I Am Just The Victim of Random Acts of Chivalry

 

It was a silly fight...even I can admit that. But after eleven days of travel, shoulder to shoulder in the front seat of the 1972 Plymouth Valiant fondly known as "La Bomba", the three of us were all a bit cranky. After washing the road dirt off the car, Mag wanted to dry the car windows with newspaper and there I was, in flagrant disregard of her request, with a roll of Bounty paper towels in my hand taking care of my side of the vehicle.

Kevin, the final member of our little trio would naturally side with Mag...short people always stick together. And don't say that couldn't possibly be true. You weren't the one trapped for nearly two weeks, wondering how you ended up playing David to their Alvin, Simon or Theodore. If I could have switched their high pitched chatter to a lower RPM, I might have stood a chance...

I counted to ten, resisting the urge to punt them like a couple of annoying yappy little dogs. Instead, I decided it would be best to take the high road and just remove myself from their company. Clenching my jaw and fists tightly, I did a quick about face and stalked down the driveway that wound back and forth upon itself through the woods to the main road. I learned this from my father...when it's futile to argue, a long walk works wonders for your state of mind...

"Where do you THINK you are going?!" Mag yelled when I was about ten yards away and showing no sign of stopping.

"For a walk...what does it LOOK like I'm doing," I yelled back over my shoulder.

"Hah!" she said, in that annoying superior tone of voice she sometimes used, "Well you'll be walking for quite a while then. The nearest town is four miles down the road...have a good time getting there!"

And then...as if that weren't nasty enough, she added in a lower voice to Kevin, "At least out here she can't expect a man to rescue her! Not even Laurie could possibly find a man out in the middle of these woods."

It could happen...

Oooh....

Now that hurt. It wasn't like I actively sought out the services of these wannabe knights in shining armor. It wasn't in my nature to swoon or play the damsel in distress. First of all...I don't even look remotely helpless. When I walk places...I walk with confidence, just like all those women's articles on safety say that you should. Most of the time I'm just minding my own business...

Still...I could see where Mag might have misinterpreted a particular situation.

Earlier on our road trip, while parked just off Yonge Street in Toronto, I'd exited the car abruptly in the pouring rain and returned several hours later with a male escort. I hadn't set off to find anything hotter than a cup of coffee...but once again, I had been hijacked by some guy with a chivalry complex. It wasn't my fault...

Mag had managed to piss me off yet again...and to be perfectly honest, I was beginning to feel a bit like a third wheel anyway, sensing some sort of romantic attraction between the two munchkins. Perhaps giving them a little bit of alone time was a good idea.

We were poor college students, living out of the car during our trip from California to Connecticut. Most nights we would simply find a relatively safe place to park before nodding off to sleep...all three of us...sitting upright in the front seat of the Valiant. Currently our Motel Six on Wheels was hidden anonymously amongst a parking lot full of cars in Toronto's red light district.

Mag didn't bother to hide her derision when I announced my decision to take a walk. The rain was coming down in almost solid sheets at the time and within a few feet of the car I was drenched to the skin. I briefly thought about sucking it up and just going back to them, but my pride wouldn't let me. Instead, I made it a mission to find a cup of coffee...it sounded like the perfect solution.

So I walked...past the hookers and the triple x-rated porn palaces...past the obnoxious flashing neon signs that reflected harshly on every wet surface...feeling angry and sorry for myself. I caught my reflection in a plate glass window and realized in horror that I looked like a cross between a drowned rat and a teen-aged runaway...and that wasn't a very good thing to look like on Yonge Street...not this late at night.

Up ahead...a few doors down from where I was walking, I noticed a shadowy figure standing in a doorway holding a long black leather case. He was probably just seeking shelter from the downpour, but I moved over a few feet on the sidewalk with the intention of giving him a wide berth. As I drew closer, however, he nonchalantly stepped out of the doorway and directly into my path.

"Can I buy you a cup of coffee?" he asked.

I stuck my nose up in the air a few more millimeters and gave him my most haughty New England "no thank you," without breaking stride. I made it about five feet before my feet came to a complete halt, rebelling against my wishes. "You unutterable snob," I thought to myself. "Weren't you just thinking about how much you would like a cup of coffee? Are you an idiot? At the very least...this man might know WHERE you can get a cup of coffee."

I turned around, keeping my face as unfriendly as possible and asked abruptly, "Where?"

He nodded to the left, to the opposite side of the street, "There?"

