“How Do I Love Thee: Food For Thought “Before” You Say “I Do”

Are We Ready For Marriage?


God has instilled in all of us a desire for relationship. But we must realize that our true security and significance can only be unearthed and experienced in a relationship with Him. When we embark upon the quest for a partner, we must keep in mind God’s principles. One of the main problems occurring in marriage is “being unequally yoked.” One common denominator that is essential for a successful relationship; God must be Lord of both lives!

Light and darkness cannot have true fellowship. How can a Godly woman expect an unbelieving husband to be subject to God? How can a Godly man expect an unbelieving wife to be subject to God as well? Submission is a humble compliant act. It means submitting to the authority of another. God is a God of order. The husband submits to God. The husband and wife in turn submit to one another. The goal of marriage is to experience the spiritual and physical oneness God has deemed attainable.

In marriage both partners must be willing to give up selfishness for the sake of the relationship, as well as forsaking all others. God does not want us to have a joyless experience. Jesus died so we might relish “the abundant life”, abundant means plentiful, overflowing. He wants our lives to overflow with the fruits of His spirit. They are: Love, Joy, Peace, Long-Suffering, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-control. Galatians 5:22-24 (NKJV). The scriptures says “Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church: and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore just as the church is subject to Christ so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” Ephesians 5:22-29 (KJV) To walk in the spirit is to be controlled by the spirit. It is the infilling of the Spirit we must pray for over and over and over again. When a wife submits to her own husband as to the Lord the Lord’s order is established in the marital relationship… But remember the husband must be subject to the Lord. When we are walking in the Spirit this type of relationship is possible. God has provided us with a formula for a fulfilling marriage. We must learn to trust that He really knows what is best for us. Now, step out on faith.

We must ask ourselves are we ready for marriage? Are we prepared to relinquish our selfishness? Are we ready to put the other partner’s well being first? Are we willing to share? Better yet are we willing to remain faithful and to partake in the joys as well as long-suffering that life often offers? Are we truly ready to spend the remainder of our life with this person? If you can answer yes to these questions, it is quite possible you are ready?

In this 21st century more than 55% of marriages end in divorce. Divorce is taking too many casualties! It is important to take some time and really ponder if you really want to make a lifetime commitment! Divorce, domestic violence, pornography, and infidelity are raging a battle against marriage! Don’t let your vows just be mere words! It is better to wait for the right person that shares your values than to be sorry!

Marriage is the oldest institution there is. God created it to be Beautiful and last for a lifetime! Think long and hard before you presumptuously commit to Marriage. Planning for a wedding is so very exciting! It should be a wonderful magnificent, memorable and breathtaking grand occasion whether its large or small! All too often it is the idea of all the exciting Showers, Parties, Celebrations and activities that many have come to enjoy rather the marriage itself! A committed marriage takes a lot of work, it does not just happen! Make sure that you have thought about the future as well. I have found more often than not the last thing a couple wants to hear while planning to marry is are you sure?

Marriage between a man and a woman is the ultimate commitment of Love! Because of the alarming number of marriages ending in divorce and resulting in infidelity, I wrote this quick easy read premarital guide that takes less than a half an hour to read! Look and listen to the news! I have heard too many couples say “I never thought about that?” If I only would have known! You do not want a life of heartache! First know you cannot change this person you want to marry! Ask yourself; Do you want to wake up to this person every morning for the rest of your life? Are you willing to work through life’s challenges and do what is best for the marriage? Are you ready to close the door on all other sexual partners? Each marriage is totally different. But the same basic principles are true! Together you have the opportunity to build a unique relationship that mutually suits your temperaments! Think long and hard? Take some SERIOUS time and really think about if you are ready to say yes to a lifetime commitment! If you are I wish you a Loving, eventful, committed, lifelong, happy, God-centered marriage, “What God has joined together let not man put asunder.”

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Comments 26 comments

creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 7 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

Thank you Lady D, for very loving and rewarding hub for people to consider before marriage. blessings to you. n creativeone59

RevLady profile image

RevLady 7 years ago from Lantana, Florida

An excellent discourse Deborrah offering extremely important premarital considerations for the Christian man and woman. I particularly noted the "being equally yoked." This is an area that I think many take for granted and feel that love conquers all. Love is a significant part of course, but insufficient to stand alone. All the points you delineated are important as well. Couples must come to realize that it less about the marriage ceremony (which is over in a few hours), than it is about the marital life, which should last a life time.

Thanks for this much needed guide.

