It Sucks To Be Ken

P.J. was the coolest of the Barbies

 

What little girl hasn't owned a Barbie doll? I think at the height of my "Barbiedom" I owned about fifteen dolls, a mansion, a car, a pool, a motorcycle...and, oh yes, a wardrobe to die for. There was Barbie...in about six or seven different incarnations, a Malibu P.J., Midge, Skipper, Ricky and Ken...to name a few in my little Barbie cult. Every little girl has her favorite. Mine was P.J. She was the cool girl, sort of like Betty of the Archie's fame.

But for some reason, as I sit here tonight reminiscing about my childhood years, I keep coming back to one thought. What about Ken? I've never heard a single friend of mine ever declare that Ken was her favorite of all the dolls. Why is that?

Let's compare...

You have to admit, Barbie is very womanly, and even though neither doll is totally anatomically correct, you have a pretty good idea what parts are being left out on Barbie. Here we have a Ken doll...and it's a total mystery. His crotch is just an innocuous bulge of plastic. You may wonder briefly about the mystery and then shrug. Ken looks rather harmless...and vacuous with that smile.

I mean, like what does he have to be happy about anyway? It's not like he's getting any of the cool accessories. There's no Ken's Kegger or Ken's Harley, is there? And if there was a wide screen television with a remote control, you better believe it would be something like Barbie's Home Entertainment Center. Yeah, it sort of sucks to be Ken.

But let's face it...he's an inferior doll. Even Mattel agreed and simply molded on a plastic head of hair. Barbie's the only one that has earned the right to her own stylist. And we won't go into just how dorky Ken's clothes are. It all looks the same! A shirt that no real guy would be caught dead in and some lame shorts or pants that have the same shape as some of your mother's favorite "comfy pants." And what's with the feet? Aren't they a bit Frankenstein-ish compared to Barbie's dainty little foot?

You are what...maybe seven, eight...nine? Do you really have any idea what to do with that Ken doll? It's not like you really have a clue of what Ken would do the moment your back was turned to your dear little Barbie. Ken only has three possible roles...

Ken was just like Ward Cleaver

The Father Figure

This is by far the easiest way to play your Ken doll. He gets up in the morning, waves cheerfully to Barbie and says "I'm going to work now. See you!" And Barbie says, "Have a nice day dear!" Walk Ken out the door...and then toss him onto the nearest chair or anywhere, just so he's out of sight. Then simply carry on with your wonderfully independent and imaginative Barbie day until dinner time. Then you have to bring him back in and feed him one of your impressive gourmet meals before he falls to sleep.

Ken was rather handy to have around...

Male Slave

For some reason this one just comes most natural to nearly every little girl. Imagine your carefree Barbie existence while Ken fixes the leaky sink, tinkers with the Barbie Camaro and cheerfully maintains your Barbie pool. And all for what? Why one of your perky little Barbie smiles of course! "Gee...thanks Ken!"

Little did I know that Ken would betray me for the maid...

Pawn

My sister, Ronda, and I used to play Barbie all the time. But this one time...she snapped. I think I might have made her my Barbie's maid one time too often and while I was at an important executive board meeting, she stole my Ken doll. I caught the two of them making out in her Barbie hovel, rubbing their plastic parts on each other in a pretty darn good imitation of that movie we almost got to watch the previous night before Mom had sent us to bed. The hussy!

That's okay...I got even.

This Barbie's Boobs Were Spared. Unfortunately...the face didn't make it.

A short time later, after hearing Ronda whine for the millionth time that I had a Malibu P.J. and she wanted a Malibu Barbie too, I told her that she had one. She said uh uh! And I said, "well you don't think P.J. came pre-tanned did you? I had to activate it by putting her in the sun. Silly butt face!"

So, the next day she put one of her dolls in the driveway to get a tan. Several hours later, she retrieves the doll and is disappointed that it doesn't seem to have tanned one bit. But there is a change...oh yes there is...and Ronda discovers it and starts to howl very loudly.

The sun is very hot...and because it's the sun it melts things. Seems all that sun wasn't very good for Barbie at all, nossir. It melted the doll's boobs. It wasn't a pretty sight. It wasn't that Barbie was flat chested...that would have been perfectly acceptable given our ages. No...Barbie's cleavage had definitely sunk in deeper than that.

After that, the only way to get the clothing to sit right on Barbie was to stuff a couple of cotton balls in her bodice.

Whenever I wanted to rile Ronda up and pay her back for stealing my man, all I had to do was suggest we play Barbie and for her to bring Ol' Crater Chest. To be honest, I did that just for fun and not because I was still upset about the Ken larceny. I hadn't found the quality of my Barbie time diminished in his absence. Within days of acquiring my Ken doll, I noticed that Ronda had pretty much lost interest in him too. If I'd wanted him back, it wouldn't have been too difficult.

He just wasn't my favorite Barbie...

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Comments 226 comments

spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Thank you Anitak! I enjoyed writing it as well.

Barbie is 50?? The bitch!! I'm almost 46...and although I'm not falling apart (yet), she seems to be looking a bitt too good for her age (if you catch my drift). Hmmm...must be plastic surgery...and in her case, I'd say that would be a literal thing.

Thanks for breathing some life back into this hub!


anitak profile image

anitak 7 years ago from Pittsburgh, PA

Just wrote a hub about Barbie turnng 50 and saw this hub. Hysterical, great hub. Really enjoyed it. You are a very good writer.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

*waits to see how Benson will reply to that bit of information* :)


no xplode profile image

no xplode 7 years ago

Benson, me either... just because i could touch myself lol


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

BTW, I loved the Enid Blyton books, grew up on them in fact, and they never turned me into a racist, and even I had a Gollywog. PC has truly gone mad thesedays as a Gollywog was actually a toy first seen being played with by black children!!!!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Shades is probably off having another beer again :)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL! Benson!! :) Awww...I'm so proud of you. It takes a REAL man to actually speak the truth. See guys...?


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 7 years ago from Hong Kong

That's why I also only dreamed of being barbie, and not Ken.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Sixty - Well that certainly explains a line in the song "Toys" by XTC that I never quite understood. Thank you for that! That might be a good hub...toys and how they have been affected by political correctness and human prudishness in general. :)

Susie - I would have been worried too! LOL! She doesn't do that with her current customers does she? That's a great tale and makes sense. Barbie is promoted as helping lilttle girls discover the possibilities and it seems she did (albeit in an odd way). Thanks for sharing that!


Susie Writes profile image

Susie Writes 7 years ago from Northern California

Oh my there are a ton 'o responses here spryte! I just wanted to add one cute story here regarding Barbies, well, dolls in general.

Wanting to raise our daughter with some feminine traits in a family with two older brothers, we bought her dolls early on. After a while we gave up on that practice because every doll we gave her was soon discovered with it's head popped off. I found bodies strewn everywhere in her room. And where were the heads? They were sitting on her dresser all neatly lined up on crudely fashioned spikes. Pencils, popscicle sticks, anything she could find. Fearing my sweet little girl was a budding serial killer I cautiously asked, "Why?"

"It's easier to cut their hair, mommie!" was her reply. No more dolls for her! From then on she got Rainbow Brite and Breyer ponies. Today she and I own a salon & spa together where she is the head (pun intended) stylist. She also rides horses. LOL!


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

For the record a gollywog was a black soft toy doll who made his appearance (as far as i can recall) in the Enid Blyton Noddy stories. He has now been outlawed due to political correctness (PC) and now ( I believe) has been expunged from the Noddy stories. But Noddy lived with Big Ears in a Toadstool. There were some hints that Big ears was gay. More PC problems on that one. Amazing how a writer of childrens' stories can have become such a maligned person due to changes in what is and is not acceptable at the time and of course how it shapes up in today's world.!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Nah...I'm sure I haven't. He's probably just off having some good quality family time or a night out with friends.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Yes I must stop that its not polite is it, but I'm sure Chris can take a joke!

