What Do I Tell My Heart?

CXXXVI.

Source

Sometime it happens. Love happens where it "shouldn't" for one reason or another. The heart is purblind, though, when it comes to logic and reason. So, however much 'common sense' is applied, all that will be accomplished is to 'arrange and control things so they don't get out of hand'. It cannot rearrange the heart, which is never 'in hand' or concerned with arranging things to begin with!

Even if or when the heart retreats, as it may where unwelcome and yielding to common-sense affairs, its realm lingers as close as the flow of seasons and the twinkling of the stars at night; at times, to remind or to unsettle us. But if we learn to trust its things, they will inevitably enrich us as whole, compassionate beings and by their own truth and beauty, provide us with whatever fortitude needed for realities.


Anna and the King, 1999, with Jodie Foster and Yun-Fat Chow, like various other versions, is based on the true story of an English widow, Anna Leonowens, who took her young son, Louie, and ventured by ship to Siam to fill a post as the teacher of the King's many children, borne of his many wives and concubines.

Though he was grounded in ancient customs of his country and royal dynasty, he had wisely recognized that, in order to survive as an independent kingdom to be counted in that Victoian era, 'modern' education in the humanities and sciences was going to be crucial.

There were clashes in customs in which the King had massive advantages but Anna had an independent spirit unwilling to sacrifice her principles and her being or to grovel to a despot.

Of course, the traditional oriental view of women was not based on respect, so the chasm might have been unsurpassable, but for the facts that the King's heart was essentially kind and his mind was quite reasonable; and her self-assurance was firm but respectful.

He was to gain major admiration for her undeniable principles, common sense, knowledge and keen, practical wisdom, - as well as her sincere and tender caring for his family. The result was that he began to solicit and take her advice and she was willing to give it while honoring his position.

Eventually, perhaps inevitably, it resulted in unspoken love between them, enough that he was able to understand, finally, how a man could be satisfied with just one woman, - though that woman was not available to him nor him to her.

So, of course, - they parted, but with loving understanding; she to return to England and he and his son whom she'd guided and who would become the King, to bring Siam into a modern, post-Victorian age, with abolishment of slavery and other significant modernizations.

How Can I Not Love You - Lyrics sung by Joy Enriquez




2.

When first the clouds gather,

Then soon they pass.

We find we’re still alive,

All in one piece.

No cause to strive!

We've gained a new dimension

Filling emptiness.


There's no regret.

For - where love burst through

And opened heart

It lingers, yet.

In its own sweet realm.


It visited then,

Refreshed itself.

If now it's taken flight,

We better know -

Real love's a wing´d thing!-

To taste, but not to cling.


It lingers and revisits

Where it is free.

In its own time,

Sublime.


Cannot be contained.

It gives its ecstasy

Undetained

Past its prime,

Though such as we

May wonder why -

But know - the greater gift is nigh.

1.

When we realize it can go no further,

What is there to do?

If we were slow to recognize,

To know these feelings,

They seemed so raw,

Showing through.

But we must understand them, too.


We cannot kick and scream 'why not?',

Can't hurl blame, spout scorching steam,

Or weep and wail
As if to alter it.

Oh, no! ~ To no avail.

May feel sad,

Bereft, adrift.

After all,

We didn't quest to feel it.

It just came.

Without a word.

That is not wrong,

Though more would be.

We never may reveal it.

Unspoken still,

Can find a way.

Please, please -

Just know, we say!

Know it exists,

Be comforted.


We want no more,

May have no more,

No more, to which entitled.

We smile.

Proclaim our love

To silence, it's unbridled.

But - Ah! So bittersweet!


3.

To be a part of it,

We let it flee,

So we can also flit and fly.

Oe'r paths it blazed

For its own realm.

We can not bid it,

Hold it down or overwhelm.

When it is ripe it may alight

Where it finds welcome, -

Where it is right.

4.

How generous of you

To bring your life

Within my narrow sphere,

To linger here

Enough to know.


If I could return

This kindness

In its kind - oh, yes!

I would.

But I cannot.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay

5.

Pain need not be

Piercing.

Lack of feeling

Hurts sharply

As pain.


I value every feeling.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay

6.

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Comments 40 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

Indeed, the good and the bad, it is all part of love, and to live without ever having experienced it would be a sad thing.

Beautiful work my friend.


xstatic profile image

xstatic 3 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

This is beautiful romantic poetry, Nellieanna. How generous of you, to share these heartfelt words and sentiments with us. We are grateful. That last line really stays with me, "I value every feeling." That short poem at the end is a whole philosophy of love.

I will back to read this one again, and to read comments on it.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Billy - thank you for being my first visitor to this hub I just published! Yes, love has the whole spectrum of feelings at one time or another. Perhaps it's to teach us what it really is. Certainly experiencing it is the supreme blessing. Hard even to imagine never doing so - but it would, indeed, be sad.

