10 Uses for a Plastic Garden Owl

When I grew up, my grandparents had a huge garden. It had multiple beds, each one filled with probably sixty to 100 plants. To help keep the birds away, they had a few tricks. First, there were inflatable plastic snakes in the grass between the beds that my sister and I always played with. Those were good, but that wasn’t all. Second was the plastic owl that stood watch from the roof of the back porch. It was extremely effective, and when I planted my own little garden and discovered that the birds were eating my tomatoes, I went out and got myself a plastic owl, too. It cost about $20, and I realized that the garden would eventually die, and then I’d have a plastic owl. So what else could I do with it

Obviously, this is the best use for the plastic owl. It really does an amazing job, too. Once I bought mine and put it into the garden, I noticed an immediate decrease in the number of tomatoes that had been ravaged by birds’ beaks. Of course, the insect population went up a bit, but you can’t have everything.

Okay, so it’s no raptor or t-rex or weeping angel, but you can still use it for fun and hijinks. Most people don’t expect to wake up and see a huge owl hanging in front of their windows, especially in the winter, so once the garden doesn’t need the owl anymore, it’s time for pranks! (Warning – if you don’t know your neighbors, or if you know them and they don’t take jokes well, this is not recommend. Especially because of that whole trespassing thing.)

Harry Potter might be over, but everyone wants their own Hedgewig, right? And what’s better than making people think that you were one of the lucky few Muggles who made it into Hogwarts? Pose the owl with a letter of acceptance, and you’re in! (Well, not really in, but it might look like it.)

Pose it with a witch’s mask or put some lights around it and put it in the front window. If it intimidates the birds, it should also intimidate the trick or treaters. If you get lucky, maybe you’ll even have some leftover Halloween candy!

It might not be heavy, but at least it’s unwieldy. You can use the owl as a sort of battering ram to hit anyone who happens to invade your house. Robbers may not be put off by the weight of the thing, but if you swing it around enough, you’ll look crazy, and crazy can work for you if you’re trying to scare someone. Just remember that if you connect with someone, it might mean the end of the owl – it is hollow after all – but that just means it’s perfect for smashing someone over the head. It may attach, leaving them temporarily blinded while you escape and call the police.

For a while, people were buying those half-dummy bodies to sit up in chairs and make it look like someone was home with them. You can save all that money and just use the owl! Sit it in a chair on a bunch of phone books (they still deliver them, so you might as well get some use out of them) and throw a jacket and hat on it. It will look like you have a slightly deformed guest in your house, making potential robbers think that you’re not alone.

It’s Halloween. You’re ready to go trick or treating. And you realize that your pirate costume is missing one thing – a parrot for your shoulder. Never fear: owl is here! Put the owl on your shoulder and name it Polly. Whenever anyone points out that it’s an owl, sigh, shake your head, and tell them that it’s Halloween. The owl is dressed up as a parrot. You can even put a little parrot mask on it to help with the illusion. You’ll get points for originality. Or everyone will laugh at you behind your back. Either way, your costume will be complete.

Because sometimes you want to show your car in a really big way, the owl hood ornament is right for you. Just attach it to the existing hood ornament with really strong glue or some twine. It’s like a jaguar, but way cooler. (Keep in mind, I’m not actually suggesting you do this. I think it would probably be dangerous, and possibly illegal. But it would look awesome.)

Yes, there’s actually a meme about being an owl. No joke. And this way, you don’t have to just pretend to be an owl – you can look just like one. Drop your head down into your shirt and tuck the owl into your collar. Owling achievement unlocked!

All the kids are doing it nowadays! Cosplay is big. You get to dress up like your favorite character. Why not go to a con as an Ent? Just attach the owl to some branches, wear brown and green, and wham – you’re ready to cosplay as an Ent. (Or as a tree. It depends on what kind of convention you’re going to.)