One crazy story even for the hub pages

A day comes in everybody's life when they find the urge to move on. That time finally hit me one day when I got home from a very long day at work, and I couldn't find a parking place in the cramped apartment complex where I reside. Enough was enough, and it was time to move somewhere else where I had my own driveway and land which I could call my own. My own manifest destiny came calling.

So one morning I picked up a daily newspaper, and started to read and study the classified advertisements for a place that I could finally call my own at last. There were thousands of houses for sale for all many different prices, but they all were a bit out of my price range.

Then all of a sudden a very bright light bulb went off in my head. My new idea was to buy land, and build my own house. Why not, other people do it all of the time. The prices of land depended greatly on the quantity of acres that you wanted to buy. Some were really way out of my price range, but one piece of land really stood out from all of the others. The price was too good to be true, and my biggest worry was that the land had already been sold.

So I picked up the good old phone, and called the number that was in the newspaper. An elderly man answered by the name of Edward, and he spoke in broken English. I told him that I was calling about the land which he had advertised in the newspaper, and I asked him if it had been sold yet. To my surprise he said no, and that the land was still available. I could hardly believe my ears.

So I asked him if the land was flat or hilly. He said that it could be however I wanted it. I wasn't sure what he meant, so I asked him if there were any trees on the land. He said yes there were some trees, bushes, rocks, and grass. I told him that this all sounded like a good mixture to me, and he agreed that the land was a pretty good mixture.

So I decided that I had to go and see this land for myself. I asked him where was the land located at. He told me that it could be where ever I wanted it to be. I wasn't sure if I understood him correctly because of his broken English, or if he had a lot of different plots of land for sale. So I asked him again if he could give me directions to this land. He told me that he could give me directions to his house, and then he could show me the land. I really didn't understand at this point why he couldn't just tell me where the land was, so I agreed to meet him at his house at a certain time, and go to the land from there.

The directions took me all the way out into the country, and soon there were only big fields, pastures, and woods everywhere I looked. There wasn't a single house anywhere in sight. Finally I pulled into the long driveway of the only house around for miles. It then dawned on me that the land must be apart of all of this property that his house was on. As far as I could see the land was wooded, flat, hilly, and full of wide open fields. I could only dream which section of the land that Edward was talking about selling.

Edward then emerged from this big white three story farmhouse, and introduced himself to me. I told him how beautiful it was around here, and that I could hardly wait to see the land that he was talking about selling. Edward motioned that the land was on the other side of the big cattle barn next to the fish pond.

When we walked around to the other side of the massive barn the view was just breath taking. So I asked him where does the land go. Edward said where ever you want it to go. I said you mean that I can make the property lines go as far, and as long as I want. Edward said when you buy the land, you can do whatever you wish with it.

I got excited and I started walking down a hill towards the wood line, when Edward said where are you going the land is over here. I turned around and the only thing that I saw was an old rusty dump truck loaded up, and over flowing with dirt and brush. I then asked Edward where's the land? Edward said loaded up in the back of that GMC dump truck. I yelled that's crazy, what in the world are you talking about?

Edward then went on to say that earlier in the week he leveled some hills on the back side of his farm, and that he had all of this land left over. So he decided to advertise it in the newspaper, and sell it to make a little money. Edward said that he would be more then happy to spread the land out however, and where ever I wanted it.

Since there's certain language you aren't permitted to use here on the hub pages, I decided to censor the rest of our heated conversation, and quickly move onto the end of this story

After I called him an idiot we both proceeded to have heated words, and then I was asked to leave his property immediately with the helpful encouragement of Edward's shotgun. Since I was on the business end of those two barrels, I didn't waste anytime leaving either. On my long drive home I decided that buying land may not have been one of my better ideas. So to solve the parking problem at my apartment complex, I decided it would be best to just sell my car and buy a bike.

THE END
THE END
5 out of 5 stars from 2 ratings of this Hub

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Comments 43 comments

shiningirisheyes profile image

shiningirisheyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

Hysterical!!! I had no idea where this was going but certainly wasn't disappointed once I got there. Great job with this!

By the way - did he also advertise a section of swamp land in Florida? LOL

Definitely voting up. How could I not?


flashmakeit profile image

flashmakeit 4 years ago from usa

I almost fell of my set laughing. He thought someone would want to buy his dirt and unwanted weeds. Too much!!


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

This is hilarious. No wonder you were getting such odd answers on the phone.

Cycling will keep you fit anyway. Lol


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Tooooo funny! This is a great story! I hope that bike worked out and that you got a helmet too. UP! Shared too.


Larry Wall 4 years ago

Since you are not buying the land, can I interest you in the purchase of a bridge--one in the New York area?


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Definitely sound like something you would get in TN. Here someone would buy the dirt to fill in a big dip in their land.


Curiad profile image

Curiad 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

LOL this is hilarious!

Voted Up


TENKAY profile image

TENKAY 4 years ago from Philippines

bwahahaha... I love your story. so, how's the bike.

voted up and funny.


kj force profile image

kj force 4 years ago from Florida

OMG..I was just getting ready to e-mail you with my daughters bus.#, thinking you would need an architect..

you were right when you titled your hub..great job/well written and funny..let me know when the snow falls, I have some old bike chains..hehehe


preservemypics profile image

preservemypics 4 years ago

Haha. Edward is a marketing genius!


oceansider 4 years ago

I read your article, the whole thing, and I really enjoyed it so much...as I read I was thinking you were going to get some land in the county...it sounded beautiful, until you were shown the dump truck!!!....now that was funny, very weird indeed!! I was disappointed for you as I got to that part and read that!....This was really well done..voted up and interesting!