I don't think I'm as acidic as shades.

Speak of the devil, where is He?

You haven't scared him away shirley not?


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL! Filling in for Shadesbreath, Aggie? Poor Chris...so many proofreaders.

And yes, Christoph...they still make the Ken doll.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Do they still make Kens' what?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Do they still make Ken's?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

I guess your right about Ken, looking at the comments above it always gets back to Barbie ( she just loves the coa) Poor Ken he's had his 15 mins of fame!

OFF WITH HIS HEAD-----!!!!!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

I guess it depends on who knows what a Golliwog is...but I'm sure somebody could take offense if they wanted to :) It doesn't take much these days...


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Useless you say, I really can't comment on that because I never actually had any dolls as a kid, much too sissy! lol.  Although I did have what we called a "Golliwog"

,are we allowed to use that term? Really did love that thing, 


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Nahh Ag...it's more like any Ken can be called Tom, Dick or Harry...but they aren't because it's not worth the hassle of naming them since they are rather useless...


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

No wonder poor Ken had a inferiority complex, no one cared.

Any Tom Dick or Harry can be called Ken!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Me...I have the maracas.

Tater...that gets me to thinking about all the Barbie rules that we had to set in place before playing (either on my own, with my sister or friends). I remember my sister and I had to actually agree on what constituted the amount of real time in a "Barbie Day". It would have been hard to play together if her doll was sleeping while mine was working...or her having lunch when I was making breakfast...

Oh and names. You all had to pick names...which was really hard at times. I remember a phase when we both fought over whose turn it was to use the name Marcia (as in Marcia Brady). We never changed the name of Ken though...it just wasn't important enough. Ken, Bob, Sigmund...who cared?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

We seem to have quite a Conga line happening don't we. Cha Cha Cha!!!!

I've actually forgotten who I'm following can anyone tell me????


Tater2tot profile image

Tater2tot 7 years ago from ~~~

Haha I love adding to the maddness! I know it has been awhile, I have been busy. I never tossed out any of my Barbies, or toys. Even when they were chewed up or no longer pretty. I didn't play with Ken that much unless I had a house party and there had to be more than one couple. LOL.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Tater! LTNS...how ya bein? Jay seems like a fine name...but Ken was your favorite? Really? And then I'm guessing Jay was your favorite and you tossed out old Ken for him... Why? Thanks for dropping in and adding to the madness.

Christoph: Yay!! I've made the list! I'll just be spamming all my hubfriends with truly dorky e-cards this year. Nothin' says loving like an e-card! As for whose hub we are on...how the heck should I know? I just follow you all around the hubpages like a psychotic stalker.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Yes, I did start my Christmas list. It begins, "Solicit money from...", and then there is a long list of names. I am happy to say, YOU HAVE MADE MY LIST THIS YEAR!

Thanks for reading my hub and taking up some of your valuable time to leave a comment. (Hey, wait. Who's hub are we on?)


Tater2tot profile image

Tater2tot 7 years ago from ~~~

haha this reminds me of the music video "Ur So Gay" by Katy Perry. She has dolls in the there. Check it out, it is funny.

This hub is very funny. Ken was always my favorite until I got the black male Barbie. I don't know if he had a name, but I called him Jay! But before I got Jay, you are right I only used him as the father figure. Then I threw him out of the picture until him and Barbie went on vacation.

Haha cool hub.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL! Thank you. :) I was beginning to hear crickets and imagining all sorts of schemes and plots going on. Just read your hub on baskets! Good job...had to have been a lot of work.

Did you make up your Christmas list while you were doing it?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

(Enters with marching band) Ladies and Gentlemen! Step right up! Get your thrills and chills! See live slang-talking Aussies! Menopausal women! Victims of alien abduction and anal probes! Guys of unknown foreign origin! Attention starved American's! Evil conspiritors of plastic doll humiliations! The gross, the verbose and the lactose intolerant! Step right up! Get your tickets!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Damn...it's been so quiet all day long. It's a tad unnerving...

What are you all up to?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

This hub just gets funnier and funnier with all the great comments being added on :)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Aggie - You're already nutty :)

Sixty - I was five...but I was too nervous to actually look! He could have looked like Ken for all Iknow.

Candace - Thank you! :) Glad you enjoyed this silliness.


Candace Morgan profile image

Candace Morgan 7 years ago from New York

So great. What fun!


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

You know guys Barbie and Ken are just not as good as reality. If Barbie said to to Ken "I'll Show you yours and I'll show you mine". how much fun would it be showing two sexless plastic mounds to each other? At about 7 years old (first year at school) I was in love with Kathleen -true name). We did the "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours" routine. Well there wasn't an awful lot to see but I did realise that her's was not yet developed!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

I thought it was me going nutty?


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Christoph - I suppose it would help if I gave the link, hmmm?

http://hubpages.com/literature/Interview-with-a-Mu...

spryte's revenge...


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA

Spryte,

I always felt bad for my friend because he was only in first grade when they started doing that to him.  Eventually his mom decided it was okay for him to start coming over again because she went on a trip to Europe and thought it was nice someone took her son to school.  He had older teenager sister apparently watching him, but they were always gone and never really seemed to like him.  I think they were purposely mean to him really because his step mom did not like the first wife. Thanks for reminding me of Burger Meister, I had not heard of that in awhile :).

Desert Blondie,

I do not know how I missed out on Ken, I have wondered about that myself :).  I think because I did not want to get one at the time, and then just like the Pioneer Chickens.  I picked out my own toys, not sure why I did not get Ken :).  I played with him at other kids houses sometimes.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

:) Go check it out


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

No problem...we'll wait...(whistling, whistling, looking around, whistling)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Damn...I was just in the middle of making a smashing looking jpg image for my "special" hub when it went down. I'll be right back... :)

I wouldn't want Shade to roll over and play dead for me. It wouldn't be any fun and he knows that :)


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

I can stand on toes as good as the next guy. Is Chris right about the system going down?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Yea, I've read enough to follow that. I'm still up there looking at Misty's Barbie links (menopause barbie). You guys would go 15 rounds for sure, and then the judges would probably call it a draw.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Well Agvulples, I've been dueling with Spryte for quite awhile, and I think the joy of our frienship comes from the inability to strike a really telling blow.  It's fun to find a dance partner worthy of you, if that makes sense.

Christoph, YOUR system, or HP?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Man, I am WAY out of date on this hub. I'm trying to catch up!

I think the system is going to go out for two hours in about 5 or 10 minutes.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

I don't know how much experience you've had with sprytes mate, but I'll bet London to a Brick you don't win this one, Quit while your behind. Kiss and make up?

Don't really I'm havin to two too much fun! LOL!!!!

Man it's hot here, anyone feel like a beer, my shout!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

LOL Agvulpes, that is actually how it would end up.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Im staying out of this meat eating argument heres your answer:-

How about we make our own "spryte barbie" and "shades ken" let them marry and divorce and because we are the lawyers we get all the money!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Shadesbreath:

Allow me to correct your argument - Ahem...

A bunch of vegetarians say "eating meat is wrong" to which one rather argumentative and opinionated (albeit loveable) omnivore declares that eating meat is perfectly acceptable.  The other omnivores are oddly silent. 

One of the vegetarians makes a statement that of all the omnivores in the world, it was predictable that this one particularly argumentative and opinionated (albeit loveable) omnivore was highly likely to pounce on the vegetarian argument and insert his opinion of omnivorism.

:)  That's how!

KT - I'm glad I'm not divorcing Shade...it would be an interesting court battle.  I suppose he could have the blender...but he'll have to replace Mr. Bunny first.


