A Do-It-Yourself Course In "Building Flawed Human Beings"
a husband, dad, just ready to "give up"
It's not hard. And when I say "not hard," I mean "it's easy." If you set-out to build a flawed human being.
You do not have to even buy a white lab coat as most "mad scientists" wear on those vintage black and white horror movies such as "Dr. Frankenstein." No. You can wear your casual clothes while working on your "flawed person project," and you do not even have to rent a secret laboratory for your work. You can do your life-bending work from the comfort of your own home. Could it get any easier?
Fact is, and if truth serum were administered, "you" would never dream even in your wildest nightmares that you, a pillar of society, a member of every men's (or ladies) club in the area, and always on-time for work and church, would dare attempt to flaw a person, especially a loved one, because that would be taboo. People who look-up to you would whisper behind your back. Friends would shun you. And your minister might have some heart-to-heart talks with you.
No way. No how. You say. This, "flawing of another person," is simply beneath me, you say. The sad thing is, "I," along with your closest friends and neighbors believe you. "Please," do not hunt for the Bible so you can place your right hand on it to swear that "you" aren't guilty of this "dark" sin. "We" believe you. And "we" are on your side.
It's just a matter of us not being able to grasp "why" such a sad thing has to happen each day of "your life," "flawing" a person, maybe a wife, husband, teenager, whom you really love with all of yourt heart, but still, the damage is being done. And if someone outside of your circle of friends had pointed this out to you, you would have went from placid to livid. Am I right? I mean, no stranger has a right to say that you, "Mr. or Ms. Upstanding Citizen," is even able to commit such a cold deed as affecting a loved one just by your "harmless" words.
A person who says this to you needs to be locked-up, you gasp with disgusting-surprise. We agree with you. But most people who "flaw" those around them are not convicts. They are seen in daily lives going to work, shopping, having coffee with neighbors and working in their flower gardens. Yes, this is a true fact. It just requires some opening of the eyes.
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The "end result" of some adult's harsh, critical words
"Kenneth, did you say 'harmless words?" you ask. Sure, I did. To you, they are "harmless," but to that certain loved one who is the recipient of your "harmless words," it's deadly. No, not like a handgun being fired on them. But all the same "deadly" to a point of doing irrectifiable damage to their confidence, self-worth and how they seem themselves in public.
Could be that someone in your childhood or teenage years used "harmless words" on you and said, "this is for your own good," or some other lame reason for hurting you so deep that even today, many years later, you are still living and reliving that awful moment in your daily routine.
You never tell anyone. They might look at you "funny" as if "you" have a mental problem, and you cannot afford such thinking by your coworkers, neighbors or fellow church members. You've managed to "handle" the hurt. Well, no you haven't. All you have managed, and well, I might add, is "covering it up" from your family and friends.
Why didn't someone tell you when you had reached adulthood that words are as "sharp as swords," and can be used as such on people we love. Or our words can be as "solid as any cement" and can be used as such not just to manufacture a "temporary fix" to a wounded person, but help to "build them up" with solid-reinforcement to their confidence, self-worth and self-image. Simple. Yet overlooked.
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Building an unhappy wife is easy
Here Are Some Common Phrases and Words That People Who Are "Flawing" A Loved One Uses Most Everyday . . .
- Is that the best you can do? That's it. Drive your spouse or teenager harder than you have to. If it's your teenager, you are doing them a favor. The world is a tough place, you say to them. And nobody gave "you" any words of encouragement . . .just look at how "you" turned out. Yeah, that was a good one. Look at how "you" turned out.
- Margie's wife (or husband) knows more than you do! Good work. You are such a commanding-spouse that you felt it was your "duty" to make your companion feel weak, worthless and a "second-class citizen." Surely enough comparing them to others will someday get your companion, who seldom speaks to you or shares anything, to do a better job.
- So that's your art project? Looks like trash! Is it any wonder in 2012, that we see literally droves of depressed-teens, some hooked on illegal drugs or alcohol, who were the receivers of such "parenting" from words spoken by an irresponsible parent? Why couldn't you just say, "that looks fine," or "looks like you put in some hard work on that," don't you think your teenager deserves a word of encouragement instead of a lecture about drug and alcohol abuse?
- Depressed? That's a laugh. You bet it's a laugh. Your spouse or child had little enough sense to try to open-up and talk to you about their problems. But you set them straight with your firm and demanding image of "nothing's wrong that a few extra chores," or some "exercise (if you are a spouse), wouldn't cure." Are you serious? Do you ever listen to yourself talk to your companion or children? Why don't you just "try" listening? No one said you had to have all of the answers. Just "try" to hear what they are saying.
- Are you ever going to be a promoted? What down-and-out wife or husband has not heard this at one time or the other? And while "cheering" a companion on is great, but constantly "digging" them simply because their company hasn't seen fit to promote them. If your companion is "happy" with their work . . .do me a favor. Let it be. Promotions will come later. But not at your continual prodding. Your wife or husband is a human being, not a breed of livestock.
- Hey, your friends are all "criminals." No wonder your teenager is lonely around the clock. Now do not misunderstand me. Knowing your teen's friends is fine. Within reason. But using such harsh labels "without" even meeting your teenager's friends, come on. Live in the real world. Your teen may not be Einstein, but he or she is not stupid. Trust them to make a good choice for once. And remember, even a parent is not infallible.
- This "dumbo" screwed-up last week big time what spouse "likes" to be called names especially in front of others? Okay. "Some" married men or women can handle verbal abuse, but the big news is, not all can handle it. I couldn't if my wife talked to me like this. So please, spouses, I need another favor. "Try" to think of how those "playful" words on the tip of your tongue is going to affect the one who's married to you. Thanks.
- You failed? I never failed a grade in my life! You know what? Children, like adults, are far from perfect. Stop demanding perfection day and night from your teenagers. Hey, they are "going to fail" at something. Why not say something "encouraging" when they do their best and fall short? Would it hurt you do that?
- Shut up! No one asked for your opinion! Nice. That's the way to keep your husband or wife in-line. Yeah, your mom or dad did this, so why not you? Well, when your mate says, "enough is enough," and files for divorce, you might see the error of your tongue, but it will be too late then. Try listening to your companion. Just listen. They just might have something really important for you to learn.
- You took a sip of beer? So your teenager has trusted you enough to tell you why they have a hint of alcohol on their breath. But you, instead of looking back to when your peer pressure was to just "take a drag off a cigarette," went off on them and said, "it's jail for you," "rehab, here you come," "you are a worthless loser, or something just as detrimental. Remember, sometimes you do not get a second chance to administer understanding to a teenager who has erred from their righteous pathway. Why not just calm down and say, "hey, that can happen. Let's talk about it." Don't you think that would work better?
These are but "10 do-it-yourself ways" that "you" can, without knowing it, "flaw" a teenager, make a spouse feel worthless and make those around you feel uncomfortable.
And if "you" are even tempted to use "these" words and phrases to "teach" your teenager or spouse a lesson in how "you" think that things should be . . .
"I hope that you fail, and fail miserably."
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