What A Difference A Day Made

LXXIII.


Today

I have no inspired words

To write.

I simply need

A confidante.

And here it is.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



In our dance of love,

Is this the overture

Or the finale?

Is our flower in bud

Or past its bloom?

You came into my life

So naturally,

Then vanished,

Leaving my heart in limbo,

Stretched too far out

To ever shrink you out,

Raw edges exposed to all the pain

Of absence and neglect,

Of profound bafflement.


I've seemed to have to

Die a lot

To ever live at all.

I wonder why.

Is it a sign I'm chosen

Or that I am forgotten?


______© Nellieanna H. Hay


I don't know why

I don't know what

Sustains me.

But you are

Ever near somehow -

But where?


______© Nellieanna H. Hay


How many joyous, painful journeys

In and out

Your tight, little,

Loose, big world,

I wonder, -

Will it take

To get me there to stay.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay














You are love to me

Of course,

But more.

Oh, more.

You are strength.

You are courage.

You are imagination

Inspiration

Life.

Without you,

Nothing is.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



I shrank

And withered

Every time you disappeared.

I never was

prepared for it.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



I am free inside -

Fear, dissolved.

I'm open wide

To what my Life

Presents.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



If hope is

The Comforter,

Then

Faith is

The Discomforter

Or vice-versa.

I seem to live

In between

The peaks and plunges,

Descending from one high

To gain momentum

For another try.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



I'm not marked "crush-proof".

I am crushable.

And yet I've let you

Turn me on and off

And round and round

And down and down

And I have still believed in you.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay












Asking why again

I cry again

And then

I try again

To live whatever

Life may be.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay

Blue and blundering

I flounder without you.

Perhaps it is my life.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



I wanted to love you

Like this,

But God knows

It needed full expression,

Totally.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



Hope is my jailor

Faith's the deputy.

The only key

Is when reality

Catches up

And sets me free.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay


Knowing ~

You'll return to me

Gives wings to time

And makes the sun shine

Brighter.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay


Each seeks

A life-support system.

For some it's not the same.

Begrudge him not

Who needs what puzzles you.

Each has needs unlike all others,

Treasure differences!


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



There is no way

That it could be

That I can see.

But it is rare

And beautiful ~

And worth the faith.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay


More by this Author


Comments 38 comments

Binaya.Ghimire 5 years ago

I'm a fan of your poetic style. I love irony in your poetry for instance, If hope is/The Comforter,/Then/ Faith is/ The Discomforter. And metaphors are so fresh for example (love is)an empty shell.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Binaya - thank you! I'm glad you like my style. I don't focus on it all that much, though. So thank you for pointing out the irony! :[)


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Someday, the collections of Nellieanna H. Hay will be required reading in all our schools.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Will - Oh, my. Thank you! What a thought! Hugs! :-)


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 5 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Oddly, this never reveals if this is about love lost or a one-sided love that never blossomed. Some of it does, however, describe a relationship I once had (and will have again in another life). And that's what I love about your poetry. There's always something in it that makes a reader think it was written just for her (or him). Hugs!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Jama - Of course, my poetry is so personal to me it seems only mine, but I guess it proves how regularly human I am if it feels applicable to others too. These poems were mostly written at the same time, (some the same day!) but a couple were from another time.

"Star-crossed" probably best describes these experiences, - which has considerable leeway. I think the only relationship I'd have again in another lifetime, though - would have worked out better in this one - except one, which was truly star-crossed, and it didn't inspire these. :-)

Thank you, Jama. I love your comments! They're great.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

I second WillStarr most definitely and I to am honored to have been gifted of and shared your work. You are a tender, romantic,caring,giving,loving and a best friend to many here at the Hubs.

Adversity we have much of, some of us plow through it and continually move forward, some of us flourish, many of us wilt and die on the vine of life. You my dear have shone a light for so many of us to follow with your beautiful poetry. Like Emily Dickinson you are a natural and your work will live on.

I to have loved, been loved, lost at love and looked back with much regret. Could I have changed who I had become, I believe so. However I fell in with the wrong lovers, thus time wasted for both.

Why can't our creator place us with the right partner from the start, why must we struggle with wasted loves? Do we have to find our soulmate when we are old and gray? We hear of many who have been in love since childhooe they met and are living happily ever after, why doesn't it happen to us all?

