Prudes of the World - Unite!!

 

prude (prδδd)

NOUN:

One who is excessively concerned with being or appearing to be proper, modest, or righteous.

According to most dictionaries, this is an accepted definition of the word. Evidently, in its earlier incarnations the word "excessively" was not a part of the definition and it was actually considered a compliment! However, as time went on and society became more accepting of impropriety, it became a feminine slur...

It's time to take back this word and its original meaning. Prudes of the world...let us UNITE!

I don't consider myself to be a card-carrying member of the pornography police. As an adult, you have every right to view or read whatever you consider to be sexually stimulating in private. Just as I have every right not to have it shoved down my throat 24/7. Should you choose to spend your hard earned cash encouraging the opposite sex to take it from you...again, that is your prerogative. Don't ask me to spend mine on something I find demeaning. However, should your income tie directly to my income...then I'm going to have something to say about it.

Example:

Husband: I'm going out to shoot pool with Wayne.

Wife: Have fun! Where are you going?

Husband: Uh...The Porn Palace. But I'm only going to shoot pool...I swear. It's Wayne's idea to go there...but I'm not going to be looking at any naked women...I'm just going because that's where he picked. I'm only shooting pool.

Wife: Hmm...I see. Well since you are only going to shoot pool...Yancy's is just around the corner, it's cheaper and you won't have any distractions.

Husband (on phone with Wayne): Meet you at Yancy's? Yeah...yours too?

Yes...yes...I've heard all the arguments. These girls are actually working their way through med or law school and are in actuality VERY smart. To be honest, I think they are...they've figured out that they can take your dollars by showing you their boobs. This makes YOU the idiot. And since no woman wants anyone in the world to know just how stupid her husband is...not to mention the fact that you are dipping into the mutual funds of the household...you are forbidden to publicly admit your idiocy.

A possible spokeschicken for "Peckers"

With so many married men forbidden to go to what is fondly called "the titty bar," another creative solution needed to be found. Thus the titty bar disguised as a "family restaurant" was born. It was supposed to be a win/win situation. The wife would be happy hearing those joyful words, "Honey, I'm taking you out to dinner" and he could watch the waitress bend over his table in her skimpy little uniform. Unfortunately, men aren't very good at naming these places and thought that their wives would be fooled by names such as "Hooters" and "The Tilted Kilt" to name a couple...

Example:

Husband: You've been working so hard today. Why don't we go out to dinner together tonight?

Wife: Oh you are the greatest husband...what a terrific idea! Where do you want to go, darling?

Husband: I was thinking...Hooters! They have great chicken wings!

Wife: How about Wendy's?

Yes...yes...I've heard the arguments on this one too. What do I have against chicken wings...especially good ones?! I must be....A PRUDE!! That's right...there you have it folks. While it was certainly understandable for me to be bent out of shape over mostly naked women writhing on stripper poles, it was totally irrational for me to be against women with clothes on serving me dinner.

I did the only thing I could think of at the time...I resorted to the feminist equality argument...

"The day they have a restaurant called "Peckers"...and you take me there for dinner....is the day I will believe "Hooters" is the bastion of great chicken wings."

Which of course got me thinking truly evil thoughts about opening a franchise and calling it "Peckers" just to see how many men would want to dine there...

But just imagine it for a moment with me if you will...

Our logo could be a chicken...nothing offensive there. Like Hooter's owl...if you think the name has a double meaning, you must be the current definition of the word "prude."

Our staff would be made up of drool-worthy men in tight fitting and brief garments. No uggos would be hired for outside the kitchen...no matter how many lawsuits for discrimination would be filed!

The menu would be fabulously titillating, making it hard to choose between our "Big O" onion rings and our "French-kissed" Fries. We'd offer all dishes in sizes from "No...it's not small" to "Oh, baby!" (because after all...size does matter). Just make sure to save room for dessert. Unfortunately we wouldn't be able to cater to vegans since there would be no such thing as a meatless entrée in our restaurant.

