My Feelings on Whether Bigfoot Exists or Not
This is what started it all
Anthropologist Grover Krantz with Bigfoot prints
Who's to blame, credit?
Senseless-questions from intelligent people: Is it real? Is it not real? Can it be a hoax? “Is it the Missing Link to man?” And on and on. Let me try to answer: “No.” “No.” “Yes.” “No.” And I should be finished.
Actually, the late, Roger Patterson (February 14, 1926 – January 15, 1972), and friend, Bob Gimlin are to blame for this. Oh, rest Patterson’s soul. He was the first, allegedly, to publish an 8 mm. movie camera (film) he took while laying on his back recovering from his horse being frightened by a Bigfoot that he seen in the distance. And so the fuse was lit.
Artist conception of Sasquatch
Photo of an alleged Sasquatch
Where I met Sasquatch
I’ll never forget the night in March of 1972, that I sat alone in my ’64 Chevy at The Ford Drive-in Theater in my hometown: Hamilton, Alabama, growing more excited by the minute to be among the fifteen people that night at the drive-in to view Patterson’s “movie” made for theater: “Bigfoot: Real or Monster?” Before the film started, I wished I had asked my close friend, Steve Sullins, who was a year of me in school, and lover of this type of movies due to his naturally-cynical nature, to come with me to the showing.
With the coming attractions finished and warnings from now-late White Ford, the owner of the drive-in, to not be turning headlights on and off for fun, or leaving your car motor running to defog your windshield, over, the night grew quiet. And the moon was full. Perfect for a horror flick. Perfect for an allegedly-filmed event of a “creature,” discovered by Roger Patterson, who did make some good money early with his 8 mm. film.
I don’t know why, but all cheap-budget films such as Patterson’s film, rest his soul, have this one, deep-voiced, professional narrator such as the late Lee Marshall, voice of “Tony, The Tiger,” who has sold billions in Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes, who is really the one who sets off fear in your soul, not the under-funded movie.
Narrator: “Two friends . . .out on an expedition . . .to check-out rumors if North American Yhetti’s do exist . . .when suddenly . . .
Frame 352 of Roger Patterson's film
Phil Thompson, citizen, measures Sasquatch print
Back below my steering wheel
And with this trained-narrator’s deep bass voice and dramatic pauses, I was rocking to and fro to the dashboard and seat. He was moving me to extreme terror. So much terror that I noticed my driver’s side window was down, so up it went as if the quarter-inch (real) glass window would save me from this monster, “if, one were to be hiding in the pine woods that surrounded the drive-in. Plus I scooted as low as I could down below the steering wheel. I could see enough of the movie to not complain of my $2.50 ticket charge, and made my car look empty as to fool any Bigfoot who might stumble up to where I was parked in search of food.
So the film cut to some less-fearful footage, and before I could get easy, Bam!
Lee Marshall-sounding narrator: Once . . .this . . .mysterious, powerful . . .beast sets . . .his sight . . .on . . .YOU!
He . . .lets . . .out . . .a . . .howl . . .more . . .harrowing . . .than a . . .Lobo wolf . . .
Before I could slide down below the steering wheel . . .”Woooo—aaaaaa---eeeeeee—oooooooo!” I guess the howl, if I were drilled by Jack “Joe Friday” Webb, rest his soul, lasted close to three minutes. I know why the film’s producers used an alleged-howl of an alleged-Sasquatch, to scare people witless so their mouths could advertise the Sasquatch legend and this film to rake-in more monies from suckers (like me) all across the nation.
For this bit of marketing strategy, I give Patterson, Gimlin, and whoever’s garage production company produced this film and for hiring such a serious-toned narrator. To this day I can hear this man’s voice when I see a box of Frosted Flakes.
Let’s skip over all of the Sasquatch ventures, proven hoaxes, books by sober eyewitnesses, depositions revealed by nerve-shocked eyewitnesses who swear they saw a Bigfoot driving their fully-resorted military Jeep that was given to them by an uncle “Thad,” retired military man, and deal with a few reasonable theories and reasonable questions that “I” have to share about Sasquatch.
Man-made exhibit in Natural History Museum, Kassel, Germany
Is the proof really in the pudding?
These “creatures” are flesh and blood, (this would be the only part I do believe) and do not live forever, so why has no one anywhere found a rotting carcass or skeleton of a deceased Sasquatch?
A flesh and blood gorilla deficates like all mortal beasts, but even the smallest amount of defication has been found by any of the so-called “world-experienced” experts? Why?
Did anyone ever think of using a powerful animal tranquilizer on these “beasts,” rather than just standing like an idiot with a fully-loaded 30-30 rifle and allowing the animal to run wild back into the woods?
Are the Sasquatch that smart to keep eluding so many “expert” trackers and hunters?
With the world-wide reporting of various Bigfoot sightings, why is it that not ONE Bigfoot has been captured?
These are the only five reasonable questions I have about Bigfoot.
Now for my theories:
This is probably the only sensible theory I offer by way of capturing a Sasquatch alive. Take a few retired members of the Navy SEALS, Army Rangers, and Black Beret, who love a great adventure and allow a private, wealthy person to buy their equipment such as infared telescopes, high-powered tranquilizers, cargo nets that even a gorilla cannot break, a project planner who has the experience to lead these teams into action, and form a working battle plan along with the highest-priced, most-sensitive digital cameras to film the capture . . .then fly them into the last area where a Sasquatch was sighted and let the guys and girls do their job they way they did in defending our country.
I cannot satisfy you or myself as to if such a creature as a Bigfoot exists or not. I am sorry for failing. But I do hope that I live long enough to see a hub written by one of my valued-followers who “has” seen and recorded and now written about “Capturing Bigfoot.”
I promise if this happens, I will be the first one to follow the hubber who pulls this off and the first to offer them a personal “bravo!”
And if that hubber would call me, I would do my best to sound like Lee Marshall.
Tom Biscardi, CEO, Founder of BIGFOOT, Inc., holds up photo of alleged mouth of a Sasquatch
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