Tips on talking to your teen son about SEX
The day that I had to take my son to his 9th grade orientation was the day I knew I had to ward off trouble! Holy cats! None of the girls, or I for that matter, looked like the 14 year old girls that were running around campus that day. Those young teenage girls looked like they were in their early twenties! I had to have a talk with my son and quick!
Luckily, my boy (now a man,) has always been very open with me when it came to any question, no matter how embarrassing it might be. So teaching him the finer points of dating and sex came fairly easy. This doesn't mean that there weren't some questions that were uncomfortable for me to address, such as "How do I French kiss mom?" Yeah, like you really want to get French kissing tips from your mom, son. No, you don't, trust me. (I did tell him he needed to get a girlfriend and practice with her.)
The best tool in the parent tool box is a sense of humor. Set aside your own personal reservations, inhibitions, or hang ups for a moment. Look at this important, ongoing conversation as if you were talking to your best friend and you want him to avoid the obvious pitfalls of relationships and sex. Be matter of fact, friendly, non-judgmental, and be prepared to share some of your early dating experiences. Relating to your son your awkward moments is always good for a laugh and will put your child at ease to open up to you.
Keep in mind too that your son may be battling some very powerful hormones and you must find a way to reach him through the fog of puberty induced lust. Not an easy task when gratuitous sex is smacking the poor boy in the face at every turn from TV ads, movies, magazines, the girls at school, and his peers. Yet, somehow you must instill in him the understanding that sex is more than just a physical encounter; that there is a consequence to sex and a responsibility.
Take a breath and listen to what you son has to say. What are his questions? Maybe he isn't ready to date girls yet, but he wants to know why girls act the way they do; or how to talk to a girl he might like. This may be especially pertinent if you have no daughters. Here, again, is where your life experience stories will come in handy. Don't be afraid to tell him about the time(s) you really messed up and the gory aftermath. He'll learn from your mistakes, hopefully.
Be assured that your son will have questions about sex, but the goal here is to get him to come to you first. The only way to achieve this is to keep the lines of communication open, trust him, love him, and at the same time, give him his space and a box of condoms.