Oh well reclusive I have chosen and reclusive I will be now till my dying last breath, like Frankie, I guess the Saddlerider did it his way.

"I've seemed to have to Die a lot

To ever live at all.

I wonder why.

Is it a sign I'm chosen

Or that I am forgotten?"

So profound Nellieanna, I feel this and always wondered why.


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

Is this about your "real life?" :-) One reads this and feels the passion, the depth, the "color..." Outstanding comments and of course this is another "master piece" of integrating emotions with art... Awesome!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ken - we can't second guess, can we? In retrospect, I can realize where I "zigged when I should have zagged" - and otherwise, might have ended up with the soulmate I recognized at age 7, but other pressures later on interfered. At the time, I could have just charged ahead in spite of all the other pressures, but - I didn't. Would we have been one of those 'happily ever after' pairs? Hard to tell. Neither of us did so well with our other immediate choices, but at least we ended up true friends later on. Perhaps it was those other choices & experiences which made us who we became - and we might not have been the same if we'd been together. And life finally brought me someone who was surely not only a soulmate but a more compatible human being than anyone else I ever knew, - my George. We enjoyed a long life together, after all the dust settled.

I'm reclusive, too, I suppose one could say, though I don't feel at all shut-off or alone. I feel the friendships which I enjoy very fully. Mainly I simply enjoy being as I am and feel "more myself" probably than ever before, so it is a joyous state of being. That is the criteria for me, rather than whether or not I am or am not alone. Every day, it feels "just right", - except for never being enough time for everything! But that's OK too, really. It feels good to be "at maximum" still!

I am extremely glad I've always had the poetry writing to help and keep me. There was no other reason for it, for the most part. Perhaps that's why it seems to touch people. It is so real. I don't know what it is to decide "to write" poetry. The only time I've ever tried to, it was so BAD! It's been more like the poetry was writing ME.

I treasure your friendship, dear Ken - and your appreciation of my work is truly gratifying.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dallas - I'm no good at writing fiction! :-) The only thing contrived here is assembling and arranging poetry from over time with a few artistic ideas (silk scarves, in this instance) which seem compatible. I have most all the scarves I ever had - and I love silk scarves! ) Everything in the poems is not current and ongoing, either - but it is all very real-life.

I'm in process of transcribing my poetry, so it feels current as I do so, - as much as it was when it was written. I know it's "in here", - know what I mean? Also - I still write and sometimes what is current is almost indistinguishable - though, perhaps, more serene. But serenity has always been an element of my being, along with the passion, etc, which you mention reading in these poems. So - - :-)

Thank you, dear friend.


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

May reality always bring an answer to hope Nelliannn....awesome and gifted writing.;)


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Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Mentalist - yes, it always does. I call myself an optimistic realist and a realistic optimist. I have no desire for that which isn't real, although I know that how one perceives it makes it what it REALLY is! My experience has shown that what we see as the "lows" are simply the other side of the highs, without which neither would have reality and meaning.

Thank you, dear friend. Hugs.


agaglia profile image

agaglia 5 years ago

Nellianna,

You have done such a wonderful job with this one. I am amazed at the beauty of the illustrations and how you weave them so well with the words of your poetry. Teach me how do do that.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Nellie, this is all, all, all so beautiful and superbly presented, but the following just says so very much:

"I've seemed to have to

Die a lot

To ever live at all.

I wonder why.

Is it a sign I'm chosen

Or that I am forgotten?"

Complete in itself and so wonderfully worked. You are amazing.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Agaglia - Thank you, dear! I love your style and don't know what you would want to do to change it. But if any of my little methods would help, I'm happy to share with you. By the way - I wanted to leave you a comment on your adorable Lady-bug hub but there is no Comment box! I sent you an email through HP. If you'll reply to it, I will reply from my actual email with some suggestions.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ian! I'm so happy to see you! You've been so silent since you finished the Josie series! More, More! :-)

Thank you for the lovely comments about my hub.

By the way - I just got the DVD of "Dil Se. . " It will be a lovely treat for my Friday night viewing. :-)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

Oh, I don’t want to leave this corner. I'm totally hooked by the music and poetry. Nostalgic, but also peaceful. Mere acception of truth – it is or it is not. Trying to change truth into lies or lies into truth is certainly impossible. In the beginning, Nellieanna, I have always picked one of your poems for ‘myself’, but soon it became impossible, because I wanted them all. Tonight, too, I want to fill my pockets with all of them. The firts one to ponder specifically tonigh -

Hope is my jailor

Faith's the deputy.