With one eye on him in my peripheral vision, I gazed in the indicated direction. Well, damn...I would have walked right past it. It wasn't like it was a small place either, taking up one whole corner as it was with a big sign in bright orange neon advertising it as Flo's Diner. Duh!

"Okay," I said, "but I buy my own coffee...understand?"

He bowed his head in agreement with a small smile...and the two of us crossed the street together to the diner. This was nice, I thought as we took a booth close to the front window. It was warm and dry...the coffee was nice and hot...and to my immense surprise, the company was rather interesting. He showed me the contents of his leather case...a snooker cue...and told me about how he competed in various championships. He claimed he was actually pretty good...and having no reason at this point to doubt him, I chose to accept him at his word.

"Have you ever played snooker?" he asked.

"Nah...just pool. But I pretty much suck at that," I replied in total honesty.

"Would you like to see a snooker game?" he inquired.

I thought about his offer...weighed the possible outcomes, but ultimately realized that I was enjoying myself and wasn't ready to go back to my friends just yet.

"Sure," I said, "Where are we going?"

It was a short walk, barely a block away, but part of our journey was down a very dark alley. I tensed a bit...prepared for fight or flight, but my companion never slowed down as he reached a staircase at the back of a building and began to ascend. With a shrug, I followed, willing to take my chances rather than be left alone in that dark alley by myself.

When he opened the door I was momentarily blinded by the bright fluorescent lighting that poured out of the place. I blinked, trying to peer around him. Well, this wasn't what I had expected...it looked like some sort of neighborhood club...no bar, no smoke, no questionable characters lounging around looking for trouble. The floor was a well-worn pale gray linoleum and the bright white walls were lined with rack upon rack of pool cues. There were at least a dozen tables...all of them occupied in various stages of eight-ball or snooker...and wasn't that a billiards table in the back? How cool!

"Pretty wild, eh?" my friend said with a grin as I stood there with my mouth gaping in wonder. All I could do was nod as he ushered me in and took me around the place introducing me to each person in turn. Some seemed rather curious about my visit while others glanced over and simply went back to their game. I made a note that I was the only female in the place, but oddly enough...as far as these men seemed concerned, I was more gender neutral.

They took turns teaching me various techniques at shooting pool...but in the end they all humorously agreed that I was pretty damn bad. I had so much fun that time flew by quickly and although I hated to go, I didn't want to worry my friends even though they'd ticked me off.

As I headed for the door, the gentleman that I'd had coffee with dropped into step beside me. I gave him a questioning look, but he just shrugged and said in a rather bashful manner, "I can't let you walk out there alone. It's just not safe...I'd feel better if I knew you got to where you were going okay."

And that's how I ended up back at the Valiant with a male escort. You can see how I had nothing to do with it...can't you?

She was right about one thing though. As I made my way to the little podunk town on my current walk, I realized the chances of my meeting anyone on this outing were pretty slim. Still, it was a pretty walk...the woods, the fields...it was beginning to have the desired effect and I could feel my anger waning. I was pretty sure there was an ice cream parlor in the town and I figured if I made it that far, I would treat myself to an ice cream cone before turning around and heading back. Having a destination and a reward in mind made me feel even better...I now had a purpose.

Shortly after that, I passed a solitary white farmhouse on the right set back about a hundred or so yards from the road. In the yard, several young men were tinkering on their motorcycles. They waved and kept tinkering. I waved back and kept walking.

There, I thought...proof that I could walk by and nothing could happen. Mag was obviously wrong. Hah! I was feeling quite vindicated at the moment.

At length, I arrived in town and just as I had remembered, there was a rather quaint ice cream parlor. I ordered a chocolate soft serve cone and climbed up onto the top of a picnic table to enjoy my treat in well-deserved peace.

I enjoyed moments like these...by myself, people watching. It reminded me of summer vacations spent at North Hampton Beach with my family. At sixteen, it wasn't my first choice to hang around my parents...but my father was a strict man and liked me to be within viewing range at all times. My compromise was to sit on the barrier wall, apart from them, which commanded a panoramic view of the ocean and was also a perfect position from which to observe people as they walked along the boardwalk.

Of course, sitting there and thinking about those times reminded me of...well...another time when I was simply minding my own business...

Oh Thank You Mr. Speedo For Saving Me!

Perhaps if Mr. Speedo looked like this...

...and not like THIS...I wouldn't have minded as much.

