Listen with Motherf***er Goose

Humpty Dumptruck

Humpty Dumptruck is a significant person – in terms of girth anyway. He has been described as being equivalent to at least three normal people. But Humpty Dumptruck’s great girth was not his biggest problem. This week it was Humpty’s big gob that got him into trouble and not because he was stuffing his third lunch into it. No, naughty Humpty ran away at the mouth and said some silly things about a race of people in another country far far away. Unfortunately for Humpty in the days of the Internet it wasn’t far enough away and so Humpty got caught out and fell off that reinforced concrete wall he likes to sit on. All the King’s horses and all the King’s men were unable to do much about it though because they were all laughing so much about what the funny man from Finland was saying about poor Humpty. However as Humpty is quite a hard-boiled egg, he didn’t suffer much damage apart from a few cracks in his shell or was that shells in his crack? Whatever.

There was a crooked man (or four)

Finally the coded riddle of the crooked man has been cracked. There doesn’t seem to be any confirmation of whether the sixpence he found was crooked or not. But it appears the stile might have been a misspelling of style. The Courts have decided the style in which he obtained it, while not exactly crooked, was certainly insufficiently straight for him to avoid being nicked. The allegedly crooked cat and mouse have also been convicted with him as has another from the political menagerie. Luckily for them they will not be going to live in the crooked little house, but instead they might have to go and clean some rather nicer little houses or gardens in their community instead.

Little Blueboy

Little Blueboy found himself in trouble recently for too much use of his horn. It would appear that while the sheep were in the meadow and the cows were in the corn, Little Blueboy did quite a bit of trumpeting to the farmer on behalf of a little shewolf he’d taken a shine to. Unfortunately Little Blueboy’s job was looking after the sheep and he wasn’t supposed to be supporting attempts by other animals to get onto the farm. Funnily enough it was another Shepherd who managed to put some of the heat on him when what he had been up to came to light. This resulted in a rude awakening for Little Blueboy and he burst into tears and was sent to sit on the naughty mat for the rest of term.

Little Bo Tox

Unfortunately for the farming consortium, Little Blueboy’s saga has caused as whole heap of problems for Little Bo Tox who has been doing the job Little Blueboy used to do. She has discovered that a lot of sheep got out of the paddock while Little Blueboy was lying down on the job. Worse still it transpires that some got into the hands of the shewolf One of the other farm workers who has yet to be identified appears to have spilt the beans about the shewolf’s involvement without clearing it with the appropriate authorities first. This has led to quite a lot of bleating from in the paddock. Little Bo Tox thought everyone was bleating at her so she grabbed up her crook and tried to stick a couple of them in the pen. But she carelessly picked on a couple of the meanest rams in the whole paddock and there was no way they were going to allow Little Bo Tox to herd them into the quiet corner. This saga is not over and promises to be no little matter. It is likely more of the flock will be singled out for being too woolly-headed.

The Grand Old Dork of Yorkland

The Grand Old Dork is losing his grip on his troops. He marched them all the way to the top of the hill with promises of support for the enlisted man. Unfortunately when they got to the top of the hill the Grand Old Dork scarpered at left his men to the mercies of his (very) bored members. They were so bored that they turned all responsibility over to their acronyms, Messrs CEO, CFO, GM, MD and probably MFs. They came up with a genius plan for getting rid of all their enlisted men and hiring mercenaries instead. Unfortunately, as is so often the case, the lower ranks are revolting, which the acronyms thought was the case anyway. Now the Grand Old Dork is too scared to do anything, because he knows if he marches his men down again they will all be slaughtered, but he is also afraid of heights and doesn’t want the men to stay up the hill. But the Grand Old Duke can’t afford to sit around too long, because he could lose his commission as well as all his men if he doesn’t do something soon.