10 Types of Friends Couples Should Let Go of Before They Get Married

Sometimes You Have to Let Friends go to Have a Good Marriage.
Sometimes You Have to Let Friends go to Have a Good Marriage. | Source

Friends play a major role in our lives, and if you allow the wrong ones in, your marriage may get destroyed. This article will show you which friends to let go of before you get married, so you can have a long prosperous happy marriage.

Before I got married, 29 years ago, my mom and dad had set a pretty good example for me. Therefore, I was looking forward to getting married. My parents had a solid stable marriage that was made in heaven. I remember how my parents would counsel couples right in our home. My father was a pastor and my mother was a woman of great spiritual wisdom. Even as a young girl, I was able to experience, without going through, the challenges many couples face.

Father and Bride Walk Down The Isle.
Father and Bride Walk Down The Isle. | Source

I used to try and be a fly on the wall to hear what they were talking about, but I would have to be dismissed so they could have privacy while providing counsel to the couples.

When I got married, my father counseled my husband and me. We were also counseled by another pastor to keep the balance. I remember my dad’s strong stand on allowing the man to be the head of the household. He had set the bar high for my future spouse, and as a result our marriage still stands in tact – although not without challenges – and boy, we’ve had our share.

The things I learned early before I got married are the very things that have held my marriage together. I will share those things in just a moment. Don’t buy the lie that marriages don’t last or that marriage is a dying institution. Marriage in the proper context that God intended is still the backbone of society and a strong force to contend with.

Different Ways of Thinking About Marriage

There are some people who choose not to honor the traditional Biblical way of marriage, and they have that right. There are some couples that marry and dishonor their vows. And there are some people who choose not to get married, but get the privileges of marriage. Marriage is challenged more than ever before in the history of our time, and there are more obstacles that shift away from the true meaning of marriage.

Marriage today is different than 30 years ago when permission from the lady’s father was expected. But now many people have mixed feelings toward a man asking permission from his girlfriend’s father. Many people don’t think it’s necessary to ask a girl’s father for her permission.

One thing that has not changed though, is the need for couples to have a support system from their friends, loved one, community or church they frequent. Research bears out that before a couple marries, they have a better chance of surviving marriage under certain positive supportive circumstances.

Parents Give Good Advice About Choosing The Right Friends For Your Life.
Parents Give Good Advice About Choosing The Right Friends For Your Life. | Source

It is Possible to Have a Good Marriage

After a couple is married, being around other like-minded couples has a huge impact on their marriage staying in tact. I know many divorced couples that will attest to the fact that they missed the boat the first time they got married.

Divorced individuals have many lessons to teach and share with newlyweds. They are usually happy to point out the pitfalls in a relationship, and give some wise counsel on how to avoid the mistakes they made.

I can think of several of my re-married friends and associates who have wonderful marriages. They are the ones who learned from their mistakes. Yet statistics say that second marriages have a higher risk to fail than the first marriage.

For couples who have never been married, the serious ones, they are fresh and ready to make their marriage last. Have you noticed that fewer young people are getting married or delaying marriage? Poor babies are afraid to death because of the “seeming” odds stacked against them.

Just in case you fall into the category of fear, discouragement or opposed to marriage, I want you to read this article to learn some ways to find and maintain a support system for your marriage. -- And one major way is to Let Go of certain friends from your life

Sometimes You Have to Kick Certain Friends to the Curb to Move on.
Sometimes You Have to Kick Certain Friends to the Curb to Move on. | Source
Let go of Jealous Friends.
Let go of Jealous Friends. | Source

10 Friends to Terminate Before Marriage

1. Gossipers

People that talk too much have a tendency to tell all. If you have a gossiper in your life, you want to get rid of them because they my “accidentally” tell something personal about you that you have shared with them.

2. Spouse-Stealers

I call this one the Spouse-Stealer because they hang around your mate or intended mate with bad intentions. Spouse-Stealers go overboard in adorning themselves and making themselves appealing to the opposite sex in the wrong way.

3. Addicts (Drugs or Alcohol)

These groups of people are dependent on drugs to get them through the day, or they are always partying. Get rid of these low lifers.

4. Possessive Friends

You may not want to admit this one, but you might have a possessive friend. Their character is manifested through always wanting to be around you and not allowing you space to breath. Do you have any friends like this? Please dump them off at the nearest corner.

5. Leach Friends

The leach is a kind of friend who is always draining you, always taking from you and never returning the favor or contributing. Everyone has hard times every once in a while, but at some point, your friend should be able to give back. The leach will always be knocking at your door asking for a loaf of bread. Drop this type of friend like a hot potatoe.

6. Jealous Girlfriends

Jealous friends do evil things to block your relationship with your spouse or intended. They are subtle and cunning. They are deceptive, in that they come to “help,” but their goal is to separate you from the love of your girlfriend or boyfriend – spouse too. Kick this friend to the curb, because they will destroy your marriage.

7. Time-Waster Friends

The time-waster friends have all the time in the world to talk on the phone, hang out and “shoot the breeze.” They are always available to talk or hang out because they have no commitments. Find the nearest waste management system and put them in it.

