12 Extreme Ways For Today's Guys to Get Prom Dates With Hot Chicks

This is tame compared to some prom get-ups.
This is tame compared to some prom get-ups.

Prom time, yay!

If you haven't noticed, it's prom time. Again. That magical, mystical, and mysterious time of a teenager's life when they enter that invisible area set between being a kid and not yet an adult. This is called, for all intents and purposes. prom time. And for some, it's a hoot.

I shouldn't be so flip about prom time because I never attended either my junior or senior prom. But I had a legit reason: Students like me whose parents held-down a job, paid bills, kept a roof over my head and clothes on my back were not asked by the students whose parents were storeowners, political figures, or had truckloads of money.

Getting to the prom in a long limo is the way of today's prom crowd.
Getting to the prom in a long limo is the way of today's prom crowd.

My proms were not for us.

I will tell you just how obvious this crooked, biased, and discriminatory action was. Virtually the "same" students were elected for Prom Committee in my junior and senior year of high school. And the same formula for electing the asinine "Most Popular," "Most Likely to Breathe," positions and their acts of surprise when told of their winning would make Taylor Swift pale with jealousy.

I hope you got what I was pointing out. None of us, I call "Middle Class" students, okay, "Blue Collar" students were never asked to create themes for the supposedly-our proms or even work on the floats for homecoming. I can tell you this with a clear conscience: The upper-class students outnumbered us Blue Collar students by a ratio of 3-1. So that left no room for "us" to even attend our high school, except as visitors. No, it is not easy living with the fact that you are nothing more than an outcast.

Prom quiz: Can you tell me the name of this girl?

One-sided is not the word

I'm sorry. I overlooked ONE thing that we Blue Collar students were asked to help with: Giving our money to the upper-class committee members to help finance the proms and fun for the upper-class students and their friends. I replied politely "no, for I do not have the money." Big deal. What a waste of perfectly-good protest spirit. The girl, I forget her name, (thank God for small blessings), didn't act phased by my cold-but-firm heart, so she went on to the next Blue Collar chump.

I was going to write that things concerning prom season had changed, but I did some listening in the past few weeks, and in my high school, guess what? Things are just as they were when I was there. One-sided and in-favor of the rich and powerful.

If you are soft-hearted--do not watch

Typical band playing a prom.
Typical band playing a prom.
The girl every guy wants to date.
The girl every guy wants to date.
Great clipart of prom dancing.
Great clipart of prom dancing.
I love this gown.
I love this gown.
Prom night royalty.
Prom night royalty.
Another prom band.
Another prom band.
Lovely girl and gown.
Lovely girl and gown.
Inside a big limo used to take prom-goers to prom.
Inside a big limo used to take prom-goers to prom.
A lovely prom girl named Lisa Ann.
A lovely prom girl named Lisa Ann.
Prom friends get ready to board the limo.
Prom friends get ready to board the limo.

Are you ready to rock?

Then I went to my always-reliable friend, the internet, where I learned how some guys are going to extrememes to score a date with "that" hottie brunette with gorgeous gams he has adored for months just to get her to go "promming" with him. He had a cop pull-over his potential-prom date and he would pull up in his car filled with balloons, a Stevie Wonder CD playing softly as he showed her a huge poster that read . . ."Will You Go to Prom With Me?"

Of course she said yes. But today in time, his idea is so outdated that is comical. So, you guessed it. Leave it to me, the "Life Expert," and "Secret Blue Collar Student," to give guys of the 2015 Prom Season a few . . .

12 Extreme Ways For Today's Guys to Get Prom Dates With Hot Chicks

Take two-hundred dollars -- and buy radio time or "spots" with something like this for copy: "Hello, to the beautiful, (Insert name of Hot Chick). I will simply say, "If you want a prom date with a Real Man, go with me, (Insert your name), and I promise you that you will never forget this night." I know a bit about radio "spots." You can dress them up with hard-hitting Motley Crue music "Girls, Girls, Girls," to get the listener's attention as well as your future prom date's attention.

Learn to skydive -- and on the third-day before prom, you make sure you or your best buddy knows where the girl of your dreams will be when you parachute down and land near her and just crawl over to her and ask her to prom.

If your dad or mom has contacts -- with some famous singer or celebrity, to go with you to ask the pretty girl to be your prom date. Now do not get hurt feelings if she says yes, but only to get to talk to your celebrity friend who is at your side. Allow the celebrity's fans to be part of the scene--squealing and yelling for him and her. This too will impress your prom-date-to-be. Warning: If the celebrity your parents know is Bill Cosby, hit abort.

Ride a white stallion -- up to her front door carrying a dozen red roses in your right hand and then when someone answers the door, preferably her, just say in a low, sexy voice, "This is a two-seater horse. Will you ride with me to the prom?" Before you ride up to make your entrance, hire three Mexican troubadeaurs in native dress to be playing and singing various Mexican love songs to set the atmosphere.

Learn a sexy dance -- and follow the same plan as riding up to her front door on the white stallion except this time, start the music on your cellphone app and dance your way into the prom with her at your side.

(This tip is sticky, so think it through). Remember Patrick Dempsey in "Money Can't Buy Me Love?" Dempsey played a class outcast, "Ronnie Miller," who loved this gorgeous blond who was the "queen of the in-crowd," but he knew he didn't stand a chance with her, so he took his savings of $1,000.00 cash and paid this chick to date him long enough to make him as popular as she was then they would have a fake "break-up." It worked like a charm, but the popularity went to his head. My point is: Offer your potential prom date a cash exchange to just be your prom date. No strings attached. If you are a courteous, sensitive, guy, I see something else coming from this venture.

Learn Spanish -- and ask the girl you have dreamed of to be your date for the prom. Girls, as you know, love Spanish men. So what have you to lose, but please be dedicated in learning this beautiful language. If you can afford a make-up artist, be fixed-up like Antonio Banderas. That will seal the deal.

Write your dream chick -- a pretty song and sing it to her as your way to get her to head to the prom with you. If you cannot do either, write songs or sing, ask someone who is. Now if the girl you like and want to ask to the prom, ask HER. What irony when the song is finished and you are singing it to her. Oh, on the day you sing it, have your best pal complete with his video camera to record the special moment.

Get a small crowd of friends -- to go with you to the girl's house and take a podium complete with a microphone and you stand behind it like you are making a big announcement and your friends are members of the press. Just speak clearly and concisely when you announce, "I am here to make a huge announcement. I am nominating (Insert girl's name) to be my special envoy to accompany me with this fact-finding tour to our senior prom to investigate this high school ritual to find out if any fun is ever had at one of these things. Thank you."

You be your own -- singing telegram. Dress-up like a lovable Panda Bear and sing your prom proposal to her. Note: it is a fact that hot girls love cute bears.

Write your girl -- a legally-binding contract that says if she goes with you to the prom, you in turn will clean her room from top to bottom including taking out trash, dirty clothes to the washer area and other chores she hates to do. She is in a win, win situation. And if she is a "neat freak," you are there too.

Get with an explosives expert -- and design a harmless explosion where you walk through this wall of fire and smoke to this girl's front door and ask her to the prom. Maybe sympathy will be on your side and she will feel sorry for you and go. Warning: do not let her meet your explosives expert friend if he is in his 20's and good looking or you might be spending prom night alone.

Note: I am serious. If you guys try any of these ideas, give me a report on the comment boxes on how it goes for you.

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