Baby Names Gone Bad

Baby Names
Baby Names

The Duty of Naming a Baby.

I am troubled by a phenomenon that is sweeping across our nation with no apparent end in sight. Although I have noticed this phenomenon before, and cracked jokes about it privately, it has only been since I have started thinking about baby names that I have had sufficient motivation to actually do something about it. The phenomenon of which I speak is the near complete abdication of the parental responsibility to give a baby an appropriate name.

Celeb Baby Names Gone Bad.

Eryka Badu - Seven Sirius (Siriusly?)

Eryka Badu - Puma (Seriously?)

David Bowie - Zowie (Bowie, yes?)

Nick Cage - Kal-el (Super!)

Cox/Arquette - Coco (Shocker!)

Cruise/Holmes - Suri (Suri Not?)

Gwyneth - Apple (Unsweet)

Tawney Kitean - Raine (Only child?)

Tawney Kitean - Wynter (Uh, no!)

Ving Rhames - Reignbeau (Yes.)

Sly Stallone - Sage Moonblood (")

Bruce/Demi - Rumer (Ironic)

Bruce/Demi - Scout (Huh?)

Bruce/Demi - Tallulah (")

Defining the Problem.

In the selection of baby names, I find there to be three types of errors in judgment that otherwise seemingly rational people make: (1) the funkification of the spelling of an ordinary name, (2) the selection and attempted conversion of a non-name word into a name, and (3) the creation of an entirely new word for the purpose of converting it into a name. I will elaborate.

1. Attack Ut Alica: The attack ut alica is an attack against the spelling of a word, and it is growing increasingly popular. For some apparent although unknown reason people have become dissatisfied with the letter "Y" as an acceptable ending to a name. These anarchists have instead opted for names ending in "EE", "IE", or (God help us) "EIGH". However, in what appears to me to be a completely insupportable contradiction, within the name the "Y" is well on the way to making the letter "I" obsolete. This is but one example of this attack against conventional spelling out of countless. The "k" and "ch" distinction is practically nonexistent anymore.

2. Attack Ad Verbum: The attack ad verbum is an attack on words and word usage. It is the imposition of a non-name name. The whole square peg/round hole thing. Examples of this egregious behavior are naming children after days of the week (Wednesday Adams being the only exception, and she was, of course, fictional), months, holidays, seasons, numbers, articles of clothing, brand names, automobile manufacturers (Ford is fine, it was the name first, Chevy is most certainly not), boat manufacturers, arms manufacturers (I realize am treading on thin ice as Smith and Wesson are each perfectly acceptable names, but Smith Wesson Johnson is completely unacceptable, and Luger...PLEASE!), how about manufacturers period(?), and animals (these are reserved for nicknames only, a la Tiger Woods).

3. Attack Ad Lingua: This is an all-out assault on the English language, or any language for that matter, but Americans appear to be uniquely disposed to this sort of insolence. This is the blatant fabrication of words for the express purpose of naming a baby. The desire for uniqueness taken to the extreme, or a simple desire to torture an innocent child. Names like Keelee, Ramari and Shaquyla come to mind.

*The Crossovers: As if committing one of these heinous violations wasn't enough, you have the worst possible circumstance, those who commit multiple infractions in the same name. E.g. Stormie, Stormee, Stormeigh; or Rayn, Rayne, Raine (ut alica and ad verbum).

Chaser's War: Cracking Down on Baby Names - Too Funny!

Choosing Baby Names.

Defining the Solution.

As I mentioned earlier, I am motivated to do something about this crisis now. Rather than just continue to snicker, jeer, or roll my eyes, I propose the passage of legislation that would:

  1. Ban all intentional misspellings in baby names. I am not insenstive to the atrocities of generations past, and my legislation would allow for family names provided the naming party supplied documentation that the misspelling is a past or existing family member's name. A grandfather clause for bad grandparents, so to speak.
  2. Require that all names be recognized proper names; or, for parents who insist on non-name words, only words that are defined in a published, reputable dictionary, or reasonable derivatives thereo provided the spelling otherwise complies with other provisions of this legislation and there is no funny business in the compouding of words (see Reignbeau above).
  3. The administration of this legislation would be funded by a $10.00 surcharge on all babies born in the United States. As an additional source of funding, I would propose that naming parties could elect to opt out of these requirements for a $999.00 penalty, a sins-of-the-father tax of sorts.

Given the current state of affairs, a constitutional amendment may be appropriate, but I will settle for mere legislation. If you support this legislation, please indicate your support in the comments section below.

Top Baby Names 2007

Top 10 Baby Girl Names (2007)

  1. Sophia
  2. Isabella
  3. Emma
  4. Madison
  5. Ava
  6. Addison
  7. Hailey
  8. Emily
  9. Kaitlyn
  10. Olivia

Top 10 Baby Boy Names (2007)

  1. Aiden
  2. Ethan
  3. Jacob
  4. Jayden
  5. Caden
  6. Noah
  7. Jackson
  8. Jack
  9. Logan
  10. Matthew

Source: BabyCenter.com

Alternative Solutions.

I am willing to forego the the time and effort it would require to pass my proposed legislation if enough Americans will simply exercise a minor amount of good judgment and mercy.