Coolmon2009 profile image

Coolmon2009 7 years ago from Texas, USA

Thank you Deborrah. You are right people wanting to be married should take marriage much more seriously - Good Hub

godpreacher profile image

godpreacher 7 years ago from Atlanta,Ga.

You have made it plain for all to read, and understand. Marriage must be taken quite a bit more serious than what we take. Consider that now our marriages don't last long enough for the ink to dry on the license.

einron profile image

einron 7 years ago from Toronto, Ontario, CANADA

Good Hub. You have quoted all the essential points one must ask oneself before committing to marriage. One of the most important questions to ask is, "Are you really yoked together?"

God bless.

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago Author

Creativeone, Thank you! God designed marriage to be beautiful! But in reality it does not just happen. I want to get couples to "Really think"! By doing so, this will help them to build a stronger foundation for a healthier marriage. Thank you for sharing, Blessings!

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago Author

Rev Lady, Thank you! The growing statistics on divorce are alarming. I am Pro Marriage God’s way! I realize that adults have the right to make whatever decisions they want in regards to relationships? But I think it is important to present what God has to say about the Christian marriage.

You have some excellent points “love conquers all” I think that “intoxicating affections” often mimic love! As you say “more about the marriage itself than the marriage ceremony!” Thank you for your wonderful comments. In His Love & Blessings!

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago Author

Coolmon, Thank you! Marriage is serious business! Thank you for sharing and please do come again, Blessings!

Philipo profile image

Philipo 7 years ago from Nigeria

Indeed, these are issues one must consider before jumping into marriage. There is need for courtship where there would be opportunity to know more about each other. This is a very nice and educative hub. Thanks for educating.

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago Author

Godpreacher, Thank You! My intent is to encourage those who want to marry to think seriously? God has set the standard for a loving, fullfilling, rewarding, strong marriage. The world has presented many alternatives...

Thank you for your comments. Please do come again, Blessings!

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago Author

Einron, Thank You! It is quite interesting how it is somehow thought that one can do things their way and expect it to work out GOD's WAY? Thank you for your comments and taking the time to stop by and share! please come again, Blessings!

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago Author

Philipo, it really is important to think realistically during courtship and get to know your potential spouse. "Being equally yoked" is also very important when considering marriage! I am glad that this was helpful! You are quite welcome. Your comments are much appreciated! Thank you for visiting, Blessings!

sweetie1 profile image

sweetie1 7 years ago from India

Hi deborrah,

this is such a beautiful hub and unless a girl wants to get married to a person , till then she shouldnt kiss that guy leave aside getting more intimate because then it just becomes lust which is not right in eyes of gods. At least in India ( dont know about rest of world) only ladies who reproduce post marriage are respected. it gives such a secure home to children if they are with parents who are married

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago Author

Hi Sweetie, Thank You! And thank you for adding some things to consider when anticipating marriage. Exercising self control and waiting for physical intimacy will help you to be more objective selecting a potenial spouse. Yes! There definitely are benefits for the children when living in a happy secure home with both parents. Thank you for visiting, and please do come again, Blessings!

itakins profile image

itakins 7 years ago from Irl

DeBorrah K.-

The statistics are quite a shock-I really believe the demise of the old style courtship has to be a factor-also sadly the void created by the denial or ignoring of God.Great hub-God Bless.

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago Author

Itakins, I agree! There are many alternatives that have helped accelerate the divorce rate... You can choose to ignore God? But is it really practical to think your marriage is going to work out? Thank you for visiting and your comments! Blessings!

Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 7 years ago from London, UK

Thanks for an important Hub. One I hope to refer to when that time eventually comes - Soon, I hope. :)

Best Wishes and thanks for all your encouraging Hubs.

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago Author

Lady E, You are quite welcome! I pray that when that time comes the Lord places someone in your life who will Love you and appreciate you for the wonderful person you are. That they will respect you and be willing to grow with you to be all you both can be together!

