A List of Clever Ways to Ask, "Will you marry me?"

A Peek at Marriage

• Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually sexual, are acknowledged. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or considered to be compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity. When defined broadly, marriage is considered a cultural universal.
• Individuals may marry for several reasons, including legal, social, libidinal, emotional, financial, spiritual, and religious purposes. Who they marry may be influenced by socially determined rules of incest, prescriptive marriage rules, parental choice and individual desire. In some areas of the world arranged marriage, child marriage, polygamy, and sometimes forced marriage, may be practiced as a cultural tradition. Conversely, such practices may be outlawed and penalized in parts of the world out of concerns for human rights and because of international law. In developed parts of the world, there has been a general trend towards ensuring equal rights within marriage for women and legally recognizing the marriages of interracial, interfaith, and same-gender couples. Oftentimes, these trends have been motivated by a desire to establish equality and uphold human rights.

Source: Wikipedia

BEEN THERE. DONE THAT

We've all seen this scene on television and in-person. A nervous guy in his early 20's with sweat soaking through his clean shirt and he can barely speak words due to his nerves. His girlfriend who has turned into his fiance' is wondering why the nerves? Then with her sharp feminine intuition, she gets it. He is about to propose marriage to me, she thinks. Oh, she could help him out, but she rather enjoy the romance generated by his vulnerability at this moment.

Suddenly he falls to one knee and with right hand shaking, he opens a pretty ring box with his left hand. Tears come to her pretty eyes. Her heart is a mixture of love and pity at seeing him suffer so much just for her. And I admit it. This "is" a near-perfect romantic scene for most-all guys and girls who are deeply in-love and wanting to take their relationship to the marital level.

PROPOSING MARRIAGE IS TOUGH

Then out of his quivering mouth comes, "Uhh, darlin,' (cough, cough), I think that, uhhhh, it's time for you 'n me to, uhhh, (cough), uhhh, make things permanent, so will you, uhhh, be my wife?"

She want to have a little fun with her loving boyfriend so she hesitates for a few moments to make him think she is going to say no. And just when both his shirt and pants are soaked through every thread, she smiles and softly says, "Yes, 'Herman,' I will be honored to be your wife."

To act as my own critic, "Herman's" proposal was heart-felt, but bland. Then on the other hand, when years are added to his marriage to "Jessi Lou," his bride, at least when he asks her what he said in his marriage proposal that won her heart, she will not have to think for long.

To explain the rest of this piece, I want to tell you that "I" am of the thinking that there is but two places being creative is inappropriate and that is when a person is living their last moments and when they are laid to rest. I know that there are more, but these to me, are the two most-outstanding places.

I think it not just wise, but appropriate for a man or woman to propose marriage in a witty, creative fashion. I do not mean propose in an ugly, profane fashion, but in such a creative way, you and your bridal partner and friends who attend your wedding will talk about it for years to come.

(Drum roll, please.) Now with great pride, I give you

A Useful List of Clever Ways to ask, "Will you marry me?"

(suitable for both sexes).

• "Uhhh, 'Margie,' see those two squirrels? They are both sitting on that limb eating acorns. I think you and me could be doing that. What do you say?" (then do believable squirrel sound).
• "Now I do not have but a hundred or two bucks, that should get us a marriage license, pay "Bro. Buck," my preacher and get us a nice room in the Super 8 motel just outside of Chattanooga."
• "I confess that I am terrified of the dark. Will you move in with me on a permanent basis?"
• "Listen to me speak Spanish. "I want you and me to not be Dos anymore, but Uno. Okay?"
• "Hey, "Louise," if you will take me for your man, I will sell my prize hunting dog, "Red."
• "Say, "Jim," I would think it honorable if you would bring your clothes over to my house and put them in this spare closet I happen to have and then you can stay at my place for life and help me cook, clean, and go fishing on Saturday to catch our supper for that night. Is it a deal, 'Jimmy?"
• "Now, 'Julie,' I do not know any fancy way to say this but, if I can hold my breath for over 20 seconds, will you marry me?"
• "If you marry me, "Bob," I can wash your clothes and mine too and save you money on Tide washing powder."
• "You know something, 'Mildred,' since you are so young, if I ask your mom if she will permit me to marry you, will you?"
• "Larry, if you will accept my marriage proposal, I will quit dipping snuff forever."
• "Now, 'Bonnie,' if you can give me 1,000 reasons why we cannot get married, I will go home. If not, get in my truck and we will head over to the church."
• "Donnie, if you marry me, does your pet Iguana, "Dot," have to live with us?"
• "Susie, if you will be good enough to marry me, I promise to buy us a bucket of chicken every Friday evening."
• "Tim, do not talk right now. But after I ask you this question, I will take this card from behind my back, then you read what it says. Will you be a real man and be my husband?"
• "Annie, please be my wife. I am so lonesome that I am carrying on conversations with my broom."
• "Thomas, if you and I can be married, will you promise to shave every other day?"
• "Daniel, if you will accept my marriage proposal, I will buy you some brand-new clothes and you can throw those overalls you are wearing in the trash. No, don't do that. They are so filthy, if a stray dog were to dig into them in the dumpster, the poor dog would die."
• "Annabelle, let's play charades. I will go first. If you can figure out what I am saying, you win a lifetime with me."
• "Denver, I want you to do me a huge favor and move in with me. Sure we will do right. We will get my preacher to okay it."
• "Betsy, I will bet you fifty-bucks that you cannot say "I do," in front of a moderate crowd."

My wish for you soon-to-be engaged couples, is for you to have the Best Marriage possible. But promise me that when you talk about which one of these clever marriage proposals you used, you will not fight about it for you thinking that you were tricked into marriage."