If there are any questions or concerns perhaps this can serve as some sort of guide:

Example 1:

  • Good: Kimberly
  • Not Good: Kimberlee
  • Abusive: Kimberleigh

Example 2:

  • Good: Eric
  • Not Good:Erick
  • Abusive: Eryck

Example 3:

  • Good: Hunter
  • Not Good: Browning
  • Abusive: Uzi

Example 4:

  • Good: Luke/Lucas
  • Not Good: Lukas
  • Abusive: Lukemya

Go, Name Your Baby Properly.

I trust this has confirmed you choice of a strong, pronounceable, and recognizable baby name, or shamed you into leaving Peytyn off your shortlist. Peyton, is perfectly acceptable.

If you have any question at all about a baby name, before you potentially doom your child to a lifetime of ridicule, please ask and I or other members of HubPages community will give you appropriate feedback.

More by this Author


Comments 138 comments

Susan Ng profile image

Susan Ng 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hahahahaha... Lukemya! This is some "siriusly" funny stuff! :D

Working in a preschool, I encounter a lot of baby names gone bad myself. What's more, the trend (here in the Philippines) nowadays seems to be to give the child as many names as possible. For example, Jacob Laurence Emmanuel*. That doesn't include the middle name and last name yet. You can just the imagine the complaints these children utter when it's time to practice writing their names! :D

*example only :p


Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 8 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

I may be mistaken but don't they have a law in France that controls baby names?

Oh, and very good hub!


chantelg4 profile image

chantelg4 8 years ago from Northern Ontario

Thanks for the article, is was a pleasure to read. I agree, sometimes what should be simple is often complicated. I stuck with old fashion french names that have been around a long, long time. Sara, Roch, Jean and Nicolas.


In The Doghouse profile image

In The Doghouse 8 years ago from California

Funny but true! My mother taught kindergarten for over 30 years and she would cringe when she learned what the child's name was because of the difficulty in teaching them how to write it or spell it. That has always stuck in my mind, that poor child learning to write. It makes me giggle to see that some of the top names are old fashioned ones, everything goes in cycles.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thank you, Susan. I'm actually glad it's not just a trend here in the US. I was getting worried about us.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

If they do, Uninvited Writer, perhaps we should adopt it. Perhaps we should ask Mark. Thanks.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks chantel, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I agree, we are the victims of our own attempts to complicate life.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Always a pleasure, Doghouse. I would have shared some others we know of personally if I wasn't scared to death of who might read this. My wife teaches kindergarten, and I know how your mother must have felt.


prems4u profile image

prems4u 8 years ago from KERALA Cochin

Am always prefer small names (mostly 4 letter names for babies)


MasonsMom profile image

MasonsMom 8 years ago from U.S.A.

Well I work in the Nursery of a Women's hospital, specializing in Labor & Delivery. I handwrite most of the souvenir birth certificates and I can vouch for what you've said here! Nothing surprises me anymore!

My all time fave: Timothy Budweiser (first & middle name)


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks prems4u. I appreciate you reading.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

LOL MasonsMom. I wonder how they came up w/that? Too funny.


Blogger Mom profile image

Blogger Mom 8 years ago from Northeast, US

There's nothing fun or funny about picking your child's name - we struggled with naming all three. Definitely not my favorite part of pregnancy, LOL! Anyway, I cringe when I hear what celebs are naming their children - like the kid isn't going to have it hard enough being born to a famous mom or dad, they have to have a name that isn't really a name to deal with their entire lives! Great hub! =)


MrMarmalade profile image

MrMarmalade 8 years ago from Sydney

This is something I have not thought for many years.

I did get into trouble with our first child, as I spelt his name incorrectly.

Almost slept in the wash house. All is forgiven,

Thanks for a great hub


nyfamily5 profile image

nyfamily5 8 years ago

Great hub and subject. I have 2 teenage boys and I can't even pronouce some of their friends names. I just don't know where they come up with them. I think it makes it harder on the children growing up. "siriusly"

Ann


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, BloggerMom. I cringe on a daily basis just with some of the names I hear around town, not to mention the celeb names. I'm glad you enjoyed.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thank you, Marmalade. But see, yours wasn't intentional, so you should have been forgiven. I'm always glad when you stop by.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

I know what you mean, nyfamily5. I feel for some of these children. Thank you very much for reading.


WeddingConsultant profile image

WeddingConsultant 8 years ago from DC Metro Area

I have to confess, Peter, I was nervous reading this hub! We've already decided on a baby name and I was thankful that it wasn't on your list of bad or abusive names! (but it's very close to a name on your celebrity list- just spelled differently!) We chose a unique name since our last name is Brown. Of course having this last name left out some of your "good" names such as:

Charlie, James, John, etc.

So anyway, I'm now nervous to publish my baby journal part 4 thanks to your hub! haha entertaining hub though, and I'd have to agree with the misspellings being all to common these days.


WeddingConsultant profile image

WeddingConsultant 8 years ago from DC Metro Area

Peter, I must add that, in justice to the neverending fight against misspellings, you happened to have one of your own.

