How I Got Carpet Tunnel Syndrome!

Nothing known to Einstein will keep a rug in one place!

This flickr photo shows someone else trying to hold a rug down perhaps?
This flickr photo shows someone else trying to hold a rug down perhaps?

How a humble rug became an implacable enemy!

 I know nothing whatsoever about the subject of this small hub, written in hot blood after a two-hour battle with an implacable enemy which eventually, grudgingly, yielded, but not before putting about 2 years I cannot afford on my life and leaving me with a scarred and lined battlefield I don't know what to do with.

Anyone got a clue yet what I am talking about?

THE RUG, THE BLOODY RUG!!

A friend was about to throw away a large rug she had had in her home office for a couple of years. It was in good condition, apart from a small cigarette burn (these damn nicotiniacs!) in one corner which had fused the polyglomerate, or whatever is this stuff they are made of. Being an Essex female, the rug became persona non carpeta in her house. Jeez, these people should live in Mexico for a year! So I offered to give it a second home as I could hide the burn under something.

I had admired this large rug, because it was really very masculine being covered in heads! Lion, rhino, something with antlers, etc. The color was acceptable for my flat, too, any color is.

My real reason in acquiring it was my toadstool colored fitted carpet in the lounge was very worn in places a rug would cover...mushroom color? Whose writing this?

Learn from this you newbie's on hubpages, you can write an article about any damn thing you like, HP don't care, they ain't paying for it and your fellow hubbers should suffer for all the c--p they turn out, too!

So down went the rug: under the table, the sofa, the TV stand (heavy...old Sony), the budgie cage - it was luckily bird-crap colored - and the nasty bits on my carpet were concealed. Well done, Robert, you did something right for once and it didn't cost you a sou.

Ha! The knowledgeable home-makers out there are nodding sagely - or after a coupla joints - and thinking, "It ain't all over till it's over!"

The floor was completely flat. The rug was heavy and laid on it.

So what unseen and unknowable energy force had it shifting around, curling at the corners, causing me to trip up once and cannon into the budgie cage, nearly giving them cardiac arrest?

Also it was forming ridges in parts near the middle.

I tried everything: wedging the corners under the TV stand, the sofa and a heavy potted plant. The lion sneered at me as another ripple cut across his snarling grin. The rhino's horn took on the wavy form of a hog's dick; the deer only had three legs. Nothing seemed to keep this recalcitrant rug in place.

"Sue," the previous owner told me, there was only one thing for it: either throw it away or stick it down with carpet tape, a product I was unacquainted with... heck, when I was a wealthy coke dealer, I would just buy a new house!

"Don't forget," she said, "Buy a good one" Eh? A good what? At the local DIY store, there were two brands of carpet tape for sale. They were - approximately - £2.95 and about £7.95. As getting any help and advice in a British shop is akin to finding gold nuggets in the high street, I opted for the cheaper roll, snarling something about "con artists" and "capitalism" under my breath at a startled old couple looking at the paint.

Back I went to the grot and down went long strips of carpet tape along the sides of the rug at the corners. I was enjoying every moment of this, I hadn't been on my hands and knees since about 19980 when I was begging Judge Hester to take it easy on me, and when I weighed about 200 pounds less. (It's easy getting down there, it's the arising again that calls for mechanical help).

I sat and drank a cuppa with a glow of pride and accomplishment. The rug was flatter than a snooker table without a wrinkle in sight. I had finally conquered the beast!

This euphoria lasted for about two weeks. No! The side of the rug near the kitchen was...it couldn't be...lifting again as if being levitated by some malevolent spirit. As I watched - or so it seemed - the other corners began to wrench away from the tape - I swear this is true apart from a little editing for effect.

So, within two months, I was back to having an ugly, wrinkled mess covering another, stained torn one.

I called Sue. I was sent to the forget me box and she didn't call back.

So today, May 6, 2011; after living like this since the beginning of the year, I though "To hell with it, you're going, menagerug!"

I soon had it rolled up, taped with my eBay packaging stuff and leaned in a hidden corner. I tucked my hernia up manfully and got down on my knees. The lady downstairs banged back on her ceiling.

Just remove all these bits of carpet tape and....NO...SHIT! They've become part of the carpet underneath!

I'm sure some of you have been there with this stuff. I should have bought the better, thicker, stickier tape. What's the saying about "Fool's Savings?" Anyhoo, I did eventually get most of it off by scraping with various kitchen tools. Now I have to get a professional shampooer to try to get the marks and all the dirt out.

And I will NEVER, never put down a rug over a fitted carpet again!! I couldn't anyway, both my knees are buggered: I think it's called "Carpet Tunnel Syndrome!"

 

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Comments 33 comments

Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 5 years ago from Vermont, USA

Bob-

So, you've got this braided abomination rolled up like a giant spliff and propped in the corner, with your knees more rug-burned than after that 3 day weekend spent in the NoTell Motel with the twins, a case of economy tequila and a basket of limes, and you choose to denigrate your fellow hubbers for their aimless ramblings and pointless prose...