I loved the ocean and was still young enough to be impervious to the numbing qualities of the cold Atlantic lying off the New England coast. Once you got used to it, it was actually rather refreshing. My younger sisters and I were riding the waves, body surfing...having a great time...when suddenly I realized my pinky ring had slipped off my finger at some point and was probably lost forever. Although my chances of finding it were slim at best, I still had to make the effort. I bent over in the waist deep water to grope the sandy bottom by my feet. Perhaps I would get lucky...you never know.

As I was preoccupied with my task, I missed the wave that came in and knocked me ass over teakettle. Not a big deal. This is what waves do occasionally...it's their job. It spun me around like a washing machine a few times, but it wasn't a riptide and I didn't feel myself being sucked out into deeper water. Even that wouldn't have concerned me...I'm a strong swimmer and knowledgeable enough to know how to deal with something as dangerous as that. So I was rather shocked when just as I began to plant my feet onto the sandy bottom, I was hauled rather unceremoniously from the water like a kitten snagged by the scruff of its neck.

I blinked the salt water from my eyes and coughed into the face of my well-intentioned rescuer. "Are you okay?" he asked with concern still not releasing his hold on the back of my neck as he sort of dangled me in the air. I nodded, sputtering a bit.

"I lost my ring," was all I could come up with in a rather lame attempt at explaining the situation.

"Do you want help finding it?" he inquired.

"No...I think it's gone," I replied waiting for him to put me down.

There was an uncomfortable few moments as I waited...and he waited...

Finally, he switched his hold from my neck and made a move to scoop me up in his arms and carry me out of the water.

I quickly backed up. "I'm fine...really."

"Are you sure? You look a bit pale...perhaps you should rest."

Actually, this sounded like a great idea. A perfect opportunity to get away from this awkward situation...

"Yeah...you might be right. I'll just go sit by my MOTHER over there and...uh...rest for a while," I said, tossing in a last minute grateful smile for having been rescued from not drowning.

To my horror, he followed me like a puppy....right on my heels, all the way to where my mother sat on her towel reading a book. With a sidelong look, I worried that perhaps he was one of those people that believed once you saved somebody's life you were then responsible for it. And that's when I got a really good look at my hero...

Of course, my mother got the best show from her vantage point. As he stood there with his chest puffed out in his tiny little yellow speedo, dripping water all over her, he was completely oblivious that he had an "escapee" situation. To my mother's credit, she has the most amazing poker face I've ever seen. Me? I was mortified and decided perhaps I should go to the room to "rest" instead.

Sir Harley of Davidson?

Okay, so maybe Mag had a point...but still, that was only two examples. How could she base that comment she made on two flimsy examples? Alright...so maybe there were more than two. As my roommate in college, well, she had been privy to perhaps a few other occurrences like...

The rather attractive policeman that had rescued me late one night as I waited, stranded at a bus stop, for a bus that wasn't going to come. Sure...at first I thought he was trying to arrest me...thinking mistakenly that I was a hooker. Well what would you think if a dark blue LTD Ford suddenly pulled up to the curb, and as the passenger window rolled down you spied a shadowy figure thrusting a badge into your face?

And then there was that whole incident on another late night where I was walking home after work and a carload of partiers passed by me. One of them shouted, "I love you!" And of course, I shouted back, "I love you too!" I thought I was in trouble when the car braked suddenly and reversed. Instead, one young man climbed out and insisted on walking me home safely...proving his sincerity by keeping his hands up in the air the entire trip while his friends followed along behind us at a crawl. How demented do you have to be to do something like THAT?

Is it my fault that men are somewhat prone to random acts of chivalry? Is it really my responsibility? I don't think so. I'm merely minding my own business. To suggest that I'm incapable of returning from a simple walk without a man in tow was absolutely silly. And just to prove it, as I passed the white farmhouse once again on the homeward leg of my journey, I returned yet another friendly wave to the guys still working on their motorcycles in the front yard.

I managed to make it about fifty or so yards before hearing the distinct put-put-put of the bike as it drew up alongside me.

"So...do you need a ride?"

Ahh...screw it, I thought as I threw my leg over the seat of the bike, giving my knight in blue jeans and black leather a grateful smile. Besides...it would be worth it just to see the look on Mag's face...

...and you thought chivalry was dead...