You wrote "Siriously...thought I'd point that out for the justice of all!


kerryg profile image

kerryg 8 years ago from USA

Haha, hilarious! I, too, have been horrified at the increasing bizarreness of naiming practices. We chose a classic spelling of a classic name for our daughter, though in fairness it could hardly be anything but, considering that it had to work in English, Russian, AND Persian, three languages that diverged from each other sometime back in prehistory.


amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut

Peter, this is hilarious! I was laughing all the way through it, until I realized I too may have broken some rules with my daughter's middle names. We have Chloe Skye, Mikaela (traditional Swedish spelling), but her middle name is Sage, and Kylie Faith. I certainly don't think these are major, abusive, offenses though :)

My cousin named her daughter - I am not lying - Brooke Lynn Rain


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Hey, Wedding Planner. "Siriously" was a joke spoofing the name "Sirius". I have no problem at all with unique names. Only names that make me want to adopt the kid because I feel so sorry for them.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, kerryg. "Horrified" is a great way to describe it, yes. Wow, English, Russian and Persian, congrats.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

amy jane, you walk a fine line, but you appear to be quite dexterous. Traditional Swedish spellings are fine, assuming you are part Swede, otherwise the loophole is tightening. Chloe is great, Kylie is also nice, and I double checked Skye, there is such an Island, and of course Ione (naming her after anyone from Say Anything deserves a thumbs up).


MOmmagus 8 years ago

I chose simple, family names 4 my kids - Jane Kristi, Marie Martel, Justice James, and Natali Rose - what do you think?


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Excellent, Mommagus. You have my unending support.


tjmum profile image

tjmum 8 years ago from Isle of Wight

I think you're fighting a losing battle but good luck! I made sure my boys had nice, spellable, pronouncable names that (hopefully) wont embarrass them at school. I really don't know what parents are thinking of these days - no wonder half the kids turn out like they do.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

I may be tjmum, but I'll go down swining. You are to be commended on your parenting skills.


WeddingConsultant profile image

WeddingConsultant 8 years ago from DC Metro Area

Touche to you for fooling me then with the misspelling!


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Yeah, keep up, why don't you? Your stalkee got it immediately. :)

I mean siriously...


stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

I loved this Hub the minute you published it, and now it is aging quite well with all the comments! The baby name blunder is one that many parents tend to commit, but I for one, proudly stayed away from it, naming my four kids: Matthew, Joseph, Samuel and Lauren (yes, mostly biblical names). We saved the interesting and/or family names for middle names, as follows: Walker, Allan, Pearson (which means son of Peter - by the way...) and Elizabeth.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Well done, steph. More should follow your example. My "M" is Matthew, so I'm always a fan of Matthews.


stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

"Gift from God" I love it!


LiamBean profile image

LiamBean 8 years ago from Los Angeles, Calilfornia

Very funny. I guess I need funny today. The other Hub that caught my fancy was "Chicken or Egg"

Sincerely

Byl Ding


RUTHIE17 8 years ago

Good post! You didn't mention the cross-over of gender names. Sometimes you can't tell if the baby is a boy or girl from the name. Again, something the poor kid will have to battle all their life.

Another awkward situation (which my husband has battled lifelong)--using the middle name as the common name and then shortening that to a nickname. Example--Stephen Ronald--goes by Ron.

Of course, sometimes you come up with a little used name but have a good reason to use it. My daughter wanted to honor her brother who had died in an roadway accident just before her marriage. His name was William Scott--went by Scott (yes, we did the same thing to him that his father was going through with the middle name thing). So she named the baby--Liam Scott. Liam is a Scottish derivative of William thus almost named after her brother but not quite.

As for my name--as you can see, just an old-fashioned girl!


Susan Ng profile image

Susan Ng 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Oh yes, I got it immediately. You should stalk me more often, WeddingPlanner, and learn a thing or two. Hehe, kidding. ;p

Peter, here's one more name for your list: Xynll Kyr. Can you pronounce that? We had a student with that name a long time ago. You'd think his parents had something against vowels. Haha! :D His younger brother had an equally "vowel-less" name. Too bad I can't remember it anymore. :p Their teachers had to call and ask the parents how to properly pronounce their kids' names.

I wonder how they're doing now. They must be in high school already. I can just imagine their teachers doing roll call. :p


Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 8 years ago

Great hub! Too many parents hang names on their children that handicap them in life.


helenathegreat profile image

helenathegreat 8 years ago from Manhattan

EXCELLENT hub, Peter. But! Lukas is the spelling of "Lucas" in several countries, most notably (in my mind) Germany and therefore not an abhorration, right (as long as you're spelling it like that as an homage to the country or language, and not because the K looks cooler)?

I remember hearing a story many years ago about parents being charged with child abuse when they named their baby a 20-something-letters-long name that had no vowels in it.


Susan Ng profile image

Susan Ng 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Oops, I called WeddingConsultant by the wrong name. Hehe... how apt to do it in this hub. :p


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Indeed, Steph. A true gift.

Liam, thank you. I hope the comedy relief helped out.

Ruthie, I didn't forget crossover gender names, although my wife and I are in the midst of this very struggle, she wants one and I do not, so I may amend my hub later if I get my way. If I don't, then I'm safe later on. I'm hedging.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thank you, Ralph. My grandfather was a Ralph. Good, strong name.

Helena, you are correct. I need to amend my Lucas/Lukas example. I realized this shortly after I had published this hub...I will amend when I come across an egregious spelling.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Susan, I can't pronounce that...poor child. I made the same mistake with WeddingConsultant/Planner. Too funny. He would learn more if he had been stalking you.


Saroj Jaede profile image

Saroj Jaede 8 years ago from Midwest

Funny and interesting blog.