Yeah...it's laughable...but as a woman, it might amuse me to go to such a restaurant only once...and just with the girls. I guess it's because I'm a prude.

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Comments 39 comments

spryte profile image

spryte 4 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hi Beyond! 3 years and I'm still a hopeless prude...thanks for the moral support! :)


Beyond-Politics profile image

Beyond-Politics 4 years ago from The Known Universe (beyond.the.spectrum@gmail.com)

Nothing wrong with being a "prude." It just means that some of us have a sense of modesty and morals that others lack. There are many times in human history where the majority was wrong and the individual/minority was right.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL Sixty!


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

There were these guys in an old age home saying they would like to see a naked women one more time. Saucy Sarah overhead them and stripped down and ran through the recreation lounge saying "look at me". The one old geezer says to the other "what was that?" He says "I don't know but whatever it was it sure needed iorning!"


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hey Nicole!

I wonder what those Chips look like now...LOL! Wouldn't that be an interesting hub?


Nicole Winter profile image

Nicole Winter 8 years ago from Chicago, IL

Hilarious, Spryte. Actually, I do know a girl who worked her way through law school by being a stripper. I agree with you, it's the people, (men & women,) paying others to take off their clothes who are the idiots! Also, Anata, man, you're living in the PAST! The Chippendales were popular in the late 80's ... not a few years ago!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hehehehe Gwendymom...

I love that term "boob stupid." Perhaps that's why they refer to an idiot as a "boob?"

Of course, I'm sure that they would argue it's purely altruistic since they're actually supporting higher education...after all, these are very SMART women on their way to getting a college degree, remember?


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

Yeah, I'm ready for peckers! The restaraunt that is! I have told my husband when he goes on his golf trips that if he wants to go with the guys to the tittie bar, he can, but do not give them (strippers) my money. When was the last time he put a dollar in my undies? The answer is never! I just think it's funny when guys get boob stupid (thats what I call it) and give away all their money.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hey Amanda!

Nice one...I missed the whole idea of a "hen" party! :)

I wonder if anyone has ever done a study on the effect of various parts of the brain in both men and women at a strip club... LOL! Umm...on second thought that might not work. Can you see the scientist saying, "And here...in this MRI of the male brain, we find no activity at all..."


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 8 years ago from UK

Spryte, this is hilarious! I went to a ladies night at a rugby club once, and you're right! All the girl's were too busy giggling to be titillated, and when it came to the guy choosing victims to come out of the audience and cover him with spray cream, most of the ladies were cowering in embarrassment. I've heard stories from my husband's bachelor days, and I gather that men behave somewhat differently. We don't have a UK equivalent to Hooters, or perhaps that's just here on the south coast. Maybe in London they do, and the other big cities. I can't imagine wanting to go to one though, no matter how good the wings were. And as for Peckers, hmm, maybe as you say, just once for a hen party.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

I'd probably think twice about playing doctor though...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

Yes! It could be a sticky situation! Seriously, I think that would be a very difficult job. I mean...it's not like you get to choose whose you look at. Think of what their thought process must have been when they were deciding which medical dicipline they would specialize in: "Let's see...I could be a brain surgeon...or a heart doctor...Oh! I know! I want to look at vaginas all day! Well, they do say it takes a male 9 months to come out of a woman and he spends the rest of his life trying to get back in.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Aha! So it was a case of nepotism that got you that job! I knew it. :)

So the only stripper in town was both her sister and her mother? Damn...and I thought that only happened in the southern part of the United States.

/flee

I was thinking perhaps...gynecologist? Still, I don't think I'd want my husband to be one because after looking at it all day, wouldn't he want to get away from his job for a while?


Brainstormer profile image

Brainstormer 8 years ago from Australia

She wasn't worried about what I was going to do for my bachelor party either because we only have one club in town and her Dad owned it.