Glad you liked this work. It poured from my heart, especially after I heard that song with the credits of the movie. (It wasn't in the movie itself.)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Jim - thanks for coming and commenting. Yes - I learned long ago to value all real emotions and that if one tries to pick & choose, soon they all damage one's authenticity. I also learned to let them occupy only the timeframes for which they're stirred. Some are slow to rise, some are quick; some are life-long, many are quite temporary, regardless of their intensity during that time. They express real feelings in realistic timeframes if allowed to.

Yes - in the emotion of love, it is a whole philosophy.

BTW - If you come back to read it again, please be sure to listen to the music with its backdrop of images from the film.


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 3 years ago from San Francisco

Really impressive. Congratulations. Few have touched a love which no sadness can touch. Thank you.


xstatic profile image

xstatic 3 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

For some reason beyond my techncial expertise, I am unable to hear the music on HP. Strange, because I can in other areas. Trying to figure it out.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Martin - Thank you. True - Love is so central to all we are as persons on one hand, while it makes us reach out of ourselves to the other, so there's almost bound to be some elements of conflict or sadness. Perfect isn't in the plan for human love, at least. But it's enriched by all its elements, even that if we allow it to be.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Jim - aw that's a shame! So many hubs are so enhanced - almost dependent on their music & videos. So, here's the URL for it so you can hear it on u-tube. I checked it out just now and left it playing there and still heard it when I returned here to reply to your comment. It's worth hearing - and watching, I think. The backdrop of Anna and the King in various moments - without audible speech, says much:

http://youtu.be/eS2EA-yFGBg


btrbell profile image

btrbell 3 years ago from Mesa, AZ

This was truly beautiful! I loved the way it is steeped in reality. You did a great job conveying the myriad of emotions it evokes. Thank you for sharing!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Randi - oh - thank you! Yes, the realism makes it 'ring true' - in so many ways.

I guess most of us relate to those emotions, though we may not always 'own up to them'. Thank YOU for coming and sharing your perspective.


arb profile image

arb 3 years ago from oregon

Ironic that unspoken and kept safe unto the heart such love goes on forever, but, once freed, expressed and shared, it suffers the risk of all that comes against it. Once freed, love must function in the real world. A world of moments, hours and days that confront the innocence of love with burden and demand. Love which survives our endless opportunities to destroy it, is more than hope or wish; It is only free to be, I think, if it is also free to fail. Perhaps, kept forever unto the heart it isn't love at all. Perhaps, it is the sadness of an imprisoned heart that sees beyond a cell it can not escape. A beautiful story, beautifully offered in exquisite poetry and prose. To most, a beautiful love story. To me, a story of sadness where the hope of love was forced to settle for the dream of love. Never the less, you have again, gifted us with the beauty of your poetry and dressed the story in the elegance it deserves. I will wait for a sequel upon which her return washes away the sadness and love that wasn't, is. :)


LauraD093 profile image

LauraD093 3 years ago from Pittsburgh PA

a roller-coaster ride of feeling- a wonderful piece of work your illustrations only added to the flow of words-thanks


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 3 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Oh my sweetest Nellieanna,

A timely tribute to Jodie Foster...The video alone is enough to have me in a heaping puddle of tears...

This may be my favorite of your collections, but I am no doubt going to say this again and again...as for what I tell my heart? Oh my dear, I am crying again, so I will hold my answer under wraps for now.

You are, without a doubt, the mistress of poetic expression. I cherish you. Love, Maria


Fossillady profile image

Fossillady 3 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

We're all romantics deep down even if a few of us are too scared to admit it. I never saw the movie, but the clip was heart wrenching. You're a true poet and I admire the impact of your words with the use of a simplistic style!


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Wow! so beautiful and heartfelt, nice video & song. I like the plot of this story as well as your interpretation. These poems speak volume. Nicely done.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

What you say is wise, dear Alan, as I'd expect nothing less. I so appreciate your praise of my poetic offering here. It means much to me for you to honestly respond to its premise as you have. I counted on you to do so. So thank you. If I loved you before, - now the more.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hello, Laura. Yes - it is a roller-coaster in many respects. I'm aware that the illustration of it didn't need my further words, but HP demands them. :-) I'm glad to hear that you think they added to the work of the story! I felt them deeply.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Maria, my dear Maria. Yes, it's timely. She's a fine actress with a genuine heart who fit into this role perfectly.

No need to tell, we must reserve our confidences to our hearts. But it's so good to pause to consider them, so if this has inspired that, it's good, I think.