More by this Author


Comments 64 comments

spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Eric -

LOL!! Well that explains that! :)


Eric Graudins profile image

Eric Graudins 8 years ago from Australia

@ Spryte

No Thweetie, He'th a fathion cwitic in Thith Life! :=)

(And he obviously knows how to google)


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Cheers back at you ajcor :) And I hope that chivalry isn't dead...I rather enjoy it!


ajcor profile image

ajcor 8 years ago from NSW. Australia

another beauty Spryte - love the chivalry thing -you certainly have enjoyed your share -I always enjoy people opening doors for me, and I also enjoy opening doors for others - I am also a bit of a Ms.have-a-chat with complete strangers (altho i don't enjoy hearing about people's intimate lives vicariously on mobile phones in public spaces at top level) - and those people who glower or complain about being assisted with doors are really beyond understanding as are those people on public transport who don't stand up for pregnant women or older people (men or women) - basic manners really. Feminism didn't help much either - I don't believe- it just tripled my work load!!! off subject, but from a purely personal perspective I think unionism did more - that at least enabled me to be paid better. Sorry for airing my petty gripes here.a good hub as always. thanks and cheers.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Cristoph I certainly admire your "research" very thorough, well done thankyou.

And how well I remember those er "shoulders"

Now which one was Daisy Mae again?


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Finally! The voice of authority! Not only does Christoph solve the mystery of Daidy's apparel he also provides her last name. Well done! Bravo! :)

You were a fashion critic in a previous life, no?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

Daisy Mae Scragg wore a peasant blouse (I guess that's what you'd call it) pulled down off her shoulders and a dress, torn-off short so that it was jagged along the bottom. These were cinched tight around the waist (what waist?) with a thick belt to accentuate her "hour-glass" frame, not that I ever paid attention.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Eric - I'm sure you are right! I can picture that description.

agvulpes - :P


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Trust a Tassie boy to notice that. (wink wink)


Eric Graudins profile image

Eric Graudins 8 years ago from Australia

Ah yes. Elly Mae.

I'm pretty sure that she wore patched jeans, with a checked shirt with the tails knotted at the waist.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

What was for lunch? I haven't had dinner yet and I just noticed the time...10:30 p.m. (eep!)

Yeah, I think Lil Abner wore the overalls with one shoulder strap always falling down. Daisy...hmm...I can't remember exactly but for somereason I keep thinking a polka dotted dress or top. One of us should look it up :P


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

OK then, what did Daisy Mae wear? Was it LiL Abner that always had one buckle undone?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Sorry, had to have lunch. I appreciate the comment I did not think it showed THAT much!. See you bought a tear to my eye! Yes, really, look right here.!!!!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL! I can see why your grandchildren, especially Angel, adore you so much :)


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Well color my tea black, that lil ol Ellie Mae sure new how to turn a mans head! Wooeeee!!!. I bet she never missed out on no motor bike rides !

Not being able to speak from experience (cough cough) I would not be able to say whether one h/billy chick is as good as the next! (I don't speak out of school either)


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Oh! Ellie Mae :) Hmmm...come to think of it, she may have...either her or Jethro. I guess one hill billy chick is as good as the next :)


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Lil who? I was thinking of Daisy Mae Clampett wasn't that her name?


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

agvulpes - the reason you didn't notice her garb was because she wasn't wearing overalls...but Lil Abner was. :P


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Dear Spryte,You refer to overalls in one of your earlier comments as if to infer that the wearing of overalls is demeaning, and off putting indicator to we guys. I would like to point out to you, sweet lady that Daisy Mae wore overalls. ( I think. didn't really take much notice of her garb)


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL Adam - perhaps the hookers know someting we don't know? :)


adamjthompson profile image

adamjthompson 8 years ago

Well...just be glad that they were all chivalrous. Red-light districts are not the best place to look for knights in shining armor! ;-)


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Thank you afvulpes and countrywomen - you both have hit the nail on the head. Women are very critical about their own appearance, perhaps irrationally so, I'll admit. But look at the examples we are given, the comments we overhear and I can assure you that I don't meet any of those criteria.

LOL! I'll share this with you...

Once, upon meeting face to face with a long-distance friend (he was an ex-patriot Brit living in Sydney) he said this to me after giving me a critical glance. "You aren't my type...I like my women blonde, well-endowed and wearing latex or leather. But there you sit...in your damn overalls, not even remotely like any woman I'd ever be attracted to...and I'm trying to figure out why I am attracted to you."