I have to confess that "Leigh" used in place of Lee doesn't actually make me cringe, since "Leigh" by itself is derived from the Middle English "legh" for meadow. And it's a surname in both Old and Middle English.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

I'm glad you brought up Leigh, I should have listed this as an acceptable exception. Leigh is, in fact, an original spelling, so I have no problem at all with Leigh. Thanks, Saroj.


Stacie Naczelnik profile image

Stacie Naczelnik 8 years ago from Seattle

Okay, only two issues here: 1) I love that my name is StacIE instead of StacY. I'm so glad my mom made that decision.

2) Are you taking into account parents from different cultures? When we have kids, we are going to give our children an American name and a Polish name (one will be first name, one will be middle name).

No worries: we will not name our children something ridiculous. I enjoyed reading this.


WeddingConsultant profile image

WeddingConsultant 8 years ago from DC Metro Area

Wedding Planner, wedding consultant, stalker- any other labels I should know about folks? haha


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Stacie, "ie" is perfectly normal in the spelling of your name, and I was careful to exclude family names. I could have been clearer in defining "family" names to include cultural differences. I have those issue as well being Hispanic. I'm sure you will choose wisely.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Excuse me, "Consultant". I think I will just stick to calling you Pete. It's much easier to remember and spell. How's that?


Bonnie Ramsey profile image

Bonnie Ramsey 8 years ago from United States

LOL! Hilarious hub! But I do have to admit that I really bumbled on my oldest daughter's name! While her name is common, I did want a different spelling, so I named her Christye. I have lived to regret that! Although she loves it, try finding anything at all with her name on it spelled this way! Not to mention the fact that teachers, employers, friends or anyone else ever spelled her name right LOL. Oh well, live and learn. Her full name was Christye Lynn and when her sister was born, I didn't get to choose hers. Her Daddy (sperm donor rather) named her Jenny Lane (not short for Jennifer, which she is ALWAYS asked).

I always worried what my oldest would come up with when naming hers but so far she has done great! Elayna Danielle (named after her Paw, Daniel), Gabriel Michael (pronounced Mikayle after his Daddy, Joey Michael) and Lillian Annabelle (named after her Paw's mother and grandmother). I'm so proud of her! LOL

Bonnie


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie. If only you had access to this hub back when. I think you and she will survive. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks.


Bonnie Ramsey profile image

Bonnie Ramsey 8 years ago from United States

Peter, if I had only had access to HP at all back then I could have learned sooooo many things before I actually had to live with the mistakes LOL

Bonnie


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 8 years ago from North America

This Hub is well contructed - hardly a blank spot anywhere, and well organized with a good variety of blue shades. A++++++

A boy's name was chosen for me before I was born and when I appeared a girl they gave me a nickname, which none of my teachers ever believed. Most of my employers did not believe it either. They all insisted that I was lying and wrote Patricia on everything. My grades 1-12 permant records, medical records, Social Security employment data, and college records have all been fouled up. I am so hard to find, I could vanish. 

Please call me Elizabeth now.

;)


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Indeed, Bonnie. On this point, we completely agree.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Elizabeth, really? Who would have guessed. Although, there is not a thing wrong with Patty. I will call you whatever you wish.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 8 years ago from North America

You'd be suprised. In some areas of the US, women having the -y or -ie ending on their first names are not taken seriously. Such was the case in Ohio when I was growing up. This changed somewhat in the 1980s, when all the creative names - some very goofy as you indicate above - came into being.  

I always thought it would be elegant to be known as Elizabeth, but I'll use it somewhere as a pen name.


stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

Wow - Elizabeth and not Patty? That's very interesting. And I just have to weigh in again on this thread (what a popular one, Peter). My poor mother's name is Jeanyne (Jeanine), but no one knows how to pronounce it because of the different spelling. And just today, I had a young boy with me whose name is Tendell. I was arguing with my son beforehand that his name had to be Kendell. But no... I was wrong. These mistakes don't have to happen!


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

No they don't, steph. Wow, your mother, Jeanyne, and before the craze even. I guess you never know.

Patty, I will always take you seriously, whether you spell your name "y" or "ie" or Elizabeth.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 8 years ago from North America

Thanks Peter! You may now call me Henry. :) hahaha

I think it could be fun for 1/2 a day in school to take a class of 2nd graders and let them have any name they wanted for that time period and see how group dynamics might change. They could use nametags to remember each other's names.


stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

OK - here's the rationale for my mom... all the kids in the family had to have a "y" in the name, Gary, Kathy, Jeanyne, Gregory. I don't know who made the "y" rule...


Whitney05 profile image

Whitney05 8 years ago from Georgia

I like different spellings of names as long as it's not completely off. I had a friend who's name is spelled "Krystyn" versus the traditional Kristen. Now, I will admit I'm not a a fan of "Kristin" even though it is pretty common, but I do like the use of 'Y' in place of the 'I' and 'E'.

My dog's name is Codie, but my aunt suggested Kodi, which I've seen as well as an alternate spelling for Cody.


Zsuzsy Bee profile image

Zsuzsy Bee 8 years ago from Ontario/Canada

With other words you won't be naming your new baby Apple McIntosh right? Thats good to know. I also really thing the first and last name should flow off the tongue.

great HUB Peter as always regards Zsuzsy


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Henry it is.

