Cleaning Toilets, In Violation of Federal Law!

At the Store

While shopping the other day, I faced a major disappointment. My favorite toilet cleaner was not available! For years now, I have bought 'The Works', and let me tell you, it works!

I looked high, and I looked low, but not only did the store not have any, they evidently were not carrying it anymore! How could that be? It was the only toilet cleaner I had ever found that would get the thing clean without great amounts of scrubbing. Why take something cheap, that worked, off the shelve? What, does Clorox have a contract with the stores, demanding that they sell a certain amount of their overpriced cleaner? That certainly seemed to be the case.

After checking at several stores around town, I finally bought one of those overpriced bottles of Clorox toilet cleaners. I thought, "Well, 24 oz is the the largest size, and it is the best $/oz, so hopefully it will do a good job." It did have "NEW & IMPORVED" clearly marked on the bottle...

At Home

Once home, I put all of the groceries away, then went to clean the bathrooms. After all, being out of cleaner was what had forced me out of the house in the first place. I had cleaned one toilet before completely running out of product.

With the new cleaner in hand, I entered the bathroom.

Hmmm... Better read the directions, since each kind is different.

  • It is a violation of Federal law to use this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling.
  • Apply 6 oz. under and around rim to coat inside of bowl.
  • Scrub entire bowl and let sit for 10 minutes.
  • Do not allow pets or children to access the toilet during this time.
  • Flush toilet.

Six ounces? That is a quarter of the bottle! I have three toilets in this house.

For as much as this cost, it should last at least two months, not barely one week!

Maybe 4 oz would work just as well, then I could make it last at least two weeks.

What's that? In violation of Federal law?

Yep, that is what it says...

So, assuming I read that right, if I do not use a full 6 oz each time, I am in violation of federal law!?! What is I don't leave it for 10 minutes? What if I only leave it for eight? Or get distracted, and it stays in there for half an hour? Looks like I'd be breaking the law!

Now, I want to know somethings:

  1. Who wrote the directions?
  2. Who is checking to see that they are followed?
  3. If it is really so critical that 6 oz be used each time, where is the once counter, to measure as the cleaner, as it leaves the bottle? (For as much as it cost, little gadgets like that should be standard.)
  4. How did Clorox manage to get the Federal Government to write laws about using toilet cleaner? How many Congressmen and Senators did they have to bribe? Furthermore, does congress now have to approve the direction each time the formula is improved? (No wonder this country is going down the toilet!)
  5. Do state rights over ride the federal law? Should I be contacting my local representatives about this? What is Wyoming law concerning toilet cleaner? Well, do you know your state's law concern toilet cleaners?
  6. Can you really go to jail, for cleaning the toilet wrong?

Weighing Risks

 After contemplating the risks of possibly cleaning the toilet wrong, I have concluded that they are just not worth it.  I mean, if someone where to come and weigh my bottle after I had cleaned two toilets, and found that it still held 13 ounces, then my life could be practically over.  I would be joining the likes of Martha Stewart, behind bars. 

From now on, to avoid breaking the law, I will not be cleaning toilets!

At least not with that cleaner............... 

......................now, off to read some other bottle.... I need one that is not so picky, or pricey.

Ivorwen, 2010.

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Comments 40 comments

Jarn profile image

Jarn 6 years ago from Sebastian, Fl

When clean toilets are outlawed, only outlaws will have clean toilets.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Ivorwen - to calm your nerves, you might try reading the label on another bottle - one labeled wine!

Funny, funny hub - you have outdone yourself. I already thought our government was in the toilet. Now I know that they are.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Jarn, I am sure my mother will be one of the outlaws!

drbj, Thank you. :) I think I will take your suggestion, and go read that label.


samboiam profile image

samboiam 6 years ago from Texas

That was too funny. Thanks for the laugh. It made my day.


