How To Trust Again
After hurt or betrayal it is extremely tempting to withdraw into a shell in which we can no longer be hurt. In trusting no-one we feel that we are safe, that we won't be hurt again.
It is normal for this process to occur for a short while after a hurt has been dealt to us. For the first few weeks or months after a break up we are naturally reluctant to date again. That is normal, and to some extent, healthy. We would not have made it very far as a species if we simply repeated actions which caused us to be harmed over and over again.
Eventually however, we must trust again. Most people begin to do so naturally when the healing process has taken place. Trying to force yourself to trust again, or to be in a relationship soon after leaving another in which you were hurt is not a good idea. However it is also not beneficial to simply withdraw from others for good, to decide never to trust again and to simply eek out your existence surrounded by cats.
Learning To Trust Again
By Trusting No-one, you're allowing the person who hurt you to continue hurting you.
That's right. You were hurt, but every day you allow your life to be controlled by that hurt, it is as if that person is hurting you all over again. Allow yourself time to grieve for your lost relationship, then go out and find someone worthy of your trust. They are out there. All of us have been hurt at one time or another, sometimes quite badly. You are not alone. You are not the only one to have been betrayed, hurt, used or abused. These are terrible things, but they need not rule your life forever.
(I learned this by watching Dr Phil, which I think means its about the same as having heard God himself say it, right?) Joking aside, the good doctor actually had a point when he said this.
It's not about trusting others, its about trusting yourself to handle what others might do.
Yes, someone might cheat, someone might steal, someone might be a total idiot and hurt you. You can handle it. You are strong enough to walk away from people who are not deserving of your time or attention. You have learned from past mistakes. You need no longer be that victim. As I said before, we have all made bad decisions on the trust front. The difference between those who become bitter and withdrawn and those who go on to lead full and happy lives is that one set realizes that they might not be able to control the world, but they can control themselves, and one set secretly blames themselves and does not trust themselves to be able to make a good decision next time.
The good news? Not only can you trust again, you can learn to trust yourself again. One step at a time, one day at a time, in your own way.
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