You know, steph, it's this type of rationalization that is at the root of the problem. Just kidding. I'm sure she was a wonderful woman. :)

Zsuzsy, no Apple and no McIntosh. Thanks, as always, for reading.


Shadab Ahmad 8 years ago

Please send the girl baby name, which have no vowels.

Thanx


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thank you for reading Shadab Ahmad, but I'm not sure I follow your request. Do you want me to suggest such a name or include such a name as a problem?


rolandfrasier profile image

rolandfrasier 8 years ago from San Diego, California, USA

Hahaha, love this. Thank you so much. I'm sending it to my now pregnant friends! They're going to love it and hopefully not run afoul of baby misnomer mischief!


manoharv2001 profile image

manoharv2001 8 years ago from Bangalore - 560097, Karnataka, India

Good wrintings friend. Do visit my new post pls

Plant a seed of friendship; reap a bouquet of happiness


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, rolandfrasier. I appreciate you reading. By all means, pass it on to anyone who might be interested. Thanks.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, manoharv2001, for reading. I will check out your latest hub.


netbuilder profile image

netbuilder 8 years ago

I am not as sensitive about odd spellings, if the name is pronounced the same as a correct spelling such as Kimberly-Kimberlee. Since in most cases the name is spoken not written. I have an unusual name I hated as a child. I wanted so bad to be Susan or Betty.

What really yanks my chain is embarrasing names. Like twins being named Pete and Repete. I don't think much of the brand names. Parents should consider how the child will feel growing up with an odd name or one that is just plain embarrasing.


RFox profile image

RFox 8 years ago

Lol.....too funny.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thank you netbuilder. I agree, parents should consider how their children should feel growing up...and grown up, that cute little baby will be an adult one day. Thanks for reading.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, RFox. I'm glad you enjoyed.


wannabwestern profile image

wannabwestern 8 years ago from The Land of Tractors

I enjoyed your article. It is well-written and thorough with good content. I am new to hubs. My second article is about "Things not to say to a pregnant woman." check it out: http://hubpages.com/hub/What-NOT-to-say-to-a-pregn...


Life's Good profile image

Life's Good 8 years ago from Australia

Dear Peter,

Wow! You hit it on the head. Just because somebody is a celeb/star, doesn't mean they leave their brains outside with the rubbish truck! I did cringe at the strange names chosen for their babes. A person's name is the most important thing which identifies their personality and shape their life.

Imagine being called `Poop' or `Boobs'... Also, depends on your surname. For someone like G. W. Bush, imagine if his first name was Giant. Then, he would never live it down....Giant W. Bush. or if middle names caught the trend, Giant Red Bush?

Or IleftmypantsinKarzatstan Borak? Lion King becomes Zion BlingHilton. We could have some fun re-arranging some celeb's names, like George Bal*oney, Bulimic-Vicky Pecker-erm. You forgot about hyper-nated names!

Just give us some good old fashion name like Adam, Mark, Peter (of course), John, Michael, Jonathan and so on. Go get them, Peter!


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thank you, wannabwestern. I will give it a read.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, Life's Good. I wish every baby namer was as wise as you.


kalynna profile image

kalynna 8 years ago from White Plains, NY

This is a hilarious hub! I hated that my name (Kalynn) was unique. None of my teachers ever got it right starting in Kindergarten. Of course I've had 44 years to get over it. Now that Kaitlin-Caitlin-Katlyn- well you ge the idea, is so popular, I find myself answering to that now too.

I didn't do it to my kids though--Evan, Mason, Damon.

Would you believe my grandmother's name was Ilean? I was an adult before I figured out that's not the way your supposed to spell it.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

That's too funny, kalynna. I can't believe they did that to your grandmother. I'm glad you guys got straightened out. You did a fine job name your children.


WeddingConsultant profile image

WeddingConsultant 8 years ago from DC Metro Area

My goodness, Peter, the comments continue to pour in! Great, thought provoking hub. Looks like lots of people have lots of things to say about this topic.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

I must say that I'm pleasantly surprised myself. The most comments I've had on any hub was 54 and that was a spoof hub about making money on HubPages. This one is in the eighties already. Who would have thought that baby names would spark such interest. Maybe I should try writing stuff about babies more often, the traffic might be worth it.


WeddingConsultant profile image

WeddingConsultant 8 years ago from DC Metro Area

Wow, good for you! The most comments I've had is 34. Yes, writing about babies seems to be a great topic. I'm sure you can think of another great hub topic to write about relating to babies!


Lissie profile image

Lissie 8 years ago from New Zealand

I have reasonable given names but my lastname is awful - I have seriously thought about changing in via deed poll but I coudln't until I was 18 (father's permission needed) and by then I had too much education in the old name! Oddly now I find that people can spell the last name correctly but cant spell Elisabeth :-) As others have said it doesn't matter the details of the spelling as the pronouncation is identidcal - but my surname blighted my childhood and even now occoasionally I get kids ringign up if they see the name in the phone book and yelling abuse! I actually think hitting the child because they have been bad or put themselves in a dangerous position is no big deal but giving them an ugly or unpronounceable or deliberably easily misprounounced name is real child abuse


Susan Ng profile image

Susan Ng 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

You know, I think it's because a lot of people are guilty of the baby-naming "crimes" mentioned in your hub. You seem to have hit a nerve here, Peter. Haha! :D


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks WC. I'm sure I can. Maybe I found a new profession?