So perhaps Christoph you are right and there are subtleties at work that we are not aware of...but neither he nor I could figure out what they were. Still, I thought it best to not get too attached to him since eventually the mystery of me was bound to wear off and he'd suggest something silly like my wearing latex.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Bravo Chris could not have said it any better. But sadly or maybe fortunately there are many guys out "there" who do not have this ability as you put it to "hone".


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

Chris- Come on I never told you to "get lost"(as a matter of fact even if the guy is creepy I might at the most politely decline or ignore him but never blurt like that). Now coming to the looks part I guess women who project cute innocent and friendly image are always treated well.

Shades- You have no idea how self critical women are about themselvesi.e., about their looks... that's why it makes us so happy if people appreciate us for our looks or personality. Also coming to the point about pulling a chair in a restaurent or opening the car door or offering a seat in a public bus all these acts are really appreciated by most of the women (even if they openly deny it). Now I am not going to reveal too many secrets... He he :-)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

Yea, and as unfair as it may be, attractive people - both men and women - are treated better than unattractive people. It has always been so, and so it will remain. Therefore, it follows that perhaps your so-called random acts of chivalry aren't so random after all. You don't necessarily have to be drop-dead gorgous, either. So many things factor into a woman's beauty, but women don't believe men are capable of seeing such subtleties. See it? Hell. We can hone in on it like a smart-bomb of lovin'. So there!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

I'm just going off of the evidence of the stories. Women have proven time and again that they can't be trusted to self-evaluate their own looks. Protest as loudly as thou doth wish. :P


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Okay...no!!! I am not a head-turner (Linda Blair or otherwise), so just wipe that thought completely from your heads. I'm serious! In my family there are four daughters...and they were often summed up thusly: The Knock-out (not me), The cute one (not me), The sweetest (not me), The smart one...(me!). I accompanied my older sister (the knock-out) on a great many of her ego trips. It was MY job to count how many men suffered whiplash when she walked by. Seirously...she would ask and I would give her the number.

I really didn't mind being her "lil buddy" for two reasons. I really liked basking in all the attention...even if it was second hand. And lastly because it taught me a very valuable lesson about cultivating my personality rather than banking on my looks.

I've been blessed with looks that don't cause people to lose their lunch when they see me...and that's pretty much it. However, should you choose to engage in a fantasy image of me, I won't discourage that. I am rather sexy in text. :)

I am working on another "honeymoon" tale to follow in the next week (or so) and all of you must promise that when reading it you will assume that when I tell you I'm not a beach bunny hottie, you will go with me on that. Otherwise the story just doesn't work and it comes off as one of my sister's infamous ego trips.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Thanks Shades I think you expressed the thoughts of most of the male population quite succinctly, to quote "F-her " . Maybe just maybe good old christoph may have been a tad less forthright. Oh and tactful. Maybe we are proving a point here?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

Countrywomen: Thanks so much for that. I remember the first time we met. I propositioned you and you told me to get lost. It seems just like yesterday...oh....wait, it WAS yesterday! Actually, it's worse than I thought...you weren't even born yet (Not that you are older than I thought, but the show was longer ago than I thought.

Yes, Spryte: I too get the impression that you are quite the head turner (and I don't mean Linda Blair in the Exorcist), only i wasn't going to say it for fear of offending. Shade puts things so well I think I'll just ride on his coattails on this one.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

It is so good to be back. I want to thank all my friends who prayed for me during my absence, and the actors guild for paying my ransom, and Rambo for getting me out of that jungle, and all the little people who never stopped believing that I would one day return.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

A nice walk through some more of your past, Spryte. I am willing to bet you attract these acts of kindess with greater frequency than perhaps others do for the same reason you had so much help fishing on the boat.  You're obviously blessed with good looks, and if your writing is any gauge (which I'm certain it is) I'm certain you have a whimsical, friendly air about you, open, honest and strong.  Stuff like that radiates from people by the way they move and express themselves with bearing and gesture. 

Just a hunch, but I see a trend in your stories that suggests this may be the case.

And I would say that there are still lots of guys out their who practice chivalry, and would do so even more, but, like it or not, there is a movement to stomp it out being carried out by men and women both.  Personally, I don't care if opening a door or pulling out a chair is offensive. What's right is right.  If a woman is offended by that, F-her she deserves to be treated like a man.  Talk about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence... I just don't get women like that.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

Thanks for satisfying my curiousity. Who says chivalry doesn't exist when knights(you) like you in shining armour come to the rescue of hapless damsels. he he... Btw regarding my age you mentioned being 5 year's old. I am letting you in a secret I turned 25 this year which was both good news(my car insurance agent said now I would get lower premium) and bad news (I am heading in the wrong side of 20's) (:


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL!  I think I was one of the few women immune to Alan Alda's charms...but then again, while I wasn't 5 years old (like countrywomen, maybe) he definitely fell into the "too old for me" category. 

