you know, the one with Ginger, It is because she was an atypical woman from that time period. I went camping for a night with a girl who got mad because all of her stuff wouldn't fit in the car. Where was she gonna plug in that hair dryer? LOL


Laughing Mom profile image

Laughing Mom 7 years ago

This is pretty impressive. The random thoughts that shoot through my head 24 hours a day come at such rapid-fire succession that I would never be able to get them down.


Raven King profile image

Raven King 7 years ago from Cabin Fever

Wow these are great! I too wonder what would happen if someone jumped to through the center of the earth would they come out to the other side or melt in the earth's gooey center. :)


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

Looks like you have heaps of hubs to write. You've allot of fuel here.


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

Pmoon, hope at least you got something for the trouble mate

Lmum: long hours at night hubbing around.

Raven: let me know if u know of some one trying. Science galore, hey.

Tx Jewels xxx


time2gethealthy profile image

time2gethealthy 7 years ago from Northern California

Somebody has waaaaayyyy too much time on their hands!


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

Is that perhaps you reading this way long hub.

Nah.... just 6 or 7 hours afterwork. I'm a hub junky too.


lxxy profile image

lxxy 7 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

"If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?"

Depends..if they're a vampire, they'll probably want to keep it. It is rather plush...if they're a zombie, they probably would rather have it refunded in brains.

"How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?"

Advertising?

"How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?"

Leperchauns. True story.

"Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone?"

That particular state of matter just holds in smell.

"Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation?"

Good hub! *butt slap*

"If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?"

It would turn invisible. Science fact. Maybe.

"If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?"

The Department of Redundancy Department.

"How come all of the planets are spherical?"

Well, smaller things of mass aren't (like asteriods) but gravy has a tendancy to make everything a ball.

Think of gravity like a giant rubber sheet; the more mass, the more it indents upon space-time.

"How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn't just peel right off?"

Because meth hadn't been invented yet. ;)

"Why do they put holes in crackers?"

The same reason for white castle hamburgers; its an even cook/bake.

"Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?" Note the last part in his name. His friends are just kind not to talk about his gas issues.

"If an escalator breaks down, does it become stairs?"

'My favorite invention is the escalator, because it can never break down. You'll never see a 'escalator out of order sign,' just an escalator temporarily stairs sign.'-Mitch Hedberg

"If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?"

Tabloid Fodder, mostly.

"Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?"

The DMV.

"Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral?"

It now will be at mine.

"Was Jesus a virgin when he died?"

Nope, had a wife and kids. Just like Mary..'cept she had a husband, and they made baby Jesus. =)

"Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of, or have anything to do with steam"

They were when they were first invented, back in the day when steam power was all the rage.


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

I figured a 5th grader might have the answers, How old are you Ixxy.

Now I'm even more confused your answers... guess i have to put another 100 or so to you. Tx, your answers was, uhhhmm, entertaining...(I actually wante to say clever - but didn't want to give you too big an ego) LOL


reggieTull profile image

reggieTull 7 years ago from Virtual Space

I really enjoyed your weird thoughts and I will pass some of these on to my weird friends MenAreDorks or I guess MAD for short. Thanks for this hub.


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

Cool, reg, I chose the letters MAD and co-incidently had a thought about dorks, and as you've noticed or read, I'm also a bit weird. So all in all, MAD is fine. Tx


rachitha profile image

rachitha 7 years ago from Mangalore

"DO you fill in or fill out a form? ...

"Love the way you write. Especially the one on Love. This Hub was very thought provoking too. How do you come up with some imaginative hubs?


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

Tx rachita, i'm a weird and crazy guy, and listen to my kids, children are libraries of magnitude.


BetsyIckes profile image

BetsyIckes 7 years ago from Pennsylvania

I loved this hub! My two granddaughters come up with some weird questions. I always thought that they were just sucking the knowledge from brain. LOL That is my theory on old age.


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

you said it, they are wonderful intelligent creatures with lots of weird and wacky questions and ideas


privateye2500 profile image

privateye2500 7 years ago from Canada, USA, London

...hay - not ALL men are dorks...are they?

http://hubpages.com/entertainment/Funeral-Sandwich

heeheehee

"Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. "

Ya, and they are 50% of the time looking up or at your private parts too.


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia Author

I sometimes wish I was a doctor...


msannec profile image

msannec 6 years ago from Mississippi (The Delta)

Great food for thought. I have one: why is it that we drive on the parkway, and park on the driveway?


Annie4 6 years ago

These are wonderful...certainly a lot to think over. I might add...since it's left me scratching my head...do embryos get freezer burn?


smartygirl age 11 6 years ago

wood peckers wrap their tongue around their scull to keep from damaging their brains while they peck.

At first when ballet was invented in france ONLY MALES DANCED they even wore dresses.

everyone is saying that a smart fifth grader could answer theese...... that's me!


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 6 years ago from Namibia Author

Tx guys, yes my 5th and 3rd graders had some pretty amazing answers too...


wrenfrost56 profile image

wrenfrost56 6 years ago from U.K.

I really enjoyed this hub, brilliant! The word dictionary is in the dictionary! (I checked, I know, how sad am I?) :)


Michael Shane profile image

Michael Shane 6 years ago from Gadsden, Alabama

These are totally awesome! Great job!


Rahul Ryan 6 years ago

They are really amazing mahn..! Just keep it up..!


sim0n30 profile image

sim0n30 6 years ago from Ireland

I loved this hub

"Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?"

I have both those thoughts every day!


Avirat 6 years ago

why don't u think drive along with the people .. u called an intelligent.


Snøwman profile image

Snøwman 5 years ago

Who "coined" the phrase "In God we trust"?


Snøwman profile image

Snøwman 5 years ago

What is that one insurance company that you don't save money when you switch to it?


Donn 5 years ago

Thought of the question below yesterday, which led me to your hub. Thanks...I am not alone.

What are dogs looking for when they sniff around for a spot to crap?


nakufujin 5 years ago

what a nice set of questions to ponder!


DarkShines 5 years ago

i have a good question:

Why man are dorks reply to every single comment here?

lol :D


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 4 years ago from Louisiana

My goodness! My brain is scrambled with your list of weird thoughts and lord knows what kind of dreams I will have tonight. This is a very thought provoking hub.:)Enjoyed it and now I must go search for answers.


Nerdpoop.lol?????.com/ 4 years ago

Cool!

I am a fith grader and I anwsered all ur Qs.

(why do adults say(type) LOL?(I know what it means(Laugh out loud))Please tell me!!!!)


metalmouthjeff 4 years ago

If you die while having orthodontic treatment they usually leave your braces on. If you are cremated the braces get a little discolored but generally look just the same as they did in your mouth. If the brackets where held on the wires using just elastic ties the braces come apart. Usually the brackets are sifted out and discarded. I have never heard of a request to remove braces from a deceased body


Aik 4 years ago

This weird and at the Same time funny! LoL!


ash 4 years ago

"If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?"

If you had no legs you wouldn't be able to drive, duh. :L


dude 12 months ago

PU that stinks or whatever - phallus uterus

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working