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

LOL, Lissie. One only hurts for a moment, the other hurts for a lifetime.

Susan, I think you are right. Most of the comments, though, are from people who allegedly agree w/me. I guess they could be professing agreement out of guilt, but I hope not. But, if I save one child from having to live a life of suffering, then it will have been well worth the effort.


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 8 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

I smiled throughout the entire article, I  enjoyed reading this hub.

I would have been named Patricia (which I assume its not in your horror list, hehe)  which was what my dad wanted to name me and mother had agreed to, but at the time my mother was upset with dad and were temporarily separated,  and named me Dawn Marie instead; not  and unusual name, but dad didn't like "dawn" much, as it reminded him of the sky. :) 


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, VioletSun. I'm glad to deliver smiles, and yes, "Dawn" is lovely.


robie2 profile image

robie2 8 years ago from Central New Jersey

How did I miss this one. It's been up for over a week and I only just found it. ROTFL--honestly. Great work. Made me remember that years ago I was in 8th grade with a girl named Holly Hock--honestly--we all thought her parents must have been masochists. She was teased a lot. She married at the age of 19 and took her husband's last name--small wonder:-)


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, robie2. I'm glad you enjoyed. Holly Hock, poor girl. I'm glad you enjoyed, and agreed.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, robie2. I'm glad you enjoyed. Holly Hock, poor girl. I'm glad you enjoyed, and agreed.


Lissie profile image

Lissie 8 years ago from New Zealand

Do Americans still call boys Randy - it sounds funny in Austalia/NZ - randy means I want a bit of... (not food) :-)


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Yes, Lissie, I'm afraid many do. "Randy" means the same thing over here, but I'm not sure how many people realize this. I personally know 4 men named Randy, if that tells you anything about we Americans.


2patricias profile image

2patricias 8 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

I love this hub! Here in England you can guess quite a lot about a child's parents from their choice of name, and preferred spelling.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It must be universal. I wonder if non-English speaking countries have the same problem?


seamus profile image

seamus 8 years ago

Choosing a name can be so difficult! I heard a story once that someone named their child lemonjello pronounced like le-mohn-zhe-lo. Odd.


Acorn Valley profile image

Acorn Valley 8 years ago from WV

You should take this show on the road because this if funnnnnnnnny. I complain all the time about this. As a teacher, every parent expects you to be able to remember the screwed-up non-standard made-up BS name that they pulled out of their a** for their kid and they get upset when you misspell it. ENOUGH ALREADY! Follow the rules. We teach that in Kindergarten.


the informant profile image

the informant 8 years ago

This all seems commical, and seems light but has serious results.

Ask Ms. Badu's baby how much he enjoyed school when he's 16. Or ask Coco what elementry was like.

These situations are funny until you ask someone who went through this. I ask you Peter what category my parents fell into.

Roger and JoAnn

Good: Sean

Ok: Shawn

Abusive: Ashantus

I was basically the boy in class who simply raised his hand every time a subsitute teacher paused for 5 seconds while taking role.

I'm glad you see this problem as a real issue! LOL Leave it to a Texan to blow the horn. I'm over here in Dallas.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks for reading seamus. That is frightening.

Acorn, I couldn't agree more. My wife teaches kindergarten and I think she would agree with you. Feel free to print this off and use it as a hand out for your parents (it may be too late for the children you are teaching now, but I'm sure they will breed again).

Indeed, informant. Somebody has to. Why not a Texas? You called your parents abusive, not me...just for the record. My sympathies...


Nolan Emmett profile image

Nolan Emmett 8 years ago

Names ? Been called quite a few but the story of how I was named (not sure if it is the truth though) is something to ponder about. When I was born, true to good Irish tradition, 'dad' went first to the local pub and then later to the hospital. When asked what his new childs name was he must have been so excited (by the pints) that he named me Emmett (our family name) Evelyn (he could not remember if his new bundle of joy was a girl or a boy) and then as a 'last' name Nolan (our other 'family' name. Of course the first and surname were the wrong way around (eventually corrected) but he never changed the girls name in the middle. A young healthy boy growing up in wild Africa been called "Evelyn" or "Eve" or "Evie" ....... Today a joke but back then? Parents, names ARE important! Nolan Evelyn Emmett ?


cflynn profile image

cflynn 8 years ago from Ireland

excellent hub.

Even having the irish spelling of my name caitriona has been a real pain when you are travelling. I worked in the middle east and irish names and spellings just don't work over there. a friend Niamh (pronounced neev) answered to nee ama! Siobhan (pronounced shove awn) answered to sigh o ban!! they just gave up. There was a big trend here to go for the oldest irish spelling of names..e.g...Saidhbh!! thats sive and quite common. Everyone in Ireland knows how to say it But try travelling anywhere. But we haven't yet gone down the latooshia route over here yet.


Interneter profile image

Interneter 8 years ago from Canada

Well, in Slovakia (and I believe in many other civilized countries) you are NOT allowed to give your child a name s/he could be ashamed of later in life! It has to be a Human name!

Not to mention we also have so called "Name-days". = each day in our calendar belongs to a name or two, = these are Publicly written in each calendar, (f.e. mines is Dec.20th) so we celebrate this more public. Instead of Birthdays, which are considered more Private. And if the child does not have a "calendar name" s/he would have nothing to celebrate - so majority of our people just don't do it to our kids.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, Nolan Emmet. Too funny. It seems you survived...and thrived, I assume. I appreciate you reading.

cflynn, thank you. Well, I doubt anyone in Texas would be able to pronounce it either...either Caitriona or Siobhan, but if it works in Ireland, then you have my blessings.