OK, fair enough. Truth is, this is the best thing I've read in hubpages in the past few days.

Thanks for the laughs. I hope you can find some other sucker to take that thing off your hands.

CP


diogenese 5 years ago

Hi Chris: That's the funniest comment I have ever received...cheers. My days of two up in cheap hotels, tequila - and even spiffs - are unfortunately over, but I have the abomination and the skinned kneees...Bob


Sun Pen 50 profile image

Sun Pen 50 5 years ago from Srilanka

Thanks Dio. I had a laugh which come not so frequently...these days. Up/funny


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

Thanks bud, glad you had a chuckle and thanks for visit...Bob


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Who the deuce invented knees? Obviously no one ever thought ahead to the part when you would actually Kneed them? Pretty much the most painful part of the body if you ask me.

I just replaced the carpet in a couple of rooms and what should have been a one day job (in my 20's) turned into a month long nightmare. Plus, I will never get the dust from the old carpet out of my house!

And now my knees hurt. Bummer. Getting old sucks!


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

Austinstar! How on earth did you manage to lay carpet? That's one of the most arduous tasks known to mankind...was it masochism? Not just the kneeling, but the working the leg like a piston on that ram gizmo as you pulled it tight ready to nail down. I hope you did pull it veeery tight and you didn't get carpet tunnel syndrome!? Bob


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

I use physics to lay carpet with. I'm very good at solving weird problems like laying carpet. I simply pulled up the old carpet by asking Bob to do that with channel lock pliers. Then the hard part about getting out the dust. That was crap. I had to use dust masks and a broom. Then the secret ingredient. Carpet tiles! These tiles are laid like regular tiles, but no grout. The big squares just mesh together. We used carpet tape and spray adhesive. They come with a vinyl backing and don't need a pad. I should have done before and afters. Maybe I will. I took one before anyway.

Watch the video here: http://www.icarpetiles.com/how-to-install-carpet-t...


cathylynn99 profile image

cathylynn99 5 years ago from northeastern US

voted up and funny, but you need a "who's". i volunteer to be your copy reader. you geniuses don't have time for all such details.


chspublish profile image

chspublish 5 years ago from Ireland

Hi,funny, sorry about your knee condition. You forgot to read the terms and conitions for carpet laying?


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

Hi again Austinstar. Congratulations. I hadn't heard of carpet tiles. Good plan. Bob


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

Yes, I noticed that and forgot to change it. You can have the job any time. I'm usually more careful...Bob


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

chpublish. My knees are fine, it's the burden they have to support...Bob


soumyasrajan 5 years ago from Mumbai India and often in USA

Interesting one diogenes! I like your style of describing even this little disaster. Carpet may have troubled you but this final outcome on hubpages does give some pleasure and brings lots of sympathy for you. Hey! Migrate to Mumbai then you can get a lot of this work done with help available, and just think about your writing.

Good luck!


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

Hi soumyasrajan.

Funny you should say that: I watch 20 over cricket, Indian league nearly every day and i though recently how happy you all looked. Also, i lived in Mexico for many years and it was the same there, lots of cheap labor done cheerfully. I don't know whether you have been to the UK but it is such a cold clinical place and no one wants to work unless you pay them a fortune. Thanks for visit Bob


soumyasrajan 5 years ago from Mumbai India and often in USA

Hi! Bob

Ya! I live in Mumbai though just now I am spending 3-4 months in Florida, USA. Weather here is quite good now a little more hot. But just as you say no easy help is available, unless you pay a lot --really a lot. So you end up doing a lot more.

Just two days back some spoon got stuck in the Kitchen sink disposer, in apartment we are living. So I tried to remove it-- only way seems to be you open your self the whole disposer by looking at methods on internet, utube. I tried that, but then it needed some wrench which I did not have. Fortunately owner of the apartment (who lives in some far off city - a very nice guy) sent me an email that he knows how to open it and has a wrench and will come soon.

This business in West-specially in USA that unless you earn at least a million a year (or may be even more) you end up doing every thing and sort of live lonely with just a few of your friends. In Mumbai right from morning there are people with whom you interact. Early morning, milk guy delivers milk. The house servant comes in, she generally talks a lot and so on and on. You can higher a taxi which costs very little rather than driving your self to subway station etc. At the same time you have to work a little (if you do not work at all or at least know how to do some thing then even servants will not work-- there are such problems there too, but still it is a lot more interactive and pleasant and not too much money involved). At the same time you have freedom how much of this you want to intrude in your life.

Both me and my wife have been visiting USA, UK, Europe often but we always feel that for a long term living Mumbai is more suitable. After a few months you get tired of this daily routine in a western city. Also temp. there remains around 30C- 35c for practically whole year with rains only in summer June to September) -people start wearing sweaters when it goes below 25c.