KT pdx profile image

KT pdx 7 years ago from Vancouver, WA, USA

That brings up another idea: court case Barbie and Ken, fighting over the property.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Spryte:

A vegetarian says, "Eating meat is wrong." To which, an omnivore says, "No, eating meat is perfectly acceptable."

The vegetarian then concludes, "That omnivore's response was predictable."

How is this observation a comment on anything? :)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hmmm...KT, refresh my memory. Wedding Barbbie came with the hole in her hand for a ring...but I don't recall a wedding Ken with a hole in his hand or a wedding band welded onto his finger. Is it possible that ring was merely an engagement ring? I mean...she wasn't already pre-married when she was in the box, but the ring was already there...

Just to be safe though, perhaps in the future, Mattel would be so kind as to place a Barbie pre-nup agreement certificate in the box.


KT pdx profile image

KT pdx 7 years ago from Vancouver, WA, USA

Yep! I always felt sorry for that one. I tried to remove it once, but the hole looked so stupid I figured she was better off wearing her ring. :) Maybe in the divorce package they could have "cosmetic surgery" kits?


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Aha! That proves my point KT! Barbie didn't really wanted to get married...they had to drill into her hand to make her accept that damn ring. :) The poor thing...


KT pdx profile image

KT pdx 7 years ago from Vancouver, WA, USA

lol actually, the bride Barbie has a hole in her ring finger, and a ring to put in it (think earring stud). Had one of those once.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

I KNEW that you'd hop right onto that "Ken gets half" bandwagon, Shade. Tsk, you are starting to get predictable. :)

Mattel wisely made Barbie with the inability to jam a wedding ring on her finger. Notice how cleverly the fingers are molded together? So, no matter how drunk the little blonde tart gets...she'll never make any foolish decisions about marrying that loser, Ken.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Yeah, Texas is definately as much a pro-man state as California is pro-woman in these matters.


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

Ummm, Texas sounds good ...


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

That's right, Spryte.  Ken get's half, baby! (Depending on what state he lives in.  In California he'd probably still have to pay her half of his McDonalds salary, even though she got the house, car, boat, horses, jacuzzi, lawfirm, condo, cabin and jeep and 100% of her lawyer, doctor, musician and Nascar salaries.) But in normal states, he'd get half. (Although I think in Texas Barbie would have to give him everything and apologize for not being a better wife.)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

I do love the idea of "Divorce Barbie" but in this day and age, since Ken really didn't really come with any good stuff of his own, wouldn't he get half of her stuff? That simply couldn't be allowed.

Susie - LOL! Thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I was a tomboy too...but I still liked to play Barbie...and umm...those little plastic animals were a lot of fun too. I had a veritable zoo of those.

Sweetie: Awww that poor kid. That's just terrible that he couldn't come over and play because of his stepmom. She must be related to the Berger Meister Meisterberger (remember him?).

Shirley - Wow...I hadn't noticed what it sold for. I was pretty brutal on my dolls too and I'm sure if I handed one over to CW or something, it would be saleworthy in no time.

Desert - I guess Barbie's are something that unite us all? :) What a thought!


desert blondie profile image

desert blondie 7 years ago from Palm trees, swimming pools, lots of sand, lots of sunscreen

Can't believe the comments going on here!  AND MistyHorizon's list of Barbies...a column in and of itself!! this too fun! And....too weird....guess a lot of us hubbers need more to do with our time! LOL and, to SweetiePie...how'd you miss having a Ken? I had Barbies, Kens, Midges, (remember Midge?) Skippers, Dream house, convertible, dress shop, clothes/doll cases...my grandmother loved making clothes for our Barbies ... but I grew up in a teeny tiny community (not even really a town by today's criteria) in Oklahoma, so playing Barbies was a way to fantasize about being a career woman, about actually HAVING A LIFE! Great visualizations for a girl from a town so small we didn't even have a movie theater!


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Misty! That flippin' Raging Hormones Post Menopausal Prozac Barbie sold for over $823 U.S. dollars!!!!!!!!

I want to try and get my Barbie back and glue hair on her legs and auction her off, too.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA

For some reason I had lots of Barbie dolls but never owned Ken.  However, I had a Pioneer Chicken stuffed animal, and he was about the same height as Barbie.  Pioneer Chicken and Barbie used to be married to each other when my sister and I played. 

We had a neighbor boy whose parents were really strict and never allowed him to play with anyone.  He had to clean the entire house and walk to school by himself because his parents went to work early in the morning, but we did not know that when he started coming over.  He started coming to play with us in the morning and my mom would give him a ride to school, so he liked to play Barbie with us sometimes.  We would play Barbie and transformers, which was kind of fun to do.  Later on his step-mom called and said he was not allowed to come over because he was always being punished and she did not want him around Barbies because he was a boy. 

After that we had to tell him he had to go home when he tried to come over and play.  However, after a year I guess his step-mom decided he could come over and play since my mom fed him and took him to school in the morning.  For the next three years I think he was at our house pretty much every day playing Barbie and transformers with us :).


Susie Writes profile image

Susie Writes 7 years ago from Northern California

Okay. Now THAT was a funny hub! LOL! Still chuckling.

I only had one Barbie and she couldn't even move her legs. I think she must have been a fake. Ken would NOT have liked her. I wasn't much of a doll girl. I was a tree climbin, dog lovin, horse ridin, flower sniffin, kind of girl. My daughter was the same way. I may not speak "doll" well but that was one funny hub spryte! Well done!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

A father was on his way home and decided to buy his daughter a Barbie. He stopped at a toy store and noticed that there was a Shopping Barbie, a Beach Barbie and a Disco Barbie which were all £19.95. There was also a Divorce Barbie for £265.00."Why is the Divorce Barbie so much more expensive?" asks the dad. The salesman answered " That's because Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's computer, Ken's furniture and one of Ken's mates!!!!!!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

They just get better and better. Apparently there are whole range of errr...ummmm, alternative Barbies:

Want to buy your daughter a new Barbie doll? Check out some of these new styles that you only wish you could see in stores. Created by: Christina Cheadle and Emily Rock.

Anorexic Barbie - Comes with action phrases such as, "I ate a grape yesterday, and now I feel obese!" and, "Must lose weight, must lose weight!"

Burn Victim Barbie - Comes with her own special ointment and hospital bed.

Cripple Barbie - Comes with her own body cast and non-moving action.

Bad Hair Day Barbie - "The more you try to fix it, the worse it gets!"

Unlucky Barbie - Comes with a black cat, a broken mirror, and action phrases such as, "God must hate me!" and, "Oh, no, another 7 years of bad luck. That makes the grand total 263."

Divorce Barbie - Comes with all of Ken's stuff.

Mid-Life Crisis Barbie - Comes with real crying action and phrases such as, "It's all downhill from here." and, "My life is almost over."

Drug Addict Barbie - Comes with drugs, and phrases such as, "I'm not addicted I just can't be away from it for too long." and, "Don't call the cops it'll be my third strike!"

Rehab Barbie - See 'Drug Addict Barbie'

Jail Break Barbie - Comes with her own serial number, a striped suit, and anger issues.

Acne Barbie - Put hot water on her face and the zits magically disappear! WARNING: Side effects may include, burning, puss, and scars.

Catatonic Barbie - Includes pills, men in white suits with needles, and lots and lots of non-moving and non-blinking action!

Mime Barbie - Comes with face paint and mimilicious catch phrases such as, " " and, " ". WARNING: If product gets stuck in an invisible box and can not get out, do not contact us, for we do not care about your whiney problems.

Obesity Barbie - Comes with 16 pounds of food and storage under her fat rolls.

Homeless Barbie - Comes with shopping cart, soda cans, and blankets.