Very interesting Interneter. I had no idea. I proposed the legilsation only half-heartedly, but if it's happening elsewhere, I need to really look into it. Thank you for reading.


LE 8 years ago

What a great place for laughs and thought provoking name searching!

Here's my daughter's name for approval: Laramie Rhue (I think I may be an offender??)


beachbum_gabby profile image

beachbum_gabby 8 years ago

Lukemya? wow, thats odd! how about my name: Gabrielle Paula ?


ANK333 8 years ago

I have a name I have to explain literally every time anyone sees it in print, which can be time consuming, but I certainly wouldn't trade it for a name I had to share with millions of other people. Sarah? Jessica? Amy? No thanks. I love having a memorable name and if I have children, will give them the same gift. I do agree it's a weird stretch to take one of those common names and try to "make" it special with an odd spelling since there are plenty of beautiful, less common names already to choose from.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

LE, as I understand it, that is how Laramie is spelled, so that is fine. As for Rhue, does the "h" hold any particular significance? A family name perhaps? In which case you are fine. Otherwise: "Guilty". But, a misdemeanor, not a felony.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Beachbum, "A".

Ank333, there is absolutely nothing wrong with unusual names, it's the mindset of the namer that I call into question...the attempt to do something cutesie, and the like. I'm sure your children will have fine names.


WeddingConsultant profile image

WeddingConsultant 8 years ago from DC Metro Area

Well, Peter, her name is finally posted here:

http://hubpages.com/literature/Baby-Journal-Part-4...

And her name isn't "technically" on your celebrity list of bad names, but it's pronounced the same! Flame/ostracize-me-not!


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Well done! I like the name Zoe, it was the spelling Zowie Bowie that was problematic. Zoe is an excellent name, especially for a baby hubber.


WeddingConsultant profile image

WeddingConsultant 8 years ago from DC Metro Area

haha well thank you Peter. I would imagine that Zoe is pronounced the same as Zowie, but it's the spelling that counts, right? (and the fact that we didn't name her zoey flowie or something similar)


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

You are most welcome. Blessings to baby Zoe.


J D Murrah profile image

J D Murrah 8 years ago from Refugee from Shoreacres, Texas

Many of those parents need to read Freakenomics. The book addresses the importance of the names given to children and the likelihood of either success or estrangement from the main stream. A fascinating read, much like the hub.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, JD. I have not read that book, but it sounds like I need to. I agree, names are extremely important. I appreciate you reading.


Akita-jitsu 8 years ago

Great hub!

I've often wondered if my son was going to catch some flack for his name (Killian). It's a very good, strong, Irish name, but since we're in the US, and Killian's Irish Red is a popular beer.....oh well!

(I have to admit, we did get the idea from the beer....at least we weren't drinking Coors!)


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Well, just tell everyone you're naming him after your Irish great-great-great-great grandfather or something. I won't tell...


Kevin 8 years ago

Well you hit the head of the nail with the hammer on that one. Hate to say it but people nowadays are becoming less intelligent and more idiotic day by day. If you enjoyed this article than you will love the movie ""idiocracy", give it a try and see how much you laugh.


Kelene 8 years ago

I personally find this offnsive (my personal opinion, im not trying to be rude). I have a very unique name (see name<-) and i love it! it is a mixture of my mother and father's name and although it is kind of frustrating to have people mispronounce it, i've gotten used to it. people can always ask how to pronounce/spell a name. i doubt there is ever going to be a law restricting namings.

Besides, some spellings of names just look nice! I have a friend named Kaylie, Erik, Mikel, and Tyleah. they are easy to pronounce and i have not yet forgottenhow to spell them.

Once again... not trying to be rude. I'm just supporting my opinion.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, Kevin. I have seen Idiocracy, and it was indeed funny. I'm glad you enjoyed.


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Kelene, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I am sorry that you were offended, but, if you will recall, I specifically wrote that family names were perfectly fine. And, I'm certain that you, Kaylie, Erik, Mikel and Tyleah all have a wonderful sense of humor. If our senses do not quite mesh, I beg your forgiveness, and your opinion is duly supported. Thanks.


Karen N profile image

Karen N 8 years ago from United States

Great hub! I just now noticed that we both did a hub on the same subject :)


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thank you. I will have to check yours out. I've been absent from HubPages for a while since our Baby was born, so I've missed most anything that has been published recently. I'll track it down though. Thanks.


jim, mark, steve, bob, etc. 8 years ago

My first name is jim. What a joy it is to know that in nearly every group of men with which I'm ever likely to mingle there will be someone with whom I can share the brief confusion of wondering whether I'm being addressed, or he is, or are they? Additionally, I'm a Jr., so the issue is compounded considerably wherever my father and me live or work.

My last name is kraai, pronounced "cry." Apparently that's what crows say in Holland. What a great character builder!

For my first child, a boy, we needed a distraction from the last name. We chose Smith Jacob. Smith--a name so common it's its own cliche but placed in a perpendicular context. Smith's twelve now, and the name doge has worked very nicely. His younger brother carries Wesson off very well, also. (On & off the record, I do not own any firearms--maybe an old slingshot somewhere.)