She wasn't worried about what I was going to do for my bachelor party either because the only stripper in town was her sister.

She wasn't worried about what I was going to do for my bachelor party either because the only stripper in town was her mother.

Sorry :(

Safe jobs. I was thinking the Baltimore Lighthouse keeper might qualify but I cant think of many others.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hmmm...we could have a fun hub with just that line...

"She wasn't worried about what I was going to do for my bachelor party either..."

Makes me wonder what other jobs out there would be considered "safe" by wifely standards.

My husband's two ex-wives became strippers...I've assured him that he will not have that issue this third time. :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

This was very funny! It cracked me up. The laughing out loud kind of funny. I went to one every day for seven years because I was a DJ there. Civilian women (as I called them) didn't approve, of course, but boy did they have a lot of questions! Where as men just thought I was the luckiest guy on earth. I quit when I got married although she said I didn't have to. She wasn't worried about what I was going to do for my bachelor party either....I sure as heck wasn't going to a stip joint. I joked that I was going to do something completely different for my bachelor party...go to church!

Thanks for the great hub!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hehehe Patty...it was probably because their breasts weren't all natural as advertised?


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 8 years ago from North America

Very entertaining Hub. When I discovred there is a Hooter's even in small Bay City Michigan, I was surprised but my friends just said Yeah, whatever. 

The oldest strip clubs in our home city were closed down due to health code violations in the kitchen. lol


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

"I don't care where she gets her appetite, just so long as she comes home to eat." LOL!!! I nearly fell over reading that. Can't say I can sympathize with the embarrassing moments with clients...as a woman, no client of mine has ever suggested I go to a strip bar with them to seal a deal. Hmmm...I wonder why? Actually I don't...which is probably part of the reason for this hub.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

My wife has always ruptured a spleen at the very thought of me going to a strip club so I had to promise not to when we got married.  I don't NOT go because I think it is a reasonable request; I don't go because it mattered to her.  I have no problem with her going to a Chippendales show or anything else like it.  In fact, an opporutunity came up for her to go once and I encouraged her to do it.  My only stipulation is: look, don't touch.  I mean, it's eye candy for Pete's sake.  The way I see it, I don't care where she gets her appetite, just so long as she comes home to eat.  Know what I mean?  Anyway, she didn't go.  I think she was afraid that would open the door for me or something.  I suppose in the larger scheme of things it doesn't matter, but I have to say that it has made for some embarassing moments when my clients have wanted to go out after a deal closed on a few occasions and I had to "puss" out because I "was whipped."  I lost face with my clients but, hey, least I know I can keep a promise.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Have you ever asked one of these women why they are at these clubs though?

Since I've never had a desire to be in one of these establishments, I leave that up to others of my gender to answer this. Anyone? Floor is open...


Ananta65 8 years ago

Spryte, actually I have seen women at those clubs. If you go to the Moulin Rouge in Paris, you will find that it's not just a male audience.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

Dont forget Monks wear habits too.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

*smacks my forehead*

OMG! Jama...*hugs*...YOU are a true genius! I had not thought of that. But you are 100% right.

Sixty: Thank you :) You are truly an enlightened man and understand completely. Truth is always best...even if it means the man has to actually admit he is as easily amused as a child with one of those mobile thingies over its crib. He just needs something else dangled in front of his face to keep his attention...

CW - Tsk! Have you ever seen women at a "woman's" strip club? They are usually laughing their asses off at the entertainment. There's something really funny about watching a man in a g-string waggling that little appendage around like it's some sort of fish bait. I went once...and it was enough to assure me that I had better things to spend my money on. My curiosity had been satisfied. Men on the other hand seem to be rather forgetful about such things and need constant reminders via pictures and strip clubs CONSTANTLY. :) Therein lies the difference. For a woman...it's a curiosity...for a man...it's usually a habit.