Suicidal Barbie - Includes pocketknife, rope, gun, and an excessive need for anti-depressants. WARNING: Do not let her by any cliffs and/or bridges and is better left in a dark room. Alone. By herself. Without you.

hIskOOl DroPOuT Barbie - Comes with no education whats so ever, southern accent, and catch phrases such as, "Theres no problem with living in your mom's basement when you 46!" and, "I've worked at this here Buger King since I was 16, an I still love my job. Oh shut-up you stupid person, 'gimmi this' 'can i have that' all you ever do is nag, nag, nag. Do you think I care if you WANT fries with that! NO! Anyway what was I saying?"

Abusive Barbie - Comes with real beating action! WARNING: If your product beats and/or harms you in anyway, we don't care, you are a wimpish loser. We will deny everything and say you shouldn't of bought a product with the word 'abusive' in it anyway.

Negitivity Barbie - Comes with action packed action phrases such as, "I give up," "I hate myself," and "I suck."

Verbally Abusive Barbie - Comes with catch phases such as, "HA,HA! You suck loser!" and, "You will never amount to anything!" WARNING: We will not pay for any therapy that the user of this product will need. HINT: To feel better, purchase Negativity Barbie, for a coupon go to www.yousuckloser.net. coupon costs $10.95.

Serial Killer Barbie - Comes with wanted poster, knife, and demonic look.

Paranoid Barbie - Comes with catch phrases such as, "Everyone's out to get me." and "The voices in my head tell me that I shouldn't like you."

Real Life Rock Star Barbie - Comes with alcohol, drugs, throw-uppy action, high stress levels and real hangovers!

Dead Barbie - Comes with will, hearse, grave stone, casket, and after a while she starts to decompose!

Clown Barbie - Also comes with face paints (see Mime Barbie) and if you press a special button you can here screaming children, because face it, clowns are creepy.

Old Geezer Barbie - Comes with hip replacement, saggy skin, and strokes and/or heart attacks. WARNING: Do not come to us when and if your Barbie just died. See Dead Barbie.

@:#$&>! Barbie - Come with real cussing action such as, "YOUR A $(&>":@*" and, " YOU @#$^*>/"

Optimistic Barbie - Comes with catch phrases like, "My hamster died, YIPPEE!" and "Although the world is coming to an end and we will all die, but it could be worse!"


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

So pleased the images made you all crack up laughing too. Certainly worked for me :)


KT pdx profile image

KT pdx 7 years ago from Vancouver, WA, USA

Awww...sorry, spryte, I did miss that. I didn't go "hub-hopping" with everyone to find the rest of the battle. Even what he did to Mr. Bunny is terrible! *pats you on the back and glares as Shades* Boys will be boys!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

KT - You obviously missed what Shade did to my micromachine. I don't know if I want to play with him anymore. *sniffle*


KT pdx profile image

KT pdx 7 years ago from Vancouver, WA, USA

ROFLMAO at all of this! I finally followed Misty over here after the discussion was brought up in a forum thread, and glad I did!

Ken always got "slime-o'd" in He-Man's Castle Grayskull playset, then Barbie got the hunk He-Man. Even GI Joe can't beat him! He'd try, though, ramming his tank and the airplane carrier from MicroMachines into the castle, but then the flutter ponies would bring buckets of water and flood the machines.

Ahh...so many memories of playing with all the combined toys from my collection (Barbies, My Little Ponies) and my best friend's collection (MOTU, GI Joe, MicroMachines). Who says girls and boys can't play together?


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

Oi-oi-oi-oi, that hurts! Thanks Cindy! :D


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Misty! I loved the golf-ball butt barbie :) Thanks for sharing that! Gawd...I hope my ass doesn't look like that. Ever.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Ok, that's some funny S-. Prozac barbie made me lol for real.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

This one is good too. 'Midlife Crisis Barbie'. Scroll down the page to see the image :) 

http://seniorcitizenhumor.blogspot.com/2007_02_01_...


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Hey guys you simply have to read this advert and look at the pictures about 'Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie' Scroll down to the description and read away: http://lundissimo.info/imgs/barbie/prozacbarbie/pr...


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

OEM parts are not hard to deal with :D


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

I am not sure I want Misha to 'outline it for me', sounds hard!!!!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

MM - I love that comparison! (Also loved that movie). I think we'd scare the hell out of Mattel without ideas :) But is that really such a bad thing?


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

For some reason this thread is starting to remind me of the product planning meeting in the movie "Big." A bunch of adults sitting around (re)designing toys from an obviously adult perspective. But in this scenario, all the adults are on mind-altering substances (the so-called writer's high/zone). All I can say is it's a good thing none of you (ok, I do include myself in this categorization) sick people is actually employed by Mattel or any other toy company!! :P


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Gwen - Of course I don't mind :)

Misty - LOL! I am not going to go into such detail here woman!! You'll just have to google it or take Misha's offer :P But let's just say, if you HAD seen one that wasn't...you'd remember.

CW - If there was anything more fun than watching a little girl try to figure out what the big deal about Ken & Barbie was...I'm sure it was a little boy's version of it. (Judging by how knowledgeable most little boys DIDN'T seem to be when I was growing up). :P

Misha: Couldn't you just outline it for her? :)

Sixty: You've pretty much said it all...I couldn't add anything more. Neither could the blonde, evidently. :)


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

Cindy, I think you'll have a chance to see for yourself when we all meet at Princessa's :D


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

I found the link Sixty, I will post it here because the other one doesn't seem to be working. I hope Spryte doesn't mind.

http://hubpages.com/travel/HubMob-Weekly-Topic-Eme...


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Sixty, I did not know that I had given you any ideas, but am so glad I could be of help to you. I clicked on the link and it says this does not exist. I wonder what happened?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Spryte, 'Misty...what did you mean "naturally that way?" Haven't you ever seen uh...one of those in a...OEM state?'

Not sure to be honest, any chance of a more detailed description of both so I know what to look for :)


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Desert, my sister's Barbie & Ken had a very active "romantic" life, much to the distress of my sister.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Reminds of the story of the blonde who dinged a car in the parking lot. In explaining to the cop she says "I thought that I had six inches to spare" The cop asks her to show her how big 6" is. She shows around a thumbs' length. the Cop says that's not ^6". She replies with a frown " But my husband assures me that is 6".

BTW I give up trying to catch you guys.

BTW I did the cruising hub for the hubmob thing http://hubpages.com/hub/HubMob-Weekly-Topic-Emeral... Thanks Gwendymom for the idea.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

So what doe's 6" usually look like? I know, seen one seen em all!

How doe's that old joke go?

"Do you have 6"

"yes but I don't use it as a 'rule'"? :|O


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

"maybe he can be configured proportionately so that little girls can grow up knowing what 6" REALLY looks like."

So are we promoting Ken to be molded into a state of permanent arrousal...or are we talking about what 6" usually looks like?


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

If someone is going to lobby Mattel to make more varieties of Barbie and Ken (did I read that somewhere above?) perhaps we could satisfy several anatomical tastes! Ken and Barbie au naturel and Ken and Barbie nip/tucked. Foreskin Ken, circumcised Ken. Perky A-cup Barbie could make a nice alternative to the current DDD version. And heck, if we're going to give Ken an actual package, maybe he can be configured proportionately so that little girls can grow up knowing what 6" REALLY looks like. LOL.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Your STARTING to get a bit scary???


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

*waves to blondie* Hey there :) Yeah...we've been having a lot of fun at Barbie's and Ken's expense, but I'm so glad you could drop in and read the hub :) Definitely come back for the comments...they're even better :) Thanks DB!

Misty...what did you mean "naturally that way?" Haven't you ever seen uh...one of those in a...OEM state?


desert blondie profile image

desert blondie 7 years ago from Palm trees, swimming pools, lots of sand, lots of sunscreen

Wow!!! so many comments!!! Must be twice as long as the column!!! FUN column...haven't read all the comments yet...but what's the percentage of those confessing to 'ultra-romantic' scenarios between the 'neutral' Ken and the 'weirdly feminine Barbie'? At least, 'ultra-romantic' where a 5th grader is concerned? Gotta come back and read all these comments...for now...fun column!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Time for bed now, tired as it is 04.15am, Yawwnnnn, catch up 2morrow :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Hmmm, I must investigate this more thoroughly, I thought they were naturally that way!!!