The only key

Is when reality

Catches up

And sets me free.

Reality really has to free us, for jailed by hope and faith we are not able to free ourselves. And so strange, Reality is like a ghost – we cannot see it; it has to make itself visible. And what a scary creature it is?

Thanks for sharing your beautifully presented heart-felt thoughts about life with us, Nellieanna Hay. If I was a publisher I would have jailed you with a contract :)))


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Nellie, my friend, your hub is so beautiful. I just dipped in and read my favourite bit again.

You will love 'Dil se...' But may I warn you, it is monumentally sad.

One of my favourites... perhaps you could immerse yourself in a tiny bit or Ian Rubbish afterwards, just to release the tension.

'Maude and Two Pigeons' might do the trick.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Martie - Don't you love that music? - I love the song - (has many connections for me) - and this rendition is especially delicious.

True - reality is always "subjective reality" because that's the only way anyone can comprehend and/or interpret what lies outside ourselves - through our own senses, our perceivers. For one person viewing the "facts, just the facts, ma'm" one way - there is someone else - many others, in fact, - viewing them just as honestly, but totally differently. This is the sticky wicket wherein we must try to give the other persons benefit of doubt and hope to receive the same, since to them our view of 'reality' is just as off-kilter as theirs may seem to us.

There seems to be something, though, which characterizes our reality in contrast with our delusions. I think the most important reality to be in line with is our own. A lot of times we really are fooling ourselves about what we perceive, both externally and within our own selves. That is where we can really get off-track!

In that poem, that is the reality key to which I refer. "Getting real" with myself - that is what frees me. And that is very often the most difficult - and painful - until I see how much more smoothly things run when I do that work. Our faith and hope are not necessarily opposed to our truth, by the way -- but when the results are continually OFF-track, it's usually quite possible they are in opposition.

Yes it seems like a ghost as long as we try to keep it masked and unfaced squarely. :-) Some of those poems here were definitely written behind my own mask of reality - trying to believe and hope what was obviously NOT so. Guess that's why they say "love is blind".

Thank you, darlin' - I do love your comments!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hi, Ian. Yes, I believe I will love it. I'm prepared for the sadness, having read the plot summary. But the dance from it you showed is surely one of the most beautiful - imaginative - colorful - exciting - I've seen! It is a work of art!

Friend John just called. He's been talking up a movie he says is supposed to be better than "The Bucket List" (which is good!) - and has gotten a copy and is bringing it over to watch. It does sound good, too. I told him maybe we can watch them both. I'm not sure he'll really love "Dil Se" - it may give him nightmares. I figure we'll watch the one he brings first and maybe he won't want to stay for the double feature and then I'll watch it myself later. He can be overly affected by movies - or else totally immune to them. I'm not sure he has any idea about Indian culture, either. I'll feel my way on that. I don't want to depress him. That is not good at all. He struggles with that at times. So we'll see.

I will want to ferret out "Maude and Two Pigeons" in any case! Now that I know Maude- I want to know all about her. Thank you for the recommendation! - And for the lovely compliment to my hub here!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Another complement coming... You Picture/Avatar is lovely!

It looks so professional and dreamy.

I think it is so beautiful.

i was telling a friend of mine this evening as he was breaking fast and getting ready to make the pizza I had forgotten to make, that you would be watching Dil se... this evening and he said, "Who's Nellie?"

I explained that you are from Texas and have a ranch and he said, "What's a ranch?"

You see. We assume all cultures know about ranches and Cowboys and Indians. The only Indians he knows about are his neighbours south of his homeland, Pakistan. He's a Pakistani guy with dual nationality... British and Pakistani. I only have one (sort of).

He had heard of Dallas, though.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, thank you! It's not a professional portrait by any means. Taken with my webcam and the background replaced with a tapestry and lighting tampered with. Thank you! - I'm delighted you think it nice.

Pizza, huh? Well, I wasn't sure what I'd eat tonight - too hot to cook much. I'd had my "salad on the hoof" (just cut up veggies, no dressing) - and with John coming, I decided to just eat some Greek yogurt. umm - yummy. Now I'm drinking some coffee. I'll probably be sorry when I get all hot. But it sounds just right. Hope I get to watch Dil se..