My contribution is really rather slight to this hub. The silent backdrop of the characters of Anna and the King, and that marvelous song - say all that needed to be said. But, it was my duty to provide some words, which I could from my own heart. I hope that the meaning that was clear to me in the story comes through but I'm aware that each of us has experiences which will direct how we perceive it.

I cherish you, too, my dear friend.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Fossillady. How nice to see you!

I think you're right. Yes we are all romantics at heart, probably because that's what the heart is about and we all have one. I appreciate your visit and kind comments.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Marlene - hi! Thank you. I'm pleased that you like it! So nice to see you visiting!


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

Oh, Nellieanna, you are so very wise in the matters of the heart. The heart really wants what the heart wants! This is so beautiful and full of such truths.

I also really love reading your very insightful comments, as they, too, are filled with such wisdom. Your precious heart has been put to the test many times and you have known love and have loved, it is so evident.

Thank you for this lovely write and for sharing your thoughts on love.

The video is perfect!

Voted up ++++ and sharing.

In His Love, Faith Reaper


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and awesome. So lovely and so true. Our hearts love, ache and sometimes have to let go. Loved this. Passing it on. Enjoyed the musical the King and I.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Faith, thank you - you give me too much credit. What I do know is that love exists in its own realm, where 'conditions' don't exist and love may exist for one partner only. These facts rule.

But if love abides, it's a blessing and real.

Yes, the video fits well. For Anna and the King, love did abide but the conditions & obligations of reality disfavored its blooming fully - or even openly; and honor demanded they abide by those conditions, as can happen even in the most loving of situations.

My heart has loved - and been loved - and reaped both kinds of situations. But for 30 years, it was mutual and wonderful. Thank you for reminding me. And thank you for voting and all! Hugs.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Rasma - dear heart - thank you. Yes - I loved the musical The King and I - but must admit that Anna and the King touched my heart, mind and soul much more deeply.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 3 years ago from Louisiana

"Pain need not be

Piercing.

Lack of feeling

Hurts sharply

As pain.

I value every feeling."

Me too. Beautiful sentiment to this hub.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Nikki - that says so much! Thank you, hugs and all the best to you!


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida

That version of the movie with Jodie Foster was outstanding - I remember it - and the music video was perfection. But neither of them, Nellieanna, m'dear, can hold a candle to the amazing brilliance of your imaginative poetry. Trust me!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

When my favorite DR says 'trust me' - what choice have I??

Glad you liked this. Hugs.


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 3 years ago

Nellie, your message comes through loud and clear to me this morning - in particular!

I can't believe the timeliness of your words - and - it being my first read this morning!

Verrrrry recently - one of 'those' cosmic, irresistible attractions - that should never have been - came back into my life via social media! To say it was unsettling 20 years later, and then to find that he still felt the same - is an understatement! Shocking is more like it...

I adored Anna and the King - and jodie foster gets my respect where most hollywood types just DON'T..

You have quite a way with words, my friend - and delivering an important life lesson!

Bravo..


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Leslie, I especially appreciate your perceptive comments. . . . You're amazing.

I appreciate your sharing your own recent experience of such a "cosmic, irresistible attraction" in your own life. Of course it would be unsettling &/or shocking. Only you know what to do about it. That it "never should have been" is as strong a feature as the attraction, I'm sure you know without hearing it. :-)

Something I say without hesitation is that the experience of loving and caring bestows its own benefits, no matter the conditionality limiting its freedom to be fulfilled. It's surely a most wondrous experience that actually radiates into every part of one's life, touching everyone one touches and teaching one's mind and soul major lessons. The freedom to do what's right in its real world arises from its own realness, one of its most important fruits.

In my humble opinion, that is what Anna and the King's caring demonstrated even more than the love that had grown out of mutual respect and admiration; it could only have diminished its foundations had they chosen to claim their own gratification so long as their rights to were not also real.

Jodie Foster is an exception to most hollywood types, for sure!

Thank you, dear friend for your special response! Bravo back at you!


dreamseeker2 3 years ago

I found your wisdom profound, beautifully written and an awesome context of what love is all about. I could highlight so many verses that struck a chord in my own heart regarding this poem, but not one outshines the other, Nellieanna. Voted it up and of course these two ... beautiful and awesome. : )


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Gwen - Thank you, dear lady. Don't we love to dwell on the subject of love and all its ways to touch our lives? The main one in this discussion of it - the love that is real but cannot be fulfilled - is both sad and magnificent, it it's restrained and resisted out of honor. The really sad love story is one of simply unrequited love, one-sided love. But I will always maintain that love itself is the blessing. If one feels it alone - it's still a blessing. If we feel it mutually but cannot 'have it' - still a blessing. If we have it and must adjust to realities of living to keep it. a blessing still. Love itself is more than an emotion like infatuation, because it cares for the welfare of the beloved even more than one's own satisfaction.

I so appreciate your visit and lovely comments - and votes!