I always thought of M*A*S*H as one of those great ensemble cast that never resorted to the stereotypical image of what is sexy and what is not. 

(PS Christoph - glad you could make it back)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

If you google "Alan Alda sensitive guy" and you will see what I mean. I mention it in my "Metrosexual" hub as well if you want to check that out (shameless self-promotion!)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

I didn't know I was needed, and I certainly didn't know countrywomen was asking for me or I would have come running. So...I don't think they actually called it the Alan Alda Syndrome, but they did use to say "the Alan Alda type", which pretty much meant New Age Sensitive Guy. You know, he played characters who were sensitive and he was in touch with his feminine side - things like that - and eventually women got sick of that. It was a long time ago - you were probably about 5 years old (OH MY GOD it hurts to say that!)

Anything else I can do for you, my lady?


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

Well coming to the name only Countrywomen was available I tried countrywoman first. My english can at times be little funny as I originally come from non native english speaking country i.e., India. Anyway hope to improve soon.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Countrywomen, it has just (I'm real quick you know)come to my attention that you name is in the pluralistic form. Does this in fact mean that there is more than one of you(or should that be youse) and if it doe's it makes me wonder> how many of youse are there ( or should that there be thier) (or should that thier be their) this is all to hard for a fox (should that to be too I know its not two).


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

agvulpes,

I guess chris has abandoned us for greener pastures. He has really got me curious with this alan alda thing.  I have seen MASH about a while ago and enjoyed the humor.

Chris- If you still happened to read this then please remember it's not good manners to keep a lady waiting. he he (Just kidding)...

Spryte,

Maybe you could use your "connections"/charm to get chris back to this hub


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Sorry Spryte,Countrywomen, Running amok, Torturing a Lady, me, never. Not my style(slow and easy thats my motto) I don't know what Chris would call it, but in OZ we call it gentle teasing, and I've heard through doing research, for scientific purposes of course, that every woman likes a bit of gentle teasing now and again. You girls must have seen MASH?......Hawkeye? Hotlips? No?

Trust Chris to disappear when he's needed.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

Spryte,

Thanks for your empathy. But don't worry about these guys "torturing" me. These guys are too much of a gentlemen to ever trouble a lady. he he.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Geesh...disappear for a while to watch a DVD and I find you and Christoph running amok in my hub, torturing countrywomen.

*sits back to watch*

Please...continue. I want to hear about this Alan Alda thing too...


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Chris I will allow you put the male perspective on the comment by countrywoman,

you have a much better grasp of the English language than I .

What names do spring to mind though are "Sir Francis Drake" "John Smith" I think was his name. Prince Edward.

Spryte where are you I'm dying here?


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

I myself have been blessed with countless acts of kindness/chivalry from guys. Right from school times when just a simple smile would let me borrow their class notes for which they would have taken hours to prepare or going to the library on my behalf to drop the books. Besides in a train in India when I didn't have a berth a gentlemen offered me his confirmed reserved berth to take rest when I was going for an interview. Even in USA many many acts of random acts kindness I have witnessed.

I guess it's inbuilt in men to be able to do or atleast try to help a women when they seek or seem to be in distress.  And for no ulterior motive (atleast most of the times) they go out of their way to help women. I guess if you treat men in a decent and friendly way they are more helpful then asking fellow women. But again these opinions are based on my own experiences.

Christoph Reilly: What is the Alan Alda Syndrome? I searched on web but haven't found any links.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Alan who Oh yeah "mash" right. repeats on a never ending loop right just go on and on and on right like you say the words with them repeats right. We still have Mash on prime time national tv help us please!!!!!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

Oh, yeah. Men's response to the new attitude of women. The Alan Alda syndrome.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Hey man I can't keep up my computers gonna blow a gasket. SNAG= sensitive new age guy.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

What's a SNAG thing?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Hey Christoph, right with you on that one buddy, could have somthin to do with that SNAG thing. I tried ONCE to open a car door for my then new d in law.

