Eric Graudins on HubPages

Does your web developer have your business by the B@lls?

It doesn't have to be like that. I provide people with the information they need to maintain control of their online businesses. 

And also provide advice if their existing website is broken for some reason.

There's a wealth of information my new book at:

http://theinternetbloke.com/website-owners-guide/

(Use the code hubber for a special discount )

Website: www.TheInternetBloke.com
Twitter: twitter.com/EricGraudins

 And now for something completely different.

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once singlehandedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I enjoy bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances.

Free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of synthetic corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire, but sweat profusely. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair - made of splintered wicker. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I am fluent in Microsoft Office and Sanskrit.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I invent new forms of origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a butter packet and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

(I can't find out who wrote the above, but it's good isn't it :-) E.G. ) 

OK, now for the less exciting part that I wrote:

I help people give birth to healthy online businesses. And show them how to get around the many tricks and traps on the internet.

It's probably vital for you to know that I'm married with 3 wonderful children, am a SAAB freak, enjoy riding motorcycles around the scenic highways in the magnificent place in which I live - Tasmania: (the Land Downunder the Land Downunder).

I am owned by a German Shepherd, and in my spare time play Taiko Drums, guitar, and banjo

Cheers,

Eric G.