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

LOL yet another time ESL plays jokes with me :D

I did not mean to say that this - umm - operation turned out THAT bad for all of your men, I just meant that almost all of them are circumcised for whatever mysterious reason :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

You are wicked Misha, what are you trying to say about our men??? More to the point, what are we missing where you are??


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Quite possibly that is his problem, it was more of a castration than a circumcision! Most likely closer to a sex change!


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

Hadn't he been already? Somewhat brutally at that :D I guess all Americans and Brits are, regardless of religion...

PS Bad minds think alike :D


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Maybe that explains Ken's lack of genitalia...circumcision gone bad.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Bingo Barbie, comes with her own bingo machine and cards.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Interesting thought, I think she has always been non-denominational, otherwise Ken would have to have been circumcised!!!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

'Ear Syringe Ken', for those waxy blockages, (comes complete with syringing kit, and refillable wax).

Hairy Nose and Ear Ken, complete with clipper kit.

Skid Mark Ken, the underwear is ready stained and waiting for you to wash it.

Farting/Burping Ken, only needs one AA battery.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Has there ever been a Jewish Barbie?  Or has Barbie always been sort of non-denominational?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Brilliant, we could have Ken with his own beer gut, or Ken with a bald patch, or perhaps even Ken with ingrowing toenails, not to mention a prostate problem!!!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

hehehe...

Why not "Combover Ken" or "Hairplug Ken"...he could come with assorted bad hair pieces?

And maybe Plumber Ken...complete with pants that don't quite cover his butt crack?

We could call the entire thing "Barbie's Online Dating Experience" or something like that?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

I know, Alzheimer's Barbie, who can't remember who Ken was, or doesn't know where she parked her disabled buggie :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

My imagination is going wild now. What about one of those walk in baths for Barbie, the ones where they have a little door in the side, and you sit in the bath while it fills up, then sit in it while it empties, (no doubt freezing to death.)? Then there could be grey haired Barbie, or even Barbie with thinning hair, (even women get this sometimes). Barbie could have her own disabled car/wheelchair, (those little vehicles that look like a golf buggy) or perhaps Blue Rinse Barbie, or Rocking chair Barbie, Where will it end ???????


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

You two are hilarious!!

I think you should contact Mattel immediately and get these things in the works.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

How about Ken on Viagra, or with the pipe and slippers :)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Shirley - You saw what that meanie did to Mr. Bunny? :( *sniffle* Thank you for your condolences. I will be getting even...

The two of you are right...they should come out with a line of "realistic Barbies." I know a while ago, somebody did a parody of the entire line...came up with a Trailer Trash Barbie, etc.

Now, a post menopausal Barbie would be great! Little Barbie walkers, hearing aids...things like that would give our little girls something to look forward to. And we can replace the Dreamhouse with Barbie's Retirement Home or something like that. And since women live longer (still)...we won't worry about Ken. He's long gone...right?


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

That's hilarious, Misty! The Barbie mansion would come complete with a chamberpot, walker and one of those things that lifts you up the stairs.

Those sexy heels have been replaced with sensible shoes.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL Shirley, just imagine the accessories for geriatric Barbie, dentures, incontinence knickers, support tights, comfy shoes, heated rollers, zimmer frames, knee repacements, hip replacements, knitting needles, bed socks etc etc. :)


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

It takes about a year and a half to read to the bottom of this hub.

So, you're telling me that Barbie gave birth a bunch of years ago....so she should be a grandmother by now.  Has Geriatrics Barbie hit the shelves yet?  Boobs tucked into her belt, wrinkles, comfy pants, grandma blouse and great big sunglasses. Oh yeah, and one of those visors - don't want to cover up the blue rinse. The Barbie corvette has a bumper sticker that says, 'Honk if you wear Depends'?

My condolences on your loss of Mr. Bunny.  I know he meant a lot to you.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Time zones suck! Sorry I missed you in here last night Christoph :(

Thanks for turning off the lights Aggie :)

It's definitely not as much fun without you Sixty. But then again...trying to keep up with everyone as they race from hub to hub to hub can be exhausting! I love the mornings...catching up at my leisure sometimes. *hugs* I saved a few balloons for you.

MM - I don't mind changes...but I'm not giving up Bugs Bunny. I won him fair &...uh...okay...I won him. :)

CW - Ah yes...the representative from the "Brother's from Hell" union has arrived. :) My brother liked to switch the heads on my Barbies...which is how Ken became a transexual for a while. It was rather disturbing...


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

My sister had Barbie & Ken dolls. My younger brother and I tortured her mercilessly with them: We put Barbie upside-down into a tall glass of water then stuck it in the freezer. And we solved the problem of Ken's "innocuous plastic bulge" with Play-Doh!

Ah, the good-ol-days...


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Dear Sixtyorso, I know what you mean. Stick close here, tho. I have a feeling everyone's just gone to recharge their batteries (duracell or otherwise) and will be back at it in full force tomorrow, possibly with some switching of roles (new refs, new characters, new positions...). Then again, the action may migrate over to a different hub. Ya just never can tell!


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

It oviously does not pay to sleep while you guys are awake. reading all the commments after the whistle so to speak is a little wierd but once you have caught up on all the hubs currently running a thread some of the comments (referring to comments on other threads), sort of make sense. The twinkies comments being an example. But this is a little bit like being invited to a party ,arriving after it ends or in some cases on the wrong day.

You know a kind of an "after the ball is over" type of feeling.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Goodnight Gracies.

I'll turn out the lights!

Hey Chris where ru your comment just came up!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Oh. Too late...again.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Your welcome, I am off to bed myself, this hub hopping is kicking my ass. Night all!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

I think you make a cute Yosemite Sam *tugs on your moustaches*

I'm heading to bed too!  *hugs Aggie*  I just love your deductive reasoning there :)

Thanks Gwendy!!!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

hmm, I'll have to think on that. I believe that Spryte brought up bugs first and therefore deserves to have first pick.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Well, let me know if I won then. I need to hit the hay so I'm fresh tomorrow. I'll keep a carrot and a pair of six guns by my desk so whichever way it goes, I'm prepared.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Now just a moment of cold hard logic here.

1 Shades how long did to take to puree the bunny 30 seconds tops.

2 spryte how long did your enjoyment with the bunny (no not your husband) mr bunny last , being a gentleman I will not venture there dare to say more than 30seconds that being the case I declare spryte the winner by default!

(send the graft when no ones looking)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

I guess we'll just have to wait for the ref's decision then on who gets Bugs...


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Well, as a man, I am not generally concerned with such things. I was probably asleep.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

I got an arsenal of toys, take what you want. I also have extra duracell batteries.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

What do you mean...I didn't enjoy Mr. Bunny? I did...but I borrowed Gwens. Man...she has some damn powerful batteries though...only took a coupla seconds to kick a few out. What...did you miss them?


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Except you don't get to be Bugs Bunny because the deal was whoever got the most enjoyment out of the "bunny" gets to be him.  You can be Yosemite Sam, or Porky Pig if you like.  Even Tweety or Granny.  But not Bugs, and therefore his quotes are my sole domain.  Stay away or my attorneys will be contacting you for copyright infringement.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

lol. This gets better every minute.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Favorite blender huh?  *smiles and drops of scoopful of poop laden chunked up block of clumping kitty litter into the blender and hits the puree button*

You may get it clean...but you'll know where it's been.