Vladimir Uhri profile image

Vladimir Uhri 6 years ago from HubPages, FB

I cannot resist not to say this comment. In my former country there was shortage everything, expensive and low quality. It is characteristic of socialism.


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

Rated funny and useful Ivorwren! Glad you found The Works on Amazon. My toilet recently broke (the flushing mechanisms became corroded); hmmmm wonder if it was because i broke the law too?


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Samboiam, Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed it.

Valadimir, I know that it could be much worse, than not being able to find the brand one wants, locally.

I had seen warnings on the labels before that said 'it is a violation to use this product in a manner inconsistent with the labeling,' but always took that to be the company covering it's rear. Meaning, if you are dumb enough to wash your hands with this, and it burns you, that is your problem!


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Thanks Green Lotus, Hope you get it working right again. We had a hose break the other day. It shot water all over the bathroom before I figured out where the noise was coming from and how to get it shut off.


Margaridab profile image

Margaridab 6 years ago from Lyon, France

Funny hub. Wouldn't it be better to make a warning on the label?


Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 6 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

roflmao. I can't believe it. I know the cleaner you're talking about and I'm going to go check it as soon as I'm done commenting. I believe it though. It's the stupidest thing ever. I want to know the answers to the questions you pose here, myself. I'm with you, on not taking my chances on breaking the law. One day we'll have to fill out forms to buy our groceries and household products, like we do here in Missouri if we want to purchase Sudafed. What fun that will be.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Margaridab, i think if they are going to be that upity about it, then the warning should be on the front of the bottle!


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Frieda!!!! It is so good to see your smiling face! I cannot believe you have to fill out forms to buy Sudafed! I have heard of some of the laws that McCain has tried to get passed, making all drugs prescription, but I pray that never happens.

They have a word for that. Vladimir Uhri referred to it.


Joy At Home profile image

Joy At Home 6 years ago from United States

At the moment, I don't have to worry about breaking any toilet cleaning laws...I have an outhouse. But does the indoor commode count? I can't find a proper rim to squirt the cleaner under...it has a bucket. How then am I to apply the stuff? I'd better let the Clorox people know right away that their instructions are not extensive enough. Maybe we could have a rally and get all the non-toilet users to protest for equal rights: Commode Cleaners R Us, or something like that.

Please tell me if you feel you should join.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Commode Cleaners R Us is a great idea, but after checking labels on other brands, who evidently don't have the federal government in their hind pocket, I say we boycott Clorox!

Boycott Clorox in all of its forms, and any other brand that will involve the federal government in toilet cleaning!


Joy At Home profile image

Joy At Home 6 years ago from United States

Ivorwen, I, too, hate Clorox with a passion. Let's join forces!


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Great! Do you want to start the blog, or shall I? LOL


ralwus 6 years ago

LOL I loved this. Our gov't at work. yes we too have used the works for years, great product as you attested to. I was a manager in a factory before I became disabled, we had a special place for products we used that had to be kept in a designated Hazardous Chemicals shelf. On it were 100 lb bags of baking soda and on the floor in front of it were drums of Dawn detergent. OSHA requirements at work. Funny hub darlin.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Baking Soda and Dawn detergent hazardous chemicals? Oh. My. We had better lock up the water too!


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

I have been a part time cleaning lady and am so worried, now, that I may have broken FEDERAL laws!


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Shhhh! Don't tell! ;)


RGNestle profile image

RGNestle 6 years ago from Seattle

I would have laughed more if it wasn't so annoyingly true. I used to buy a very GOOD pet stain remover that used natural enzymes to destroy pet odor. Now all I can find from the SAME store, is the Brand Named deodorizer which uses chemicals and is so overpowering that you can't smell the urine, let alone anything else in the house.

Why do the good things that work disappear? Greed and stupidity. Greed AND stupidity.

Really liked the Hub. Thanks!