A very different world from place you live. But living in Australia, Mexico you must have been also used to a different style of life.


soumyasrajan 5 years ago from Mumbai India and often in USA

Just read my comment again. I made so many spelling errors in that big comment. Sorry about it.


diogenese 5 years ago

I didn't notice any mistakes, I was too taken up by the warmth and enthusiasm of your letter. I also love the Indian attitude towards animals, which is the same as my own. You certainly have an interesting life soumyasrajan. I am older now so relocating to Mumbai or even back to Mexico would be hard (The NHS!), but I miss warmer climes and people. Good fortune to you...Bob


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

Penny wise pound foolish! I don't understand how you can make even something like this so compelling to read. maybe it's just me finally losing the plot! HaHa

Thank you.


diogenese 5 years ago

I'll let you answer your own question. You know, we fill our lives with ordinary things. If you slip on a banana and go to hospital, etc., people like to read about it because it - or something similar - has happened to them, too...or it might. But the question really is do hubs like this make any money; it's fine entertaining a select group of hubbers, but how many click-ready people will be looking on line for the misadventures of an old fart and his rug!! Thanks for visit...Bob


soumyasrajan 5 years ago from Mumbai India and often in USA

Hi! Bob

Thanks a lot! About your answer to Spirit Whisper! I have also wondered about this point a lot. Even if such hubs do not make Money at least one wishes with the efforts one puts in writing it, how to also attract at least a little more people. I am not so sure that Click ready people do not come in. You do see often 100's of comments on column writer's pages in NY Times, Daily mail or Times of India or even in unknown news papers or tv channels. While matter or style there is not much different. Of course there is consistency, they write every week and some tiny of them at least are indeed quite good almost all the time.

But attracting people it seems to be just due to the big crowd coming to these news papers in millions they come and then some 1000's of of them start going to articles also.

News papers in India for example, their standards have gone down exponentially after the TV News became common and TV News people do not worry about standards at all any way. Every news for them has to be breaking news. But still they continue to attract a large crowd out of vacuum. It is the crowd which has got built up over the years and with mass advertising and money power done in the beginning. Will places like hub pages columns ever built up such crowds? Trend does not suggest such a possibility. Also hub pages will not have quick access to breaking news type news which builds up such crowd. There are people who want to read or watch but they have no way of knowing that such articles are written. Even out of 50 or 100 people who see article on hub pages, several do come from google search etc. That shows there may be enough people, who may want to come. But there seems to be no way, time being to expose to such a crowd. At least I do not know.

You are a journalist, you may know much better than me how such things work. What do you feel?


diogenese 5 years ago

I have long given up the idea of making any real money like this. But some do, snd they are the canny writers who identify and relentlessly pursue a niche. Like some sort of self-help: dieting, make-up for girls, sex, love, etc. That's what the mulitudes are looking for on line plus cheap products. If you like to write as the whim takes you, about anything and everything, I am sure the money won't come although you might enjoy the researching and writing a lot more..Bob


Trish_M profile image

Trish_M 5 years ago from The English Midlands

Hi Diogenes :)

It's all about those keywords and back-links ~ still something of a mystery to me.

Was that hub a coded message?


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

Yeeees! It was to Obama, but they killed him the next day! Now I'll never get my Berber carpets. Boo-hoo...

Yes, back links and keywords, I thought you had all that down Pat? bob

Damn. I just had the Eurovision trials on BBC 3. Talk about stepping on the cat!


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

Splendidly written hub and now after all your agony you nothing but receive laughs. You really are having a hard time.


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

Age has its price, Hanna...Thanks for stopping by...Bob


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

Hahaa, yes, I despise rugs as well, they are strategically created and placed to help you fall flat on your face.

Great hub, I enjoyed the bit of advise you poured out to the newbies. :P


diogenese 5 years ago

Rugs may be OK on wooden floors, etc., but not on fitted carpet. I would like to live in a house that has a sand or earth floor actually: get my feet on the planet! Thanks for visit dear...Bob


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 5 years ago from New York

Come on, you couldn't work sex, diets, weight loss (same thing different day:0)or at the very least, self help on laying a carpet or rug into this here little hub? There are loads of things one can do on a rug or carpet you know. LOL Great write and it should make money but alas, you and I are the red headed step children of HP. Hey, maybe That's our niche!


diogenese 5 years ago

Make money on HP! Ha! In two years, Google has paid me just £120, and I think I'm lucky.

Yes. I often wonder if they're plotting how to get rid of the controversial "Rant" hubbers. Lots we say must upset the solid (as in dumb) citizens up there...Bob


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

So stinkin' funny! Loved the hub and the play on words. Definitely worth the read!


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

Thanks for visit and kind comment...Bob


amwalsh profile image

amwalsh 5 years ago from Georgia

That was a good read. Google ads posted more Rug sales items and one carpet cleaning ad it was a bit ironic.


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico Author

Hi amw. Yeah, I laughed at their ad choice, too. Google often does this, especially when it's inappropriate. Bored programmers I guess. Bob

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