I'm watching "Pride and Prejudice" - the BBC version - which I have to watch from time to time. (I have and like the other one, but this one so much more). So I'm in a very special frame of mind. :-) I'm a bit of a Jane Austen nut.


Vincent Moore 3 years ago

I have loved deeply in my life, I also have lost it. I have been so touched by feelings of others that bring me to tears. I am emotional and find such love for little things. I remember weeping when I watched "Love Story" crying after in my car after watching "The Music Lovers" oh my heart has felt love, but unfortunately for me and others, never ever able to hang on to it for long. I pray that should I come back for another tour of duty on this planet that I be given a passion for love and keep it in my heart forever. Love has been fleeting for me my friend. I have a deep respect for lovers who have kept in love all their days. Hugs


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Vincent,I find myself wanting to ask, what perfection is there to which one must compare one's own passion or ability to love?

I suspect we'd all fall short of such perfection if put to the test. Even those who stay in love for their lives - what length qualifies? 25, 50, 70, 90 years? - Even those relationships are human & have had their days of surviving friction, too, maybe by learning to 'never go to bed angry' or to 'sleep on it' and it'll be resolved in the morning. Or maybe they've stomped off 'mad as hell' and come back sheepishly, - or stayed gone on 'separate vacations' to clear the air. But they did return and renew. But if the 'success stories' of one lifetime came back in life after life, those vagaries would still appear and have to be resolved because: 1) it takes two to make a lasting love and 2)PEOPLE are not perfect!

What is abiding, though, is that ability to FEEL, to LOVE and to CARE, to be affected by tenderness, as you are and have been. You're not somehow exempt from true love, my friend! "Hanging on" to love is not what love IS. In fact, it resists being hung onto. Closing in on love chokes it. Patience may need to be hung onto, - but, again, it takes 2 for that to triumph, as well. If love has seemed fleeting, it's still genuine when & while it's there. If we don't treasure its appearance and experience it fully when it IS, it won't beg by hitting us in the head!

Love's nature is its spontaneity and it abides where it's desired, and it leaves its precious aura even where lack of mutuality has blocked its full blooming.

This hub focuses on love that would unfold except for higher values preventing it. It's but another situation in which love meets its challenges - lovingly. Letting go can be the most loving thing one can really do to demonstrate love.

In any case, loving oneself is a primary essential and sets the pace for loving others. You are lovable, you know! Don't doubt it!!


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 3 years ago from Sunny Florida

You are such a beautiful writer. You write from the heart. Up, awesome, and beautiful.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

KoffeeKlatchGals - thank you! That's a beautiful comment! Thanks for the votes, also!


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 3 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Oh Love of the heart.. How do we tell our soul? so beautiful my friend

Debbie


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Sweet Debbie. Only knowing hearts can fully understand the outpouring or the aches of heart and soul. Thank you!


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 8 months ago

Love and all the emotions that we live and die for. What good is life if we can't enjoy the passion so deep in our veins. Unexplainable bliss and joy. It gives us energy and great strength. Your hubs are so beautiful. They trigger so many feelings.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 8 months ago from TEXAS Author

I'm so pleased that you've visited my hub, Dream On! Thank you for the lovely compliments to my hubs. I hope to give readers pleasure with them. But it depends on the ability-to-respond of the reader! (response-ability)

No one can deny real emotions and feelings. But we can learn to live with them in such a way that we enjoy having them but don't allow them to hurt others, in whatever ways they might possibly hurt or impose on the other.

Loving someone is a privilege for oneself. If it's mutual, it's a privilege and pleasure for both beyond description and we all want that. We need it, but we cannot mastermind or micromanage it to happen. It must be mutual and spontaneous.

Otherwise, if, for various reasons, it is not possible for it to go on to fruition or if it is not mutual for the other person, the most loving response one can give to honestly express his/her real love is to let it be without trying to change the things that block it for the other person if that person can't or doesn't choose to change them, nor can one try to 'make' the other person respond as one wants. Those are selfish actions, rather than loving ones.

Of course, humans do have selfish motives, and they often accompany the emotional feelings of love which long for fulfillment and fruition. But people can learn to suspend their own selfish desires and allow the loved person to be and to pursue the course he or she has chosen or is committed to. It should not be teamed with guilt-trips or harsh judgment, but only with loving understanding and acceptance -- if the love is real, even if it doesn't bring the results in the other which one had hoped for.

Love that can accept and allow that kind of freedom to the loved one is a higher kind of love and is truly 'unconditional'. One must truly value being able to love -without having to have 'more' for oneself than simply being able to feel and experience love, though. But if one can do that, then it is truly enjoying the full passion one feels, - without qualifications & conditions which are self-serving, rather than being a fruit of the love one feels and a gift for the loved one.

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