How do you block out the mean-spirited, degrading comments by someone you love?
Sometimes it is about control
So many times, we find ourselves a victim of the ones we love the most in this world. In some cases, the person is angry about something in their life or simply unhappy and showing it the only way they know how.
However, in many cases it is more about the control than an anger issue. After living with mental and emotional abuse for many years, I finally had the strength to start a new life. The effects of that abuse, however would last for many years to follow. In my case, it was about the control that he had over me by being able to intimidate me through his words. My self-esteem plummeted and I felt as if I was worthless.
Once they have your self-esteem broken, it is very easy for them to control you because they simply make you feel like you are not worthy of making any decisions for yourself. They want you to feel as if you are no good to anyone so that you remain their "property" because you feel as if nobody else will want someone as worthless as you.
Professional counceling may help
If there is any way they will agree to it, a professional may be able to help. That will be completely dependent on them being willing to actually participate in the sessions. Many people will agree to go just for appearances sake. Others will refuse because they are afraid of losing the power that they have over you.
It is imperative that some type of help is acquired if this is something that seems to escalate as many who start out as mental abusers often progress into physical abusers over time. It is also very important for the abused to get professional help as well. I often wonder if I had gotten professional help if I would have gotten beyond it many years sooner.
Sometimes it takes drastic measures
In some cases, leaving may be the only option, as was in my case. If the abuser refuses to get help and continues the abuse, there may be no other alternative in order for the abused to reclaim their life.
Trust me when I tell you that if it is about control and they refuse help, it will only get worse. The more power they gain over you, the more power they want until sometimes it becomes physical. The power of speech is no longer enough for them and they escalate to the next level of power over you.
It all comes down to a choice. And if there are children in the house, they are learning that it is ok to treat people in this manner and in many cases will repeat the cycle of abuse. The abuser may also begin to turn their attention to the children as well. When they know that they have you in their control, it is highly possible that the children will be their next target!