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire

I think you were punked, HS!


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

What a hoot! Enjoyed the story and great laugh. What a character!


phoenix2327 profile image

phoenix2327 4 years ago from United Kingdom

What a story! It certainly does explain why the 'land' was still available and the vague answers from Edward.


AnnRandolph profile image

AnnRandolph 4 years ago

Funny story! Keep writing.


alancaster149 profile image

alancaster149 4 years ago from Forest Gate, London E7, U K (ex-pat Yorkshire)

Nice one! Voted up and funny. It's got to be on a par with Tommy Cooper's* best comic tales.

*If you've never hard of him, Tommy was an all-time comic favourite this side of the Pond.


kashmir56 profile image

kashmir56 4 years ago from Massachusetts

Great funny story, i wonder how many other people tried to view that land ?


neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 4 years ago from new delhi

i kept running down the hub thinking there was a deep philosophical lesson to be learnt and sue there as one at the end- when you fall short , don't buy more- downsize, for all you want to buy could turn out to be a truckload of dirt.

great ending loved it , voted up.


michememe profile image

michememe 4 years ago

Oh my gosh! I literally fell out my bed laughing! This is too funny.


aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

This is a great story, but I am so sorry that you had to put up with all this foolishness.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and funny. LOL some people wish they'd all learn better English. I mean this guy is living in the U.S. He must be a load of laughs everywhere he goes. Even though you're getting a bike maybe if you are still feeling cramped you can see if there are houses available for rent and then decide which way to go.Passing this on.


Lightshare profile image

Lightshare 4 years ago

-)reallyy crazy


lucybell21 profile image

lucybell21 4 years ago from Troy, N.Y.

Your story gave quite a chuckle, and I really enjoyed reading it. And I hear ya on the parking. My street sucks some days, but it's the price I pay for living 5 minutes away from my job. Voted up!


Angela Brummer profile image

Angela Brummer 4 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

Is there a good story about buying the bike? LOL I am sharing your article now. Please go through the list and exchange sharing with the other participants.


TToombs08 profile image

TToombs08 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

TOO funny! Loved it and voted/shared. :)


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

As I read I kept trying to figure out where this land might be given Edward's cryptic answers. I never dreamed it would be in his pick up truck! Great job. Voted up, funny and interesting.


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

Sounds like a language quaff that I would make! I have some land for sale too (only a few wheelbarrows though), just drop me an email.


alancaster149 profile image

alancaster149 4 years ago from Forest Gate, London E7, U K (ex-pat Yorkshire)

Can I take American soil north of the border into Canada and declare a US republic there? Answer on the back of a postage stamp please.


tjdavis profile image

tjdavis 4 years ago from Moscow, Texas

Wonderful story..voted it up and shared it on twitter.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota

Unbelievable that there are people out there that would lead someone astray like that. I can imagine how ticked off you must have been. It did sound ify to me right from the start. Part of me wondered if it was an axe murderer. Glad you came out of it unscathed except for the let down of the dirt in the back of the truck. Great hub and I hit every button.


IsadorasThought profile image

IsadorasThought 4 years ago

Oh my goodness, I'm crying with laughter. Edward is my idol though. I think I'm going to sell some land, too :)


farmloft profile image

farmloft 4 years ago from Michigan

Great, fun story -- my husband sells topsoil, I wonder if he'd make more money if he advertised it as recycled "land".

Good luck with the bike.


Rice Girl 2011 profile image

Rice Girl 2011 4 years ago from Southeastern United States

Great story. Voted up and funny. I really enjoyed this, thank you for a big afternoon chuckle!


AlanRimmer profile image

AlanRimmer 4 years ago from Southwest UK

My wife just asked me what I was laughing at so I read her your hub and we both fell about in hysterics. Bookmarking this one. Brilliant.


Diana Lee profile image

Diana Lee 4 years ago from Potter County, Pa.

What a character this guy was. I wonder how many more came to see his land. Very funny.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 4 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

That just might be the funniest thing I have ever read. What Is Q (a Hubber) had the title up to this point but you are the king of funny stories. Thank you so much for a wonderful laugh.


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

That's one of the funniest stories I've ever read! Unbelieveable what some people will do...thanks for a good laugh!


moonfairy profile image

moonfairy 4 years ago

you really had me going there! Where? Well, I don't know...I guess wherever you wanted me to go...................................LOL

very entertaining hub =)


Elise-Loyacano profile image

Elise-Loyacano 4 years ago from San Juan, Puerto Rico

Very fuuny story with a great (albeit unfortunate) twist. Come to think of it, I've got soe land to sell too. Maybe Edward would like to buy it.

"My own manifest destiny came calling." Nice line.


healthylife2 profile image

healthylife2 4 years ago from Connecticut, USA

Thanks for the laugh!


grand old lady profile image

grand old lady 4 years ago from Philippines

It isn't every day that one comes across a natural born philosopher. With a little hayseed, perhaps, but he does have an interesting perspective on things. However, if you had bought the land, he would have ceased to be a philosopher and would have been a demon. Very nice story, thanks for sharing:)


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 3 years ago

Funny, funny. Being a native of the South, I'm not sure if this is truth or fiction. Our vernacular can sometimes be confusing to aliens (those not from the South). Just wait until somebody offers you earth for sale.


Romeos Quill profile image

Romeos Quill 2 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

Nearly spat out my tea! Thanks for this.

R.Q.

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