A New Word, Whatever

The parent of a teenager patiently tells the kid, “You have been neglecting your chores. The yard hasn’t been raked, your room is a mess, and the garage hasn’t been cleaned.” The teenager says, “Whatever.” Three weeks later, a popular musical group is in town. The teen asks for money for a ticket.

“Sorry, I can’t help you,” replies the parent.

The teen pleads, “But you don’t understand! This is their last concert ever. They’re breaking up!”

The parent replies with indifference, “Whatever.”

A student submits an essay to the professor. It is a good paper, and with a few revisions, it would be worthy of an A instead of the B or C that it would receive as it is. The generous professor tells the student to fix it and resubmit it for a better grade. The student says, “Whatever.” The professor thinks for a moment and says to the student, “On second thought, I will accept your paper as is. Don’t bother to fix it.” The student receives a D. The student objects. “I worked hard on that paper!” The professor replies, “Whatever.”

A superior officer gives a soldier who is due for a promotion a direct order. The soldier says, “Whatever.” The day arrives and the soldier is told that there will be no promotion, no pay raise, no leave, and something has suddenly come up. “Three mess hall personnel have gone on leave and someone has to fill in. Oh, and the latrines are filthy and need to be scrubbed. Be sure to use a toothbrush. The crevices need some special attention.” The soldier objects. “But Sir! I earned that promotion. I even went above and beyond the call of my duty.” The superior officer replies, “Whatever.”

A speeding driver is pulled over by a police officer. The driver was only going a couple of miles over the speed limit. The driver explains that there is a family emergency and that s/he has to get to the hospital quickly. The driver apologizes. The sympathetic police officer says, “Ok, I’ll let you off with a warning. Next time you’re getting a ticket.” The driver says, “Whatever.” The police officer orders the driver to get out of the car, and asks to see a driver’s license. After running the license through, the driver is told to wait. A half an hour later, a tow truck pulls up and takes the car away, and the driver is handcuffed and taken to jail on an outstanding warrant for unpaid tickets. The driver objects. “But officer, I took care of those fines last week!” The officer replies, “Whatever.”