Response was "Do you think I've got two broken arms , and I can manage the baby capsule as well THANK YOU VERY MUCH"


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Glad to have put your mind at rest. :)


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

:) Misty...oh well...it does make me feel better a bit. I was worried that you'd find some sort of imagery that would indicate I'd soon be joining them. :P

Brain: I bet I could listen to your Mom's stories for hours...sounds like she has had some really wonderful adventures. I can relate to that...but I don't think my adventures would even hold a candle to hers. :)

and...yw :)


Brainstormer profile image

Brainstormer 8 years ago from Australia

First of all I don't understand the problem with the last picture.

Second, you and my mum are clearly afflicted by the chivalry genes. My mum stands only 5 foot nuthing, has a mild Scottish accent courtesy of her youth in the Shetland Islands, black, black hair which she still maintains had never seen a hint of hair dye, and all through her life she just seems to end up with people coming over and helping her. Once she decided to trot off to the States for a wee trip on her own leaving us kids and dad back in OZ to fend for ourselves.

Mum never made any real plans about where she going to stay when she went on these little travels but somehow things always would work out for her. When she returned we found out that in the two weeks she was away she had stayed at Sally Kellerman's house for a bit, some distant Italian relative who owned a large restaurant in Hollywood for time, and spent the remainder at Billy Grahams house. How did that happen? No idea but as a kid I didn't even think anything about it. That was just mum.

I loved your hub.

Thanks spryte and Christoph - I hear you.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Hi Spryte, can't help much on the Gathering thing, as all I can find is a reference to a gathering of people, and that says it signifies satisfaction with all your concerns; otherwise: pertains to friendships; flowers, to joy; money, to money; papers, to speculation (don't!); books, to profits; and a dream of others gathering signifies pleasant family relations. No references to celebrities though, not even dead ones!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

That's very good of you to not tolerate this behavior in front of your hubby. I do remember thinking, "Why doesn't SHE help me out here? Tell the loser to get lost, already." I used to get alot of people coming up to me and starting conversations. It was usually wacko's though. Recognising their own kind, I guess.

I know! I was raised Southern and to do all those Southern gentleman things. I persisted even through the bad years, when every little thing was viewed as some statement or challenge between the sexes. "I KNOW you can open the damn door by yourself! It's just a courtesy."


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

BT - YES!!! That's it exactly! I'm not alone...yay!!! (although I've never had the toilet paper aisle experience...*snort*...lol! That IS funny and adorable at the same time).

Christoph - *hugs you with a big grin* You probably wonder why I felt compelled to do that...and I'll tell you...I will, I promise! I found it flattering that you assumed I meant it was men coming up to me when I was with my husband.

If that were so...I could excuse it as their bad behavior...and you are right, I definitely am not a giggler (at least not until after they've departed and I'm teasing my husband) because I don't find it the least bit amusing to threaten my spouse's sense of security or make him appear less than everything I've ever wanted in the world in front of a person that means next to nothing to me.

When my husband and I are out...it could be either gender and it is usually something on THEIR mind that they want to share with me. One good example was while waiting to board a plane, my husband and I were standing off to the side and suddenly this elderly woman walked right up to me and started up a conversation with "I can't wait to see my dogs...I've been away from home for a week and I'm sure they've missed me." Well what could I do? I'm a sucker for little old women and I love all animals...so I asked her what type of dogs she had...what were their names...etc, etc...while my husband stood there rolling his eyes and muttered, "not again" under his breath.

I guess...well, I think they are lonely and just want somebody to listen to them. And sometimes I learn the most fascinating things so I don't really feel put out. And besides...what has it cost me? A little bit of time? It wasn't like I was doing anything truly important...just standing there waiting like everyone else.

As for men that open doors for me...I make a point of making eye contact, giving them a genuine smile and saying "thank you." It's not a gender statement in my eyes...it's a courtesy and I happen to like it. If I can do it for the elderly (and they don't seem to be offended in the least) than why can't a man do the same thing for a woman without it being an issue?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

Yes, you bring up a good point. I would see the trip to the red light district/snooker (rhyms with ?) as dangerous behavior. And it's true too even for the guy who pulls over to help you change a car tire. Such a shame the world is full of predators. I am talking of much more simple things like being snarled at for opening a public door for a woman who was a stranger (I was going to say "strange woman". On several occasions in N.Y. I went to the aid of women in dangerous situations. I learned early that if I acted crazier and meaner than the perpetrator, it put them off guard and I was never harmed, so there is something to say about attitude. I just felt like if everybody went to the aid of everybody, then there would be far fewer animals prowling the streets.