Hahaha - yeah - Even people in the US don't all know what a ranch is. Some think farms and ranches are interchangeable terms. Not. Ranches are not primarily for growing crops, but for running livestock. Farms are not primarily for running livestock but for growing crops. It takes a lot more land for running livestock. And it takes more tillable land for growing crops.

I'm pleased he's heard of Dallas. Many foreign visitors think of this country as being along the coastlines unless they have specific reasons to venture further into. Then they are often stunned by how much there is "into" here. :-)

I started reading the new story. - Love it. But decided I don't want to be interrupted by John's arrival. He wasn't sure about the time. Sometimes he takes care of people's pets. He's taking care of Bitsy, a cat, who lives nearby, this weekend. He's also walking.

He has taken care of a household with 14 inside cats and more outside ones. He has decided his stomach just isn't up to that any more and plans to decline next time. But knowing him - so good-hearted - he probably won't. He ought to report this disgraceful situation, actually. Ugh.

Well - I'm ready when he arrives. He has a habit of bringing food. I would prefer he didn't, but that's another reason not to worry about supper. hehe


SusieQ42 5 years ago

This is lovely. I love the poem; I love the photos. Thank you.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

SusieQ Thank you! I'm so pleased you enjoyed them!! Hugs.


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 5 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

"In our dance of love" touched me. Your poetry always has a depth for me that I can at times relate to. As always, I enjoy your art and beautiful poems!

Rated beautiful and up!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK

You are such a literary treasure! I cannot believe that professors of literature are not forming committees to ensure your work is protected for posterity.

You fit perfectly into Mark Twain's idea of paradise :-)

Kiss you, Angel Face :-)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Marie, thank you! You depth would relate, of course. You are a special lady for whom I have the greatest admiration!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dimitris! - What a pleasure and delight to see you, my dear! Thank you. I'm now thinking I've the best committee right here in support of my work! :-) Your approval is always greatly treasured! Hugs!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Nellieanna, each time you publish a hub with your exceptional poetic expressions, I am reminded of how talented you are and beautiful, inside and out. Hubpages is fortunate to have you.

And the scarf photos are perfect!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear DRBJ - Thank you! I appreciate that so much. I don't want to wear out my welcome! :-) I was quite pleased with the scarves, too. Hugs!


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA

Dearest Nellieanna,

It is poetry like this that helped me to come out of my shell to give poetry a try. I will never be able to hold a candle to your work, but I have to agree with the others...it would be a bright shining star to have a collection of Nellieanna's poems available for required reading. Thank you for sharing them and your beautiful pictures.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

I'm humbled that you say that, tipoague. You write beautifully. I'm very glad you came out of your shell to write poetry!

I never needed to come out of a shell to write - but to share, I definitely did! It took me many years and - Hubpages, - though I'd placed a few of them on my own website, which I avoided publicizing. Hubpages encouraged the sharing.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

You have made my day again with reading you exqusite and beautiful poems. They always give me so much pleasure and for that I thank you so much.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Hello, hello - And I thank YOU for always giving me such encouraging feedback! Hugs.


rmjudkins 5 years ago

Nellieanna, your poetry affirms and reaffirms so poignantly what we already knew, that love is both pain and ecstasy. Thanks for reminding us. Thumbs up and beautiful!! Regards, Robert


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Robert, thank you. Yes, the way it almost always unfolds does seem inevitably to summon both pain and ecstasy.

I suspect, though, that it's our own inability to love purely that causes that, rather than being part of love itself. It's part of how WE are, not a characteristic of love, methinks.

But that's almost semantics, since we can't be separate from our 'natural' loving ways! :-) And maybe we prefer it that way, with the mixture of pain and ecstasy, suppose?

What would you bet most people would be bored to tears with a love similarly pure to that described in 1Cor.13?

Besides, how rare it would have to be to find two people who were both mutually attracted and also felt and were capable of expressing it in that pure way! And if not, the whole thing would possibly deteriorate into some form of pain and ecstasy - same-old, same-old pain and ecstasy kind of human love.

It's food for thought. sigh.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Nelllieanna:

Your poetry is very philosophical as always and the illustrations are superb.

"Perhaps it is my life".

Of course, it is.

Bravo!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Svetlana. I'm honored that you stopped by. The scarves worked into good illustrations, didn't they?

Yes of course it is - my life. What else? |:-)

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