Jokes About Religion

These are some of the funniest jokes about religions that I've heard over the years. I had to get some help from family and friends by asking to send my their favorite heaven, priest, nun, rabbi, or minister jokes, and here they are. I hope you have a good laugh like I did.

An old preacher was about to die. He called two members of his congregation to be with him in his final hours- an IRS auditor and a lawyer. The men were proud to have been chosen for this honor. The two men sat awhile, one on each side of the bed, with the preacher. The preacher was quiet, but contented. Finally, the IRS auditor asked the preacher why he chose them to be with him. The preacher replied, "Well, when Jesus died, he was placed between two thieves and that is how I wanted to leave this world, too."

A man was about to die and the priest was called. The priest told the man to denounce the devil. The man just looked at the ceiling. Again, the priest told the dying man to denounce the devil loud enough for all to hear. Again, the man was mute. Then the priest asked, "Why do you refuse to do as I tell you?" The man replied, "No offense, Father. I just don't want to make anyone mad unless I know which direction I'm heading."

A young man and his fiance die in a car accident just days before their wedding. They both go to heaven. They ask an angel if they can get married in heaven. The angel tells them he will see if it's possible. He is gone so long that the couple think they can't get married. Then, the angel shows up and gladly tells them that they can get married in heaven. So the couple think some more about it. Then they ask the angel if they can get divorced in heaven, because half of marriages don't work out. The angel responds, "It took me 4 days to find a priest in heaven. Do you know how long it will take to find a lawyer?"

A young man arrives at the gates to heaven. He is greeted by St. Peter holding the Book of Names. St. Peter glances through his book, closes it, and informs the man that he isn't listed in the book. "How often is the book updated?" asks the guy. "I get new updates every 15 minutes," replies St. Peter. "Why?" "Well, I lived a sinful life and didn't cry out to God until I knew I was dying. So I'm probably not listed yet." Peter says, "While we are waiting for an update, tell me about the best good deed you ever did for anyone." The guy responds, "Well, there was this one time when a girl was being threatened by a bunch of gang members. There must have been 10 of them wearing their gang colors and tattoos. I couldn't just walk away. I grabbed a tire iron out of my car and walked right up to them. They turned away from the girl when they saw me. I told them that if they didn't leave her alone, I was going to teach them a lesson." Peter was impressed by the man's actions. "So when did this happen, young man?"

"I would guess about 5 minutes ago."

Do you have any funny, but clean jokes about religion to add? Put them in the comments section and I will add them.