In my younger days, when I sometimes dated even younger women, I was absolutely shocked at the audacity of men who would approach MY WOMAN (OK, I said it) as though I wasn't even there. As if to say in front of me, "what are you doing with this schlub?" I don't like to play the hardass - although it comes easily to me - and still they persisted asking for my date's phone numbers, to dance, etc., etc. It starts to piss one off after a while. Nor does it help when the girl keeps giggling the whole time which the interloper takes as a green light. It starts to be an affront to ME personally, and one can't just stand by and indure such affrontry. I know you don't giggle, but my sympathies to your husband anyway. It's like we just want to say, "Yo...Dude! Go get your own!" Of course it's probably better expressed with a calm, haughty accent, "If you were half the Lothario you think you are, you'd have a girlfriend of your own and you wouldn't have to bother your superiors."

As for the automated voice and the credit card, that's just to verify that you are authorized to call. Absolutely no charges will appear on your statement (that you can identify).


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

Spryte, you and my wife should do lunch. She simply can't make it all the way through a trip to the grocery store, without learning the intimate details of a complete stranger's life. I think there's just something in her face that says "Tell me your troubles, please". She has also been told how lovely she looked under the romantic lighting of the toilet paper aisle.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Christoph - I bet you are definitely one of those chivalrous men! To be fair to women, though, we've been brought up to be suspicious of any stranger (how sad, hmm?) and some of the things I did could have turned out less than nice. My gut instinct serves me pretty well...and I guess I've always thought that if it ever failed me I could always talk my way out of a bad situation (which I've had to do twice) or physically protect myself (which I've had to do once).

Not trying to be..ummm...self-important (I guess that's the word to use)...but I've wondered myself about some sort of "mysterious communication" that might be emanating from my person. I would truly love to have a discussion on this topic with a person that experiences the same phenomenon...and I don't just mean chivalry. My husband has even remarked that it is rather annoying that no matter we we go...inevitably a complete stranger will make it a point to come over to me and start talking about personal stuff. Consider this an open-ended request to any hubber...if this happens to you...please SHARE.

Oh...and btw...why does the automated voice keep asking me for my credit card number?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

A pure joy to read! "Chivalry Not Dead," proclaims the Times! A very humorous and captivating story, Ms. Spryte, and I thank you for sharing your talent. Also, it's nice to hear - for a change - that Men are not always pigs, of illegitimate birth, and weiner heads! Perhaps you do attract chivalry. Perhaps there is some mysterious communication that you are not objectionable to chivalry. Perhaps if more women did not ridicule it, they would experience more of it and come to appreciate it as well. Most men want to be Chilvalrous, I think, but hesitate because they are unsure of its (and their) acceptance.

Thanks again for a good time (or...for a good time call 618.337.0000.)


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Awwww *blush*...hey misty, while I'm thinking of it...does your dream dictionary say anything about a dream where there are a gathering a people you know are dead? I just had the weirdest dream...I was passing through a room and sitting at a table were about eight I think...dead celebrities...like Michael Landon, Dinah Shore...all looking perfectly healthy and hanging out together as if it was some sort of luncheon... ????


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

And you succeed :)


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Thanks BT! I do try!


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

Thanks for another great story! You never fail to amaze, amuse, or otherwise entertain!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

I'm sure it was just that Positive Attraction thing in action...see, I secretly just wanted a ride or to be saved from drowning and so ta-da...

:)

I like it when my husband is my knight in shining armor...best kind of chivalry there is as far as I'm concerned. Otherwise it can be awkward and occasionally downright painful. After writing this...I remembered my very FIRST incident of this odd occurrence. I was five years old...and these two boys behind me started fighting over who would carry my books. I hadn't asked them to carry my books...in fact I had them securely in my arms as I stood, first in line, waiting for the bus to come to a halt. Well one of them pushed the other one and he fell against me my back. Not expecting this...I lost my balance and fell forward, arm full of books, down the stairs of the bus. The bus driver at that particular moment had stopped the bus and opened the doors...so I kept on going...down the stairs and right out the door and into the street.

The result...one broken arm. And two boys that heard the snap and ran for their lives...

LOL! Wasn't funny at the time...but now I can laugh at it. Ouch.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

You are lucky, I can never find a knight in shining armour when I need one, so I have to settle for my Husband, ah well :)

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working