How to Be a Successful Hermit

With technology today, it's become easier to be a hermit. You can permanently exclude yourself from the human race or at least decrease contact with your fellow man. Introverts can finally be at peace; extroverts can force themselves to become introverts. Why worry about personal hygiene when no one else will be around? Listed are some great ways to chill alone without the nuisance of being polite and carrying on awkward small talk. Hermits, unite! (Hmm, or is it divide and conquer solitude?)


No, do not cut off your scraggly beard; it scares the pests away.  Besides, it's pointless; no one will see you, so just throw away the mirror.
No, do not cut off your scraggly beard; it scares the pests away. Besides, it's pointless; no one will see you, so just throw away the mirror.

Hermit Tips


1. Get rid of all personal hygiene products. They are not needed.


2. Invest in the most advanced laptop; you don't want to have to update soon.


3. Sell your car. Keep your bike, but only for emergencies.


4. Buy everything online, including groceries. Learn to sign for packages without looking; just stick your arm out to avoid eye contact.


5. Work online from home. You have plenty of time to do so in the comfort of your own abode. No more annoying colleagues and pushy bosses.


6. If you are missing human contact, hug a stuffed animal or poke someone on Facebook.


7. Burn your garbage in the backyard. No, do not even put it on the curb; someone might see you and say hello.


8. Do not mow your lawn. How can people bother you if they can't find your house?


9. Only follow companies and celebrities on Twitter. They will never communicate with you. You can read what they say; they won't read what you say.


10. Get rid of your cellphone and home phone. No, do not get rid of your TV or computer: these are your only portals to the outside and your only entertainment. Yes, yell at the football players when they make stupid plays. Yes, post updates on Facebook that no one will read.


Sigh, kick back and relax. You are a hermit that is allowed to express his or her self. You just don't have to do it in front of live people.


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Comments 20 comments

stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 5 years ago from Australia

Being a hermit didn't appeal to me once I hit your point 1. Great Hub, I really enjoy your writing!


Ebower profile image

Ebower 5 years ago from Georgia Author

Haha I don't think it would appeal to most. Thanks for commenting!


SusieQ42 profile image

SusieQ42 5 years ago from Lakeland, FL

It appeals to me but it can't be done. I have 5 grown children and 9 grandchildren. There's always at least 1 phone call a day and an occasional visit. Solitude, peace, I love it!!!


Ebower profile image

Ebower 5 years ago from Georgia Author

Well, I'm sure you love them and they love you! This is more for the crazy types that don't like people period; haha. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!


LuisEGonzalez profile image

LuisEGonzalez 5 years ago from Miami, Florida

LOL...this was funny and creative..thanks for posting it.


Ebower profile image

Ebower 5 years ago from Georgia Author

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!


Casey J. Winters 5 years ago

Such a funny article! I'm glad you mentioned the beard thing, until recently I had a very big beard: proud to be a hermit. Of course, now I look like a musketeer.

Great hub! +1


Ebower profile image

Ebower 5 years ago from Georgia Author

Thanks! Beards don't bother me persay unless they begin to look like Gandolf's in the Lord of the Rings; haha. Thanks for reading and sharing your opinion!


Erika Marie profile image

Erika Marie 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

This is a very funny article, I love it! Glad to see there are other proud hermits in the world. Voted up and funny!


Ebower profile image

Ebower 5 years ago from Georgia Author

I'm glad you enjoyed it! :) Yes, I'm quite a hermit sometimes; haha. Thanks for voting!


jaredbangerter profile image

jaredbangerter 5 years ago from New York City

hahaha this sounds like me to a t. during the day, i stay home and write online in hopes of making a living and at night, i go to my janitorial job where i avoid just about everyone. hahah, this has to be my theme article. rated funny and voted up. :]


Ebower profile image

Ebower 5 years ago from Georgia Author

Wow; that sounds like me too in that I'm sort of an introvert. When I worked for Target, I would just go about my business getting everything done for my job while others would be chatting away. I'm pretty much a hermit during the day as well. If not on Hubpages, I'll be somewhere on the internet. Anyway, thanks for commenting and voting!


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

Funny and creative hub!! Social networking has turned many people into hermits. I'm good for a day or two but then I go stir crazy!


Ebower profile image

Ebower 5 years ago from Georgia Author

Thanks, Sunshine625! It sure has; we all have to get out and live our lives sometime. Thanks for sharing!


5 years ago

Interesting...

So I'm trying to figure; for you is being a hermit a good thing, or not?

Like, I guess there is always the matter of fellowship.


Ebower profile image

Ebower 5 years ago from Georgia Author

I don't think being a hermit is really a good thing, but it's quite funny to imagine yourself being one! With this technology-infused culture, it seems that we are trying to lean into the hermit direction more and more. I believe rue fellowship with physical bodies is very important.


5 years ago

Yes, this is a pity when machines seem to intervene between the human element.

Some interesting thoughts here.

(Voted up.)


Ebower profile image

Ebower 5 years ago from Georgia Author

Thanks! Yes, technology is taking over our lives day by day (or so it seems).


mejohnson profile image

mejohnson 4 years ago

Hmm I've always wanted to be a hermit and now with this how to hub I can!

Great hub. Voted up.


Ebower profile image

Ebower 4 years ago from Georgia Author

mejohnson: Haha I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for voting. :)

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