Does your wife, or girlfriend beat on you?
my wife is a big bully!
When your wife hits you, who is to blame?
When most people hear a story about a husband suffering abuse at the
hands of his wife, they tend to not believe that such a thing could
exist. Sure, they might believe that a woman can get a little
difficult, especially during a certain time of the month, where
hormonal imbalances can play havoc on her nerves and stress level. But
to the point of actually intentionally abusing her husband either
mentally or physically? It is hard for some to believe; yet, it does
happen more often than we think.
The main reason why this type of abuse is not openly discussed is
because with it comes the stigma of being perceived as a weak man,
something most men would do anything to avoid. That is probably the
number one reason why most men just take the abuse without seeking
help. But there is much more at play than simple emasculation, and the
sooner an abused husband realizes this and plans a course of action,
the better his chances are of coping with and surviving spousal abuse.
The first thing a husband should do is make an attempt to rule out any
medical etiology for his wife’s aggressive behavior. There are a number
of physiological and/or psychological conditions that can cause a
person, male or female, to act aggressively, and therefore, a trip to
the family doctor may help to either explain or rule out a medical
condition from the start. Of course, since, in most abuse cases, the
abuser has the upper hand, it may be difficult to get the wife to go
along with a suggestion to see a doctor for behavior which she,
herself, is not willing to acknowledge. In those cases, the husband
should make an appointment to see the family doctor without the wife
present. He must be prepared to be as upfront about the situation at
home as possible, so that the doctor is aware of what he/she is dealing
with. Then, gently, but firmly, the doctor can take the reins and talk
to the wife about having some tests done without the wife knowing she
has been “outed” by her husband.
In line with the above suggestion, it is important for the husband to
know that he is not alone and although this type of abuse is not nearly
as common as husband-upon-wife abuse, it still is something that all
doctors are aware of and therefore, telling your doctor allows you to
take the first step toward acknowledging there is a problem and being
able to talk to someone about it. While a course of action is being
determined for testing the wife, the doctor may recommend that the
husband seek counseling to discuss the problems he faces at home.
Speaking with a mental health professional enables a husband to
understand not only the reasons why he allows himself to be treated in
such a derogatory way, but also teaches him coping techniques to aid
him in trying to keep his marriage together. In the majority of cases,
the abusive partner will not agree to counseling unless it is court
mandated, leaving the husband to go it alone. But that is ok. At least
the person who wants the help is getting it and that is an important
step.
Once a husband has gotten to the point where he realizes there is a
problem and is no longer afraid to share his story outside the realm of
his healthcare providers, the next step is finding a support group of
men who are suffering the same treatment at home so that he knows that
he definitely does not have to go this one alone. The more a husband is
willing to admit there is a problem and is able to talk about it, the
better position he will be in to make a decision about whether his
marriage is worth saving or if, for his well-being, he must divorce.
The bottom line is this—abuse is abuse no matter at whose hand it is
suffered and unless it is acknowledged as such and dealt with early on,
it can become extremely difficult to deal with, and the abused may wind
up with more than just low self esteem. Abuse can lead to depression
and sometimes suicide. The first step in coping with and ultimately
surviving abuse by a wife is telling someone, anyone, because once you
hear the words leave your mouth, you have a better chance than if you
continue to suffer silently.