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

RG Nestle, I think you are right. Greed and stupidity rule most things. I found a pet stain remover at a dollar store that works well. As far as I can tell, it is basically vinegar with citric acid in it, and a bit of fragrance. It shouldn't be too hard to duplicate at home. :)


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 6 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Hilarious! Sad, too, of course, but I'm having lots more fun laughing than I'd be having crying.

I'm going to keep my eye out for the next new and improved versions of those overpriced toilet bowl cleaners...I'll bet they come with a 24-page instruction and warning manual printed in at lease three languages. Well, maybe that will give a writer or two some needed work. ;)

I think I'll never clean a toilet bowl again without being reminded of this Hub.

Thumbs up and funny as you-know-what!


Research Analyst profile image

Research Analyst 6 years ago

This is such a great hub and it really shows the challenges that we women face as the one who keeps the home happy and clean. Who knew that Clorox has such a monopoly on the toilet cleaners. LOL

I heard a natural way to clean toilets is to use vinegar because it kills germs, bacteria, mold and is a natural lime remover, because its an acid.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Thank you Sally! Your probably right about the 24 page booklet. :/ I find it so aggravating!

Research Analyst, white vinegar is what I am planing to try next. It certainly can't harm anything, and cleans so many other things well. I wish I knew where to get some that was a bit higher acid than what is normally sold in stores. 15% would be great.


Tom Koecke profile image

Tom Koecke 6 years ago from Tacoma, Washington

"Sir, I checked 100 toilet bowls today, and the people are revolting!"

What a crappy job that would be, but there would still be 10,000 people lined up to become a Federal Toilet Bowl Inspector.


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 6 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

20% vinegar is sold in some Home Depot's and Lowe's, also in some garden supply and feed and grain stores. It's become a popular organic herbicide. There's a decent article about it here:

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/organic/117566

The author also tells you how to dilute it to the strength you want.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Hey, federal jobs pay well! Why not sign up? ;)

Thank you so much Sally! I had found that apple cider vinegar was sold in stronger strengths at some feed stores, but not in my area. That is so good to know!


suny51 profile image

suny51 6 years ago

Hello-I can see you in are in trouble either way.I am curious to know what did you do,I am sure you dint use this brand.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Hello Suny. I used that brand enough to finish the bottle, and am making do with frequent scrubbing. A better cleaner and strong vinegar are on my shopping list for next time I go to a city.


TattoGuy 6 years ago

I guess this is what one cud actually call a good shitty hub ; )


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

LOL. :)


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 6 years ago from Sunny Florida

I like The Works, it really does work. It's pretty sad when some manufacturers overprice their product and threaten you too. Who am I kidding, almost all of them overprice their products. Let me know if you ever find out who wrote the instructions.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

I prefer natural, simple cleaning agents, over cleaning products, because they are so much better priced, and often work just as well, if not better.

I can't imagine ever finding the culprit who wrote those instructions, but if I do, their name and home phone number will be listed here! Maybe their twitter account too. :)


LiftedUp profile image

LiftedUp 6 years ago from Plains of Colorado

Ivorwen,

I would have skipped right over those instructions and not have given them a second thought, but you saw the hilarity in them. Great job!


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

LiftedUp, I think that skipping the instructions is what most wise people do... I, on the other hand, feel the need to read every bit of print on every item that comes into my home. :D


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon

Thanks for the fan mail and will be happy to follow you as well!

This is funny stuff!! I'd hate to be breaking the law and all - especially with all that copywrong stuff hanging over my head!

BJ is too hilarious, is she not? Every time I see her comments on someone's hubs I also have to read those!


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

Thanks Akirchner! I do love BJ. She is great!


rpalulis profile image

rpalulis 5 years ago from NY

I too question how Clorox got the Federal Govt. to make such law? Wonder if the govt' some day will make it a law that prevents me to clean my toilet with vinegar, and forced to buy a govt. cleaning products.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 5 years ago from Hither and Yonder Author

I certainly hope not, rpalulis! I think that would be called communism. Let's hope we never go there.

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