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 8 years ago from Central Oklahoma

No need to open a "Peckers", they're already out there. They're called gay bars, and due to the liquor laws in my state, any establishment that serves alcohol *must* serve food too, so technically they're restaurants. Think Pub Fare. They're popular with straight women who want to spend an evening out either alone or with their friends and have plenty of **fantastic** looking dance partners, but never worry about getting hit on. Next time your hubby or signif other wants to take you to Hooters, suggest dinner at a gay bar instead. Or when he wants to go to a titty bar with the guys to "play pool", announce you're going out dancing with *your* friends to a gay bar. Then you'll find out who the REAL prude is!! ;}


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

Human beings are human beings. Men are basically so insecure that they need strip clubs or thinly disguised titillation from places like Hooters. If you go there be honest, admit it. Most wives or significant others would not be too happy but what you get in ire will compensated for in being honest. But if you go and don't say. The level of doo doo you are in will rise exponentially and believe me these things have way of coming out. Dont ask - years of experience.

Great hub great insight.


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

MYTH: Strippers are working their way through med school, law school or any other kind of school. They strip because the money is great.

Double standard: Why is it acceptable for women to get together and go to Chippendale's but disgusting for men to go to Hooters?


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

michael - You sound like a very enlightened man to me :) I'm really not a big prude...I just loathe hypocrisy and double standard. Thanks for dropping in!

spryte


michaelallen profile image

michaelallen 8 years ago from Clearwater, FL

I've actually been dragged to strip clubs...by women. Oh, they didn't have to twist my arm that much. My ex wife loved the strip club. If I had a woman in my life, I think I would probably be considerate of her "prudish" side though. If she was offended by the strip club, I wouldn't go. And I guess I can get hot wings other places, but I love my Hooters. You can have your Peckers. If she wanted to go, I'd go. I'm not at all insecure. Good write Spryte.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Thanks christine :)) I hadn't thought about the use of plant life to add ambience...but I believe you've got something there!


christinekv profile image

christinekv 8 years ago from Washington

Spryte, you are a riot! Loved this as well as yours and Ananta's exchange! You sure are clever and witty. Make sure if you open a Pecker's, you get some anthuriums in the place - the official 'pecker plant!'


Ananta65 8 years ago

Honestly, I really think there is a market for it. Just remember how popular the Chippendales were a few years ago.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

I'll be sure to let you know when the first franchise of Pecker's is bought in the Netherlands :) You sorta look like management material to me...


Ananta65 8 years ago

I've eaten at Hooters, together with my ex wife, and it wasn't very good. But still, we agreed that it was merely innocent entertainment than anything else. I wouldn't mind taking my significant other to Peckers either, mind you :)

But, to each his/her own


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Ananta...

*thinks a moment* Ummm...yep :)

Talented...

I knew I liked you :)

See Ananta...it is possible to have both.


talented_ink profile image

talented_ink 8 years ago from USA

I guess Peckers would only be fair since there is a Hooters. The only thing is that I've never eaten at Hooters and I wouldn't dare give the thumbs up to my fiancee going to Peckers so I guess that makes me a little prudish.


Ananta65 8 years ago

My god, the girl wants a man that's both a prude AND honest! Has anybody ever told that you can be too demanding? *lol*


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Well the answer is obvious of course! I don't have to settle for either option :) They aren't the last two men on the planet, luckily...so if that were my choices, I'd keep looking.


Ananta65 8 years ago

To each his/her own, of course. Personally I don’t even like the topless bars with pole and table dancing. It just doesn’t work for me, but that’s a different story.

On the other hand… I have always been frank and open about it too. My ex wife and current girlfriend know that we visit these places when the boys and I go on our skiing vacation.

Some of the wives of the other boys are rejecting this and what happens is that the boys just don’t tell. We men know that we’re the idiots, trust me. But to most of us, it’s nothing more than innocent entertainment.

So what would you prefer: a man who spends a few bucks on drinks and maybe a table dance who is honest to you or a guy who keeps things from you?

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