I think I'll have a Kid and Name it Spot - Why Giving Your Child A Pet Name Is a BAD idea

There are many reasons to have pets. They make great companions, they love unconditionally, they're just so darn cute....to name a few examples. My favorite reason though is this... It gives you the opportunity to exercise your creativity in the naming department.

There are many types of names to choose from and while some may be a strong indication of a pet's personality or physical characteristics...in the long run, the name really says more about the pet owner. I decided to sit down and make a mental list of the types of pet names to see if my latest theory held water...and this is what I discovered.

Some would call this a cop out. Why would anyone, with the opportunity to really get creative, settle for a name like Jack or Billy or Nancy? It is true that in some cases the name does suit...but for most people, I'd recommend saving this name for any potential offspring since it seems to be a personal favorite.

There is also the risk of having an awkward or embarrassing moment. Nobody, especially your boss, likes to hear his name in the same sentence with the words, "...crapped on the carpet after humping Father Murphy's leg."

While sometimes cool, with the current trend toward naming children Paris or Dakota, this can sometimes fall into the same category as "Human Names." If you must go this route, stick with an obscure location like Jinhua...or Boise.

A perfectly acceptable choice for names. Beware however, the risk of coming across as a pretentious pseudo-intellectual. Extra points are given for witty selection as in Schroedinger for a cat or Bush for a parrot that speaks nothing but awkward gibberish.

When in doubt, one can always fall back upon such standards as Fluffy, Rover, Fido or Spot. But why do that when you can seek out a synonym and virtually guarantee the uniqueness of your pet's name? Just pick up that thesaurus and you'll have fresh choices in no time. Here are a few examples...

Smokey ...Fuliginous

Fluffy...Friviolous

Rover...Itinerant

Sure, they don't roll off the tongue as easily as the old favorites, but I can pretty much promise there won't be any mix-ups as to which pet is yours at the vet's office ever again.

Some people simply cannot pick just one name and with all the choices, who can blame them? While usually the domain of those "my pet is pedigreed and yours is a genetic accident" type of people, there is nothing to stop you from stringing a long list of names together to come up with something entirely unique. My only advice would be to pick something short and sweet for everyday use. Mister Mortimer Bigbutt Whiskerface Couchmangler may be what you choose...but you'll never get it out in time to save your furniture from being shredded.

This is my all time personal favorite. When a word just cannot be found to satisfy your pet name requirements...make one up! It's not as difficult as it sounds. Watch...bbbbbbbbbliphit! See there you have it...Bliphit. It just take some practice to be able to spew out complete and utter nonsense. It's even kind of addictive...ggguuuuuuurbbllllll...no wait....hhhhhhhhhhhiiskkkkkkkkkkkkkkkappllla ...damn...fffffffffffooooooooooopie! There...got one. I'm just a tad rusty.

Like calling a bald man, Curly...nothing engenders amusement like picking a name that is the complete opposite of your pet's physical features or character. Of course, there are too many toy dogs named Killer in my opinion...so you'll need to really work on this one to be unique. I've never seen a sphinx cat named Fluffy, for example. Being a sphinx and therefore of the pedigreed kitty society...more likely than not, it will have a name like Cleopatra of Egypt Watches the Sun Set on The Nile anyway...so it should be relatively safe for limited use.

Now that you have these tools at your disposal...get a cat, get a dog...any pet will do. Just get the pet naming bug out of your system before you have to name your children! While Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii might work at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show...it won't win your daughter any prizes in Miss Parker's fourth grade classroom.