You are quite welcome! Thank you for sharing, it is always a pleasure, Love & Blessings!

no body profile image

no body 7 years ago from Rochester, New York

I married into a family of all women. Try as they might, none of the women can stay with a man for long. My wife is the only one I know of that has stayed. There was a time when, she too, was contemplating leaving. I think it had something to do with the concept of submission. Submission was tantamount to giving up one's life. Voluntarily going to a prison of your own making. Add to that the fact that my wife is a woman of color and submission to the white guy, even a little, was equal to slavery. I never spoke the word submission. I submitted to her in everything that God permitted. I did what I could to secure her in everything. I tried to show her the value that she had in the Lord and in our household. I did all the housework for a while and all the cooking. I did all I could to make the marriage work and it was touch and go for the first three years. I didn't want a divorce again. I felt like almost anything could be endured easier than that. Slowly I think it dawned on her that to submit to a husband did not take anything from her. She saw that she was my princess and I would do almost anything she asked. She saw that she had the permission to TELL me what to do and it didn't take away anything from me. We talk a whole lot more and she tells me if what I wish from her is something that she feels led to do now. Some things like following me into ministry she still works on. But I feel she is my gift from God and I love her so much. It is no fun to lead a family. Knowing that your decision, indeed every decision made in the family, God holds ME responsible for. I'd appreciate your prayers sister. The enemy wants every marriage to go down in flames. Thank you for the hub and I love you very much.

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago Author

Nobody, each time I read a response from you it makes me appreciate you that much more! It is not easy being in the midst of when the majority of women don’t stay with a man. Quite often the relationships with each other prevent them from being able to commit... A lot of our friends have divorced…. I have found in counseling many that its difficult for many both women and men to be transparent with their spouses, it is difficult for them to let them get close to them. Therefore they push them away! So on to the next person… When ever I write I realize that this is the case for many. I try to present options from the Christian perspective that shows God does have a better way. Many do not really get into the Word to see how valuable it is in helping us improve our lives and relationships.

Submission is admirable it is not a position of weakness it is a position of LOVE & discipline! Wonderful of you to persevere and demonstrate the love of God to your wife, I am sure that there is a lot of pressure from the women around her. If only we could see one another for the unique individuals we are. God is colorless. It really should not matter what color you are ( my opinion, our only daughter’s husband is white...) What is important that together you honor the vows you made. Many really do not THINK about those promises they made! With all the options available in the world it is easier to just leave and move on to the next person. There really is a degree of fear operating here. Leaving because of not wanting to change or get close or grow rather to just allow what they thought was love to be buried…

It is wonderful of you be patient with your wife. To love her because of the Love of God in you! This helps to break down the barriers. And frees her more and more to reciprocate love to you. There is nothing stronger than True Love! I empathize with you because your position is not easy. I am thankful that we co labor together in the service of the Lord! Although not easy on the other hand you can use this to draw you even closer to the Lord, Embrace His Promises! He says that He will supply ALL your needs and He will; in His time! Continue to find ways to open up the lines of communication and allow her to share however she is feeling! Deposit in her sincere love which helps to bring you that much closer and build intimacy! Be encouraged your first ministry is to your spouse the Lord has given you. I recommend sharing the Song of Solomon with her... God has given you much compassion in your faithfulness. Continue to allow the JOY of the Lord to shine through you and continue to lift her up before Him!

You are so right about the enemy and his many devices to destroy marriages! But God is able! In HIM we have the victory! “What GOD has joined together let not man separate...” It is always a pleasure to visit with you! May the Love of God continue to Bless & Keep You, Much Love my brother, BLESSINGS!!!

prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

I am ready to married. But I am still searching the best woman who can feel my heart with happiness and goodness. She have the spiritual side. nice hub DeBorrah.

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Prasetio30, Thank you! Marriage is a wonderful relationship created by God. But it is important to have someone who values the same things and is WILLING to grow together along with you! Realizing that you are two different individuals who are willing to sacrifice selfishness and partner together to build a home, a safe haven that is mutually satisfying...

It is important that you fill your heart with happiness and goodness NOW and this will draw someone who will do the same together you both will over flow and this is what will bond and keep you together when the "waters of life get rough" Your marriage will be able to weather the storm.

You are in a good position to pray and seek God each day and submit to Him and TRUST Him to allow that special someone to come in your life who may already be close by... I think that there is a wonderful woman out there for you and you will make a fine, caring, understanding husband and...

Thank you for sharing and I pray that, that special someone comes your way... God Bless You!

cristina327 profile image

cristina327 6 years ago from Manila

Excellent hub filled with helpful thoughts to consider regarding marriage.Thank you for sharing this timeless reminders here in Hubpages.Remain blessed always, Best regards.

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Cristina, Thank you! Congratulations on your upcoming "Marriage!" In His love, Peace & Blessings!

Gregory Taylor 5 years ago


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 5 years ago Author

Gregory Taylor, You are so welcome! I so agree! This is so very important, as you so wonderfully stated:"KEEPING HIM FIRST...!"

Thank you for stopping by to share and please do come again! In HIS Love, Grace, Joy, Peace & Blessings!

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