In any case, why no mention of the following words: direction, herald, legacy, etc? Assuming you mean to accomplish more than simply complaining, might you someday dive into "Why Albert or Isaac" and "why not Adolph or Ghengis!"

... all of this for a gift the recipient will spend the better part of 80 years reshaping beyond, below, and/or beside all of today's carefully considered hopes, reasons, and trends.


jim again 8 years ago

A perspective worth considering ...

We do not name our children, but rather we name ourselves at the places and times of our lives where we have children.

If the latter was a sin, however intentional or otherwise, our redemption is that those children either make their names their own or cast them aside for ones of their own choosing.

same thing shorter: Introspection can prevent unintended transferrence--but in the end it doesn't matter because they'll do what they want anyway. :-)


Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX Author

Thanks, jim. Yes, definitely a perspective worth considering. Consider it considered, and I think I agree.


rainbowgirl07 7 years ago

I think parents should give their kids a traditional first name and a "unique" middle name so that the child doesn't get teased at school for their name, but they won't feel that their entire name is bland either. My parents did this with my little brother- his name is Carl Edouard (his middle name is spelled in French, because we're Haitian). However, if a parent gives their kid a strange first name and a traditional middle name then the kid could always go by their middle name and even legally change their first name to their middle name when they get older, like my sister did- her name is Phedra Elizabeth, but hse now goes by her middle name. Personally, I'd give my kid a traditional first name and a unique middle name so they don't get teased for their first name like my sister did!!!!


mhei profile image

mhei 7 years ago from Philippines

I just love this hub! Parents tend to exaggerate the spelling of their child's name just to make it unique. My son's name is just simple-Joshua Joseph. At first i want it to be spelled differently-Jozhuah Yosef, but i thought about it, he might have a hard time with his classmates and friends when he grows up. And I wouldn't name my baby kimberleigh or lukemya!!hahahahaha!!!i don't want my kid to be the laughisngstock at school.


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

fantastic hub - and I completely agree with you!


Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

How about the recent little boy named "Adolf Hitler?"

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2009/01/13/2009-01...


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

I don't know about legislating it. My understanding was anything is fair game except naming your child a number. But that could be wrong.

Seems certain cultures are real big on unusual, concocted names. And then there's the phenomenon of naming kids after the media darling du jour. In the early 1960s there were a slew of kids named John Fitzgerald, John Kennedy, or JFK. Nowadays Obama and Barack are right up there.

I totally agree with all your points. I hope the Brangelinas see this hub!


Erica 7 years ago

Pull the big stick out of your butt! Who wants to name their baby something generic?


Owais Siddiqui profile image

Owais Siddiqui 7 years ago


babyExpert Mum 6 years ago

In pursuit of making their babies unique, parents are giving their babies unique names as well. Sometimes these names are in the borderline of comical and strange. Then maybe it's time to rethink and accept that maybe there is nothing wrong with being ordinary and having an ordinary name.


Jennifer 6 years ago

I like unique names. It may be for many reasons, the two I can think of being most prominent are:

1) I am a Jennifer...how many Jennifer's were there in 1980-1985? I always had to use other parts of my name in class because there was ALWAYS another Jennifer, sometimes 3 in a class. I always felt that I wanted to be unique and couldn't be with a name that so many others had. I myself started changing my name from Jenny on my papers to Jenni....then to Jeni when more Jenni's showed up.

2) I am a special education teacher. There are some names I can no longer think about without a visual of a particular child (now some are great, but others send me into shivers).

My picks for names are:

Girl- Rhyen Noelle or Ruby Alais

Boy - Crusoe Grey or Jeremy Leo(def more traditional)


Valerie 4 years ago

I agree! I am so SO sick of people MURDERING perfectly good names. ESPECIALLY THIS WHOLE E_I_G_H trend! OMG! IT drives me CRAZY! My daughter's name is Whitney, and I recently met a classmate of hers, at a Parent Teacher conference, and my daughter was excited to introduce her friend with the "same name", then I saw the girl's name tag, Whytneigh! WTF???? REALLY? Anyway, as much as this drives us sane people CRAZY, I am damn near positive that we CANNOT control this, it is Unconstitutional! Trust me, I am right there with you on this matter, especially with this sudden EIGH BS, but this law, will never happen. If someone tried telling Meigh, oh wait, I mean me, lol, that I cannot name my daughter Whitney, I'd tell them to blow it up their ass!


babynology profile image

babynology 3 years ago from New York

A website that really helps you in baby naming, no matter what your origin, you will get baby names of all origin in www.babynology.com. In the website, they even organize baby photo contest every month.


Ajiz 21 months ago

yes! Candies and jewels sotimemes!Two of the names that I got vetoed by all the guys are Madison and Ashley. I think both are lovely names, but apparently there's a website called Ashley Madison for cheaters! :OAnother name that I used to love but somehow people say is a "stripper name" was Jade. Oh well... I still think all the names are lovely, but I understand if a Daddy-to-be doesn't want anything that makes him or his friends think of a stripper. Lol


Baby names with a thought 3 months ago

This is something I have not thought for many years.

I did get into trouble with our first child, as I spelt his name incorrectly.

I would definitely go back to http://www.baby-nameo. com for naming my grand child's to find

Unique Baby names and meanings

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