"Of course you know...this means war!" Bugs Bunny


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Well I'm ducking for cover. Your've torn the bunny now. A rampaging spryte is not a pretty sight. (htf would I know Iv'd never seen one)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

In Fatal Attraction, when Glenn Close put the pet rabbit in the pot simmering on the stove...she was sterilizing the wrong bunny.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

He gave me great pleasure dancing around in my other fun electrical toy, my blender.  It was a great coming together of technology and boyish mischief.  Very enjoyable.  How's your enjoyment coming?  So we can figure out who gets to be Bugs.  :)

I'm sure she's not pissed, Gwendy. She got to make the rules, so I imagine she's enjoying the sport. She can take it back and get it replaced under warranty... she can tell them she just used it one time and it came all apart. Ok, she might get some odd looks from the store clerk, but hey...


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Oh, I forgot too. I think you are done shades. Now you have pissed her off.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

*looks at Mr. Bunny's pieces and whimpers*

What did Mr. Bunny ever do to you...?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Mate you forgot the bunny gwendymom gave her for christmas!

Or is she keeping that tucked up her ah sleeve!phew!!!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Fair enough.

/tosses bunny into his expensive blender and frappes that thing to dust.

Wow, that was fun, I really, really enjoyed that a ton. 

/hands Spryte the pieces.  Your turn. 


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

roflmao.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Okay...I'll make you a deal Shade.

Whomever enjoys the bunny most wins Bugs. You go first...

*hands you Mr. Bunny...with fresh batteries*


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

No, make her walk slower and shake it first.  Sheesh, what's the rush, Agvulpes.  The round chicks are the best part of the fight.

Yeah,I wouldn't think that bunnies and sleep pills are all that good of a combo.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

That would be bunnies, and I don't balme her. If I wasn't so tired I would play with my bunny too.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

End of round 1:- Gwenda (aka Gwendymom) walks round ring with 2 fingers in air.

Bell rings (ding)round 2 starts.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

You may attempt to dodge the true reason for your affection for rabbits, but we all know where your ... feelings... lie in that regard.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Ha! Your jealousy is palpable. You don't fool me...you want Bugs for yourself. Every Bugs fan knows that despite lots of squishing, Bugs still manages to come back and win.

And as far as my penchant for rabbits...I was born in the year of the rabbit and unless you can stake a bigger claim, Bugs is mine and he trumps Godzilla every time.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Well, if you are willing to accept that you were the twinkie, then you are squished and therefore in no condition to be Bugs Bunny. Furthermore, it seems like, given your fondness for wrastling with "rabbits," I'm surprised you'd want to trade places so to speak... however, I suppose that's kind of hawt too, and brings us full circle to Barbie as a lipstick lesbian as far as that goes. :D


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Man she owns the Franchise on Bunnies.

You wouldn't wash those twinkies down with beer shirley not?

Your the same religion as me "devout cowards"!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

She has a point shades.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Of course I get to be Bugs...you made me the twinkie.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Who says you get to be Bugs Bunny?


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

All I have to do is remind Shades of the Bugs Bunny vs the wrestler episodes...

Bugs always won...even though he was the twinkie.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Hey, I'm the big giant lizard, you're the tiny little twinkie.  Look at corresponding positions in the simile ffs.  Damn women, have to 'splain everything.

And Gwendy, yes you did say that outloud, and you are quite right.  :D

And Agvulpes, you really don't know what a Twinkie is?  It's only the finest shortbread and chemically comprised cream filled product in the free world.

(Oh, and Spryte couldn't hurt me because I'm smart enough to spot that look in her eye that says, "GTF out man!" and run. I'm not to proud to flee.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

I have no doubt about him enjoying, if spryte doesn't hurt him, and lets be honest there is a chance that could happen.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Your both really bad, bad girls. Go wash your mouths out!

He is Human,Male and breathing, with the right company, yep he'd enjoy!

spryte as we say here "what's good for the goose is good for the gander!"


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Better than me going down... :)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Shades is going down, wait he might enjoy that. Did I just type that, I am really a bad girl.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

OMG!!!  You are comparing me to a Japanese monster now?!  How rude!! 

So, if I squish you real good...what happens to the creamy middle? 

Oh...and if you are thinking I'm the twinkie well then you've definitely lost. I'm so loaded with preservatives I can last forever :P


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

spryte I just now got your comment about Shades losing.

Of course he would start as the underdog (so to speak) I think he might come out on top (so to speak) because seeing it was my idea, I get to make the rules (and get all the graft of course). Although on the other hand if Gwen's the referee.?

Shades you got me with "twinkie" what are they. and did I forget to mention that we would take away your beer, glasses and cane, and tie your appendage behind your back?

Gwen another thought I had, you might like to be the bikini girl that walks around with the Round Number?


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

First off, why would GI Joe want to drive a stupid Camaro when he has a tank.  No actual man would choose to drive a Camaro if he had the option of a tank.  Period.  Never happen.  Maybe Ken, but that's it.

And Christoph, I think you are dead on with that.  Barbie and her hawt friends doing a shower scene in the Barbie playhouse.  That's what I'm talking about. 

And Agvulpes, me vs. Spryte in mud wrestling would be like Godzilla vs. a twinkie.  At best, the twinkie would dance around and grope at Godzilla's ankles or knee, unable to move him, and then, when it got boring standing there, Godzilla would just step on the twinkie and that would be the end of it.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

so what is your mind coming up with Ag? I'm kind of scared.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Now let me see who is that waving her arms around. Could it be, no it couldn't be, but it is, It is Gwendymom! You'll have to have a ring name to keep your anonymity, we can't have people knowing who you really are.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Me Me! (jumping up and down waving her hands) I want to referee!!!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Very late...sandwiched somewhere between the advertisments for ginsu knives and George Foreman's grill.

And Shades would lose!!!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Hey Gwen here's one for starters a Mud Wrestle between spryte and Shades!. Now who could be the referee?.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

I agree agvulpes, it would have to be a late night show.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

What about one called "The Secret Life of spryte" or "Laughing with Laurie" ?.

I think it would have to be on Saturday nights after midnight but!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

You know...you are absolutely right Aggie. Boy, Mattel sure missed the boat when they didn't have the foresight to have a young girl's soap opera on Saturday mornings about The Secret Life of Baribie.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

LOL.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Go on! You have to watch those painted wedding rings I tried it and they wash off!

This Alan being in a seperate box alone with a child, worries me more than a bit, could he be trusted, how big was the box, how far away was the box? And what was Barbie getting up to with that gay guy Ken?

Have you found that book yet?


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Well...supposedly she was married.  She had a small wedding ring painted on to her hand.  HOWEVER...and here's where the gossip gets juicy.  Her hubby doll, Alan was in a separate box with their eldest child.  I'm thinking there were some marital issues that Mattel was not divulging.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

This is better than "Days of Our Lives".

A pregnant not married Barbie. Well I never!!!

Whats next?


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Awwww Shirley - You missed some great weather.  Maybe another time?

As far as the pregnant Barbie - in 2002, Mattel launched its series of Happy Family dolls and there was definitely a knocked up Midge.  Caused quite a stir and I think Walmart actually had to pull her from its shelves since she didn't come with the father of her baby...or maybe she did...but not in the package.  :)

You could open up her tummy and voila!  There was a Barbie baby!

Actually...this is a funny link.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/eilatan/150046632/


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Barbie had a baby?!? OMG! Boy or girl? Did she lose her baby weight afterwards? Stretch marks?

Hey Spryte, I was supposed to be in your fair state this week. Sadly, the plans changed.


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

Chris, I think public is waiting for you dispalying a tatoo, and you keep trying to divert public attention :P


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Well, in theory no. However, um...Allens would need to insert the probe the same way my sister nailed my Barbie's feet - with a hammer.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Wait a second...if Ken was a eunuch, then where did the Barbie baby come from, huh? And don't tell me it was GI Joe's kid...he was compensating for a lot of deficiencies too. I saw him nekkid once. Okay...so I stole his commando gear and put it on Ken. It didn't improve him. Besides, GI Joe was a tad shorter than Ken so the pants didn't fit too well.