8. Unambitious People

Which leads to the unambitious friend. They are wanderers and content where they are. These friends are lazy too. They don’t give back to society – yet always looking for society to do something for them. Put this friend on the road to “no return.”

9. Non-Spiritual Friends

Okay so, you need friends who have some spiritual groundedness. These friends won’t settle down and choose a spiritual resource. We all need some kind of spiritual stability when life hands us lemonade. Let this friend vanish into then air.

10. Disgruntled Divorcees

The disgruntled divorcee is the last friend on my list to eliminate. I am not saying that all divorcees are disgruntled. But what I am saying is you need to be aware of the attitudes and words that these kinds of friends speak. Don’t find yourself joining in agreement when they are bashing their former spouse. Let the wind blow them as far as the east is from the west.

Friends and Marriage

How Many Types of Friends on The List Do You Need to Say "Good-Bye" to?

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Finally

Now that you know what type of friends you need to get rid of before you get married, take action and move on with your new life. Learn from other well-meaning relationships how to stay together. Marriage is a life-long commitment - may as well learn some life-long strategies.

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Comments 13 comments

MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 years ago from The Caribbean

Not all divorced friends are dangerous (I'm not); but as you mentioned in your number ten, some become anti-marriage and take every opportunity they get to suggest that life can be better if . . . . They can also double as your number two and number six. You compiled a good list!


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 2 years ago

I think marriages are difficult enough without having negative associations. Great list for couples to keep in mind.


Treasuresofheaven profile image

Treasuresofheaven 2 years ago from Michigan Author

Thanks mackyi, I totally agree that God's presence must be in a marriage to make it work. Your contribution is appreciated.


mackyi profile image

mackyi 2 years ago from Philadelphia

You have said it all and did it so well that I hardly have much to add. The only thing I would like to expound on my dear friend is that "without God presence it's impossible to overcome the trials and ups and downs that come with every marriage."Once God is involved, the fuss and strife which are usually the work of the Devil will be cast down! Thanks again for sharing.


Treasuresofheaven profile image

Treasuresofheaven 2 years ago from Michigan Author

Hi there michiganman567, thanks for adding your point of view. I do believe you missed the point here though. I do not condone "putting away" people just for the sake of it - but I do believe we should let go of people who will hinder our marital relationship.

When you get married or are in a marriage, your obligations and commitments change. Your focus turns toward your spouse. My husband has not lost any privileges - in fact, he gained privileges when he married me. And I think he's a better man for it.

My husband is very intelligent and has all the privileges he needs and wants.

Personally, I have had to distance myself from certain people (friends or not) to make my marriage work.

Furthermore, a man should love being around his wife - otherwise he should have stayed single. No psychopath here!!!


michiganman567 profile image

michiganman567 2 years ago from Michigan

When you "put away" friends, do not expect them to come back to you once their conditions change. If you have to "put away" your friends, then I will suggest that YOU were never a very good friend to begin with.

This sounds like something that married woman do to keep their man trapped at home and controlled. It is very psychopathic.


Treasuresofheaven profile image

Treasuresofheaven 2 years ago from Michigan Author

emilybee, thanks for your comment. I see you and your husband figured out what works for you. Seems you're in a safe place with other more experienced couples. Good for you!


emilybee profile image

emilybee 2 years ago

Very nice hub. I think my husband and I have gradually gotten rid of most of our single friends who fit on this list. Mainly just because we didn't have anything in common with them anymore. Now most of our friends are older couples twice our age and we're fine with that !


Treasuresofheaven profile image

Treasuresofheaven 2 years ago from Michigan Author

Hello there MeKenzie, That is so kind of you to share this article on FB - I will certainly visit your writers page. I am so glad you chimed in, because this post will need all the boost it can get to help those who need it most. I hope people will be open-minded. Friends have great influence in our lives - so it's best to choose wisely! God Bless You too!!!

And Congrats to your 40+ years of marriage - Hooray!!!


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 2 years ago from Michigan

Your hub is spot on! Today it seems boundaries are blurred and other people are invited into relationships and encouraged to flirt with one or the other.

I've been married over 40 years and my husband has always made me feel like the most important person on earth.

It makes me sad to see these changes in society. I hope many read your hub and think about the people who threaten the unity and intimacy God intended to be between a husband and his bride.

Voted Up +++ and shared on my FB writers page called: Mekenzie's World.

Thanks for a great hub. God Bless you!

Mekenzie


Treasuresofheaven profile image

Treasuresofheaven 2 years ago from Michigan Author

Hi Brie and billybuc,

Both of you plugged in at about the same time. Marriage is tough, and I didn't learn the lesson about friends until later in life - although, I was pretty equipped. The hubby would have to chime in on that.

Wow Brie, guess I hit the nail on the head. I do agree - single, widowed or divorced - the whole list of "types" needs to go!!!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

All very good suggestions. Marriage is tough under the best of conditions. We certainly don't need outside negative influences.


Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 2 years ago from Manhattan

I am single, aged 53 and I would get rid of all those on all your lists regardless of whether I was married or single!

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