Doomsday Peppers

If the end of the world as we know it lacks sufficient zing, zest, and bite, sprinkle on some pepper. Your prepper friends will absolutely adore extras spices in the bunker. Collapsing society, crumbled infrastructure, and congealed condiments obligate supplemental pepper products to make waiting out the apocalypse palatable.

Here are selected doomsday peppers guaranteed to perk up your dedicated band of survivors.

Simply Organic Pepper, Black Medium Grind Certified Organic

Sprinkle bits of organic pepper onto your re-hydrated scrambled eggs to get your survivalist day off to a grand beginning. Everyone in the bunker will adore the touch of heat added to an otherwise bland meal. Knowing that they face unknown years of powered milk and canned peaches just might cause a mutiny unless you lay in mass quantities of ground pepper. It also goes great with Pringles, but so does everything.

This product is guaranteed organic and also kosher: You don't know whom you might meet around the campfire after society descends into total chaos.

Ghost chili peppers

The toughest roughest Doomsday Preppers always prefer the hottest palate blasting peppers in their larder. Lay in mass quantities of ghost chilies, or bhut jolokia, to keep your Type A survivalists warm. When the zombies have subsided and society slowly begins to rebuild, use these peppers to barter. The folks in the bunker next door may be willing to trade for some diesel fuel or Seinfeld DVDs.

You can eat it raw, pickle it, or add it to salsa. Some people simply threaten each other with it. If it gets into your eyes, flush with water, unless water is a rare commodity in your bunker because someone left the faucet running.

Pepper Grinder

Riding the elliptical trainer should not be the only way you burn calories in your bunker. Look for ways to work those smaller muscle groups. This device provides a solid forearm workout while producing useful ground pepper for your cadre of survivors. The soft nonslip grip helps prevent inconvenient blisters during meals and exercise. It's also cool-looking.

Order a handful of pepper grinders before you're forced to seal yourself in your hidey-hole: Bed, Bath, and Beyond will probably be closed shortly after the apocalypse because no one will show up for work.

Cayenne Red Long Pepper

Cayenne peppers are preferred by Doomsday Preppers. They are not too hot and not too mild. Plant these seeds in your hydroponic garden after the world ends. They will sprout fruit in about 80 days. You'll always have just the right amount of spice to perk up any meal.

These chili peppers are also called African Pepper, Devil's Tongue, Red Bird Pepper, and Hot Flame peppers.You can call them anything you like when you reconstruct society in your own image. No one will argue with your choice of names when basic human needs become a daily struggle.

Tellicherry Peppercorns

Following the apocalypse, visiting Mount Tellicherry to pick peppercorns will be problematic. You certainly won't want to venture too far from your bunker just to grab a few seeds. Instead, order a substantial supply of Tellicherry peppers. Hoard them in the corners of your food shelves. Majestically retrieve them when the morale of your survival party ebbs. Everyone will love the robust and complex heat generated by these amazing buds of flavor.

Tellicherry peppercorns can be made into sauces. Historically, these peppers were sun-dried, but a loss of flavor did occur. Air-drying, away from the prying eyes of zombie hordes and post-apocalyptic scavengers has the advantage of less flavor loss.

Chili Pepper Light String

Do not eat them. Use these peppy lights to perk up an otherwise tedious evening spend hunkered down in the bunker. Most bunkers don't have what could be considered to be picture windows opening out on grand vistas. The vista will probably be burned out and crumbling anyway. You will need to create your own ambiance.

Dr. Pepper

Without question you and your clan will need balanced meals replete with nutrients. Undoubtedly a steady supply of healthy calories must be available if you have any hope of surviving the end of the world.

On the other hand, you won't find a vending machine on every corner of the closest burned-out major metropolitan area. Be sure to stock ample supplies of caffeine and sugar in drinkable form. Dr. Pepper provides a welcome respite from distilled water. Your bunker-mates will elect you president of the New World Order if you provide them with tasty treats.

Mace Pepper Gun

Conflicting information regarding zombie killing pervades the Internet. Authoritative sources present multiple solutions for subduing the undead. We suggest a pepper gun. This particular gun includes an LED aiming light and a replaceable cartridge. It fits easily into a survival purse when you send the weakest members to scavenge for canned goods at the local wholesale club. Order up multiple units to arm everyone in your inner circle of survivors.

Source

More by this Author


Comments 7 comments

mknollman profile image

mknollman 4 years ago from Cincinnati

Wow - don't you think you might be playing into the whole "preppers are all crazy" meem that is being put out there by Doomsday preppers? Looks almost like you wrote this whole list just as a way to throw around affiliate links man. I know you meant some of this as a joke or sarcasm, but it still comes off a little snarky.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@mknollman : I'm as horrified as you are. Buy a pepper.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

I'm averse to both preppers and green peppers, nicomp. But I do enjoy red peppers and they are good for you. So thank you for this paean to peppers - of the red persuasion, that is.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Peppers rock!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@drbj: You are welcome. Sorry for the peppery snark, evidently.

@breakfastpop: Even snarky peppers?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

No votes? At all? Sigh.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Still no votes for my peppers.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working