Barbie wasn't a lesbian...but I think PJ was.

As for GI Joe blowing up the mall...no way!! He was too busy sucking up to Barbie cuz he wanted to drive the camaro. Everyone knows that. And once...I caught him cross-dressing in my Barbie's lingerie. Yeah...some man that one.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Ok. So Ken's a gay eunich! That doesn't stop him from being anally probed by allens (that's guys named allen).


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Wasn't Ken a eunuch?

I just got rid of my Barbie last year. I had one from the second design they made, she had short blonde hair, very Marilyn Munroe-ish. I loved making clothes for her. Ken wasn't much of a companion, pretty lifeless, really.

I loved that doll. My youngest sister drove nails through the bottoms of her feet, poor Barbie!

My other sister had a dark haired Barbie or Midge, I forget which. She also had the Ken, he wasn't mine. I was the oldest, but she had more Barbie dolls than me AND a Ken doll. I think she had Skipper, too. All I had was one lousy Barbie.

Thx for the walk down memory lane, Spryte. I think.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Aww, come on! Everybody knows that Ken was only Barbie's "beard", and that Barbie was a "lipstick lesbian". Once you got tired of trying to turn Ken straight, what happened? You left him in the closet, where he belongs! He only came out of the closet when Barbie had to make a public appearance, so the public wouldn't catch on that Barbie was into other chicks. I thought everybody knew that.


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 7 years ago from MA, USA

Just don't look under the mattress. You'll be ok Mistly. I promise! I've got to get going too. See you around tomorrow!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

GI Joe would bring his commandos and blow up the mall, and Barbie would have no place to shop. They would plant a grenade in Ken's ass if he heckled them even once and Barbie would be out looking for a new man-servant. GI Joe does not carry stuff unless it's stuff he approves of the purchase thereof and he oogles any chick he wants. Besides the fact that GI Joe's boots are heavy duty, bullet proof (and obviously immune to heels), everyone knows that Barbie's shoes are lost almost immediately, so, that threat is empty as a spent M4A1 clip.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Yikes, now there's a scary thought. Your timing is really bad, as I am off to bed now (03.00 am here), and I may have nightmares, in which case I will blame you :)


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 7 years ago from MA, USA

Oh sorry Misty for the vagueness but the men of the ritual decide and I'm sure that Christoph will be a good sport and show it off to you all when he returns! 


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Where exactly does this 'large detailed tattooing' go Dottie????

He might be grateful if it 'sucks' after that :)


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 7 years ago from MA, USA

I know you ladies are all Christoph's friends but where Christoph lives they celebrate puberty parties in small intimate groups of 6-8.  I'm sure he feels bad that he couldn't invite you.  It will be a time of awkwardness for him as they will be celebrating his manlihood with large detailed tattooing.  These rituals will require poor Christoph to display courage and strength of violent acts such as fighting or his first kill of an animal.  This will prove that he is able to support his family and survive in the wilderness.  I'm sure it has been a very loooonnngggg stressful day for him!

Today it will suck to be a Christoph!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

There was a puberty party? Dang...I miss all the good stuff!

NYLady - *waves* Welcome to the clubhouse...err...dreamhouse. My sister and I were close in age too...which led to a few Barbie issues, especially at Christmas where we had to "share" something. You can only say, "alright...I'll take two eggs and you take one...and if you need to borrow one you can come over to my Barbie's house and ask anytime" so many times before the kid sister realizes she's going to be borrowing a lot of stuff from your Barbie.

My sister's girls had The American Girl too...but then again, this is the same sister that stole my Ken...

:( Dottie - I'm so sorry about your Fluffy. My cat, Bear, was 19 years old when he passed away so feel free to borrow Fluffy the squirrel any time you want. I don't think it's the same Fluffy that went down your chimney...but I cant' be sure. Every time I ask him, he refuses to answer. I think he's keeping something from me.

Shade - WELL!! You know what I liked about G.I.Joe's Kung Fu grip? He could carry all of Barbie's stuff for her while she went shopping. Barbie would drag him around the mall and if he even thought of ogling Midge's breasts or asking for a treat, she'd dig her little Barbie heel into G.I.Joe's instep. Of course, G.I. Joe would beat up Ken...but that was because Ken once heckled him saying, "Yo...Joe...I got something you can wrap your Kung Fu grip around!"


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

How come I wasn't invited to the puberty party?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Yes Dottie, sigh, they grow up so fast don't they ? :)


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 7 years ago from MA, USA

Thank you spryte. I am definately ready for Fluffy therapy. I spent 16 happy years with my kitty Fluffy. *Reaching into sprytes pocket, nice fluffy....i still feel those scabbies on your head....nice fluffy, bye bye*. Thanks spryte, your a pal!

I had a squirrel come down my chimney and into my house once. That was quite the rodent race I had. I hope that wasn't your fluffy that I boxed up and dumped out on the other side of town. If it was I'm deeply sorry!

The only thing I can think of where the hubmen might be is out celebrating Christoph's puberty party. He is such a big boy now, isn't he.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

lol, I doubt that shades.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

I could cure you of that, Gwendy.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Misty, I am sorry. I really enjoy seeing my man without his shirt. I think that is the way guys look the sexiest.

Spryte, I think they are avoiding this one, I wonder why?


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

Ken was a panzy.  If my sister left hers out and G.I. Joe ever saw that candy-ass pussyboy lying around, G.I. Joe would kick the shit out of him with his awesome kung-fu grip action.  Then, he'd take him back to HQ and torture him until he confessed he was a man-spy selling Barbie's secrets to Cobra command at which point GI Joe and his boys would bust out the kung-fu grip treatment on his ass again.

My sister would find that soft-bellied wussy lying tore up in a garden or tied to a chair leg when G.I. Joe and the rest of the commandos were done with his sorry ass.

(I'm not even going to tell you what G.I. Joe would do if he found Barbie or one of her little tart girlfriends lying around.  I mean, I would tell you, but Joe only knew to take off her clothes, after that he had no clue.  I mean, sure, a little kung-fu grippy-grippy to the boobies, but no ideas after that.  Too bad I didn't know then what I know now or Joe would have had some cool parties at the base.)


NYLady profile image

NYLady 7 years ago from White Plains, NY

Spryte: Hilarious hub. My sister and I had all the trappings -- the Barbie Dream House, the Dream car (a pink Camaro?), many Barbs, a Ken we completely ignored, Midge and Skipper. I don't remember even picking up the Ken doll. He was only handy when Babs needed a little roll in the hay. Not that he was effective there, either, considering his missing vitals.

Mighty Mom: My daughter had an American Girl Doll, a whole wardrobe, and pieces of furniture. They were all gifts from well-meaning relatives and she completely ignored all of it. Too busy playing softball! I'm so proud!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

As far as I know, Barbie and all her friends have never had anatomically correct genetalia or nipples.  Just mystery mounds.  I think there was a movement though to make Barbie a little less anorexic though...but I thought they simply introduced a chubbier friend.

Dottie: You have a dead cat named Fluffy?! Awww...of course you can pet my squirrel. You can hold it if you want to as well. Fluffy's great for pet therapy sessions.

And is it just me...or does it seem the hubmen are a wee bit afraid to venture into our clubhouse here?


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 7 years ago from MA, USA

I can see that Mighty Mom feels left out because she has a boy but my daughter didn't play much with dolls like I did. Girls now a days are too busy celebrating birthday after birthday at hair salons, nail salons, ear pierce salons, and as they get older it turns into belly button piercing salons and now she's going to the college salons.

Spryte...everytime I see you, I think of my dead cat Fluffy in your pocket....I think I'm ready to pat Fluffy now, if you don't mind!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

LOL, no hot wheels in the house anymore, sorry. Zit cream and hair gel, tho. But since I totally missed the 2nd generation of Barbies (not having girl children), I don't even know if they made "anatomically correct Ken." Did they? My recollection is same as Misty's. His bits were... missing. But at the age I was playing Barbies, I didn't know what "bits" were and wouldn't have known what to do with them anyway.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL, gwendy, my man does not look great with his shirt off and his jeans button undone, as his body is absolutely covered in hair, (back and front), plus his beer gut arrives in the room a minute before the rest of him.

Mighty Mom 'Ken is a mere prop (or is that "fop"?)', or perhaps 'flop', might be a better description as his errr.... ummmm. bits appear to have gone missing.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

It can't be that bad? Does he have hot wheels? If so, Lazur and I will be right over. :)


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

See? This is exactly what I miss by being the mother of a boy!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Dottie: You are welcome! I'm not sure what Midge's relationship was in the whole thing...but she was an odd duck in some ways with her kinky/curly hair and rather exotic features that seemed to clash with that smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. I inherited her from my older sister...hence she was truly my first "Barbie." P.J. was introduced in the early 70's...I think. She was like Barbie's flower power friend with sunglasses, brightly flowered hippie-chick dress and pigtails. She just seemed so down-to-earth.

I've seen some Kens with hair...and actually the plastic molded painted on hair looked a hell of a lot better than some of the longer do's they tried to saddle him with. I don't remember him with the peach fuzz though...but I do remember G.I. Joe had that kind of scruffy feel to his head and face.

Did you ever have a Ricky? Mine was given to me by a neighborhood playmate who was tired of him and had relegated him to a handicapped position because her dog had gnawed off the doll's toes. Ricky was red-headed, freckle-faced and pretty much Skipper's male counterpart.


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 7 years ago from MA, USA

Hiya Spryte....ya know I always felt bad for Ken with the peach fuzz hair and then he must have lost it all because then they had to paint his hair on.   Poor guy!  But I always let Ken come into my dream kitchen and I could because I really didn't know then what to do with him. Where we suppose to do something?  Just in case though I always invited Midge over.  I am so sorry I never met Malibu PJ.  Who was she? I didn't think anyone remembered Midge. But you did spryte and that made me happy. A really fun hub. Thank you.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Gwen: ;) I thought you would

Mighty Mom: I remember letting Ken kiss Barbie and being suitably unimpressed. There was just something missing...maybe if they'd made Ken with groping hands or something. :) LOL! Thanks for joining in on the fun here!

Lazur: Bahahahah! I love it! Another hot wheel femme fatale. I loved playing hot wheels with my big brother...we'd build tunnels and roads and have a blast. I wish I'd known about the whole gay thing when I was younger. Ken might have been more handy then...he could have decorated by dreamhouse and worked in my Barbie salon....and I wouldn't have had to rush home and make dinner. Gay Ken would have taken care of all that. I wonder if children of same sex couples have a different view on how to play Barbie? Thanks for giving me a good giggle!


Lazur profile image

Lazur 7 years ago from Netherlands

Fun hub! When I was just a little little girl and still listened to my mom I had to play with my sister. She had the barbies, I just had Ken. My sister wanted to let her Barbie marry Ken. So I always told her he was gay. *grin* Then I got into trouble, lost Ken to my sister and I could finally play with my hotweels. Yeahhhh..


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Ken, schmen. Barbie needs Ken like a fish needs a bicycle. She has always been way too much woman for Ken to handle :-). Ken is a mere prop (or is that "fop"?). I think in every girl's Barbie-owning evolution there is a phase (usually an early phase) where Barbie and Ken play kiss, play date, play house. But once the girl realizes how extraneous Ken really is, she quickly abandons him and gets down to the REAL Barbie business of filling the mansion with cars and clothes and experimenting with Barbie's hair. In other words, celebrating Barbie's uber-femininity/independence.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Spryte, I like your thinking sweetie!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

But of course Gwendy...when I say "some women" I don't mean you! :)

Of course...there have been times in my life where I've met men with about the same level of intelligence as Ken and I grew bored of them just as quickly. Which actually just means...looks aren't everything...ya gotta have some smarts to be invited to my dreamhouse. :P


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Spryte, I hope that I didn't give you the impression that I feel that way about men. I love men. Yes, they can be a pain in the ass sometimes but they are great none the less. They can be gentle and loving and caring, and be tough when we need them to be. They look great with their shirts off and a pair of jeans with the button undone. Hmm, damn I miss my husband, where's that damn bunny?


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Gwendy - Perhaps that is where some women get the idea that men, like Ken dolls, are disposable toys and unless they come with the appropriate equipment are only good for a few things? :) Nice observation!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Spryte, I am with you on this one. Ken just didn't seem to have much going on. I got bored with him right away and let my sister play with him. Oh, he could come around every now and then when I needed some heavy lifting done or something, but other than that he was useless, especially without any genitalia. My sister played with him alot and enjoyed herself, I was more concerned about clothes and my barbie house. Hmmm, Kind of mimicks how we are today.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL! Pam - It wouldn't have suprised me if Joe was somehow involved with Ken too. Hmmm, come to think of it...I remember once the two of them borrowed Barbie's camaro to go to the corner store and when they came back, Ken seemed just a lilttle TOO happy....

Thanks for dropping in and commenting!!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

Love it, love it, love it. :D Very nice Spryte!

Hmmm, my Barbie preferred G.I. Joe as well. Very interesting. While I knew he was probably cheating, I didn't know he was possibly cheating with your Barbie. All those times he said he was fighting in a war somewhere yet came home smelling of cheap plastic instead of gunpowder - yes, it's all very clear now.

:)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

lol, your crazy!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

I'm siting here laughing my ass off...you are too adorable for words.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Not usually, sorry.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Tease!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Christoph got back on and I had asked him first because he was on at the time. So I will see what he says, Thanks though, I appreciate you.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

That's cuz he's a real gentleman :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Will ask him, but doubt he will own up :)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Sure Gwendy! Ask away!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Spryte, I need help. Could you help me out real fast? Please?


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

*wide innocent eyed expression*

You'll have to ask Sixty about that...I promised not to tell.

Oh...and you didn't miss a thing not having a Ken :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Very funny, I never had a 'Ken', but had several Barbie's.

A bit worried about sixtyorso getting 'sucked in' at his age, especially as he states 'as usual you have sucked him in, all the way'. Is there something you two want to own up to now ?????


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Sixty - lol! Nah...I'm not a Barbie girl...but I did love her clothes. I would have been thrilled to have had her wardrobe when I was in my twenties. But, I did always feel sorry for Ken and his clothing options...much the same as I do for real life men. So boring!

Story - GASP!! Well now I know what it would have been like playing Barbie with you. I never thought of that option...Sheik Ken.

Moon - Of course, there was G.I.Joe...I used to steal him from my brother occasionally and have him visit Barbie whenever he was in town. It wasn't a serious relationship...but he did seem a lot more rugged than Ken.

Thanks to all of you for stopping by and commenting!


Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 7 years ago from London

Ha ha, funny hub Spryte! I was never much of a Barbie lover myself (um, unlike Ken!) but their relationship strikes me as being a bit like those supermodels who go out with ugly blokes and nobody can quite figure out why! Ok, so Ken isn't ugly, but like you point out, he hasn't got too much going for him..


Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 7 years ago from Stepping past clutter

I don't feel sorry for Ken. He has a harem- what more could a guy want?


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Great Hub Spryte, but one can't help wondering to what extent life imitates art? I can sort of picture you as a real life Barby, cars , mansions and all, hiding innocuosly behind your impish Spryte facade. Or maybe that is just my imagination and fantasy life taking over LOL. Great writing sucked me in as usual. All the way!

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